How to deal with negativity about calorie tracking?

neanderthin

Here's a post I made here back in 2013 for an upcoming catering event I had and was criticized by one of the people that would be attending. Fun times. cheers.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1132165/my-cocktail-menu-got-bad-reviews/p1

cwolfman13

I don't really log anymore, but when I did I didn't advertise it. Nobody knew I kept a food diary except for my wife because I live with her and frankly we're both fitness and health minded individuals. I never weighed my food or anything like that when out at a restaurant or social event...I know what a reasonable amount of X, Y, or Z is and social events or holidays and whatnot are not particularly material to the big picture. Sometimes I would indulge...sometimes I wouldn't...again, not really material to the big picture. Not every single day has to be 100% on point to be healthy, well, and fit. That said, I don't recall anyone commenting on what was on my plate or not on my plate. I eat what I want...I'm 48 years old...anyone with an opinion on that can just bugger off.

I have found alcohol to be a different matter. I cut down on alcohol substantially since the new year and recently decided to go AF for at least 90 days...I'd have to check my app but I'm on day 38 or 40 or something like that. It's part of an overall wellness program I'm doing that starts with 2 weeks and progresses to 30 days (if you so choose), then 60, then 90+. It's not just about not having alcohol and challenging yourself not to drink...the program is a whole wellness program...mental health, physical health, career health, domestic health, etc...lot of journaling and whatnot...establishing healthy habits and setting goals, etc (a great book I'm reading right now is called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear...fantastic) At any rate, we've had a couple of social gatherings and I inevitably get the very concerned, "is everything ok?" "Did something happen?"

People, even modest drinkers, can't seem to believe that one would just give up alcohol for a bit to hit the reset and have at least a look see as to how being AF can improve one's overall well-being. It's kinda weird really. Meanwhile, being AF has lead to much greater sleep quality and recovery, more consistent and profitable workouts, more energy in general, stress and anxiety at all time lows, decreased blood pressure, lowered RHR, better skin, no more bags under the eyes, and I wake every single day ready to rock. Doesn't really bother me...I'm too old for it to bother me, I just find it to be odd behavior. It doesn't affect them in the least and I know that the next day I will wake up with the sun with no hangover or foggy brain and ready to make myself 1% better than I was yesterday and those 1%s add up...

Jthanmyfitnesspal

@cwolfman13 : Right on, man. When you minimize the alcohol, you find out how dependent everyone (and maybe you, yourself) are on alcohol for social connection. It's kind of weird! Greatly reducing alcohol shouldn't mean giving up your social life. In fact, the opposite should be true, you're more alert and responsive when sober.

I have to say, it's easier with age. More and more of my friends are working to reduce alcohol.

In any case, concerning the @christinefrano post way back in early April: This is a real problem for calorie counters. People project some sore of pathology on us! I set it aside to some extent at big meals, but if other people comment on what I eat, I get prickly.

If someone says something once, I'll defer. Like, if someone says "why aren't you having any dessert? I might say "maybe in a few minutes, I'm full right now."

If someone harps on me (which hasn't happened very often), I might say "hey, you're making me feel bad. Can't we talk about something else?"

If they just wouldn't let it go at all, I might not come next time!

chris_in_cal

I've always fantasized about doing this:
"Enough about me, who here has really gained a lot of weight. Come on let's go tell them how they are getting too heavy."


People never bring up when I am blowing up, and they often talk when I'm getting more healthy and fit.... backhanded remarks like the OP.

Honestly I am a little ashamed when I am blowing up, but I would love it if someone approached me empathetically and engaged me about my health and well-being.

christinefrano

Today I made the mistake of weighing some of my cake and the relative who ridicules my healthy eating habits saw. In front of everyone at my party she called me out on it and I honestly feel terrible about myself like I did something wrong. It got so quiet and awkward and I explained how my husband and I are watching our sugar and sodium intake.

It's Costco cake n Lord knows the cals n sugar are crazy in that. So I wanted to keep track...But was I in the wrong to do it? Is it obsessive if I like to track my food if it's at my house? I didn't track the other stuff, but I wanted to track that.

I just feel bad now...

csplatt

I don’t weigh my food in front of other people who are guests in my home. I feel it makes them feel self conscious themselves, like perhaps they are doing something wrong for not bringing their own scale. Unless it’s your spouse or BFF, I wouldn’t whip out a scale in front of guests 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe you could pre weigh something in future and set it aside for yourself.

AnnPT77

christinefrano wrote: »

Today I made the mistake of weighing some of my cake and the relative who ridicules my healthy eating habits saw. In front of everyone at my party she called me out on it and I honestly feel terrible about myself like I did something wrong. It got so quiet and awkward and I explained how my husband and I are watching our sugar and sodium intake.

It's Costco cake n Lord knows the cals n sugar are crazy in that. So I wanted to keep track...But was I in the wrong to do it? Is it obsessive if I like to track my food if it's at my house? I didn't track the other stuff, but I wanted to track that.

I just feel bad now...

You are a grown person. You were at your own party. You were in your own house. Your relative was rude and intrusive IMO, waaayyy out of line.

I can't imagine criticizing someone's eating habits, especially in front of others. The only time it might be legit to criticize eating habits would be out of sincere concern about health, and even then it should be done quietly and in private.

I know it doesn't help if someone says it, but there's absolutely no reason you should need to feel bad. IMO, the relative should feel bad. If s/he doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it, but if there was any bad behavior in this scenario, it was that person who behaved badly.

Virtual hugs!

christinefrano

@csplatt I thought I was the only one in my kitchen honestly lol.

@AnnPT77 I just can't shake the feeling that I did something wrong...I feel very self conscious now and don't want people thinking I have an ED because everyone else usually associates the scale with that. I just have goals and want to keep on track (and I ended up eating a bunch of cake later anyways lmao).

DFW_Tom

There is no reason to feel as if you did something wrong, @christinefrano. If your body shape changes enough, those who know you will either think you really do have an eating disorder, be happy for your improved health, or maybe even jealous that you are succeeding where they have failed. People, (even family and friends) can think what they like. You have no obligation to explain yourself.

That said, when we have family/guest over I leave my food scale in the drawer. After losing over a third of my body weight and 14" off my waist, I get more comments and questions than I care for without the digital scale sitting on the counter possibly encouraging even more unwanted comments and questions - or worse, causing my guest to feel uncomfortable about their own way of eating. Later, after they are gone, I'll log my best estimate of what and how much I ate. Estimates work just fine in the long run.

If your body shape changes enough, questions and comments are unavoidable. Same with the embarrassing compliments. Outright ridicule and negativity is very rare and I deal with it harshly - especially if it came in front of others.