Paying my daughter to run....
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I am in a similar situation with my 12 year old daughter. She sounds exactly like your daughter, except her appetite is from her father, not me.
Like you, I have tried to motivate her in every way I could think of. Frankly, I never thought of paying her. My feelings about it are mixed. Honestly. But, I am sitting here really considering it. Really!
It sux to be overweight in middle school. It sux to be overweight at any age, but you already feel so insecure with all the hormones raging. And, I have a funny feeling the pediatric nurse practitioner who does her check ups every year, would probably support the idea if I told her about it.
Sorry I didn't really offer any advice. But, at least you know you are not alone in this.
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I think what your doing is a good idea. It is helping her physically. Don't worry about what other people think. If you didn't do this and she got worse people would talk than too. Do what is best for her and you never know, she might love running later on. Keep up the good work!0
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I don't really have anything against you trying to motivate your kid
Just another idea - maybe try to find ways to keep her active that are outside the norm - I hated running and sports as a kid but when I got to late middle school I started riding horses and working at a farm, its not running but I burned alot of calories walking around the farm for hours taking care of the horses and lost alot of weight. I was a band geek in middle school and when I got to high school I was able to join marching band which is also great exercise. I think encouraging her to exercise is a great idea but if she doesnt really like running maybe she can find something she does like that keeps her healthy and happy mentally too
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If you see those people again, ask them if they pay their kids to do chores, because technically that's child labor. So shame on them.
I never got paid for doing chores, it's called responsibility and growing up.
I think if that's what helps your daughter run and will help her health and her scoliosis more power to you!!! She doesn't see it now, but if that helps that problem I bet she'll thank you down the line for keeping on her about that!!!0 -
I think it's a great idea. I have offered my stepdaughter (who is almost 20) a trip to NYC for the day (she loves it there) as a reward for when we both hit our first major weight/fitness goal. It keeps us both on track, it's a reward for our hard work, and an incentive to keep going on the bad days.0
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My daughter is your ordinary 10 yr old these days except she has scoliosis. Her scoliosis is minor and can be corrected some what with a chiropractor,basic exercise and targeted core work according to her physicians. That was not the news she wanted to hear because... she loves to be on her electronics of all types and not very active while having her momma's appetite. I had her playing soccer and she hated it bc she hates running, had her in soft ball and she thought it was boring and I was going to put her in gymnastics, but she kept breaking her right wrist... Since she has started 5th grade all she wants to do is come do her HW (which is great) and then watch TV or play games until bed... so last night I decided I need to do something different to try and motivate her. We went to the track and Oh my goodness she complained and came up with every excuse not to run until I offered to pay her $1 for every lap around the track. Light switched turned on and she immediately took off running and "Boom" 1 mile down.
Sooo next thing you know people were saying "How great it is that she likes to run" and "How long has she been running?" and when I told them what was going on they immediately changed their tune and told me I was a terrible person for making my 10 yr old exercise and how I was giving her an image complex.
Maybe I am in the wrong, but I feel as if it my responsibility to have her healthy in every aspect of her life, which should obviously include her over all health.
I don't see anything wrong with that. Children don't foresee long-term results/consequences as we are brought up to do as we age/mature. Giving her an immediate reward might put her and make her stay on track until she's old/wise enough to understand the reasons exercise are good for her, besides the extra allowance.0 -
There's nothing wrong with doing this - because it isn't about her image. She has been told that, for the good of her health, she should exercise, and at ten years of age she doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with something like that. Kids think they're indestructible; they think nothing can hurt them, and that everything takes care of itself. So sometimes yes, other types of motivation need to come into play.
When she's old enough to really understand, you can explain why you did it, and explain the reasons that she needs to exercise. At that point, she will be mature enough to make up her own mind.. but until then, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job.0 -
Oh yes, I run with her! I'm hoping maybe one day she and I can do one of those fun 5k obstacle courses! She loves goofy and fun things so this would be right up our ally's! And no, I would never tell my child this is for weight loss and to look good when you're older. My family is already pre-dispositioned to diabetes, heart problems etc etc, all I want for her to be happy and healthy. Hopefully I can instill a healthy and active lifestyle that she takes with her for life.0
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That's awesome, it's a great way to teach her consequences and how she can earn money through hard work. These are both VERY good things for her to learn. I would also have a negative consequence when she doesn't run for x number of days she owes you money0
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Oh yes, I run with her! I'm hoping maybe one day she and I can do one of those fun 5k obstacle courses! She loves goofy and fun things so this would be right up our ally's! And no, I would never tell my child this is for weight loss and to look good when you're older. My family is already pre-dispositioned to diabetes, heart problems etc etc, all I want for her to be happy and healthy. Hopefully I can instill a healthy and active lifestyle that she takes with her for life.
