Does anyone else have Heart Failure here?

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Replies

  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,691 Member
    Your description of it as a spiral is so apt. It does sometimes seem more like circling back round again, versus all the hills and valleys we talk about so much.

    Maybe if people visualized it that way, instead, it’d help.
  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 2,136 Member
    edited November 26
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    yes, a pic that showed it as a spiral staircase helped me - of course, I had to gleefully slide down the banner staircase - more than once!!! :D The energy to get back up - stand up and walk forward/upwards again is much harder than the wild slide downwards - lol - so i try to look for the positive in the climbing up...

    Just that was a big mental shift in the way I was looking at things. I used to really "mourn" (grieve?) for what I was giving up - things like the social smoking with friends - like 80% - 90% of adults used to smoke. And especially the frequent and EXTRA social eating - all that was fun. Changing that always seemed miserable and I didn't wanna.

    The shift came when I wondered - what if I stopped looking at what I was giving up and instead, look at what can happen - what will be awesome, better if I do quit cigarettes, better if I give up the extra eating? Almost like a complete 180 turning the car around and going forwards instead of backwards - beep beep!

    ETA - ps - i do wish that knowing this stuff made it magically easy - it does NOT for me - that's where practice & more practice & more practice comes in... until we nail it. Goofing up does not mean we are bad or should quit... it simply means more practice...

    I think of it as kind of like learning anything new and difficult - like a triple flip off a high dive board - we start with learning how to get into a pool to swim, tackle new bits and pieces, learn to hold our breath, kick, swim, jump & dive, flip, flop - begin to put it all together - kind of like relearning all bits and pieces of life without the cigarettes NOR the Extra Eating.... still practicing! :D

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  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    edited December 1
    springlering62-You’re so sweet. Thank you. I definitely feel more grateful for life in general. Your post reminded me of the Josh Groban song, “You Raise Me Up.” If you haven’t heard it, listen to it. It is a beautiful song. Lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJxrX42WcjQ I saw him in concert with a choir. This song gave me chills. Side hug.

    Adventurista-Thank you for the well wishes, and for the chart with the explanation! How cool. I haven’t seen this explanation before. Congrats on quitting smoking. High five and well done for your hard work! “Breaking the emotional dependance and replace it with better, healthier coping things.” This is key. It is easier said than done, at least initially. I do want to minimize my bingeing overall. I'm constantly assessing my hunger and fullness cues. I am not fond of sitting with my feelings…My therapist gave me an app “How We Feel” to track my emotions and journal. I am slowly getting the hang of it.

    I still have to watch it for mindless eating or being on auto pilot. I used sugar and caffeine to adjust my brain chemistry daily. Now I have many activities to pick from to keep me on the straight and narrow. It is like batting practice, keep going and the more times you do the behavior, we’ll eventually get it. Woo Hoo.

    I know HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) are huge triggers for me. When I am tired, I am most likely to do the wrong thing. I didn’t realize that before. Grief is a tricky one too.

    I will now set a goal for transcendence. At times it seems like a wild fantasy, but other people have done it. There is no reason why I can’t, keep making good choices will get me there. I want to build more discipline with consistency. This has been the largest struggle. I realize this is a mental weakness that can be fixed. Some days I get really overwhelmed still. I try to focus on today. How do I want to live in the here and now?

    Staying accountable daily is still sometimes a struggle for me. Urrrg. This is the only way I will change. Confronting a variety of issues is keeping me on my toes, for sure. I know I want to be better and keep moving forward. By next November, I am choosing to be a completely different person. I am writing a future self-vision and narrative.

    Ejection fraction measures your heart’s ability to pump oxygen-rich blood out to your body. In a healthy heart, the fraction is a higher number. A low number means that your heart has difficulty keeping up with your body’s needs. My EF=24% was very abnormal.

    I will be sharing some self-care tools that have helped me immensely in future posts. Take care.
  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    mcglothlinjo9244-I am glad you are still with us. I wish you better health and happier living. Do take care!
  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    edited December 2
    Anytime I binge, my therapist recommends I do one of these exercises to gain further insight and to prevent it from happening again. Honestly, overall, this has helped. I learned this in Ed clinic. Hopefully, this can assist someone else.

    What is a Behavior Chain Analysis (BCA)?
    BCAs give us the chance to explore situations where you engaged in a behavior and process through some of the thoughts you were having, circumstances that may have led to the behavior, and skills you can use in the future.
    •What is the PROBLEM BEHAVIOR that I am analyzing?

    •What PROMPTING EVENT in the environment started me on the chain to my problem behavior? (This can be hard to identify, but try your best!)

