For My Free Online Therapists...

LoveyChar

Not a downward spiral, yet, but I am definitely feeling a heavy wave of sadness that I hope will pass soon.

Two weeks ago, my aunt passed away. She was 78, my dad's sister. I wasn't there, several states away, to say goodbye. But, my dad told her what I wanted her to know, though, barely conscious and completely non-responsive. I wish she could have lived another 20 years...

My dad said very few people showed up for her funeral. There was only a handful of people there - her husband of 50+ years, a nephew, my dad and I really lost track of who but it kind of made me sad. She desperately wanted to have children but could not. She taught school for 20 years and worked her entire life, but she never really kept in touch with anyone and was much of a recluse in her later years.

I'll forever remember her as a beautiful woman, the best aunt anyone could ever wish for, caring, bright and vibrant. I'm sorry I wasn't there, that I was so distant much of my life. It all happened so soon...

Moving on...

In May, my daughter called to tell me she was having a baby. Not in a relationship with the father, and she'll barely be 20 when the baby is born. I cried for two weeks but I tried and continue to try to be supportive.

Her stepmom is boasting all over social media about this baby, as is my daughter, as if stepmom will actually even do anything for this baby or my daughter. My husband and I are paying for daughter's insurance and her medical bills. I feel walked on and used. It's easy to be excited for someone, or even pseudo Facebook excited, when you really aren't doing anything other than being excited. In a way, I feel like stepmom has exploited my two daughters and they don't even realize it. They just feed into it...

There is so, so much more...and I'll be back with it.

I very much hope anyone with any grief, pain, or issues will feel free to post here as well. I'm trying to work through my feelings and frustration and disgust in a non-destructive way and sometimes just venting to strangers helps. I need to pray for God's grace to face and handle what comes my way. I feel sad...

AnnPT77

I've got nuthin' . . . but ((hugs)). What you're going through recently, that's a lot.

Your stories have echoes in my own life, but I'm not going to belabor any of that. It's all individual.

The one thing I'd say is that funerals/memorials are really different now, even as people are (theoretically) "getting past the pandemic". I think people who might once have attended the service for a very beloved teacher - even years later, with no intervening contact - are not doing that right now. Because of that, I wouldn't assume attendance is a measure of the number of people who care. I understand the difficulty of feeling that, though . . . heartbreaking.

Wishing you strength and peace!

LoveyChar

AnnPT77 wrote: »

I've got nuthin' . . . but ((hugs)). What you're going through recently, that's a lot.

Your stories have echoes in my own life, but I'm not going to belabor any of that. It's all individual.

The one thing I'd say is that funerals/memorials are really different now, even as people are (theoretically) "getting past the pandemic". I think people who might once have attended the service for a very beloved teacher - even years later, with no intervening contact - are not doing that right now. Because of that, I wouldn't assume attendance is a measure of the number of people who care. I understand the difficulty of feeling that, though . . . heartbreaking.

Wishing you strength and peace!

Thank you, @AnnPT77 I appreciate your kind words and insight...

LoveyChar

I am taking less financial responsibility now, which is a humongous load gone. My daughter is an adult making adult decisions with adult consequences and she can now pay adult bills. That's where I am with that...I'll help, as I've already done, but I'm not going to be taken advantage of by anyone. She can pay her own bills.

Yesterday was a difficult work day to make it through because I felt exhausted, but I did. I slept great last night. So I feel much better today.

AnnPT77

LoveyChar wrote: »

I am taking less financial responsibility now, which is a humongous load gone. My daughter is an adult making adult decisions with adult consequences and she can now pay adult bills. That's where I am with that...I'll help, as I've already done, but I'm not going to be taken advantage of by anyone. She can pay her own bills.

Yesterday was a difficult work day to make it through because I felt exhausted, but I did. I slept great last night. So I feel much better today.

Glad to hear it: Good sleep, or other forms of stress reduction, can be mood-magical. Best wishes as you go forward!

Kupla71

@LoveyChar I'm glad you are feeling better after a good night's sleep. So sorry for your loss. Your aunt obviously means a lot to you. My mother passed away last week. it's been a very difficult and sad week and I'm hoping I'm not falling into a depression.

I have two brothers. One lives here and the other lives on the east coast. We're going to pick him up from the airport tonight. He's helping us sort out things. Even during this time the stress of other things continue as you know. You have your daughter and her stepmom to deal with. I have my brother to deal with. He's not the most responsible or reliable person and is very self centered. I have not had much help from him. I have had to make countless phone calls and make appointments and contact people and make arrangements etc etc. I feel as though I have been left to deal with the aftermath while he tends to his own needs. Thankfully my other brother is arriving tonight and we can get the rest of my mum's affairs sorted out. He has been a great help and is someone I can rely on.

I miss my mother tremendously. I thought she would live for another 10-20 years. I can't believe she's gone. Like you I am sad and frustrated.

avatiach

Hugs.

It is helpful for me to remember that social media posts are highly curated pieces of peoples’ lives. They aren’t “real life.”

LoveyChar

@Kupla71 I am so sorry for your loss, as well. I hope everything went smoothly getting your brother from the airport. I wish you the best in just holding it together through the funeral, letting people go their separate ways afterward and more mourning to come. Siblings can step on all the nerves.

Kupla71

@LoveyChar Thanks. My brother is here now and it is so nice to see him. he has invited me and my other brother to spend Christmas in Newfoundland with family so we will all be together for the holidays. It will be sad without my mum though.

kshama2001

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I'm going through some family trauma right now as well, but can't post details about it, as there is a pending court case.

My former therapist said it's like I've experienced a miscarriage - there has been a death of the life I was supposed to live. I am definitely grieving.

My new therapist isn't as eloquent, and I really miss my old therapist.

LoveyChar

@kshama2001 I am sorry... I wish you grace as you muddle through the mess.

Kupla71

@kshama2001 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you all the best.

LoveyChar

I realize that so many other people have it so much worse and what I've been through in my life, collectively, is so much pettier than the hell and traumas some have suffered through. Sometimes I realize I need to reach out and help.

kshama2001

LoveyChar wrote: »

I realize that so many other people have it so much worse and what I've been through in my life, collectively, is so much pettier than the hell and traumas some have suffered through. Sometimes I realize I need to reach out and help.

Your pain is valid. I don't like it when others invalidate me - please don't invalidate yourself,