Scared of being slim

brenn24179

I think when we are little and don't know how to cope it is different, we do what we have to. But now we are adults we cannot use it as an excuse and we have to deal.

chargraves

I think when we are little and don't know how to cope it is different, we do what we have to. But now we are adults we cannot use it as an excuse and we have to deal.

I don't recall seeing a lot of posts in this thread where the fear was being used as an "excuse" not to lose weight. Most of those responding have either lost or are in the process of losing weight and dealing with this type of fear is another thing to be worked through along the way.

silvergurl518

i actually understand what you're getting at, OP. but if you want a long life and a chance at real happiness, the first thing that have to change are your emotions/feelings regarding food/weightloss. have you tried talking to a professional about any of your concerns? i see a therapist 3-4 times a month and i really credit my mental/emotional well-being to my sessions with him (and to exercise/MFP/good support network).

do you want to be a wallflower your whole life or do you want to LIVE?

pcneese

Joselo2
Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

I can understand where you are coming from J, mostly people are good but there are quite a few people that are jerks and just plain *kitten*. I myself have been overweight for quite a long time and although I did hate that part of me and I didn't like it at all and thought of myself as a slob it kept people away from me, it kept the possibility of any kind of relationship away from me. I didn't have to deal with people, I didn't have to deal with the fear of rejection, I didn't have to deal with developing a relationship and the downfalls that it can entail such as my GF cheating on me (which has happened to me in the past). I didn't have to deal with any of that because no one would look at me and find me attractive enough to want to try and and a small part of me was fine with that at that time, heck that part of me still wishes it was like that so I wouldn't have to deal with what comes with developing relationships and such. (Ladies can be a pain in the keister, and yes yes I know we men can be too)

Don't give up on losing weight though you can do it, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself is this what you want to look like? Are you really comfortable with it? If not then take it slow and steady J don't rush it because as you know it takes hard work and dedication and you need to bust through those mental barriers of yours so rushing it will not help you at all. Slow and steady wins the race, I believe in you most everyone in this thread believes in you, look yourself in the eye and believe in you. YOU CAN DO IT!

PamelaD88
I relate to you 150%. I really don't know what else to say but that. It gave me great relief reading this post. That I wasn't the only one. I thought it was just me :-D So happy and relieved right now! I'm not morbidly obese, but for me, it's the fear of failure. So I do it, I lose the weight (which I've lost some of before) and I fail. So all that work is nothing. It's a fear. I am working on breaking down that mental road block. I know what I"m eating, I know what to be aware of, etc. You have to figure out what is your fear.

You Pam can do it, you have it in you that competitive streak of yours. Just aim at the goal you have and don't give up you can do it I know you can, just keep pouring that gasoline in the generator and you'll do fine You're not a noob are you? I didn't think so.

And yeah for those of you who do not understand and think that this fear of ours is just an excuse it's not, it's something that we have to deal with in our heads a mental block that we need to take a sledge hammer too and it's a time consuming process that does not happen over night. I'm still dealing with my fears, my nightmares and I've lost over 100 pounds since the beginning of my exercising and dieting. So please *points at a door* if you do not have anything encouraging, or supportive to say in this thread because it is not helping, the door is right there and we all would appreciate it if you left.

CollieFit

Nice thread Joselo.
Very honest.
Very courageous!!

To the usual "love to hear the sound of my own voice" crew ... for goodness sake can you just SOMETIMES have the tiniest amount of respect when people try to wear their heart on their sleeve a bit, figure out what's going on in their heads, try to understand themselves and change their lives. If you never had to do that, if you never had to work out what makes you "you" and whether all of that is good, if you've never had to question yourself whether something is just an excuse or something that's psychologically a real stumbling block for you - well then whoopeedoo to you!! Why not toddle along and have a latte with your other perfectly well adjusted mates, and feel superior.

A lot of people people have some kind of "armour".... some people hide behind their muscles, some people hide behind their hair, some people hide behind their makeup... for some people it's their weight that can in some way be helpful at keeping certain issues at an arms length!

