Is this a healthy size for a woman?
sugarfreesquirrel
Posts: 268 Member
I really like the second picture, top left. 15%? I think she looks amazing, strong and beautiful but I feel like most of my family would bully me if I got that small. Mostly because I haven't been that size since I was like 11 and they are used to seeing me as a big girl. I feel like they are okay with other family members, friends or strangers being that size, but for me it is unacceptable.
How do you push back against family, and say, this size is good for me?
Note, I wouldn't actually look that lean because I have a bigger frame and shape.
(Me at a slimmer size)
(About 7kg heavier than I am now)
Me now
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Replies
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Like you said, it's about how they are used to seeing you.
Every family dynamic is different, but in general I'd say to avoid the subject as much as possible, and shut down any criticism with "My doctor and I agree that this is healthy for me", then change the subject. Don't talk about your weight loss goals with them. Tell them directly that you do not want any comments about your weight.
Usually (hopefully?), the criticism is coming from a place of genuine concern for your well-being, but if it truly does rise to the level of bullying, and they won't stop when you ask them to, you might need to limit your time with them.
ETA: I am assuming that you are working towards your goal in a reasonable and healthy way. Because if you were doing things like starving yourself or over-exercising and losing weight too quickly, then your family would be justified in being concerned.5 -
Whether or not that body size is healthy or not is, in reality, between you and your doctor. That being said, I'm going to talk about body fat for a second: as a female, 15% body fat is very low. Most women should really be at, let's say, 20% to 25% body fat. Below that, your estrogen levels will likely drop and you may even lose your period. Which is not good. So, in that respect, I kind of agree witb your friends and family. That being said, you will never know your body fat percent. Even if you use a dexascan. They're pretty inaccurate. Rather than looking at photos of other people and saying "I want that body", work with your own body. Find the weight you can get to that is comfortable for you to maintain and your doctor says "yep, you're a-okay" at your check-ups.
ETA: also, please don't ever strive for the body size you were at when you were 11. You're not 11 anymore, and as a grown woman, you really couldn't successfully have the body size/shape you had at 11 in a healthy way.14 -
sollyn23l2 wrote: »Whether or not that body size is healthy or not is, in reality, between you and your doctor. That being said, I'm going to talk about body fat for a second: as a female, 15% body fat is very low. Most women should really be at, let's say, 20% to 25% body fat. Below that, your estrogen levels will likely drop and you may even lose your period. Which is not good. So, in that respect, I kind of agree witb your friends and family. That being said, you will never know your body fat percent. Even if you use a dexascan. They're pretty inaccurate. Rather than looking at photos of other people and saying "I want that body", work with your own body. Find the weight you can get to that is comfortable for you to maintain and your doctor says "yep, you're a-okay" at your check-ups.
ETA: also, please don't ever strive for the body size you were at when you were 11. You're not 11 anymore, and as a grown woman, you really couldn't successfully have the body size/shape you had at 11 in a healthy way.
I've been overweight since I was like 8. That weight would give me a BMI around 21.1 -
It's YOUR opinion that matters not everyone else's. I find that when people get to a place they strive for, you'll get detractors saying things usually because it reflects that they don't have the same drive and discipline as you to reach their own goals.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I think that if your family is not supportive, that's just the way they are. Mine wasn't either. You look like a teen still? That's pretty normal to chaff against each other.
One way to stop them is to not talk about it. Don't try to make them fix you meals that are "diet" and don't make a big deal out of losing weight. If they mention it, I'd probably say something like, "I will worry about my own body, thanks."
It's really no one's business what you do as long as you don't get too thin.
Honestly? You have quite a ways to go to get to 15% BF, so just start. See how you feel with your appearance as you approach a health BMI, don't even look at anyone else. Body fat is nearly impossible to measure accurately and every person holds weight in different areas. I think you'll be very happy with yourself at a weight somewhat more than approximately 20% body fat.
Just start. You can adjust your Goals as you go along. Log your food. Get some exercise. Repeat.5 -
Only you get a vote on your body size.
