Motivational techniques please

sameoldbrandnewme

42 years old, 126.4kgs, 5ft 10ins, 42ins waist, 37.8% body fat.

Today I have let myself down again. I am committed to Dr Nowzaradan's plan of high protein and 1200 calories a day. It was fine until lunchtime and then me and the wife had an argument and then...... McDonalds.....A big Mac, double quarter pounder and a large banana milkshake later and I'm feeling sorry for myself.

This is happening on a regular basis and I can't seem to avoid sabotaging myself. I am now trying this daily entry to hold myself accountable. However much I want the final result I'm finding it impossible to motivate myself. This really sounds like I am making excuses but I'm really struggling. I don't like what I see in the mirror, I am concerned about loose skin after any significant weight loss and stressful situations always take me back to good and or drink.

Does anyone have any motivational ideas? I need something harsh, something that I can't get away from.

Alatariel75

1200 is WAY too low, and eating so few calories with make you hungry, hangry, and lead to a lack of self control. It will also lead to loose skin because you will lose fast, and you will lose muscle.

1200 is the minimum recommended calories for a small woman.

Have a read of these useful posts to get an idea how how and what you should be eating for optimal loss without sacrificing your health:

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10300331/most-helpful-posts-getting-started-must-reads#latest

Corina1143

No wonder you're mad. No wonder you fight with your wife. No wonder you can't stay on track. You're HUNGRY!
Yes, you are sabotaging yourself.
You have set your goal on certain failure.
Harsh enough?
Truth.

SafariGalNYC

I stead of throwing in the towel when you get stressed…. Decide that eating good and staying on your plan makes you feel more empowered.

Find a great challenge to join with like minded buddies may help.

AnnPT77

sameoldbrandnewme wrote: »

42 years old, 126.4kgs, 5ft 10ins, 42ins waist, 37.8% body fat.

Today I have let myself down again.

Please don't think of it that way. Catastrophizing, dramatizing: Not helpful.

It's one day when your plan didn't serve you well. That's it. Think about how to modify your plan to avoid repeats, imagine that new approach vividly in your head to help solidify the plan, then let it go. (Log what you ate, even if you decide eating it wasn't a great idea.)

One day is a drop in the ocean, and the rest of your life is the ocean. Revise your plan, get back on track absolutely as quickly as possible. None of this "the day is ruined, start again tomorrow" stuff. None of "starve myself to make up for it". If you're hungry later today, eat something. Have a better day tomorrow.

I am committed to Dr Nowzaradan's plan of high protein and 1200 calories a day.

Are you under close medical supervision by Dr. Nowzaradan or other medical professionals, to avoid deficiencies or complications? If not, if it were me, I'd probably go for a less risky, more achievable plan. High protein is good, but maybe think about losing 0.5-1% of your current weight per week, tops.

It was fine until lunchtime and then me and the wife had an argument and then...... McDonalds.....A big Mac, double quarter pounder and a large banana milkshake later and I'm feeling sorry for myself.

If the problem isn't nutrition or energy level, the best solution isn't food. Think about what the root cause is, and make a plan for dealing with that directly.

To me, this sounds like eating for emotional soothing. No shame, lots of us do that. But what it suggests is a need for a more direct way of dealing with those emotions, or with the stress if that's more what it is.

Options some other people use: Meditation or prayer, mild exercise (like a walk), nice warm shower or even aromatherapy bubble bath, calming music, absorbing/distracting hobby activity, journaling . . . etc. If the problem is more intractable, there should be no stigma about consulting a professional. We call plumbers when we have problems with the pipes, mechanics when the car isn't running ideally . . . consulting a counselor/therapist is the same kind of thing, when we're struggling with thought patterns.

This is happening on a regular basis and I can't seem to avoid sabotaging myself. I am now trying this daily entry to hold myself accountable. However much I want the final result I'm finding it impossible to motivate myself. This really sounds like I am making excuses but I'm really struggling. I don't like what I see in the mirror, I am concerned about loose skin after any significant weight loss and stressful situations always take me back to good and or drink.

I feel like many people anticipate worse loose skin than they are really likely to experience, once they get to goal weight and then allow an additional period of time for skin to keep shrinking. I looked worse part way to goal than at goal, in terms of loose skin, and worse at goal than a few months down the road in maintenance. My loose skin kept shrinking at least into year 2 of maintenance, though the rate gradually slowed. The total change was quite significant: It just took time.

If you go look in Success Stories here, you can find photos of people who've lost lots of weight. Pretty much all of them look great clothed, and most look fine even in a bathing suit or similar. Check out this thread:

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1167854/photo-only-success-stories#latest

(You may need to jump to more recent higher-numbered pages to see lots of photos: Some of the really old ones have disappeared from the internet.)

Also take a look at this, because once you get rolling, lots of good things - NSVs, Non-Scale Victories - will happen along the way.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1275030/whats-your-most-recent-nsv#latest

I'm not saying you'll have zero loose skin. There's no way to know, until you get there. Why borrow worries and troubles from the future? If you're super worried, start socking away little bits of money in case you need skin surgery. If you don't need it, you and your wife can take a nice vacation. I've seen many people here say that even with the loose skin they have right when they reach goal, they would absolutely prefer how they look and especially FEEL that way, versus still being obese.

If you're going to think now about your post-weight-loss future, focus on that: How good you'll feel. (I couldn't have imagined all the improvements, personally). How much better your health will be. How much easier the day-to-day is when not carrying those extra kilos everywhere every minute of every day. All the NSVs that will happen along the way (read that thread!).

Does anyone have any motivational ideas? I need something harsh, something that I can't get away from.

