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geminievee
Posts: 10 Member
How does one respond to ‘when told that you are big’ in other words you need to lose weight. They don’t know the process, how stressful every day is,food choices.
This is not an overnight solution.
This is not an overnight solution.
6
Best Answers
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I’m trying to imagine a context in which someone telling you this would be appropriate. I’m at a loss. You owe no one a response for this. Ignore these extremely rude people.5
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Depending on who said that to you, you might not need to respond at all.
Rudeness doesn’t need to be shown any further attention.
If this was a casual “friend” they wouldn’t be a friend anymore.
If a doctor? Yelp reviews are a tool I’ve used before.
If a relative? Especially if it’s someone you live with?
I would be firm but direct.
You’re working on it.
Their comment was not helpful.
You won’t be discussing it with them any further.
At least that’s how I would handle this.6 -
geminievee wrote: »How long should I change calories when they scale does not move. It’s only been 14 days,2 weeks into this journey.
IMO, don't switch up until at least 4-6 weeks, or at minimum one full menstrual cycle (if you have those, to compare body weight at the same relative point in at least two different cycles).
The first two weeks can be pretty weird (water weight fluctuations, among other factors). If you go on for another 2-4 weeks, and the first two weeks look very unusual compared to what follows, drop the first two weeks from your analysis before adjusting calorie goals.1
Answers
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I don't disagree with the above, but IMO context also matters, and you haven't given us much context. Mainly, I'd want to understand what the person's intentions were, and the situation in which it was said.
If something like that is said in private by someone close to the person, out of concerns for that person's health, that's one thing. Sometimes people might use phrasing like that because they don't want to use words like "fat". I understand that that still hurts. But if it's out of genuine concern, it's a difficult and awkward conversation on both sides.
At the other extreme, if it was said in some kind of social setting with other people, and meant as a jab or insult, that's absolutely rude and inappropriate. (It can also be rude and inappropriate short of intentionally being meant to be so.) I tend not to want to go low when someone else does, so might go with a response like "why do you think that's an appropriate thing to say to/about anyone?"
I'm so sorry that you've had this hurtful experience!8 -
MargaretYakoda wrote: »Depending on who said that to you, you might not need to respond at all.
Rudeness doesn’t need to be shown any further attention.
If this was a casual “friend” they wouldn’t be a friend anymore.
If a doctor? Yelp reviews are a tool I’ve used before.
If a relative? Especially if it’s someone you live with?
I would be firm but direct.
You’re working on it.
Their comment was not helpful.
You won’t be discussing it with them any further.
At least that’s how I would handle this.
Are you implying that a physician should not let someone know that their size is a concern and it would be beneficial to lose weight? And if they do, they deserve a negative review online?
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MargaretYakoda wrote: »Depending on who said that to you, you might not need to respond at all.
Rudeness doesn’t need to be shown any further attention.
If this was a casual “friend” they wouldn’t be a friend anymore.
If a doctor? Yelp reviews are a tool I’ve used before.
If a relative? Especially if it’s someone you live with?
I would be firm but direct.
You’re working on it.
Their comment was not helpful.
You won’t be discussing it with them any further.
At least that’s how I would handle this.
Are you implying that a physician should not let someone know that their size is a concern and it would be beneficial to lose weight? And if they do, they deserve a negative review online?
I'm not the one you quoted but will chime in. Doctors should absolutely let patients know in a matter of fact way the health consequences of being overweight and guide them to resources to aid them in losing it.
However, I'm hoping a doctor would use more professional language than "you are big."1 -
My doctor told me every single visit that weight loss would help my GERD, and handed me the same elimination diet printout every single visit.
She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.
Later, my gastroenterologist made the comment to me, very gently, that weight loss would help with the GERD. He followed that with “if I can do it, you can do it”.
That made me pay attention. No one had every framed it that way before.
A couple months later, after yet another elimination diet flyer and this time a new thyroid prescription, the penny dropped. I didn’t want to go on the medication after reading the pharmacy insert. I found that diet flyer on the floorboard and followed it to the T. Ninety days later I went in 20+ pounds lighter and asked for a retest. She told me not to take it.
I have had no bigger cheerleader than the doctor who told me to lose weight.
TBH if I read a review of a doctor calling a patient fat, having been fat myself, I would shrug and think “self deluded reviewer, doctor simply doing what a doctor’s supposed to do.”
Her job is not to coddle me or maintain the status quo, it’s to look out for my health, even if it hurts my feelings.5 -
Anyway @geminievee welcome To MFP.
How can we help you to stay the course? Losing a large amount of weight has changed my life.
We are all here to help you have the same experience. No judgment.here.
I’d be the first person to call “old me” fat, and save everyone else the breath.3 -
kshama2001 wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Depending on who said that to you, you might not need to respond at all.
