Food Demonization

Fat_Bottomed_Girl

I get very frustrated by my partner demonizing food. I suspect this is because my father does the same. "Sugar is EVIL" in their minds, and I grew up being forced to live this lifestyle, outside of my control. However, I think my partner is showing signs of disordered eating in regard to food and food demonization. He has simply "lost the taste for food" and eats solely for nutrition (while failing to ensure he is getting all the necessary nutrients, but DOES take supplements.) Examples? He will eat "a few bites of cottage cheese" some canned pumpkin straight out of the can, doused with cinnamon, salmon for dinner more often than not. He is far from "skinny" as am I, however I DO NOT "practice what I preach", mostly due to a very stressful and busy lifestyle. Of course I'm working on this, and have no problem maintaining a healthy BMI when I am eating in the manner I promote. However I track my food AND nutrients on Cronometer to ensure I am meeting FDA nutrient guidelines. I feel like I don't have a leg to stand on due to being overweight while I make my arguments with him, but he won't eat past 7pm, says he doesn't "want" bread because "it's processed" and turns to SUGAR 👺 which keeps him up at night, and even argued with me that PROTEIN (in regular quantities) turns to the DREADED SUGAR ??? and keeps him from sleeping if consumed too late. I feel like he is turning into a self fulfilling prophecy and I am no longer enjoying my life with him. I say "all things in moderation", including CALORIES, as well as sugar, carbs and processed foods. I do understand his perspective, but I think he is reading too much IG influencer BS. What kind of scientific information can I provide supporting that generally healthy people can eat carbs processed foods or God forbid partake in a charcuterie platter once a year and still remain healthy, card carrying members of society? I think he's truly dealing with a mid-life crisis and is caught up in all the fear-mongering. Any advice, or am I missing something? I am coming very close to ending things over his "yucking my yum", but I also want him to just "relax" a bit for his OWN mental health...

KareninCanada

I agree - if you can both live and let live, I think you'll both be happier.

Fwiw, for me moderation = failure and relapse. It does not work. Your husband may be the same.

When I was introduced to the concept of having food boundaries and treating this like an addiction, it was a light bulb moment. Now I am operating on food boundaries, kinder self-talk, making commitments instead of daily decisions, habit stacking, and pursuing future health instead of punishing the past. It's overall a lot happier.

AnnPT77

Have you considered couples counseling? Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm sensing some . . . um . . . strong commitment? . . . to opinions on both sides here. Is there more to this than individual food preferences?

I do agree with you more, as you present this, but I also feel like couples can disagree about this sort of thing without it becoming a need to manage the partner's behavior. For example, I don't see what's profoundly wrong with eating only for nutrition (some people are weird that way even if doing it semi-poorly, with eating cottage cheese or pumpkin/cinnamon from the can (sounds tasty, efficient)). But maybe I'm wrong, like I said.

Agreeing not to dispute about it, while each doing their own thing, could be an option, perhaps?

(NB: I was married for 21 years; widowed, not divorced. No, he didn't eat himself to death, but believe me we were 2 quite different people behaviorally in various ways. On the eating front, I'm a long-time vegetarian (since before we were together), he was a hunter and omnivore with a taste for all the eye-widening meats (tripe, calamari, etc.). We never argued over it. I don't think mutual support necessarily involves everyone doing things the same way, or believing the same things in every instance.)

csplatt

Then don’t argue with him. Let him believe what he wants. Just worry about yourself. My husband and I have different views on medication. I try to avoid it and he’s a pharmacist. We have had talks about it intentionally over our 20 yr marriage to better understand each other but stopped trying to convince each other of anything a long, long time ago. We each have our beliefs and we just don’t bring them up.

SoCalSwimmerDude

I wasn’t aware this was a couples advice app.

Good lawd.

perryc05

I'm thinking you should consider some counselling. Our eating habits and their underlying psychology can be quite complex and are worth investigating.