New to the community but not the app :)

EmberRain27

Hello everyone!

I've been on and off MyFitnessPal for at least a decade. I wanted to introduce myself and my struggle, and maybe let someone else out there see they're not alone or maybe for someone to help me see I'm not alone.

I have had a problem with my weight since first grade. Mom says I was a pretty average-weight child but I distinctly remember buying the... huskier sizes for little girls. Especially one year, we had gotten my new wardrobe from JC Penney as usual, and we bought the same size as the year before (I thought,) but when trying them on a week or so before school actually started, none of them fit. The size was 14 1/2 for girls. I believe I was 10 and from there I went right to size 15 in the Junior's section. From size 15 to 17 - to anorexia in middle school, dropping 30 pounds, only to still be wearing the same clothes comfortably - to women's 18 somewhere in the mix and eventually landing here. 34 and a women's size 22 if I'm lucky. Pushing 3X in shirts and dresses.

I will say that I'm still wearing my size 22 jeans after gaining over 30 pounds in the last 8 months, but I'm not sure how. I'm also not sure how I gained 30 pounds suddenly after discontinuing taking a water pill for high blood pressure. I can see 5 or 10, but this is insane.

I've been trying diets and exercise since I was 10 years old. I never liked being active, because I had always been chubby and exhausted. A lot of activities make me dizzy and give me headaches, which I know sounds like a cop-out and I'm afraid to say it, but I promise it's reality. Who wants to do yoga or a Richard Simmons video when you move too fast or bend over and you're sick when you stand back up? Not a 10 year old, not this 34 year old.

I enjoy food far too much and at the same time, I'm incredibly picky. It's mostly a texture problem, sometimes it's a reminder that the protein I'm eating was once... alive and my brain suddenly shuts down and I can't take another bite. I was eating MorningStar Farms products for my protein but recently, I've discovered I have a gluten intolerance (Good luck getting my doctor to believe it) and unfortunately, the second ingredient in MorningStar Farms is... wheat gluten.

I can easily buy and eat 3 pounds of cheese a week or more. My diet mostly consists of cheese sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, nachos (layer of beans, sour cream, cheese), and the bag of tortilla chips by my side. Sometimes some Quaker dinosaur egg oatmeal.

I have a Pepsi addiction. I know this is the #1 issue. I'm trying to wean off of it and do things such as Gatorade or Kool-Aid.

I cannot eat things that are "no" or "low" sugar because of the sweeteners. I can taste them and they upset my stomach whether it be natural or aspartame-ish. I am not diabetic, so I see no issue with natural cane sugar in my diet beside the fact that it's way too much sugar.

I've been looking into hypnosis techniques recently, and I have the weighted hula hoop that I really like. I borrowed my nephew's weight set, but it's been set for days in the corner. I have an elliptical and a treadmill at my immediate disposal. I have no motivation. Usually I'm physically in a lot of pain and mentally it's a whole other story.

Anyway, I'm back again. I want to feel good about myself for once in my life.

totameafox

Hello Ember. I hope this time you can take control of your choices and do what you need to do for yourself in order to become healthy. I am the type of person that will eat all of what I have when I have it. I cannot buy my favorite bag of chips and have it last more than a day. So when I buy it. I only allow myself 1 bag a month. I do meal prep but before I sit down to eat after cooking, I separate out the servings and put them away. This helps me limit what I eat.

I was born disabled so I understand not liking sports but eventually I found that I liked walking. I can't do it anymore because I can't stand for very long anymore but I have found that I like seated tai chi.

You have to decide to make changes to your life by becoming more active, tracking what you eat and burning more calories that you consume in a way that you can sustain. This isn't impossible even though it has felt that way for you so far. It's not easy. It takes work but many of us do it and you can to!

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/147555-speak-friend-and-enter