I need zero alcohol

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andysport1
andysport1 Posts: 592 Member
in Getting Started
I've searched for a group or thread and can't find anything, I've struggled for 26 months to cut the alcohol, I need help
Borderline alcoholic
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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,958 Member
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    "Give up" or "Quit" - I don't like either of those, viv. :lol:

    There are so many books on recovery out there. I agree that AA isn't for everyone, but they are a good place to start, with meetings and support everywhere. I think one can find all kinds of excuses why a recovery program won't work for them but in the end, for most heavy drinkers it does mean a full stop - full abstinence. I don't see cooking wine as a particularly necessary thing in life, but to each their own.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    andysport1 wrote: »
    I've searched for a group or thread and can't find anything, I've struggled for 26 months to cut the alcohol, I need help
    Borderline alcoholic

    It's something I've struggled with for quite some time. When I first got into health and fitness a bit over a decade ago I thought I would cut it out or at least be more moderate in my drinking but I was able to make a lot of progress with diet and exercise and kind of put the alcohol issue on the backburner.

    Things really got out of hand for me during the pandemic. We had very strict lockdowns in my state that went well past (in time and scope) of what most other states were doing and I found myself drinking more and more and starting earlier and earlier just as a form of entertainment (basically the only entertainment around).

    I started really looking at things seriously in 2021...went to some AA meetings, which weren't really my cup of tea. I started reading some "quite lit" and I found the following to be very helpful:

    This Naked Mind - Annie Grace
    Alcohol Explained - William Porter
    Alcohol Lied to Me - Craig Beck

    There are many more and I've read quite a few, but these three were the one's that resonated with me the most. I ended up doing Annie Grace's 30 day experiment in the late Spring of 2021and ended up going 90+ days AF. I started drinking again, which was planned in that I told myself that after 90 days I would go the moderation route. I did well with that for a handful of months but soon enough found myself back in the cycle of drinking every night, feeling like crap, feeling rundown and exhausted all of the time, etc.

    I'm not tremendously big on New Years resolutions, but this past New Years I decided I would go back to moderating my alcohol. I have reduced my consumption substantially, but I found it difficult in that I always felt like I was fighting myself and really working at not having that next drink when I'd hit my predetermined limit for a night or whatever. More recently I've decided to go AF again and I find that it's just easier to not have any then it is to have 2 or 3 and then try to cut myself off.

    I don't really count days, but I'm a bit shy of a month in AF, I need to check my app. The first week was the most difficult, especially the first 3-4 days. It takes about 72 hours for alcohol to be fully eliminated from your body and for me, that third day was the worst of the cravings. I will also say that my sleep the first 3 nights was horrible and by day four it had me wanting to give up. Nights 2 and 3 were particularly bad as not only was I dealing with the difficulties of falling asleep and the crazy dreams when I did doze off, but I woke up pretty much every hour or so in a pool of sweat and either hot or freezing but sweating regardless. Just work past this and know that this will pass. Fortunately, I didn't really have any other physical withdrawals but if you're quitting cold turkey it is advisable that you tell your partner or a friend so that they can check on you regularly the first few days for more severe physical withdrawal symptoms...these are typically more rare, but they do happen when people are physically dependent on alcohol to function...mine is more psychological.

    Night four I finally started to feel like I was at least rounding the corner. Sleep wasn't great, but at least I wasn't waking up every hour...only 4 times that night, and the night sweats had stopped. From there, every night just was a little better and a little better. My first weekend was a bit rough, but I kept myself pretty busy. I went to the gym Friday evening after work which at least got me through my "witching hour" and then I busied myself at home prepping some things for a big family breakfast I had planned for Saturday morning and then just sat down to watch a movie on the t.v.

    Saturday I made plans with the family to go see a movie in the theaters that evening as I just didn't want to be sitting around the house with nothing to do and getting triggered. Sunday morning I was off to the gym again with my kiddo and then I went for a late afternoon/early evening hike with a Meetup group.

    Second week gets better...sleep continues to improve and really once I was past that 2nd weekend I really started feeling like a whole person again. My sleep now is fantastic and I am really starting to enjoy life for the sake of life. I get a tad craving here and there but for the most part I don't think about alcohol all that much right now...granted I'm still in what many would call the "honeymoon" of sobriety.

    I'm not willing at this point to say that I'll never drink again or that I CAN'T drink...I CAN'T to me psychologically puts me into a weird place. Right now it's "I'm not drinking right now" and "I don't want to drink right now". My initial plan was 30 days...now it's 90 but I'm already thinking potentially 6 months but at this point and given my previous experimentations, this could very well be "I don't want to drink ever" kind of thing.

    I also belong to this community forum which is great...same username.

    https://talkingsober.com/
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    "Give up" or "Quit" - I don't like either of those, viv. :lol:

    There are so many books on recovery out there. I agree that AA isn't for everyone, but they are a good place to start, with meetings and support everywhere. I think one can find all kinds of excuses why a recovery program won't work for them but in the end, for most heavy drinkers it does mean a full stop - full abstinence. I don't see cooking wine as a particularly necessary thing in life, but to each their own.

    It's interesting -- Allan Carr titled his book "The Easy Way to Control Drinking" so as not to alienate the people who want to try and hang onto drinking. But it's a full stop book. I'm with you: I just saw no point to moderating. I liked this quote: "If I'm moderating my drinking, I'm not enjoying it. If I'm enjoying my drinking, I'm not moderating it."

    I never saw the merit in one glass of wine, lol. It's different for everyone. I just can't get over how much better life is without alcohol. It'll be 10 years for me this September, huzzah!
  • andysport1
    andysport1 Posts: 592 Member
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    Allan Carr worked for me in the past, but not this time
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
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    andysport1 wrote: »
    Allan Carr worked for me in the past, but not this time

    Have you tried AA? A lot of people love it.
  • andysport1
    andysport1 Posts: 592 Member
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    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    andysport1 wrote: »
    Allan Carr worked for me in the past, but not this time

    Have you tried AA? A lot of people love it.

