For those starting at the gym in the new year

dandur

Rest is one of the most important parts of training. All mainstream gyms have machines with a comfortable seat designed for this purpose. You can do one rep, rest for five mins, scroll through social media, do another rep, and so on. Other gym users will appreciate your dedication and focus.

The most effective weight training is "To failure". If you can't even lift the weights one more rep, you're hardcore. No need to put them back on the rack; the gym has staff for that. Even if you haven't actually trained "to failure", leaving the weights lying around will make other people think you're hardcore.

Guys, please take note: Women go to the gym to be seen. If you stare at them constantly, it's a great complement.

If you're planning to use a machine later, you can reserve it with a piece of clothing or a drink bottle, to stop any other gym users accidentally using it in the meantime. If they misunderstand, simply call across the gym, "I've got one more set, mate" to stop them using your machine.

Don't waste time cleaning up in the changing room. That's why they hire cleaners.

Gyms all across the world are going to be busy with folk who made new years resolutions to get fitter, so it's vitally important that you claim the Smith machine nice and early for your 30 minute pullup routine.

If a woman is wearing headphones, that's OK, you guys can just tap on her shoulder to offer advice on the best way to use a treadmill. She really wants to hear your views!

More protein powder is better. Don't worry about the big slimy blob in the sink; it'll wash away eventually.

Dropping heavy weights and making a loud clang will demonstrate that you're a Serious Lifter. Everyone else in the gym will respect it, almost as much as when you leave a trail of sweat or chalk dust.

Shamelessly stolen from reddit. Add your own helpful tips!

Retroguy2000

LOL.

I saw this short on YT recently with Arnold explaining how to put weights onto the bar. I won't spoil it.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Mnem0B_RIVU

springlering62

Be sure to grunt a lot. Picking up your car keys to leave? Grunt. Practice that grunt delivery at home to get just the right note.

Be sure to call all the women you encounter in the gym “Little Lady”. Ladies in gyms are especially flattered by being called “little”, ya know.

Be sure to ask the little ladies if they mind you finishing up your set by barging in front of them and doing it anyway, when’s it’s clear Little Lady was fixing to get on the machine herself.

Declare “it will only take a minute”. Take ten. It's cool. Little Lady doesn’t mind at all. 👍🏻

And if you’re in a gym attached to a freaking hospital, it’s absolutely iron-clad mandatory that you wear scrubs into the gym. So every knows you’re, like, a terribly important medical-type person who might have to rush to emergency surgery or go all Dr House at a moment’s notice.

springlering62

Oh, and taking the clean towel someone had placed next to their clothes in the dressing room? That’s cool, too. There’s an infinite supply of the the things. Up two flights of stairs and at the other end of the building. No one minds at all when you’re in a hurry and need theirs.

henridw2095

agreed with @springlering62

if you’re a dude, make sure to make all the loud noises you’d normally only make in your bedroom, grunt and groan…it shows how dedicated you are.

If you’re a lady, these noises work really well in yoga class! loud sighs are encouraged and tell others how good your practice is.

springlering62

henridw2095 wrote: »

agreed with @springlering62

if you’re a dude, make sure to make all the loud noises you’d normally only make in your bedroom, grunt and groan…it shows how dedicated you are.

If you’re a lady, these noises work really well in yoga class! loud sighs are encouraged and tell others how good your practice is.

So we’re not the only studio with an Orgasm Lady?

I always feel like the whole class should turn and go all Harry and Sally on her in unison.

henridw2095

@springlering62 each studio has a least one 😉

kmp9881

I got an eye twitch reading these 🤣🤣🤣

Also, don't worry about wiping down the machines when you're done. The next person will give you kudos for the sweaty 🍑 print when they go to do their reps.

Retroguy2000

dandur wrote: »

Rest is one of the most important parts of training. All mainstream gyms have machines with a comfortable seat designed for this purpose. You can do one rep, rest for five mins, scroll through social media, do another rep, and so on.

It's not weightlifting, it's waitlifting.

AnnPT77

Be sure to take selfies in the locker room, so your 3 social media followers can see that you're working out (and rocking that cute outfit).

Those naked people wandering around won't mind, they're only the background noise when it comes to admiring and promoting your own sweet self . . . and they shouldn't be naked in a public locker room if they don't want the public to see them, right?

nossmf

The little pictures on the sides of the machines showing how to use the machine are only suggestions, not requirements. Feel free to find creative alternative uses for the machines.

For free-weight areas without pictures, the assumption is that the correct movement should be so obvious everybody already knows how to do it. Don't ask a trainer for advice, they will simply look at you funny until you walk away. Just grab the bar and let it fly! Your body will let you know if you're doing it right.

nossmf

If you want one body part to get bigger, you should focus all your attention upon it to the exclusion of everything else. Those guys with massive chest muscles? They built it by doing heavy bench presses every single day, sometimes twice a day! Hitting legs is not required for people with massive pecs to get respect.

fitnessgal1968

And just stay in the way taking gym selfies and not really doing any workout!!

fitnessgal1968

AnnPT77 wrote: »

Be sure to take selfies in the locker room, so your 3 social media followers can see that you're working out (and rocking that cute outfit).

Those naked people wandering around won't mind, they're only the background noise when it comes to admiring and promoting your own sweet self . . . and they shouldn't be naked in a public locker room if they don't want the public to see them, right?

3 followers!🤣🤣🤣