If you like slim and a fat percentage of an athlete.. strive for it.
If you feel you are getting too slender and losing too much fat.. stop when you get there and reassess.
Also I wouldn’t go on those photos and those percentages as a guideline. Our bodies are all different.. I would lose weight until you reach your personal goal.
My lowest BMI before I gained weight - (I know BMI has its limitations) was 19.0 (I’m tall) that was a size 4 and I showed barely any muscle definition. I didn’t look like any of the above photos really.. photos can be deceptive.
My 2 cents.
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I would get closer to that goal, then decide! For some, maintaining that kind of cut is hard and not as rewarding as they thought so they are happier at 25 percent. For others it works!2
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A recent AthleanX video talked about an image selection like in the OP, and his point there was about how your goal should be to get to the next level, not to be dissuaded by your ultimate goal being so many levels away that you give up. And he gave advice on how to reach each goal level.
I'm also reminded of a couple of Coach Greg videos. He has a bunch where he has tested the body fat %'s of various men and women. Here is one with Paryss Bryann. She looks good, 23.5%.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbBsh-JhSpU
Here is another with him testing Alex Eubank and his girlfriend Abigail White. She looks amazing, and she's 22.5% body fat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN6JeVt81mo
I would suggest aim for where they are at and assess from there. I honestly think a non-athlete (female or male) aiming for too low body fat levels may have body dysmorphia issues. That's difficult to reach, and unpleasant to maintain year-round. It also makes it harder to gain muscle, which helps you look more defined/toned.2 -
Before anything else, the only thing that matters is you.
Your body, your choice, your goal as long as it's healthy.
Try not to worry about what people will say, but focus on yourself and your goals. Whatever you do, there's always someone to criticise anyway, and it's often people who are in no position to criticise, but it's very often projection on their part.
I know it's easier said than done, but if you get to a point where you're really comfortable in your body, the negative comments won't affect you as much because you will just be happy and proud of what you have accomplished!
That said, as beautiful as this 15% is, the photo is really appealing, it's also ideally my body goal. it's extremely hard to achieve and even harder to maintain. I think at my lowest I was at 20% fat with muscle and I was often tired because of that, so I can't imagine being at 15%. It's not unhealthy per se, but 20% is generally what's recommended for woman.
To maintain the 15% you need to have an extremely perfect diet at all times and maintain muscular mass too. And genetics is a big factor, some people are naturally thin with fast metabolism and won't have too much trouble maintaining 15% fat ... and there are the others like me - ahah - you know slow metabolism, endomorph. I have kinda a "large" frame. Quite similar to yours in fact.
Your body doesn't want to let go of those last few kilos, and even less so as a woman. I tried for month and months, intense cardio, weight training, big calorie deficit. I felt like I was fighting against my body all.the.time. it was exhausting mentally.
At my lowest (so ~20% of fat, 125lbs ), I lost all volume in the breasts, you could see my ribs but I still had fat on my stomach, hips, and thighs... in short, photos like this just depict a small minority of super harmonious bodies at 15% whereas everyone is so different.
I don't want to sound negative, I just want to say that I tried to achieve this physique and it made me extremely unhappy, frustrated and also made sky-rocking my body issues and created obsessive tendencies in terms of food and exercise that I still have today.
I just want to say that focusing on a photo like that for purpose can be more detrimental than anything else and may not be the healthiest approach. I think focusing on having a healthy bmi, smartly losing weight, building muscle, improving your performance and therefore improving your overall health is a healthier and more serene approach. 5 -
Lots of great points above!
To sum:
1. Don't bring up your weight/dieting/food with your family/unsupportive people.
2. If they bring it up, say your doctor is happy with your progress/weight.
3. 15% is quite low.
4. Evaluate as you get lower.
5. Don't rush to get there.9 -
I don't think it's a great idea to have a number as the goal. It doesn't much matter whether the number is a weight, body fat percent, or BMI. Better: Put yourself into a good pattern of habits, and ride that pattern until you reach a point that you and your doctor agree is good.