Rudeness doesn’t need to be shown any further attention.
If this was a casual “friend” they wouldn’t be a friend anymore.
If a doctor? Yelp reviews are a tool I’ve used before.
If a relative? Especially if it’s someone you live with?
I would be firm but direct.
You’re working on it.
Their comment was not helpful.
You won’t be discussing it with them any further.
At least that’s how I would handle this.
Are you implying that a physician should not let someone know that their size is a concern and it would be beneficial to lose weight? And if they do, they deserve a negative review online?
I'm not the one you quoted but will chime in. Doctors should absolutely let patients know in a matter of fact way the health consequences of being overweight and guide them to resources to aid them in losing it.
However, I'm hoping a doctor would use more professional language than "you are big."
I'm not sure technical terms ("overweight", "obese", "high body fat", "would benefit from weight loss", etc.) would necessarily land lots more gently for anyone and everyone who's sensitive about their weight, though.
I absolutely can understand feeling hurt by "big", especially in an inappropriate context to mention body weight, but it's not the most extremely nasty way of putting it, either.
I'd assume OP wasn't hearing this from a doctor, and I care about her feelings regardless, but there's no context here. All we can do is guess/assume (and sympathize, since probably most of us have heard similar stuff).0 -
How long should I change calories when they scale does not move. It’s only been 14 days,2 weeks into this journey.0
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IMO, don't switch up until at least 4-6 weeks, or at minimum one full menstrual cycle (if you have those, to compare body weight at the same relative point in at least two different cycles).
The first two weeks can be pretty weird (water weight fluctuations, among other factors). If you go on for another 2-4 weeks, and the first two weeks look very unusual compared to what follows, drop the first two weeks from your analysis before adjusting calorie goals.
@AnnPT77 ,Thank you. I lost 2.5lbs the first 2 weeks,then my weight went back after those quick whooshes.0 -
geminievee wrote: »IMO, don't switch up until at least 4-6 weeks, or at minimum one full menstrual cycle (if you have those, to compare body weight at the same relative point in at least two different cycles).
The first two weeks can be pretty weird (water weight fluctuations, among other factors). If you go on for another 2-4 weeks, and the first two weeks look very unusual compared to what follows, drop the first two weeks from your analysis before adjusting calorie goals.
@AnnPT77 ,Thank you. I lost 2.5lbs the first 2 weeks,then my weight went back after those quick whooshes.
A common scenario is to lose some fat plus some water weight in the first week or two, then water weight rebalances and that masks ongoing fat loss on the scale.
Day to day water weight fluctuations can easily be multiple pounds. Even fast fat loss is a mere few ounces per day.
This thread is a good read, especially the article linked in the first post, if you haven't already run across it:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10683010/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-fluctuations/p1
It's informative, and possibly reassuring.
Water weight fluctuations are part of how a healthy body stays healthy. Generally, our bodies know what they're doing. We really don't want to meddle with that.
Hang in there. Patience and persistence - plus adjusting after enough weeks of data are in - lead to success. You can do this!2 -
Once again, for those of you in the back row (because I know the front row is tired of it! 😜)
If you’ve upped your exercise at the same time you started MFP, don’t forget, soreness stiffness or pain (hopefully not!) from new exercise means temporary water weight. Your body retains water, directs it to soreness or injury to repair and heal, and flushes it in a few days.
Sooooo many people throw themselves into new calorie counting and begin new exercise at the same time
They come here, frustrated they haven’t lost weight and have no idea those squat-sore thighs are hanging onto two or three pounds or more of temporary water weight, which either masks what they’re losing or makes it appear they’ve gained weight while using MFP.
Sooooo many one-time posts “MFP doesn’t work for me” and they disappear, having zero idea it was a temporary gain.
Just be aware of that. Water gain also applies post-surgery, airplane cabin pressure, long driving trips, too many (ahem) pretzels (😖) etc etc etc.7 -
springlering62 wrote: »Once again, for those of you in the back row (because I know the front row is tired of it! 😜)
If you’ve upped your exercise at the same time you started MFP, don’t forget, soreness stiffness or pain (hopefully not!) from new exercise means temporary water weight. Your body retains water, directs it to soreness or injury to repair and heal, and flushes it in a few days.
Sooooo many people throw themselves into new calorie counting and begin new exercise at the same time
They come here, frustrated they haven’t lost weight and have no idea those squat-sore thighs are hanging onto two or three pounds or more of temporary water weight, which either masks what they’re losing or makes it appear they’ve gained weight while using MFP.
Sooooo many one-time posts “MFP doesn’t work for me” and they disappear, having zero idea it was a temporary gain.