    •What things in myself and in my environment made me VULNERABLE? (i.e. lack of sleep, not taking medications, not following meal plan, substance use, fighting with loved ones, etc.)
    Possible LINKS in the chain

    Cognitions:

    Feelings/Emotions:

    Body sensations:

    What are the CONSEQUENCES of engaging in this behavior?
    Short-term:

    Long-term:

    What SKILLS can we use in the future? (i.e. minding the consequences, coping ahead, deep breathing, listening to music, watching funny movies/TV/videos, urge surfing, spending time with supportive people)

    I hope this gives someone another tool to try...
  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    Corina1143-Dr Kristen Neff's website on self-compassion is excellent. There are exercises you can do and meditations. https://self-compassion.org , and she also has a great meditation on self-forgiveness.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhZfCbWv1QA

    3 types of emotional eating-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YG6k8gVPndw


    Please be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you know how...cyber side hugs.

  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,691 Member
    You are doing the best you know how

    This really strikes home. Life doesn’t come with linear IKEA type instructions, does it?

    Sometimes you gotta disassemble to reassemble it correctly.

    I’m curious. What does “transcendence” look like to you? What exactly is it?

    I’ve always been told to reach a goal, you have to see it and visualize it. I find that hard. Goals ate “happy” or “rewarding” places, and I think for some of us that’s hard, because we don’t feel like we deserve it, or it’s at someone else’s cost.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,691 Member
    edited December 5
    Have you been taking photos?

    Body Dysmorphia is a real thing, for me, even years after the initial weight loss.

    I shunned photos as an obese person, and throughout my weight loss. The sizes went down but I still saw someone fat, lumpy, round, all the unkind adjectives I could find about myself, in the mirror.

    My trainer at the time talked and talked to me about losing “too much” I thought she was out of her mind til she sent me a photo she’d taken of me from behind. I was shocked. I looked like a stick figure drawing.

    That was the first time the loss became “visible” to me.

    No wonder my kids were so shocked and burst into tears the first time they saw me after several months of weight loss. They honestly thought I was terminally ill.

    I wish wish wish I’d had someone I trusted take photos of me throughout the process. I might have been kinder to myself if I had. Photos don’t lie. They show what our brains and eyes can’t or won’t register.

    Even now, I have a hard time. I’m having awful inflammation right now, and am up three pounds in two days. My brain says “you’re eating international at a deficit. This doesn’t exist it’s temporary.” Yet my mirror “shows” new belly rolls, thick thighs, thick legs. This always happens, every single time my weight goes up, even when I have a very clear understanding of the source

    I feel like such a sham sometimes. I try to cheer and advise people on the boards, but am often such a wreck myself when it happens on my own scale.

    When this happens, I have to either ask my husband to take some photos (which he is reluctant to do) or do a gym workout in front of the mirror to prove to myself it’s an illusion.

    Your mind will totally *kitten* with you.

    Have you been doing photos? Done any measurements (tbh I’ve never done those at all, but they seem to help some folks as much as photos have helped me.)

    You are trying so hard and have made so many changes. Your numbers are clearly changing. I can’t believe the Fates of Weight aren’t playing nicely in some visual regard?

    Even if there’s not, lease carry on. I hear so much more positives in your posts now versus the beginning!!!!!

    Hugs!
  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    edited December 5
    Thanks. I had to do an exercise where I took a picture of myself and listed all the things my body has done for me or is doing for me now. Our bodies are more than size and shape. Having an ED since 12 yo, I have a warped perception. This did help change my negative mindset more. Admittedly, I have been too hard on myself at times.

    Recently, I have been learning what eating regular foods does to my blood sugars. Some of it has been surprising and shocking. Other foods do what I thought it would do. I get to see my PCP next week about my new positive A1C numbers. I hope to be in the 5's next May '25.

    The reality is I was broken down; I have to build myself back up. I want to evolve into a better individual. I have 14 more PT sessions. Then, I will join a gym and water aerobics.

    Yes, I try to focus on problem solving. I do feel better than last year at this time. I am honestly grateful for that.

    Having heart failure, I can't walk in extreme temps anymore. I like to walk outside better than around a track or a treadmill. It is just deciding out of all the options what I can do and focus on that.

    At my heaviest, when I was very ill, I didn't take photos, it was the last thing on my mind. I am thankful I am out of survival mode. Gaining 40 lbs. of water weight was painful.

    More energy equals more options. This is something I do not take for granted anymore. I do have measurements written down somewhere. My highest size was 32 and my lowest is 22. I lost 5 sizes. I have a long way to go for the normal size 8-10.