When she is 13 you guys could do the ROC Race together. www.rocrace.com It's a bunch of fun!!!0 -
Am I the only one thinking it's not a good idea? It's like when you go to the doctor and they shove a prescription to you without really listening what's wrong. If your daughter is capable of running like that, isn't there any other way to encourage a healthy lifestyle except when linking it to money? Health isn't a chore, it's not school homework, but it's supposed to be the foundation of a balanced existence, which is why I think it's a bad decision to pick the easy way rather than dig deeper to know what is actually going on in her mind. Exercise should be as normal as breathing in my opinion; it just happens.0
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you are having her run to help her scoliosis not b/c she is fat right? Then I don't see a problem as long as you encouarage a healthy body image as well.0
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Can you sign her up for sports so she can exercise with friends? I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. I just think that there's other ways to get her active. I think the best way to KEEP her motivated is to introduce her to an healthy lifestyle with active friends that she wants to play with.
If you still want to pay/reward her, you can take her and her friends out for frozen yogurt or bring them over for snacks after games.
I see nothing wrong with paying her for laps. You're encouraging good behavior. You're motivating her and you're succeeding! Screw what the haters think.0 -
I don't see a problem, but perhaps try finding something she actually enjoys. . . if she likes electronics, maybe try some of the XBox Dance/Fitness games? Those are how I get my techy boyfriend to work out. LOL0
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I'm jumping on the "ain't nothing wrong with that" bandwagon. Personally, I'm not a fan of paying kids to do what they are minimally supposed to do (e.g. clean after yourself), but for doing above and beyond. It sounds like you may've created a monster and might go broke in the process though! :laugh:
Personally, I wish that my Mom had tied my allowance to exercise rather than chores but hindsight is 20-20.0 -
I'd say it's kinda like giving kids allowances to do chores. Motivation in money form is the best motivation - even today and I'm almost 35!
Unless you are paying her to run because she needs to lose weight or you are telling her she's "fat", I see no reason to stop! I'd say 10-13 are the most impressionable years on a young girl when their bodies are changing, growth spurts happen, etc. I think this running thing will either give her a good tool later or at least instill a healthy relationship with exercise for the future. Just so she knows the track team doesn't pay you to run! LOl0 -
She's a kid, and it's a parent's job to motivate their children. This includes being an example.
I think your bribery is cute, but she knows what you're doing. Those dollars add up and will soon buy her something she wants. She might use it against you one day. :bigsmile:
Wonderful you are running with her too.0 -
With her electronics and how kids are nowadays you should look for an app or something she can use to track her progress and kind of make it a game that way.. Gotta think when we were younger it was all playing outside, we didn't really sit in front of the tv or play video games.. things are different now.
I used to cut people's grass for $5 or get paid for chores around the house, I don't see how giving them an incentive is wrong.. at least they are learning to be responsible and that to get money they need to do something.. better than the parents nowadays that give their kids $50 a week to do absolutely nothing and be absolute monsters.0 -
Great idea, sometimes it's good to make things that can be hard a little more fun and exciting.0
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No no, she isn't over weight at all. She is average height and weight. And I'm not doing this as a chore, but trying to spark some interest, while getting her active in something aside from today's electronics obsession. Sitting down and doing nothing aside from playing on an ipad does nothing for her CORE, which does nothing to help improve her scoliosis condition. And I personally loathe the obsession kids have with electronics.0
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Why does she have to run? If she hates it why make her do it? Can't you find her something that she absolutely loves to do that doesn't require you to bribe her?
I think everyone should be active but as a kid I HATED running. My mom knew this so she had me do other things, we tried dance... I hated it, we tried skating... I hit my head and was blind for 3 days haven't been on skates since. I went skiing in the winter, and during the summer I played ball until I hurt myself and couldn't do it anymore, and did swimming and in the fall I played volleyball. But before I found things I loved I did a lot of things, if I hated it we would move on.
I think it is imperative to find something that she loves to do - the chances of her sticking with it are a lot greater because as soon as you stop paying her to run she will probably stop running. Running might be your thing, but maybe it is just not her thing and that is OK too, so long as she is up and moving and doing something other than watching TV.0 -
I'd remove the electronics for a while.