The easier you make the process, the less motivation you will need. That's what worked for me: Finding new habits that weren't super-duper hard to keep up long enough to lose a meaningful total amount of weight, then keep it off long term. (I'm in year 8 at a healthy weight now, after about 30 previous years of overweight/obesity.)

Making the process hard seems to me to suggest that being fat is a sin that we need to expiate by suffering. That just isn't true.

Sometimes, a moderate, sustainable, pretty-easy weight loss rate can get a person to goal weight in less calendar time than some extreme plan (restrictive eating, punitive exercise) that causes deprivation-triggered over-eating, breaks in the action, or even giving up altogether. If you set yourself up to lose even half a kilo per week, you'll be 26 kilos lighter by the end of the year. That's a pretty big deal.

Give it some thought. Will you realistically be 26 kilos lighter in a year if you keep your current pattern?

I don't have any "harsh" motivation for you. I don't think that works. Everyone has personal reasons to lose weight: Health, being around to see their kids grow up, improved appearance, whatever. That said, I'll put something in the spoiler you can click on to see my main reasons (but yours will differ).

I'm already pretty old (68). In general, my healthy weight, active, similar-age acquaintances have much higher quality of life than my overweight/obese, inactive similar-age ones. (I'm talking folks +/- 15 years or so).

On average, the healthy weight, active folks:

* are sick less often and less severely,
* take fewer meds (so fewer side effects and weird drug interactions, less out of pocket cost),
* need fewer surgeries and recover faster from them when they do need them,
* can eat/drink a full range of tasty things (vs. being limited by health conditions or drug contraindications),
* are mobile enough to do fun things involving lots of walking or stairs (art fairs, music festivals, stadium events, etc.),
* can do more demanding home/landscape chores themselves vs. having to pay others or depend on their children,
* stay out of needing assisted living facilities longer/later,
* have more discretionary budget $$ because of lower medical and service provider costs,
* and more.

I see some people say it's not worth losing weight or getting fitter to live longer, because that will just mean more years of decrepitude and misery late in life. That's not generally how I see it play out around me. In general, it seems like the healthy/fit elders more often have a long span of good years, then a short, sharp decline or sudden death. It's the overweight/unfit who generally seem to have decades of compromised heath and functioning, then die younger besides.

You don't have to whack me with a 2x4, y'know? Of course there are no guarantees, but there's definitely improvement of odds.

I used to have high cholesterol, high triglycerides, high blood pressure. Those things are now solidly normal, and have been for 8+ years. When they took out my gallbladder, it was an ugly, cholesterolized thing with actual holes in it. At my last visit, my primary care doc called my cholesterol "phenomenal" and wished everyone's was like that.

Having finally reached a healthy weight stupidly late in life (8+ years back, age 60) and being reasonably fit (since late 40s), my personal quality of life is dramatically better. Don't wait, that would be my advice.

Both fitness and healthy body weight were big improvements. The combination of both is gangbusters. I'm healthier and more functional at 68 than I was at 45. I want to keep that as long as possible.

I'd really like to see you succeed, even though I'm a total stranger. The results have been such a powerfully positive thing in my life; I want that for everyone.

I hope you can find a sustainable course that works for you. I'm cheering for you to succeed. If you feel up to it, maybe come back here and let us know periodically how things are going?

Just keep going. Revise your plans when things don't go perfectly, and Just Keep Going. If things get off track, get back on track ASAP, and Just Keep Going. Only giving up the effort results in failing.

You can do this.

Lietchi

Hi there and welcome!

Here are my thoughts on motivation, having lost 70+ lbs myself:

There are types of motivation. I presume you have some sort of deeper motivation for wanting to do this? Mine was and is to feel better about myself and to avoid turning into my mother (so obese that she's out of breath after any little effort, depressed,...). Have a think about that: what is your deeper reason for losing weight?

And then there's the more superficial, enthusiastic type of motivation. That motivation ('feeling like it' or raring to go) isn't what made me lose weight, it's is a finite resource and unreliable.

If I only did things I 'felt like' doing, my life would be in a sorry state 🙂 I would have rotten teeth (I don't particularly 'feel like' brushing my teeth), no one would want to be near me (washing myself or my clothes isn't the most fun thing either), my kitchen would be full of dirty dishes, my house would stink of cat poo/pee, I'd have a terrible credit score (for not paying my bills) etc.

I try to consider exercise or minding what I eat as a task like the ones mentioned above.
It helps if you keep your routine and goals more or less enjoyable: a type of exercise you enjoy doing, at a reasonable frequency (don't aim for 1 hour of exercise each and every day if you are just starting, for example); foods you enjoy, in a reasonable amount (not banning all the foods you like or having a very low calorie goal).

It's okay to skip your exercise occasionally, or perhaps put in a minimal effort instead of a good one from time to time.
Some examples:
- you could say that if its a hard day, you allow yourself the option of stopping your exercise after 15 minuten instead of the full session
- you could allow yourself a maximum number of days (for example 2) in a row to skip exercise

You could also plan for hard days:
- have some easy meals in the freezer/ fridge as a backup option when cooking seems like a giant effort or there isn't enough time
- do food prep in the weekend if you are regularly too busy on week days
- exercise in the morning if it's too hard to fit it in in the evening (or vice versa: do it in the evening if its tricky to fit in in the morning)
- always have your workout clothes ready if you think having to collect them is an extra barrier in starting a workout.
- aim for maintenance calories instead of your weight loss calorie goal on very hard days

Set small intermediate goals and change your habits gradually, don't use motivation as the foundation of your weight-loss 🙂


PS: regarding the fear of loose skin, please don't let that hold you back. I was very worried about it myself, which is why I chose to lose weight more slowly.
And in the end I do have some loose skin, BUT:
- nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be
- it's easily hidden by clothes
- it pales into insignificance compared to how great I feel at my lower weight!