  • Corina1143
    Corina1143 Posts: 3,849 Member
    When I was looking for a place to walk, I found a gym where you walk on the 2nd floor balcony, open to the basketball court below. Preschool kids playing in the morning. Basketball, volleyball, pickleball and judo lessons from 5 to 10. Way more fun watching them than a treadmill.
  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    When I belonged to the Y where I used to love, they had that too. Great for winter weather.
  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 2,136 Member
    edited December 6
    Hi Hi,

    appreciate all the shares!
    life, our habits get really set and almost automatic in our responses and thoughts - so changing anything can take practice & more practice...

    regarding the question - what does transcendance look like?
    i once used to think "lose weight, keep it off forever, not take a bite off this diet again, never 'excess/binge' eat again - that we could just make up our minds to do those big, huge things like make up our mind 1 time then 1 and done... that's it! LOL well, for some things yes... I might choose to never eat liver again - never an issue.... giving up other favorite foods, well that isn't so easy.... and some things have taken multiple attempts over multiple years.

    Transcendence for me, is leaving it behind and replacing it with other, better.
    -- like quitting smoking, total abstinence happened, but it was a huge struggle, and honestly, I think I reached the 'state of transcendence' at 5 years abstinence.... meaning I was unlikely to revert to the old 'smoking' behavior....

    It is not that I never had the urge to smoke again - the urge has recurred unexpectedly, especially in times of acute stress like during the Pandemic, death of a loved one... what not, random out of the blue - almost like I had to learn how to go through that without smoking... and then the urge receeded, but in the transcendence - smoking urge occurred but habit and strength had changed and I talked my brain out of acting on the urge....

    I still, now feel, I do not want to smoke anymore - that 'belief/attitude' has generally been extinguished because it was harmful and I want better... It's just coping with the sudden stupid urges that hit. Transcendence is not necessarily never - more like probably not going to happen again..

    Although some things are so harmful, i would not put my hand on a red hot stove - so I try to think of smoking and EXCESS/Binge eating as a red hot stove... - I am practicing on replacing that too with better...

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    for me, the major big things like over hauling our eating difficulties is a bit like untangling a ginormous ball of tangled yarn - we pick at it (1 step, 1 habit, 1 micro bit) and work on it - to leave it behind and replace with better... we can work on multiple things at one time... eventually, we get a lot of things untangled and worked out...

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    There is another change model that helped me understand - each different line is a thing we are untangling with it's own spiral staircase and banister.... we move up or down the stages of change, learning from our attempts, until we get it, maintain it.... and eventually transcend it...

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    they can be simple, just 1 or 2 things - or they can be intentional thoughtful consideration every time the urge hits, every time we have a choice in front of us - sometimes we do better, sometimes not.... but we get up, dust off, try more and keep going... i am hopeful.... I choose to hope and believe that I will continue to get better in my eating patterns - and hope we all do! cheers :)

    Example multiple things at a time - but independent, might be working on same time...

    - Regular 3 meals, normal times
    - include fruit daily
    - eat breakfast so don't backload calories to end of day then overeat
    - not buy holiday candy day after on sale to keep in house when i can't stay out of it...
    - use other non-food things to self-soothe; funny tv or talk with friend, talk here....
    - enough sleep.... there's always so many things, there will be more tomorrow, can do more then again, so accept today is done and over... fresh after rest is another chance... no guilt for yesterday, more practice today, and carry on, forward ;)
  • kiteflyer105
    kiteflyer105 Posts: 179 Member
    edited December 6
    Hello. Your post let me think about other things I had not before. Times of acute stress or grief are the hardest for me. Overall, I want to build more fulfillment so the bingeing lessens. Does that make sense? It is good to know I no longer choose to binge daily anymore. I honestly know that is a thing of the past. I have worked to hard to revert. Yet, I need to decrease the frequency and go as long as I can before I have a relapse.


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  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 2,136 Member
    edited December 6
    Nods, yes...

    1 of my first morphs in goals was to just have good/binge free hours, meals, days... then more than not...

    I would agree the possibility for relapse is out there, same kind of fight/risk as starting smoking again, and would need to go back through stages and withdrawals again,...

    But, as we recover, binges should become less frequent, less intense and shorter.... and i hope/believe can reach recovery, even transcendance... that happens as we displace the old response with new better.

    Have you worked on relapse prevention plan and/or relapse recovery plans?

    I think of recovery plans.... as.... if this happens again, i will try ____ next time, practice that.

    If i relapse, crash burn, then my strategy is get up, dust off, resume next regular meal and every day approach. Go back to my basic 'go to' things.
    -- i had to release guilt, remorse and trying to fix, compensate or restrict after...

    And speak back to negative thoughts, reject the remorse/beat myself up and speak in positive ways to myself... like affirmations, become my own cheerleader... ' i can, i will instead, next time etc... it is so easy to beat ourself up even that becomes stupid habit...

    So yes, it's a lot, huh... but we're worth it and hopefully can slow progress or improve our health markers... even the little things help...
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,691 Member
    Thanks for explaining.

    Although, I will admit to being shallow enough to go “oh! Oh! OH!!! Yarn!!!!”

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