We each have unique bodies, the same number (any of those types) will look very different on different people, and have different health implications. (I share others' concern that 15% body fat would be too low for best health or appearance for quite a large fraction of women, especially if the woman lacks really good muscle mass.)
Like others, I'd suggest you work on:
* losing weight at a moderate and sensible pace;
* getting good nutrition; and
* doing both good cardiovascular and progressive strength exercise alongside (and fuel that exercise!).
As you get somewhere in/near the normal BMI range or in the 20s body fat percents, that's probably time to start thinking in terms of very slow loss (if a fair amount of fat remains) or weight maintenance, and put the emphasis more on exercise, especially progressive lifting.
All along the way, emphasize:
* good overall nutrition, especially but not exclusively ample protein;
* good sleep;
* adequate hydration (no need to go crazy); and
* minimize or eliminate alcohol, recreational drugs, smoking, excessive sun/tanning.
It will take time, and you don't need to start doing all of that stuff at once, but that general kind of trajectory IMO holds best odds of getting you to the most thriving good health and all-round vivacious affect and attractive appearance in the long run.
You'll know when you're getting close to your goals when you get there, as long as you can avoid body dysmorphia - be sure to consult with your doctor as you approach there, to have a health-focused independent view.
For sure, what you weighed at 11 (pre-adolescent) has zero to do with how much you should weigh as a fully mature adult woman.2 -
I’m not trying to discourage you, quite the contrary I’d love it if all ladies did strength training, but please consider this, too.
Having lost quite a bit of weight myself, there’s also the issue of extra skin. Mine accumulates in my midsection. (Your accumulation point will vary-it’s very individual). I have long thin muscular arms and legs, and a puffy belly with a mind of its own.
I may or may not have that physique you like underneath my extra skin. Unless it diminishes, there’s no way in heck I’d ever have a visible hard six pack like that.
Three years in to maintenance, the extra skin is diminishing slightly, but it’s sloooooooow, and you have to keep at it, at it, at it.
What I have is a soft, doughy looking “pack”, with abs dimples in all the right places, but pretty comedic looking. I look like a claymation character version of a fit person.
I’m fine with that. I carried the extra freight for years,so what is, is.
That image you like is 15% body fat. My last DEXA was around 22% body fat. I’ve muscled up quite a bit since then and am certain I’ve lost another % or two. It takes a lot of exercise and careful calorie control just to stay here. I am thin with a BMI of 22.5. I wear a size 4, could go smaller except the extra skin makes my muffin top spillage pretty epic.
I have an MFP friend who probably maintains 15%. She works her everloving *kitten* off to do it. I’d be willing to bet her BMI is also higher than mine because she’s carrying a blankety blank ton of muscle.
You have to be wildly committed to look like that 15%. Some of it is the luck of genetic draw. The other is hard hard daily work.
So, pace yourself and plan your expectations. Suppose you reach a smaller size but don’t achieve that physique. Are you going to throw in the towel? Be satisfied and maintain? Take a “diet break” and try to reduce some more? Beat yourself up and call yourself names because you couldn’t get there?
At this point, worry more about nearer goals and putting strong habits in place. Logging and weighing. Developing data that will be useful. For example, I’m noticing a trend for me to eat less on weekdays, so I’m making sure at least one day a week I fill out the corners with a huge day to keep my averages higher. I know from my own data that Saturday is almost always my lowest weight for the week, and mid week is the highest. I know Sundays are typicall low protein and higher fat than norm for me.
Learning stuff like this via a data library is invaluable.
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What others think should matter exactly 0% regarding your goals. They probably have known you so long at a higher weight that they think of you in that state. Your frame doesn't matter as far as how lean you can get. That is an excuse used by many as to why they'll always stay on the bigger side when in reality it's just too hard to do what it takes to get smaller.