    Not yet, I know people that go and they've invited me, next step if I can't do it myself
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,958 Member
    edited May 2023
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    andysport1 wrote: »
    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    andysport1 wrote: »
    Allan Carr worked for me in the past, but not this time

    Have you tried AA? A lot of people love it.

    Not yet, I know people that go and they've invited me, next step if I can't do it myself

    Why struggle for any longer? You say you've tried this on your own for 26 months without success. I'd say maybe admit you can't do it on your own. (?) Were you aware of alcohol problems before 26 months ago?

    AA is the world's largest club that no one wanted to join. It's more of a support system and a way to learn how to live without drinking. There are all kinds of social events and fun things, it's not all like you see on TV. You can talk or not talk, everything is up to you. It can give you a safe alcohol free place to go all day every day and you'll meet sober people who are further along on the path and can tell you what they did.

    I think a lot of people have a problem with labeling themselves. . .but it's not a reflection on the type of person you are - it's just that biology has conspired against you in this case. Make a different decision, get a much better life. There's really no downside to being zero alcohol.

    Order the book, "Alcohol Explained" that cwolfman mentioned above. It's a helpful explanation of the whole phenomenon without any preaching. :wink:
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    andysport1 wrote: »
    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    andysport1 wrote: »
    Allan Carr worked for me in the past, but not this time

    Have you tried AA? A lot of people love it.

    Not yet, I know people that go and they've invited me, next step if I can't do it myself

    I would give it a try. I did a few months of AA and it personally wasn't for me (various reasons I won't get into), but it helps a lot of people. And ultimately, this isn't something anyone can do alone IMO. You need some kind of community and support or you'll end up isolating yourself and the isolation will wear you down. The opposite of addiction is connection.

    I don't go to meetings, but I have a lot of support at home from my wife and kids as well as my more extended family. I have an aunt who is 25 years sober from alcoholism and she is a great resource for me for example. My 10 and 13 year old are always cheering me on and when I tuck them in at night my 13 years always tells me that he's so happy and, "you did it again dad...another day." My 10 year old is a bit less couth and just tells me that it's nice that I don't stink anymore and that I'm not as grouchy.

    I also have drinking friends and friends that drink and friends who are AF. Right now I'm not engaging with my drinking friends because anything we do revolves around alcohol and frankly those friendships are likely to fall by the way-side. My friends who drink are very supportive and we've started socializing in different ways that don't involve alcohol. My few AF friends are absolutely ecstatic at what I'm doing right now.

    Anyway...IMO, some kind of connection and support is really important in this, especially early days when you're feeling lost and don't know quite who you are or what the future holds.
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,612 Member
    edited May 2023
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    Kudos for coming to the realization that you need to step away from alcohol! I did, and it was one of the better decisions I've ever made. But yah, it can definitely cause some friendships to fall away. For myself, I ended up realizing a lot of my "drinking buddies" weren't actually friends, just people who also liked to drink.
  • Numer1ca
    Numer1ca Posts: 247 Member
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    I went to therapy and chose a person who specialized in depression, anxiety, and alcohol use disorder. We worked really hard together, but now I am alcohol free and live a much more full life.
  • maireymalloo2
    maireymalloo2 Posts: 2 Member
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    I gave up 8 years ago and feel great, I will never go back to drinking. I had to give up totally as trying to reduce is exhausting as you end up fighting it. Audible book "Alcohol lied to me" really helped.
  • _mytime_
    _mytime_ Posts: 27 Member
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    Cutting out alcohol has been on my mind for a while and found all the above comments really helpful!!! Andy I really hope you get the support you need and kick the booze.
  • andysport1
    andysport1 Posts: 592 Member
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    The Allen carr book is brain numbing and very boring, I read it again (you need to read every word) I didn't drink for an entire 6 days whilst visiting family "they are all drinkers" got back last night and 2 litres of lager, got up this morning feeling terrible.
    My punishment read the book again
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,612 Member
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    andysport1 wrote: »
    The Allen carr book is brain numbing and very boring, I read it again (you need to read every word) I didn't drink for an entire 6 days whilst visiting family "they are all drinkers" got back last night and 2 litres of lager, got up this morning feeling terrible.
    My punishment read the book again

    I mean, on the plus side, you managed 6 days, so that's a step in the right direction 😆. It's a journey, and there are always ups and downs.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,958 Member
    edited May 2023
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    I know family can be a difficult thing and it is also hard to be around drinkers at first. I made a decision to stay away from drinking situations for the first few months.

    Remember how you feel afterwards, and remember your Decision to stop drinking. No one ever regretted Not Drinking. Many of us have regretted that first drink the next morning.

    It's that first sip - starts the whole thing again. Don't take the first sip and eliminate the whole problem.

    A better life is on the other side, but the first couple months are all about protecting yourself from slippery places.
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
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    andysport1 wrote: »
    The Allen carr book is brain numbing and very boring, I read it again (you need to read every word) I didn't drink for an entire 6 days whilst visiting family "they are all drinkers" got back last night and 2 litres of lager, got up this morning feeling terrible.
    My punishment read the book again

    But isn't that why there are myriad approaches and programs to help problem drinkers? I totally agree that Allen Carr's written voice is a bit much...just kind of goofy by turns...but I was able to read past that for the very valid truths he presented about alcohol. Every chapter presented a new "con," if you will, that alcohol and the mega industry behind it, pushes on people. People aren't generally keen on being told they've been tricked.

    I hope you can find a path that works for you.

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