A good friend of mine who was supermorbidly obese for most of her life, only disclosed in her late 30s that she was sexually abused by her uncle when she was about 11. In counselling she was able to talk about her abject fear of intimacy and how being this big meant to her that what happened when she was 11 could never happen to her again. I can't even BEGIN to imagine how hard it must have been for her to start her way to weight loss whilst dealing with these anxieties, and I have enormous respect for anyone with the courage to face stuff most of us never have to content with. x

MrsFowler1069

I think this is a fantastic thread, especially in light of the fact that OP is not "making excuses" but rather doing the inside work that will make long-term success more likely.

I think it's brave and it's clearly something a lot of people relate to. I myself actually relate to this "armor" mentality and I'm terrifically excited about losing weight and making changes in my life, so it isn't an excuse on this end either.

Thanks for sharing.

sammi674

I've been obese since I was 4 years old... I totally get what you mean about not being able to see yourself as slightly less than chubby. I can't imagine anything else! I've been this way long before I even started kindergarten, and I deeply fear my body is going to want to stop at 180 or something without dramatic means, which is still really fat for my height.

However, I've never seen fat as protection, instead, I see it as something that has made me miss out on my entire life thus far. I can't wait to get rid of it. But I understand the fears of not knowing what to expect, and the fears of how 100% different life will be thin.

NonnyMary

Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

I understand you.. I had those thoughts at times before. It helps to have a trusted best friend and other trusted people in our lives, especially if that very special bff is a guy, and that is what can help us feel safe with others.
I guess also not having the fat covering us is a huge change in how we feel about our body. We no longer have that coat around us, and it can be kinda strange. But that is the real you that has always been there, it just was tucked away under that coat. Now that you are slim, and are enjoying and doing things you prolly couldn't do before, like exercise awhile, walk longer amounts each time, think about the good things about your body that you could not do before, and look forward to all the things you now can do, now that you have taken that heavy coat of fat off.

NonnyMary

Actually, now that I am sitting here, i remember about 10 years ago, i went on a diet and lost 100 pounds, i got down to 200 pounds, (sorry i gained it back since then).

but i remember that I sorta freaked out and felt like I was not myself, and slowly after that, I just couldn't get down past that, and i slowly started to eat the foods that made me fat, and voila, 150 pounds gained. which i am now losing.

but yeah, i looked ay myself like i was so skinny even that 200 (I am tall), but i remember i felt weird looking at myself being so skinny, and i guess I should not have taken those first few steps to regaining.

It can feel weird not to have that usual fat around you.

mazmataz

This 'fear' is a HUGE part of why some people (including me) struggle to shift weight. If you have ever looked into The Gabriel Method, he talks about how your brain is programmed to keep you fat for your own protection...because all of various reasons.

Some abuse victims talk about how being fat protected them from the abuse, others have discovered that they subconciously had the desire to big to deal with an intimidating person in their life...my 'fear' is that I lose the weight and nothing changes...I'm still crap with men, I still have confidence dips on nights out...I used to have this belief that if I lost the weight my life would be perfect I was slim (but what if it wasn't, what else could I do?).

Part of my weight loss journey has been accepting myself and being happy with who I am now. I've adopted an attitude off 'It would be nice to be slim for lots of reasons, but I'm pretty frickin happy with my life right now"

It's all part of the process...The Gabriel Method, definitely worth a read!

MeenaKeepRunning

A brave and different post, thanks for sharing
Remember that you are NOT your weight. You are so much more than that. How the outside world percieves you is a wild card- there will always be positive and negative associations and assumptions that people make however you look. You cannot control that.
What you can control is your sense of what you deserve. Do you deserve to be healthy? Yes. Do you deserve to be stronger? Yes. Can you do that? Absolutely.
I know its so much easier said than done, but shift the emphasis off appearence and focus on all the other benefits which a well regulated diet and decent amount of activity will do for you. Maybe make specific exercise goals so that it becomes about the sense of achievement rather than a focus on losing something.
I think you're already being really sensible by confronting this feeling, and hopefully it will help you get a sense of what you really want and how to do it xx

