Scared of being slim

joselo2

Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

AlongCame_Molly

I'm terrified of having a nice home to raise a family in and earning a degree in the field of my interest.

Oh, wait, no I'm not, because that makes no sense. :huh:

I'm not sure what this post is about...do you have a question we can help you with? Because no one can maker you WANT or be excited to be slim. That comes from within.

joselo2

I don't know, just wanted to say it really, maybe should have blogged it or something.

It is a bit logical though because something musthave been making me keep making that choice to be fat for years, else i'd be slim. Maybe it was purely the reason of how nice food is, but maybe also not.

RobynMWilson

Ask yourself what scares you more...the thought of being insulin dependent, or the thought of being healthy?

BinaryPulsar

For someone that has been very heavy, for a long time, there are often emotional factors in there. As you begin to lose weight, you start to face that. It's normal and all part of the process. Facing those feelings is what will make your weight loss successful and sustainable. So, you are doing the right thing to examine those emotions. It will benefit your life in many ways.

slim4health56

Absolutely do NOT mean to be unkind in any way, but I've seen several of your posts and your reasons for overeating seem to be all over the place. I am hoping you will speak to your healthcare provider about counseling to help unravel the root cause and get help...
Truly wishing you the best!:flowerforyou:

jadedone

Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

These are really valid concerns. But the first question is, what is the underlying issue for your weight gain (and maintaining). For many people there is a deeper emotional issue. For some people (and this sounds like it is true in your case), extra weight is protective. IT protects you from getting more attention, forming close bonds with people and whole host of other things. So how can you maintain your shell, when you need it, without letting your weight function as your shell?

Here are some really good blog posts on this topic:
http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/blog/losing-weight-and-losing-identity/
http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/blog/how-losing-weight-made-me-a-feminist/

But the first thing is that you really have to develop a bit of confiedence in yourself the way you are now, and the way you hop to be (easier said than done).

You won't achieve the success you want until you get the root of the emotional issues.

Donald_Dozier_50

I have NOT always been over weight so in that way I can't really relate but that being said I do understand your point. It is an interesting concept that I have never really heard expressed. It definitely helps me understand other people with weight issues that I know.

The post by RobinMWilson is absolutely correct though. In the past 5 years since my weight problems developed due to the lack of the ability to remain active as I have always been before some unfortunate injuries leaving me with many permanent disabilities. In that short period of time I have developed other health issues like she is speaking of. I have been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure which are greatly improving with the 70 lb. weight loss

I do not fear being thin and look forward to it and I hope you come around and recognize the serious issues being over weight could cause. I have already had. I have gone from a 4XL to XL and some Large shirts and from a 56 inch waist to now wearing 36 inch waist pants. I look forward to losing the remaining 34 lbs. I have to go.

Thanks for your insight.

joselo2

Thanks jaded, that's cool

slim4health, i duess I am all over the place, or at least my understanding of it is just not good. I am a bit all over the place in general, to be fair.

Glad if I can help people understand. People don't imagine that anyone would on any level want to be fat but I guess it is true, something must be keeping us this way!

Tonicusrex

I know exactly how you feel; there is no mystery to the fear, from my perspective because I've been there. I'm still kind of there, sometimes. I search for excuses (I'll have to buy new clothes,etc.). It's psychological. It's what we become accustomed to. It does, indeed, feel safer; after all, who is going to try to physically harm someone who could hospitalize them by falling onto them (that's how I coped with the treatment, and that always baffled me about bullies and people's mean comments, and was proof of their stupidity.) It also keeps us from enjoying other people, participating in all "life" offers. All of that, however, is depressing, and depression drives weight gain which causes more depression. Binary is right; explore the emotions, but keep at it. I hit 576 pounds by the end of a really, really bad marriage, and I lost 200 before beginning to use this tracker. I still have a way to go, but It. Is. Worth. The. Trouble. Asking those questions is important. So is embracing the new awesomeness you're becoming. Think of it as trading your old body in for a new one (and everything hurts less!) and, equally as important, trading old skill (survival) sets for newer, more fulfilling sets.

wild_wild_life

I understand what you mean and I think a lot of people feel that way. You get used to yourself a certain way, it's comfortable, and change is always scary. I agree that being overweight can also feel protective and safe. What you are feeling is normal. You will get through it.