The take away is be a size that you feel healthy and comfortable at and don't let outside influences dictate that.1 -
I’d also be wary of using pictures as goals. Even if you did work your way down to 15%, you may not have the body shape to look like those pictures. For me, even if I got down to that level of body fat, I’d look entirely different. I’ve got broad shoulders and a very short waist. The person in the photo has an overall smaller frame and a longer waist. Even with all else being equal, I could never get that fitness model look because I’m just not physiologically built that way. Better to focus on progress and losing weight in a healthy way and see what feels like a maintainable weight when you get closer to your goals.2
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Tom has a good point about other people's perceptions.
When I was losing weight, and for some months afterward, multiple friends/relatives were really freaked out about how thin I was, and I got criticism: Skin and bones, risking anorexia, etc. (My boilerplate reply: "My doctor is fine with my weight and goals," which was absolute truth.)
But you know what, OP? They got over it. Now, in the truly rare case my weight comes up in conversation, it's more likely to be "oh, you don't have to worry about (eating X thing), you're naturally thin".
I asked one honest and usually level-headed friend a couple of years on why she'd been worried that (literally) I was becoming anorexic (at a BMI in the mid-20s, while eating around 2000 calories most days
, toward the end of weight loss). She wasn't sure, but she thought it was some combination of shock at the rapid change in me, and some envy. (I also think I did look a little haggard toward the end of loss and for a few weeks into maintenance, from things like loose facial skin and glycogen depletion that reversed pretty quickly at maintenance calories.)
So: Don't worry about other people's attitudes, you can't control them. Make their perceptions their problem, not yours. They'll get over it. (I would recommend avoid provoking conversation about your body or your eating habits on route, to minimize the potential for discussion of it. If someone brings it up, give a brief boring answer or deflect, then change the subject.)I’d also be wary of using pictures as goals. Even if you did work your way down to 15%, you may not have the body shape to look like those pictures. For me, even if I got down to that level of body fat, I’d look entirely different. I’ve got broad shoulders and a very short waist. The person in the photo has an overall smaller frame and a longer waist. Even with all else being equal, I could never get that fitness model look because I’m just not physiologically built that way. Better to focus on progress and losing weight in a healthy way and see what feels like a maintainable weight when you get closer to your goals.
Yeah, me, too. Parts of my upper body already look more like the 12% picture, I think. Below my rib cage, much more, at least the 25% and more in some spots. (I think the overall is somewhere mid-20s.) I could change that somewhat if I pursued it, but it would be a slow go, and a big effort investment . . . more than I want to deal with right now.0 -
Just be careful with body fat percentage as everyone carries fat differently and have varying degrees of lean mass. It’s more of an overall look and something that can’t really be measured accurately.
Look in the mirror and think of your body as a piece of clay and you are the sculptor. Adding some here and there with strength training and reducing overall fat mass with diet. It’s all doable you just gotta want it, it just depends on how far you’re willing to take things2 -
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sollyn23l2 wrote: »... Rather than looking at photos of other people and saying "I want that body", work with your own body. Find the weight you can get to that is comfortable for you to maintain...
I came here to say basically the same. Even against younger versions of ourselves. When I was in my late teens/early 20's I weighed between 120-125 (at 5'6'') and felt good but with a little tummy pudge. After getting up to 167 post-baby in my 30's, I joined MFP and got back down to 135-ish and felt just as thin as I did at the lower weight, but I also had a slightly different body shape. More angled it seemed. Now in my almost mid-40's I gained back a lot of it (lost too quickly the first time) and am focused more on being healthy and happy in my body. I would like to lose the extra weight again, but maybe my goal is more like 140-145. We'll see when I get closer.
My point is, even comparing yourself to yourself is not the best method, and comparing to others is less effective. Be you in the moment. Focus on health. Focus on exercise. Focus on eating foods you love that are good for you and keep you satisfied. Lose weight slowly and see where your body takes you.
