Am I being vein???

mstarrett01

So I am getting married next May and my MOH is very overweight, is it mean if I ask her to loose a few pounds? She has always been up and down with her weight, and now she has gotten up there, I would say she is at least 40 lbs over weight. I do want her to be healthy, and I would like her to look good in the dress I decided to pick out for her. Is that vein?

Also she doesn't have a job, and I am doing a destination wedding so she will need money for 1. the dress, 2. home and board, 3. eatting, 4. extras. So when would be a good time to tell ask her if she is going to be able to afford all this? She has been very irresponable with the job front lately and she can go months and months without a job, she is living with her parents again. We have been friends for over 18 years (since I was 9), but I dont konw if she will be able to be in my wedding.



Ok so I am sounding swallow. You guys are right. I never wanted to ask her to loose weight, and I have asked her to join me on here to get healthy. My fiance is the one who wanted to me ask her to loose weight, I felt that would be rude. I am mostely concerned about the money issue with her. She wanted to be my MOH, since we have been best freinds since we were 9.

kimberly428

WOW...sounds like you are being very self centered and your only thinking about you and your wedding. If your so worried about it dont invite her.

MissNova

I would say yes, you have no right to tell anyone to lose weight if you yourself are trying to lose weight. Love her for her and embrace the friendship. It is okay to be worried for her health but giving her a number is not your place at all.

ZebraHead

maybe an artery?? Sorry couldn't resist.

That said (and leaving Loose out of it ) Your not being vain but rude perhaps. Do your own thing and allow them to do the same. She'll come or she won't.

nehtaeh

If it were me - I would be very offended if someone asked me to be in their wedding then asked if I could lose some weight. You picked her because of your relationship to you, not because of how she looks or that she could be skinny. I don't know about her, but a majority of people I know want to look good for weddings and do make an attempt to lose any extra weight they may have. However, if that's not her - it would be pretty rude. On the other hand, she is your friend - how do you think she'd take that request.

As for the money - she needs to be able to handle it. Maybe ask if she's ok with all that. Tell her you really want her to go and be your MOH but know that its expensive. Ask her if you can help her with anything, job-wise or even money if you are willing. Otherwise, think about who you might want as backup.

xXmimiXx

I know it's your day but I'd concentrate on you looking good, if you've asked a friend to be your MOH you should really love them for who they are inside not out, I think it's really mean personally!!!!

Leigh14

I think the best way to go about this is to share with her. You are obviously on a journey to lose some pounds, too ... why not invite your maid of honor and bridesmaids to workout with you? Plan meals together? Shop together? Talk fitness and health? Just don't do it in a forceful way - ask them to join you for support! It's a benefit to everyone involved and a way to help your friend get healthy without making her feel like you're pointing out her flaws.

As far as the job issue goes, that's really hard. If she is living with her parents and they are supporting her, I'm sure they will assist with her transportation, dress, food, room, etc. Have you tried talking to her about why she's not motivated to get a job?

Families_R_Forever

Maybe being in your wedding is just the thing to motivate her in both areas. I bet she would hate to miss out on this important step in your life. I DO think that asking her to lose weight would be rude, regardless of her weight she is still your friend. I really think she would be offended. You could however let her know about this site and how it is helping you, and that you would love her to be your friend on here...That is one way to go around it. In the end we all have to lose weight for ourselves and not others...it has to be her.

RedneckWmn

I don't think you are being vein. However, I think you are looking at it from the wrong perspective. It's your best friend for a reason. You should worry about you looking good and not how she is going to make your wedding look. If you were concerned about her health then it would be completely different. I would be very offended if my friend came to me and asked me to lose 40 pounds to be in her wedding. I would feel much better about it if she came to me because I was in poor health. This is just my opinion.

Mellie13

I agree that it is very rude and disrespectful (maybe a little vain). She has to get healthy on her own terms, you can't make her. If she is your MOH, she must be a good friend and you should love her the way she is. If you were truly just interested in her health that would be different. I totally agee with making sure she can affoard being in the wedding, though. We did that for all our wedding party before everything was set in stone to make sure they didn't fell obligated and that we would have time to get a replacement if neccesary. Good luck!

havingitall

Are you worried about your pictures not looking right because of her weight? Try and explain that to her without sounding offensive.

