Why it's smart to let toxic people have the last word.

QuietBloom

I find the little drop down arrow below the persons name and click IGNORE. Problem solved.


Life is too short. :flowerforyou:

Oooh! Great tip, thanks.

BeachIron

Then walk around like this^ so we dont poison you!

Hawwt!

Oh. And. Um. For the record. Do NOT google "women with gas masks." I seem to have missed the existence of an entire subculture.*








* This statement may or may not be true as I can neither confirm not deny my knowledge of said subculture. Um. Okay. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

mspoopoo

I agree with the OP because if someone's comment is triggering ME, I bow out. It's part of my self-care. Probably the comment has to do with my old "stuff," or "baggage" - so I see no use in arguing. I often go away and think: "That was an interesting reaction I had. I wonder where my reaction came from?" Sometimes I get real insight into myself.

I agree. It takes 2 people to make an argument. There seems to be a lot of miserable people on these forums. I just ignore them. They have issues and I just don't don't care what they are.

Timshel_

I just walk away.

ostrichagain

I think the easiest way to deal with "toxic" people is to learn to manage our own expectations and boundaries better. Labeling someone you don't agree with or get along with as toxic is not a way of actually handling whatever problem you've encountered.

Ophidion

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We should have babies together....@Tessyloowhoo (In reference to the mask to save people from our toxicity)

+1 Would bang... but only if you were wearing the mask :flowerforyou:

as long as you wear yours lets get our toxic freak on

rosemaryhon

An interesting phenomenon I've noticed a lot in this forum is the 'taste' some people have for arguing with other posters. It reminded me of this article I came across awhile back. And as I know others here have experienced it with some people in some threads, I thought I would re-post here. 

Here it is:

Arguing with a toxic person, when it's smart to let them have the last word.

It’s tempting to think that getting the last word with a toxic person is worth pursuing, but there’s one thing that’s even better…
 
In the simplest of terms, there’s nothing toxic people like more than:

1. Getting their way, or;

2. Causing a fight.

Toxic people like to accuse, tantrum, manipulate and smear their way to either one of the above or the other. Their out-of-control emotions and self-centeredness make the blame game and the smear campaign two of their favorite tactics for keeping you engaged with them so they can feed off you.

Upset a toxic person, and they’ll be shooting infuriating drama-baits your way and just waiting for you to bite the hook. And they know just what to say to keep you tossing and turning at night, just trying to think of some way – any way – that you can stop them once and for all and make sure the truth about who you are prevails. But if you’re wise, you won’t bother.

Because the only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.

And until you accept that fact, you’re anybody’s sucker. All it will take is one bloated accusation, one lie, or one insinuation about you, and you’ll forever be the toxic person’s most treasured source of satisfying fun and games. If you don’t know how to leave the bait alone and find another, quieter, more indirect route back toward being left alone, you never will be.

Abusive people know that as long as they can set and keep their hooks in you, you are stuck being there for them to use and abuse – to feed on. When they want to, abusive people will say and do whatever it takes to keep you glued painfully to them and their world, because if you are stuck to them, they will always have you handy for whatever emotionally abusive purpose they want.

You may need to cut contact altogether if you are in an entrenched personal relationship, and if so, you may get hoovered and manipulated into staying connected. This is often easily done by deliberately upsetting you so much that the urge to call or contact them just to have your say will be intense, because the lies or other distortions being propagated are so hurtful. Don’t fall for it. Just ignore the whole thing, walk away and wipe your hands. There is no winning such battles. The greatest reward is freedom from the toxicity, which only comes with your non-involvement.

Of course, if there is a legal matter or similar to attend to, by all means, defend yourself appropriately. Non-communication isn’t the same thing as being a legal or occupational doormat. However, responding personally to the drama baits and the manipulations designed to tempt you into fighting back is a reward for toxic people, so wherever logistically possible, let the lies, accusations or other nastiness go completely unresponded to.

The sooner you do, the sooner it will start to become quiet, which, given certain toxic types, can take long enough without additional delays being thrown in. Don’t tell yourself you have to reply — learn to recognize your refusal to respond for what it really is — a sign that it will be over as quickly as possible because you knew how to ignore drama-baiting and send the toxic person looking for a better target.

So when you find yourself invited into an ugly tug-of-war with a toxic person, simply drop the rope immediately, walk away and LEAVE IT BE FOREVER. Because the simple fact of the matter is, toxic people can’t have a tug-of-war with you if there’s  nobody holding on at the other end.


Source: http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/why-its-smart-to-let-toxic-people-have-the-last-word#ixzz2dfQrYw4g

Meh ~ you might see it as "arguing", another (me!) could see it as interesting discussion, debate, sharing ideas/info.

I'm thinking the same as another poster wondered ~ maybe *I* am toxic . I rather enjoy the more intense discussions.

Can't imagine any adult would need all this ^^ info to realize just back away if you're not in to it.

DavPul

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We should have babies together....@Tessyloowhoo (In reference to the mask to save people from our toxicity)

+1 Would bang... but only if you were wearing the mask :flowerforyou:

as long as you wear yours lets get our toxic freak on

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

OP, I have a couple book recommendations.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650

http://www.amazon.com/Dance-Connection-Frustrated-Insulted-Desperate/dp/006095616X/ref=sr_1_19?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1378065521&sr=1-19&keywords=anger+management+for+women

I hope they bring you peace.

366to266

Define 'toxic'? Just because someone has a different opinion than you, doesn't make them toxic.

