Over 100lbs lost after 10+ years of trying...I've learned a huge lesson (TW)

LucyGibbons9434

I have been on Keto for 252 days.

My goal is 140lbs and i started at 310lbs. I am now 201 lbs. 61lbs to go!

Before I started this journey I was under the impression that I would never lose the weight. How I have proved myself, and others, wrong.

I thought I would share the greatest lesson i have learned so far.

This post may not resonate with you, and that is okay, everyone's journey to our collective end goal is different. This is my POV after 10+ years of trying.

TW: depression, self harm and SA. You have been warned.

The work starts before the diet

I wrestled for years with why i couldn't seem to stick to a diet. For a long time I resigned myself to remaining a fat girl until I realised the reason, if I am fat, no one will want me… so no one will hurt me.

I was SA'd in my early 20's, when i was 140lbs, which led me down a spiral of self harm, depression and more extreme measures.

I felt disgusted by myself and in that way I was subconsciously projecting that to the world. By being fat, I would be safe. Who wants someone who is fat? Well, there are some people out there, but the pool of potential danger would be significantly reduced.

There was also the socially inherited relationship with food i received from my mother. She's always had a bad relationship with food. And growing up i saw that poor relationship and internalised it. Food became a less painful version of self harm and binge eating became the norm.

These feelings were something i had to work through. Words cannot express how hard it was to move through that mentally. In turn i realised, by using my fat as an armour against the world, I was only hurting myself and letting the *kitten* win so many years later. By breaking that poor relationship with food, food is our energy source and what we need to survive, i could ensure that i wouldn't pass it on to any children i may have in the future.

Since i have done that work, this diet has felt like a breeze. I occasionally get cravings for food i can't have on Keto, but i will switch it to a low carb alternative. When the time comes to come off keto and start reintroducing carbs, i know how to eat well to maintain my goal weight.

So i encourage you myfitnesspals, if you are struggling with dieting and are wondering with why you find dieting so hard, ask yourself if you have dealt with your why. Why do you find it hard to break that cycle? Work on that first and keep that reason in mind when you diet. You're fighting to break that why, so it can no longer control you. And you're a fighter, of that i am damn sure.

mjstewies

I totally understand Lucy. I have been struggling with my weight ever since my mid 20's and have always used my fat as a protector. It's amazing how the mind can take control of you like that. I also have a great love for food, so put those 2 things together and…..

I'm just so glad you are figuring it out at a young age. I'm almost 70, have been married for almost as long (haha! 49 yrs) and it really takes an effort to be kind to myself and to put the past in the past. My highest weight was about 260, I've been under 200 a couple of times for a second, and right now I'm at 215. My goal is 150 but it just seems so far away.

Thanks for the inspiration! I just got back on the wagon yesterday so I needed it. :)

Missy

totameafox

Thanks for sharing your story and congrats on the weight loss.

SurferGirl1982

@LucyGibbons9434 I wanted to read your post but you are using so many acronyms it's impossible for me to read. We are not all in our 20's or 30's that grew up with social media.

So questions. You mentioned that you learned a huge lesson (TW). What does TW stand for? I didn't know what POV meant. But I'm assuming it means point of view. You later said you were SA'd. Can you explain some of the acronyms please?

KiwiAlexP

@SurferGirl1982 I'm pretty sure that TW = trigger warning, POV = point of View, SA means an assault

SurferGirl1982

Wow @KiwiAlexP Thanks for the explanation. What you have explained makes it a sad story.

@LucyGibbons9434 You are very brave in telling your story. I would consider you a hero. Congratulations on your success and encouraging others…Hugs!