If you truly love her then accept her for what she looks like. If you want to be superficial, then maybe you need to ask a skinny friend to be in your wedding party.

So to answer your question...not vain.... just very shallow

Clew

Agreed - don't mention the weight - that's rude and hurtful. But I think it's not out of line to ask her to be candid with you about being able to participate from a financial standpoint, and gently make sure she knows you'll be counting on her to be there if she promises to do so - and if she cant it's much better to let you know now.

Hope it all runs smoothly for you!

adc143

I think it's extremely rude to ask her to lose weight for your wedding. Yes, it is your day, but that is no excuse to lose your manners and possibly your relationship with someone close to you. I know that if someone did that to me, I wouldn't want to be in their wedding at all!

As for the money, it is completely understandable to make her aware of the price of being in your wedding. She needs to know, and you also need to know if she is willing to make/spend the money.

4lafz

Wow! What the others said. I think you must have asked the wrong person to be your MOH!

Jamiebee24

I don't think you have the right to ask her to loose weight unless she just gained 40 pounds from the time you asked her. Maybe you could tell her how much fun you are having loosing weight and eating healthy and see if she would like to join you. You could even tell her that you need some motivation to loose some weight for your wedding and ask if she could help. You guys could have a "biggest loser" competition. That way, you both are being healthy, and you don't come over as being bridezilla! As far as the money goes, you should sit down with her and tell her whats going to be expected of her---and if she can't hack it, then I guess you can find a skinny MOH!

ron2282

I've been in 11 weddings (including my own and one coming up in October). If any of the brides had said that me, I highly doubt that we would still be friends and I most definitely would have backed out of the wedding.

The money issue is another thing. I just had to tell a good friend last night that I could not be in her wedding next June. She's getting married on a cruise and it’s just not financially feasible for my husband and I. When you chose to have a destination wedding, you have to be prepared that not everyone you want to be there will be able to make it.

verykristin

Vein is what your blood is traveling through. Vain is what you mean.

mstarrett01

If it were me - I would be very offended if someone asked me to be in their wedding then asked if I could lose some weight. You picked her because of your relationship to you, not because of how she looks or that she could be skinny. I don't know about her, but a majority of people I know want to look good for weddings and do make an attempt to lose any extra weight they may have. However, if that's not her - it would be pretty rude. On the other hand, she is your friend - how do you think she'd take that request.

As for the money - she needs to be able to handle it. Maybe ask if she's ok with all that. Tell her you really want her to go and be your MOH but know that its expensive. Ask her if you can help her with anything, job-wise or even money if you are willing. Otherwise, think about who you might want as backup.

I never asked her to be in my wedding, she pretty much made herself my MOH

MsElphaba

If you have all these concerns, I am wondering why you asked her to be your MOH. As far as her weight, that is who she is. Without turning yourself into a Bridezilla, you are going to accept her for who she is and the best thing you can do for her is select a flattering (or at least a not so unflattering) dress.

As for the travel. Tell her ASAP. It will inspire her to get a job and get some money for the trip or she will bow out of her duty as your MOH giving you time to find a replacement. Do bear in mind that this isn't the best economy for finding work and you might need to let her know that her presence at your wedding is enough of a wedding present, so ease her financial load.

havingitall

If it were me - I would be very offended if someone asked me to be in their wedding then asked if I could lose some weight. You picked her because of your relationship to you, not because of how she looks or that she could be skinny. I don't know about her, but a majority of people I know want to look good for weddings and do make an attempt to lose any extra weight they may have. However, if that's not her - it would be pretty rude. On the other hand, she is your friend - how do you think she'd take that request.

As for the money - she needs to be able to handle it. Maybe ask if she's ok with all that. Tell her you really want her to go and be your MOH but know that its expensive. Ask her if you can help her with anything, job-wise or even money if you are willing. Otherwise, think about who you might want as backup.

I never asked her to be in my wedding, she pretty much made herself my MOH

How does that happen?

erica79

I'm getting married in October. My MOH came to me a couple months ago and told me she was pregnant. I went out of my way to find a dress that would look good on her as well as the other girls in my party. Even though it is my wedding I wanted everyone to be comfortable and happy. If your MOH is someone you love her appearence should not matter.