I can define it.

Someone who when they find your diet plan works for you, tries to persuade you to drop it.

LiftAllThePizzas

Wow, there's an article for that? I thought everyone learned that in or before kindergarten.

DavPul

Define 'toxic'? Just because someone has a different opinion than you, doesn't make them toxic.

I can define it.

Someone who when they find your diet plan works for you, tries to persuade you to drop it.

well look, the gangs all here. let the festivities commence

Thomasm198

Define 'toxic'? Just because someone has a different opinion than you, doesn't make them toxic.

I can define it.

Someone who when they find your diet plan works for you, tries to persuade you to drop it.

well look, the gangs all here. let the festivities commence

Not yet. There are a few still not here.

Iron_Feline

Define 'toxic'? Just because someone has a different opinion than you, doesn't make them toxic.

I can define it.

Someone who when they find your diet plan works for you, tries to persuade you to drop it.

Yeah, I hate it when people who have succeeded offer good advice that may help others to avoid failure further down the line. Those people are such toxic mean bullies. :huh:

meerkat70

Define 'toxic'? Just because someone has a different opinion than you, doesn't make them toxic. Enjoying a good argument doesn't make them toxic either. Correcting you because you are factually wrong doesn't make them toxic either. A person is only as 'toxic' as you want them to be.

:noway:

I'll take my own advice and bow out now. Enjoy away!

with just the right touch of passive aggression. almost guaranteed to provoke a response.

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

I assume the "toxic" people you are referring to are the ones who discussed cleansing and detoxing in this post that wasn't even yours?

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1087784-cleansing-detoxing

As you mention about, the "toxic" people would be the ones being emotionally reactive and out of control.... which, from the looks of this thread (that I was not involved in).... was not what the people you were speaking to were doing. You were just as argumentative as any of them. Just because their method of presenting information was not your favorite does not make them "toxic."

Damn. I'm suppose to be getting ready for a BBQ, but there's robot Sheldon.

Ophidion

I declare who ever gets the last reply in before the mods lock this wins the prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting In The Last Word IN" (Mods don't count because they would always win locking threads or does that make them toxic?)

neandermagnon

Define 'toxic'? Just because someone has a different opinion than you, doesn't make them toxic. Enjoying a good argument doesn't make them toxic either. Correcting you because you are factually wrong doesn't make them toxic either. A person is only as 'toxic' as you want them to be.

I agree, and someone losing their temper doesn't make them toxic either. I mean come on OP, are you saying you never ever lost your temper with anyone ever? You never got involved in an argument because you felt someone else was misinformed about something that could have negative consequences for them and the people around them, so you carried on arguing your point out of concern for their well-being? You've never done that?

As to why people can't just drop it when they argue, and why humans can't just disagree nicely, it's because we're primates. (Although you could probably argue that all primates are toxic little (or not so little) gits who are social and co-operative when it suits them but quite willing to get one over the others in their social group if they feel they can get away with it.)

http://cavepeopleandstuff.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/why-cant-humans-just-disagree-nicely/

jenifr818

An interesting phenomenon I've noticed a lot in this forum is the 'taste' some people have for arguing with other posters. It reminded me of this article I came across awhile back. And as I know others here have experienced it with some people in some threads, I thought I would re-post here. 

Here it is:

It's only the internet

Good article!

+1

neandermagnon

I declare who ever gets the last reply in before the mods lock this wins the prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting In The Last Word IN" (Mods don't count because they would always win locking threads or does that make them toxic?)

jenifr818

I declare who ever gets the last reply in before the mods lock this wins the prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting In The Last Word IN" (Mods don't count because they would always win locking threads or does that make them toxic?)

There are times one could call the mods toxic, but not really feeling the whole "lets get banned from the forums" thing :laugh:

5ftnFun

Hmm....missed an interesting day on the forums apparently. :laugh:

In for prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting in The Last Word IN" award.

neandermagnon

Hmm....missed an interesting day on the forums apparently. :laugh:

In for prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting in The Last Word IN" award.

every day's an interesting day on the forums

DavPul

I declare who ever gets the last reply in before the mods lock this wins the prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting In The Last Word IN" (Mods don't count because they would always win locking threads or does that make them toxic?)

neandermagnon

I declare who ever gets the last reply in before the mods lock this wins the prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting In The Last Word IN" (Mods don't count because they would always win locking threads or does that make them toxic?)

my cat challenge accepted one was cuter

neandermagnon

the mods are probably not going to lock this thread now, they're probably laughing at everyone in this challenge to get the last word in, thinking the thread's about to be closed while they have no intention of closing it....

5ftnFun

Hmm....missed an interesting day on the forums apparently. :laugh:

In for prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting in The Last Word IN" award.

every day's an interesting day on the forums

Ain't it the truth.

DavPul

the mods are probably not going to lock this thread now, they're probably laughing at everyone in this challenge to get the last word in, thinking the thread's about to be closed while they have no intention of closing it....

i agree. we should stop right now

BeachIron

Hmm....missed an interesting day on the forums apparently. :laugh:

In for prestigious "MFP Most Toxic Award for Getting in The Last Word IN" award.

It's a death match!

Tessyloowhoo

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We should have babies together....@Tessyloowhoo (In reference to the mask to save people from our toxicity)

+1 Would bang... but only if you were wearing the mask :flowerforyou:

as long as you wear yours lets get our toxic freak on

I dont have a mask but i can bring medical devices...??? if your into that