104lbs down, but my brain hasn't caught up!

MissGeorgiaPeachy

It's been a wild ride! I started this leg of my journey at the end of April 2023. I weighed in at 300lbs and went into a PANIC. I didn't know how I had let myself get that heavy and to be honest, I knew I was big because I've always been big. I was chunky at two weeks old and stayed that way my entire life, and I'm still chunky, but less so, weighing in at 195.2 this morning.

Let's talk about things that my brain can't reconcile though...

I still panic when I go into a restaurant and they seat me in a booth. I'm still terrified that I'm not going to fit and I'm going to be embarrassed.

When I go to theme parks, I try the test seats before I can get on the ride just to make sure I'm going to fit and even after all that I'm still worried that I'm going to get pulled aside and told I'm too big to ride.

When I pick up clothes in my size, they look way too small, so I end up buying larger sizes and my friends keep telling me I'm buying my clothes too big.

I'm still afraid to fly because I'm embarrassed to ask for a seatbelt extender.

When I'm shopping in regular sizes, I still think everyone is looking at me like I shouldn't be there and should go back to only plus sizes. (I'm at the sweet spot between an XL and a 1X so I can technically shop in either size, but I think everyone is looking at me like I'm not going to fit into an XL.)

And I still feel just as big as when I was 300lbs, but when I look at pictures of myself before I started this journey, I can definitely see the difference. My brain just refuses to cooperate. Is this what body dysmorphia feels like?

I'm still 55.2lbs away from my goal, which I set to 140, but I feel like I need to lose so much more than that and I am worried that my mindset isn't going to change and I'll be stuck feeling like this even when I reach that goal. Please tell me eventually it gets better.

sharon81

First of all! Congrats on your success!
I have only lost 43lbs but I too can only see myself as where I began at 230lbs vs 186.2. I think it takes a lot of convincing from yourself to try on the clothes regardless of what you think others are thinking and by the way, they most likely are not thinking it! 😋
I was told over the holiday vacation that I took by my sister in-law, "you're not an XL anymore, you need to try a large." I thought she was just blowing smoke and trying to encourage me, but I appeased her and bought two tee shirts on vacation in size large and they do fit me well and actually are quite flattering. I have never a day in my life looked "good" or "flattering in a tee shirt.
So glad I took the risk and tried it on. I still cannot believe I own and wear a couple of size large tee shirts. I still though, like you, go first to the XL and sometimes I fall back to 2XL out of habit.
Hang in there! Keep up the good work you have done. I am proud of you!