EdwarddeVere

I'm terrified of having a nice home to raise a family in and earning a degree in the field of my interest.

Oh, wait, no I'm not, because that makes no sense. :huh:

I'm not sure what this post is about...do you have a question we can help you with? Because no one can maker you WANT or be excited to be slim. That comes from within.

play nice now. it can be a legitimate fear.

nelinelineli

I grew up as overweight and, even though technically I have been "normal" for a decade, frankly I was safely on the chubby side.
Losing weight is not a difficult thing for me, I have always swiftly lost those extra 3 pounds I had gained here and there. Yet I never, ever went below those 130 pounds. Because I was afraid.

Because I am still afraid. My whole identity revolves around my weight. Changing that gives me a sense of losing myself. Of having to "get" a new personality.

I'm now right at that weight, at my lowest-to-date, and determined to shake that weird fear off and "go see" how life is in fit-land. I can always go back if i don't like it there... That's how I manage this fear. "It's just a trip" I say.

But these, as weird as they sound to some of you, are real fears some of us, that were never thin, face.

tootoop224

I'm terrified of having a nice home to raise a family in and earning a degree in the field of my interest.

Oh, wait, no I'm not, because that makes no sense. :huh:

I'm not sure what this post is about... do you have a question we can help you with? Because no one can maker you WANT or be excited to be slim. That comes from within.

Then why are you answering it?

SilviCor

To Along_Came_Mol: Spoken like someone who has never been truly fat! You wouldn't understand. Move along!

Kaykabee

I'm not scared for the same reasons as you, but I am. I don't like attention being brought upon myself. When I become more physically fit and slimmer the one thing that I don't want is for people to come up to me and remark about my transformation. I don't want people saying "Wow! You've lost a lot of weight!" and stuff like that. It just makes me really self conscious. I'd rather they just not even say anything.

I'm losing this weight for myself, not to gain attention or to be more attractive (although I do like the Idea of looking better in a swimsuit or tight dresses). I am doing this for myself. I want to be more physically fit to be better at sports (Horseback riding and Skiing and Crew), not to be "Hot" or whatever. In addition, being more physically fit would boots my confidence greatly (and the added bonuses too, as far as looks go)

But Yes. I am scared too. In a way.
But my fear will not stop me from achieving my goals

bellefille

I'm terrified of having a nice home to raise a family in and earning a degree in the field of my interest.

Oh, wait, no I'm not, because that makes no sense. :huh:

I'm not sure what this post is about...do you have a question we can help you with? Because no one can maker you WANT or be excited to be slim. That comes from within.

Actually, you are incorrect. This is a legitimate fear. Some people put on weight to protect themselves emotionally.

OP, please see a therapist. You need to understand what is driving your need to retain your weight. Until you overcome that fear or learn to manage it, you will keep hitting the same roadblock in your weight loss journey.

PamelaD88

I relate to you 150%. I really don't know what else to say but that. It gave me great relief reading this post. That I wasn't the only one. I thought it was just me :-D So happy and relieved right now! I'm not morbidly obese, but for me, it's the fear of failure. So I do it, I lose the weight (which I've lost some of before) and I fail. So all that work is nothing. It's a fear. I am working on breaking down that mental road block. I know what I"m eating, I know what to be aware of, etc. You have to figure out what is your fear.

whierd

Sorry, I can't sympathize with this as I don't understand the reasoning at all.

BinaryPulsar

It's not something I relate to personally, but I have seen other people go through it. And while this particular thing was never a coping mechanism for me, I had other coping mechanisms, so I can understand that.

stepheatscake

Sure you might lose your identity but the identity you'll take on will be SO MUCH BETTER.

If you find out that you like being fat better than being skinny you can eat a couple hamburgers and BAM problem fixed.