I am disgusted with myself and need a change and It starts today

lizabellarose1234

1st and 2nd Picture are of Me Today - at my highest ever 184lbs
3rd Picture is from Nov 23' - Probably between 165lbs-175lbs
I am 36yrs old - My weight was never issue when I was younger, In HS I remember being healthy 130lbs but at times I felt like I had a "Pouch" When I was in my Early 20's I went through a "Anorexia" Stage due to Big Changes in my Life/Anxiety - When Anxious I don't eat - so I ended up losing weight when I got New Job/BF all within the same time period. For about 2 years I went from 130lbs to 100lbs or so. At first it was Due to Anxiety than After that It was almost a test of how long I could go without Eating. Being Skinny really did boost my self-esteem and I felt Great.
During this time I also had Depression and Drinking Issues - I got put on Medicine for my Mental Health - Mainly Depression - Within a year I went from that itsy bitty 100lbs to 180lbs - it was so bad people thought I was pregnant - but it was all due to the Meds I was on - somewhere extremely famous for weight gain, but at the time I didn't know that, and frankly didn't care.
So, Fastward about 10 years - After many Med Changes/On and Off of Birth Control - I went from 180lbs to 160lbs now I am back to 180lbs - I think I gained and lost weight due to Birth Control but it all contributes to my Eating Habits - I used to care about much I ate - Now I just eat what I am craving for - and Usually I can't just eat 1 Cookie - it's always the whole package - of whatever it is that I am eating.
I am sick and tired of being "Fat" I believe I have Heartburn/Back Pain due to it - so I gather up on Bunch of Fruits and Veggies and Keep track of my progress on here - When I get the feeling to eat at least it will be something healthy now.
Wish me Luck - All Advice or Tips are Welcomed -

robertw486

First..... be a little more kind to yourself.

It sounds like you have managed to cross a lot of hurdles in your life, and if anything you should know that you can cross over this roadblock as well. There are loads and loads of resources here. Read the stickies, follow the forums for advice, find friends that "fit" for you and give you the level of motivation or accountability you need. Avoid extremes, in both exercise or diet, lifestyle change, etc. If you don't think you can make it stick long term, don't waste time on it but break it down into smaller chunks you can accomplish.

I tend to think that weight control is VERY individual. What works for me might not work for the next 10 people, but if it works for me that is all that matters. Find the balance of health and mental health, and don't drive yourself to a meltdown over goals, but instead find ways to keep your head in the game and get to where you want to go. Find your own triggers, traits, issues, strong points, motivations, where you can be flexible, where being rigid is a better choice, etc, etc.


If health and weight control were easy, everybody would be at a healthy weight and in shape. For most people it's never quite that easy.


And for the record, I don't think you need luck. You just need to find your reasons for really wanting the change. And from there you will. If you have defeated an anorexic stage in your life, you can defeat this as well. So rather than wish you luck, I'll wish you an easier path in finding what works for you.

lizabellarose1234

robertw486 wrote: »

First..... be a little more kind to yourself.

It sounds like you have managed to cross a lot of hurdles in your life, and if anything you should know that you can cross over this roadblock as well. There are loads and loads of resources here. Read the stickies, follow the forums for advice, find friends that "fit" for you and give you the level of motivation or accountability you need. Avoid extremes, in both exercise or diet, lifestyle change, etc. If you don't think you can make it stick long term, don't waste time on it but break it down into smaller chunks you can accomplish.

I tend to think that weight control is VERY individual. What works for me might not work for the next 10 people, but if it works for me that is all that matters. Find the balance of health and mental health, and don't drive yourself to a meltdown over goals, but instead find ways to keep your head in the game and get to where you want to go. Find your own triggers, traits, issues, strong points, motivations, where you can be flexible, where being rigid is a better choice, etc, etc.


If health and weight control were easy, everybody would be at a healthy weight and in shape. For most people it's never quite that easy.


And for the record, I don't think you need luck. You just need to find your reasons for really wanting the change. And from there you will. If you have defeated an anorexic stage in your life, you can defeat this as well. So rather than wish you luck, I'll wish you an easier path in finding what works for you.

THANK YOU - this was very sweet and motivational - thank you

robertw486

You are quite welcome. You came across as if this has put you in a really bad mind space, and I just felt that a reminder to take care of both concerns was in order.

Being I was in a rush earlier, I didn't make time for the below thread, which I had bookmarked.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10689837/does-this-uterus-make-my-stomach-look-fat/p1

Since you mentioned your "pouch" even when thinner, I thought this might make you look at things with a differing perspective. Most of the ladies in that post would seem fit and healthy to most of us, regardless of what they see themselves. The moral of the story being, sometimes we are our own worst critics. And even if it's correct, embrace the imperfections as nothing more than that.

Another thought that goes with the above... take photos of your progress. That way when you are having down days and not feeling like you are making progress, you can look at how much you have already accomplished. This is especially helpful for some people that gain or lose in certain areas first (or last) but I think to some extent most of us are prone to at least a little body dysmorphia at times. We are so intent on our goals we see flaws most wouldn't.