Just be aware of that. Water gain also applies post-surgery, airplane cabin pressure, long driving trips, too many (ahem) pretzels (😖) etc etc etc.
There doesn't even necessarily need to be soreness. Water retention will be there pretty much anytime the body needs to repair, as it will after any somewhat challenging new exercise.
Main point: 100%+ agree. Just thinking of people out there thinking "but I'm not sore".
Digestive waste in transit can do similar, maybe usually a bit smaller magnitude, for people who switch from lots of highly-processed food to lots of veggies, fruits, and grains . . . especially if they lowball fats in pursuit of lower calories and get the pipes jammed up. We need fats for various reasons. Smooth digestive transit is one of them.
We also need water in that formula, but new folks seem more likely to overdo that like it was some kind of religious ritual, vs. not getting enough.0 -
springlering62 wrote: »Once again, for those of you in the back row (because I know the front row is tired of it! 😜)
If you’ve upped your exercise at the same time you started MFP, don’t forget, soreness stiffness or pain (hopefully not!) from new exercise means temporary water weight. Your body retains water, directs it to soreness or injury to repair and heal, and flushes it in a few days.
Sooooo many people throw themselves into new calorie counting and begin new exercise at the same time
They come here, frustrated they haven’t lost weight and have no idea those squat-sore thighs are hanging onto two or three pounds or more of temporary water weight, which either masks what they’re losing or makes it appear they’ve gained weight while using MFP.
Sooooo many one-time posts “MFP doesn’t work for me” and they disappear, having zero idea it was a temporary gain.
Just be aware of that. Water gain also applies post-surgery, airplane cabin pressure, long driving trips, too many (ahem) pretzels (😖) etc etc etc.
There doesn't even necessarily need to be soreness. Water retention will be there pretty much anytime the body needs to repair, as it will after any somewhat challenging new exercise.
Main point: 100%+ agree. Just thinking of people out there thinking "but I'm not sore".
Digestive waste in transit can do similar, maybe usually a bit smaller magnitude, for people who switch from lots of highly-processed food to lots of veggies, fruits, and grains . . . especially if they lowball fats in pursuit of lower calories and get the pipes jammed up. We need fats for various reasons. Smooth digestive transit is one of them.
We also need water in that formula, but new folks seem more likely to overdo that like it was some kind of religious ritual, vs. not getting enough.
And don’t forget the “I drank 2 gallons of water per day and can’t lose “ crew1 -
MargaretYakoda wrote: »Depending on who said that to you, you might not need to respond at all.
Rudeness doesn’t need to be shown any further attention.
If this was a casual “friend” they wouldn’t be a friend anymore.
If a doctor? Yelp reviews are a tool I’ve used before.
If a relative? Especially if it’s someone you live with?
I would be firm but direct.
You’re working on it.
Their comment was not helpful.
You won’t be discussing it with them any further.
At least that’s how I would handle this.
Are you implying that a physician should not let someone know that their size is a concern and it would be beneficial to lose weight? And if they do, they deserve a negative review online?
Bedside manner is a thing.
Yes, physicians should address things that impact their patient’s health. No, that’s not an excuse to be rude about it.
My Yelp review for a very bad doctor was in regards to extreme mistreatment - including screaming in my face that I was “a waste of every doctor’s time” and that she would not give me a referral to a different neurologist.
I had consulted her to monitor my very real and obvious on mri meningioma.
I have symptoms of a balance disorder. Officially diagnosed by an ENT as Ménières.
I told her at our first appointment that I was only there to monitor the (benign) brain tumor. She decided to put me through some tests I never asked for (I do understand why…. But that’s not the point here)
After about two years of her telling me she was sure it was a few different things that the tests didn’t actually confirm, I had begun to experience some new and concerning symptoms. I tried to begin to tell her.
And she just went off on me out of the blue.
That was right after Christmas 2019.
I spent all of 2020 absolutely convinced that I was a waste of every doctor’s time. That no doctor - especially not during the throes of the worst of the pandemic - would ever take me seriously. As my condition got worse and worse.
Then, one morning in 2021 I woke up unable to feel my toes.
I still was extremely reluctant to speak to a doctor so instead of going to the walk in clinic I just decided to check my blood glucose with my husband’s monitor.
My fasting glucose was 275.
I had diabetes.
The neurologist got the review she deserved.
Had she done an A1C in the lab right next to her office? Instead of abusing me like she did? And yes. It was abuse…. I dunno. I might still be able to feel my toes right now.
Because once I got that diagnosis I snapped into immediate and very good control.
I have zero regrets about leaving that review.
Zero.
Reiterating my point: Yes, physicians should address things that impact their patient’s health. No, that’s not an excuse to be rude about it.
And emphasizing my point: if a medical professional is outright abusive to a patient, the very least they should receive is a bad yelp review.4
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