I don't see anything wrong with paying her to run if it's going to help her in the long run with her spine, however if you don't find another way to motivate her either she'll loose interest again or you'll go broke. You have to find a way to motivate her, otherwise it's not a sustainable lifestyle, she'll never learn the reward for being active and she'll end up sitting on the couch again.0 -
the problem with motivating her this way is that a) it'll cost you a fortune and b) she won't want to run when she's not being paid
I hate running and I've always hated running. I love skating though. So don't assume that because she hates running that it means she hates all exercise. Has her physio specifically said she has to *run*? I hate a lot of sports, including running and baseball type games. If you hate running then you usually hate sports that require a lot of running. However I love skating and love ice hockey. I also like other contact/fighting sports. I'm not unathletic, I just suck at running. Having studied a little biomechanics, I can see why, because my leg proportions are suited to skating/hill running (which are biomechanically similar to each other), and are not good for running on level terrain.
I'm a firm believer that there's a sport out there for everyone, so don't give up on finding one that she likes and is good at. Hopefully it won't cost you as much as paying her to run will. But IMO there's nothing bad about paying her to run, other than the two points I made right at the start, and point b) will probably also be true if you never pay her to run. I'm trying to think how much I'd have to be paid to run around a track.... but I'll skate around an ice rink for hours without anyone paying me anything, in fact I'll pay to do it!!0 -
She wants to do gymnastics, but we have been advised against it due to all of her broken bones... So she said she wants to do dance and we have her signed up to start in 2 weeks. I'm praying she really likes it and sticks with it.0
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Am I the only one thinking it's not a good idea? It's like when you go to the doctor and they shove a prescription to you without really listening what's wrong. If your daughter is capable of running like that, isn't there any other way to encourage a healthy lifestyle except when linking it to money? Health isn't a chore, it's not school homework, but it's supposed to be the foundation of a balanced existence, which is why I think it's a bad decision to pick the easy way rather than dig deeper to know what is actually going on in her mind. Exercise should be as normal as breathing in my opinion; it just happens.
Exercise should be, however, how many kids do you really see exercising or doing things. She's stated her kid already tried sports and refused...So should she punish her if she won't run? She - like her other friends - are hooked on 'tronics. They probably want to text and email each other, and as I was once a teenage girl, that will only get worse the older she gets she'll want to spend more time with her friends and talking about boys. This might get her to love running. I never thought I'd like it, I'm just now starting out and got Zombies, Run 5k training app.
What's the difference in paying her for running vs paying her for chores? None, they both can be considered a chore. She's not making it about weight, but the girl has Scoliosis and this will help. I guarantee the girl will thank her mom down the line for this.0 -
I don't think you are an awful mother...I do think by paying her she is not learning about being healthy. Since she is only 10 why not control what food is in the home, the amount of time spent with electronics, and exercise as family. There are so many fun things for you people to do and stay fit. I would just caution not to be obsessed with weight and size but more with health and feelings physically strong.
I know many people who are " thin" but they are not strong, healthy, or happy....0 -
If your daughter needs to exercise for health reasons (scoliosis), and this works, then I say good for you. Whether you will give her body issues really depends on other things including your attitude towards her weight and your own weight.0
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Bribes are cool. My boys play hockey - I pay them for assists, but will NOT pay them for goals (makes a selfish hockey player)
Lol. We do this too. I have two boys in hockey. One ALWAYS assists (because he is too nervous to shoot at the goalie) so we pay him for goals. The other always wants to score himself so we pay him to assist.
One of our sons would never turn his homework in. He would complete it at home but then not turn it in. It drove me crazy. Finally, in desperation, we offered to pay him to turn his homework in. Fifty cents a day. The catch was that if he didn't turn it in, he owed us fifty cents. It really motivated him in the beginning of the year, but the motivation started lagging towards the middle and he owed us as much as we owed him.
I think this is a great tool to start her running but I think you need to have an end game in mind. When are you going to stop paying her? At what point do the laps become secondary to money? If she starts running 30 laps a week for 4 weeks are you really going to pay her $120 a month indefinitely? Talk it over with her now and let her know that there is a cap on the money you will give her, but that you can find other ways to reward her for making goals. Maybe if she reaches 25 laps a week for a month, you give her $10 and take her to the movies just the two of you. If she reaches 35 laps a weeks for a month, you pay $15 and go get pedicures together.
Edit: typo0 -
She wants to do gymnastics, but we have been advised against it due to all of her broken bones... So she said she wants to do dance and we have her signed up to start in 2 weeks. I'm praying she really likes it and sticks with it.
Why so many broken bones? Is it just bad form? Since she's seeing a doctor has she been tested for Vitamin D deficiency?0 -
lol... No she used to be a dare devil. Climbed a tree and fell 15 feet down and her left arm broke and twisted in 2 diff places-required 3 surgeries. Not even a yr later she was doing flips on the monkey bars during recess and fell onto her right wrist and broke it, two yrs later she fell of the rock climbing wall at school and re broker her right wrist. She is unfortunately clumsy like me.0
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