Need help and motivation after widowhood

TonyaLeeC

Hi all. My world turned upside down a year ago. My best friend and husband died. It was ....the worst thing I have ever been through. I lost all motivation and basically did not care about anything. He had been on a heart and kidney diet. I had to cook for him and ate what he did. After he passed, I realized I can eat anything. I turned to food for comfort and I have a big sweet tooth. So microwave dinners, pastries, cookies. cakes..sigh. My Dr. says my numbers for pre diabetes are high. I have cut way back on the sugar and carbs and feeling better about that. I have no motivation to exercise..I was his caretaker for a year..lost a lot of wait and after I went on my sweets binge..gained it all back. I am trying but it is hard to cook healthy for one person. But I have too. I am on anti anxiety meds..just tired a lot and no motivation..But I was on here years a go and am going to try it again. Best wishes to you all. TC

AnnPT77

TonyaLeeC wrote: »

Hi all. My world turned upside down a year ago. My best friend and husband died. It was ....the worst thing I have ever been through. I lost all motivation and basically did not care about anything. He had been on a heart and kidney diet. I had to cook for him and ate what he did. After he passed, I realized I can eat anything. I turned to food for comfort and I have a big sweet tooth. So microwave dinners, pastries, cookies. cakes..sigh. My Dr. says my numbers for pre diabetes are high. I have cut way back on the sugar and carbs and feeling better about that. I have no motivation to exercise..I was his caretaker for a year..lost a lot of wait and after I went on my sweets binge..gained it all back. I am trying but it is hard to cook healthy for one person. But I have too. I am on anti anxiety meds..just tired a lot and no motivation..But I was on here years a go and am going to try it again. Best wishes to you all. TC

Hello, and welcome!

Joining here is a good step in a positive direction. Kudos to you for taking it.

Like you, I'm a widow, but have been one a lot longer, since 1998. I remember kind of sleep-walking through many days, trying to get normal feeling to seep back in, trying to figure out who I was and what I should do without my beloved husband. I was in caretaking mode for a shorter time than you, but that time did enable communication that made very clear to me that my late husband wanted me to move forward into as happy I life as I could make for myself. Doing that wasn't easy. (I was on anti-anxiety meds for a time, too.)

Mostly, I forced myself to keep going through the motions of normal life, going to my job, trying to do my best, accepting such social engagements as were offered and trying to behave appropriately at them. It was challenging, but somewhere along the way, by pushing myself in ways like that, for me things began to gel, to come together into a different but satisfying life. I'd encourage you to believe that you can achieve that kind of outcome, that it's worth investing the effort.

I do think it's hard to shift gears to cooking for one. I relied on a lot of frozen meals at first, too. Weirdly, when I finally committed seriously to weight loss in 2015 (!), that was a help to me: I got interested in food and eating again, gave more attention to planning and found more enjoyment in cooking and eating.

I found some positives in cooking for one. I could eat whatever I wanted, not considering anyone else's needs or wants. But with the focus on weight and especially health - because health improvement had been part of what made me commit to lose weight - what I wanted to eat was healthy, filling, delicious foods.

Focusing there, I got back into cooking, trying new veggies and fruits, looking at nutrients in addition to only treats and simplistic pleasures. But there absolutely was pleasure in the mix, still. After a while, a lot of grocery store baked goods and the like weren't tasty or satisfying, just too simple and cloying.

I keep things pretty simple now, but generally am cooking at home and happy with what I eat. I'm going through another short period of eating some frozen meals (recovering from an injury so low energy), but this round I'm lots more selective about the enjoyability and nutrition of the ones I buy. `

I'm not trying to say that you're like me, or that you should do what I did. We're all individuals. We need different paths. I'm just telling you about my experience over a longer time period.

If I can, I'd like to encourage you to have hope . . . hope, but also curiosity, to find out how much you really can accomplish on your own, for yourself. That would include considering how empowering that might feel to take even some small steps - like joining MFP - toward a healthy, thriving, different but happy self.

I'm cheering for you to succeed!

TonyaLeeC

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful words and encouragement. I am trying to make the changes I need to make. I have never been much of a cook. I never liked cooking. Hubby did and that was fine with me. Now I really am learning from scratch. I am half Danish so Butter and sugar are in my genes. I do like to bake. I agree, I cannot find good desserts or pastries. Definately need more fruits and veggies. Onward!

waddell88

I believe cooking is a good therapy to help uplift so much mindfulness, I love cooking and keep fit these are the things i do that keeps my mind off every limitations.

totameafox

I'm sorry for your lost Tonya. It is hard focusing on taking care of a person and then moving to just taking care of yourself. But you are worth taking care of. I don't really like cooking either but I do it now. I just cook for more than 1 meal and divide it into the servings to reheat later. Feel free to join my group for those days when you need extra support.

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/147555-speak-friend-and-enter