ktdid626

It's weird that you posted about being scared to be slim. I've had the same thoughts for years, and always felt ashamed about expressing them. Thank God for MFP! For a long time, I associated being slim with disease, hunger, starvation, and near-death. I know not all that is true. I'm a freaking Registered Nurse for God sake! I know why people fill the hospitals more than not. So many people don't have this resource or were never taught about making good choices. I've just always been very curvy. I even found in my last relationship, that once I lost 25 lbs, we broke up. That kind of freaks me out. Here I am single, and what if I find an insecure man dealing with our relationship the same way I am about my body. What is even more interesting is that I still have men ask me for my number daily, but I'm not really getting the type of guy I want. I feel like this body in its current condition is holding me back from having the best relationship of my life, and from being married. This is really a debilitating issue to have. I get it. I don't care what people are telling you on here. You might have a need to work out something psychological but you are not alone. This topic is what MFP is for...finding support. Thank you for having the courage to talk about it here. You certainly made me feel better sharing my experience here.

ostrichagain

Nice thread Joselo.
Very honest.
Very courageous!!

I might have had a hard time understanding or relating to the OP's experience if it hadn't been for something that happened to me a few weeks ago. I looked in the mirror and for some reason at that moment I saw what a huge change I had made in my appearance and a wave of panic washed over me. I had never felt anything like that before, I didn't expect to feel anything like that and up to that point my reactions to my reflection had always been positive. I don't really understand why, though I can make all kinds of assumptions.

It's definitely there and very real.

MsKLarkin

Can I make a challenge for you to look at it from the point of view to become healthier? Because I know people who are slimmer and it changed their own personality and out look on life, not necessarily in a positive way. I think what the person who immediately posted after you, is that you shouldn't be afraid of what society says of you, how they think of you. You are changing who you are for the benefit of yourself and no on else. You want to be stronger, be more confident, you want people to notice you in a better light than the way that they see you now. And weight loss is NOT an overnight process, it takes time. And when you let go over emotional strongholds, the physical ones will come off as well. :-D You can message me, if you like. Have a good night!

Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

Hearts_2015

bump

VioletNightshade

Uncharted territory can be frightening. For some reason, in my mind, I can't see myself being slim. I really can't. I'm pretty imaginative, but I have zero concept on what it might look like on me, and I'm a little afraid, too.

I'm afraid of how people will respond to me because I've been overweight since my late teens.

I'm afraid of still having dozens of body insecurities even after I've put all this work in.

I'm afraid of getting to my goal and then possibly losing control and gaining it all back, undoing years of work.

I'm afraid off... etc etc etc. There's so much. It's a legitimate fear, and your concerns surrounding it ARE valid. Don't let people tell you you're wrong for feeling the way you do. You do for a reason, and that reason is likely just simply that you don't know what it'll be like, and taking the steps towards it gives you anxiety, probably not unlike showing up to a new job or new school for the first time. You don't know how this is going to go - except this anxiety lasts sooooooo much longer, and can build upon itself if you let it.

silvergurl518

actually, the OP makes perfect sense. i would suggest talking this out with an objective third party: therapist/pastor/rabbi/teacher.

skiski

I hear you. The thought of slim can be very scary. But like others have suggested, finding out the root causes of that are beneath that fear can go along way to discovering why your size has felt safe. I found mine keep me protected from being visible, being overweight allowed me to hide behind it, amongst many other reasons. Over all it simply felt too much to lose my weight, so I cling to it. Since having support to work through things I have begun to realise to achieve all want from my life, to have the career I want, I need to safeguard my health so I can live my life...I am beginning to learn that I deserve more than hiding away.

I hope you find your answers, please know you are not alone in this conflict. Take care and good luck x

Hearts_2015

I hear you. The thought of slim can be very scary. But like others have suggested, finding out the root causes of that are beneath that fear can go along way to discovering why your size has felt safe. I found mine keep me protected from being visible, being overweight allowed me to hide behind it, amongst many other reasons. Over all it simply felt too much to lose my weight, so I cling to it. Since having support to work through things I have begun to realise to achieve all want from my life, to have the career I want, I need to safeguard my health so I can live my life...I am beginning to learn that I deserve more than hiding away.

I hope you find your answers, please know you are not alone in this conflict. Take care and good luck x