I swear, even with 5 pounds lost you'll feel better. Stay focused on you. You as you change. You as you grow into a healthier version of yourself. I think that's the key.5 -
springlering62 wrote: »
Um, you do you . . . but I think that's how I got in the argument with someone about how it was "impossible to lose weight without going low carb", because she had "read all the books over the Winter, and they all said so". (What had I done over the Winter? Lost many pounds, and she'd seen me do it.)
I'm sticking with "avoid talking about weight loss". 🤣3 -
I really like the second picture, top left. 15%? I think she looks amazing, strong and beautiful but I feel like most of my family would bully me if I got that small. Mostly because I haven't been that size since I was like 11 and they are used to seeing me as a big girl. I feel like they are okay with other family members, friends or strangers being that size, but for me it is unacceptable.
Seems like a lot of people are reading the "11 [years old]" reference differently than I am.
I read this as the OP aspires to 15% BF because she likes the aesthetic BUT her family would bully her because they haven't seen her at that size since she was 11.
NOT that she wants to get back to the shape she was when she was 11.
I'm not taking a stand for or against 15% just that the OP's goal example is a picture of an adult women so I find all the replies mentioning her 11 year old self as a goal to be odd and not what I read her as saying.4 -
I'm the same for the same reason. Everyone's an expert beacuse they read something somewhere, especially its carbs that make you fat. I just don't even get into discussions. You go into the "When you lower carbs you lower calories" convo and it's just an argument at that point then it's wow how about that Dodger game laast night!springlering62 wrote: »
Um, you do you . . . but I think that's how I got in the argument with someone about how it was "impossible to lose weight without going low carb", because she had "read all the books over the Winter, and they all said so". (What had I done over the Winter? Lost many pounds, and she'd seen me do it.)
I'm sticking with "avoid talking about weight loss". 🤣
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Don't worry about the "what if's" now. As you get closer to your goal, you will have a better idea of what is reasonable for you, and if your family disagrees, then deal with it then. Remember that everyone is different. Even if you have the same body fat% as the person in the picture, it may look different on you. When you get close to your goal, you will have a better idea of what weight is realistic and what you will be happy with. If you are questioning at that point, consult a physician or a nutritionist.2
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Just to clear up any confusion, when I was 11, I was like 5'5 and 70kg. Much heavier than the other kids.1
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sugarfreesquirrel wrote: »Just to clear up any confusion, when I was 11, I was like 5'5 and 70kg. Much heavier than the other kids.
But you’re not that person any more! I’ve been watching your awesome posts!!!!1 -
springlering62 wrote: »
I’ve been watching your awesome posts!!!!sugarfreesquirrel wrote: »Just to clear up any confusion, when I was 11, I was like 5'5 and 70kg. Much heavier than the other kids.
Aww thanks, you're so nice! I always enjoy reading what you have to say1 -
Do what makes YOU HAPPY, HEALTHY AND FEE GOOD! Family, friends should support you. I had that problem but once I maintained they stopped
Nobody should discourage you from reaching your goals. Be healthy and happy. Maybe they will come around and want to join you even.
Do others care about YOUR opinion? Dies anyone consult you for what you feel about thier health, weight etc?0 -
VegjoyP said it right!
First of all, you are beautiful, you in that gorgeous dress made me smile
If you want to lose weight because it makes you feel better about yourself that that is your choice, you shouldn't continue to feel unhappy with you appearance due to somebody else's opinion.
That being said, no weight is healthy unless it is maintained via a healthy diet and lifestyle. As long as you are being sensible about how you lose the weight and then maintain it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with 15% BF.
You don't need to push back against anybody, as such, perhaps just start out on this exciting journey of self discovery and change, and if they ask, you could just tell them you're trying to get healthier, or you're made some lifestyle changes and you like how you feel.
Failing that, you have lots of supporters here to keep cheering you on, you go girl!0 -
Say you'll be happier, healthier, and more confident if you lose a certain amount of pounds (if that's really what you want). Doesn't your family want to see you happy and healthy? Of course they want0
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