My friends want me to drink?!

poma91

Okay first hi

This may sound weird but my friends don't really get my non-drinking attitude. This could be understandable since I am in university and all the student life ya-da ya-da ya-da. I get really annoyed at parties when I don't have a drink and like 5 people periodically ask me why don't I drink. I answer with "I don't want to" and then they start pressing me about it. I mean I wasn't always a non-drinker but I started a particular workout program 7 weeks ago and decided to stick to clean eating as much as I can while doing it and even though sometimes I would have a cookie or two I totally cut out alcohol, since this is absolutely no problem for me.
Even my close friends pester me about it. They say they do understand my motives but when I tell them that I would party with them just not drink they start whine about it and I am like "really?!" :huh:
The whole thing turned into a reason for me to stay away from social events and gatherings but I am still a young person and I would like to go out and dance the night away from time to time.

Does any of you have any idea how to make them get it or at least make them stop pressing me about it? Some of you would say that they are not good friends and so on but I think that they just don't give a fffff about clean eating, working out and so on.

So yeah sorry if I ranted a bit but I am interested in your opinions

AlwaysanOptimist

Hi :-)

I know people who can be like this too... but you just have to be strong :-) Dancing is amazing fun and you don't need to be intoxicated to enjoy it. I would know - on nights out, I'm usually the one making all the silly and embarrassing moves on the dance floor! :laugh: One way that you could get them to stop pestering you about it is to prove it to them. Prove to them that you can still party whilst sober
I enjoy drinking, but I get awful hangovers and it's really put me off. If I have a night when I've been out drinking, I'd usually need the whole of the following day to recover. I can't be bothered with this anymore :O

(I'm a student as well )

bert16

Well, you can certainly keep doing what you're doing... eventually, people (at least those in your close circle) will figure out that nagging you about it doesn't work and move on. And, I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't necessarily stop when you get out of college! I'm 40 and drink from time to time, but when I'm in training, I rarely drink anything at all. One thing I've done when I think it's going to be an issue (aside from informing anyone I got over drinking shots when I was ~17 :laugh:) is just get one drink (or something that looks like it could be a drink... a glass of water with a lime in it sure could look like a vodka tonic!) and just keep it in my hand. But, more often than not, I tell people to do themselves, and I'll do me.

But definitely don't miss out on the social events just over this!!!!

snazzyjazzy21

Unfortunately I don't really have any suggestions that aren't 'find better friends'...

3dogsrunning

Well, you can certainly keep doing what you're doing... eventually, people (at least those in your close circle) will figure out that nagging you about it doesn't work and move on. And, I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't necessarily stop when you get out of college! I'm 40 and drink from time to time, but when I'm in training, I rarely drink anything at all. One thing I've done when I think it's going to be an issue (aside from informing anyone I got over drinking shots when I was ~17 :laugh:) is just get one drink (or something that looks like it could be a drink... a glass of water with a lime in it sure could look like a vodka tonic!) and just keep it in my hand. But, more often than not, I tell people to do themselves, and I'll do me.

But definitely don't miss out on the social events just over this!!!!

This. It doesn't change as you get older.

I do have friends that don't drink/stopped drinking. It takes some time but eventually your close circle will get it and drop the subject.

I always have a non alcoholic drink in my hand to avoid the question sixty million times from others. I just don't make it obvious it's not a "drink".

clarkeje1

Just walk around with a solo cup full of coke zero/juice/water. Then tell them you are drinking a mixed drink or something

gobonas99

In all likelihood, they keep pestering you about it, because you NOT drinking makes them think about how much THEY are drinking, and they definitely don't want to think about THAT (especially if your friends are part of the drink til you're stumbling drunk type crowd).

So...if you don't want to find new friends (although trust me, other people who don't drink or who may go out and only have one or two drinks DO exist, even in college....my entire group from friends all through college were of the non-drinker/light drinker crowd)...you could always do as others have suggested and make sure you have something that could pass an an alcoholic drink in your hand (ie club soda with lime - aka vodka tonic, or club soda with cranberry juice - aka vodka and cranberry).

NonnyMary

they just want you to have fun too.

So just say no thank you, and smile, and maybe change the subject.. no explanation.. thats where you get hung up in explaining yourself. without explanations they have nothing to argue it back to you.

You could have a glass of ice water with a slice of orange or lemon in it, they dont know its not vodka!

poma91

Thank you all for your suggestions. I'll try the masking my drink so it looks alcoholic. I think you are right, they are probably thinking that they drink too much when I don't drink at all. Don't get me wrong my friends are not alcoholics :bigsmile: I still have to figure out how to get out of a situation when someone literary puts a drink in my hand.

alehundrah

Thank you all for your suggestions. I'll try the masking my drink so it looks alcoholic. I think you are right, they are probably thinking that they drink too much when I don't drink at all. Don't get me wrong my friends are not alcoholics :bigsmile: I still have to figure out how to get out of a situation when someone literary puts a drink in my hand.

You don't need to mask your drink and pretend it has alcohol. Your friends prob aren't used to seeing you not drink at parties. Just give it time. Eventually they will get used to it. Me myself I'm not a big drinker. I go out to clubs often and have fun without drinking. At first my friends would keep *****ing that I needed to drink but eventually they got used to the idea and now they know to order water or sofa for me instead. Drinking is a personal choice and nobody can make you do something you don't want to do.

mspoopoo

People are just strange with addictive substances. They really like to push other people with it.

I haven't had a drink in over 10 years and don't miss it a bit.

You save tons of money not having vices like alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling

I have more fun I believe because i remember what i did.

Just hold the glass of coke in your hand or whatever. People will think you have a mixed drink.

jayjay12345654321

Years ago I went from partying every weekend with hard drinking friends to not drinking at all. In the end, I lost all of those "friends" because time showed they were drinking buddies, and if I wasn't going to drink, nobody thought it necessary to invite me over anymore to what in reality was their weekend drinking party. Even my (ex-)husband started leaving me at home because he said I made everybody uncomfortable drinking in front of me. I never said a word to anyone; it was their own mindset that they were doing something wrong and I was watching.

After the divorce and the slow process of meeting new friends, I thought I needed to hide that I don't drink alcohol anymore, so I would order a cranberry and seltzer and tell people it was vodka and cranberry. If someone bought me a drink, I'd say it tasted bad and would take it to the bartender to remake, then tell the bartender my friend doesn't grasp the concept of designated driver so could she/he please refill my "Jack and Coke" or whatever with straight Diet Coke.

Eventually, I became stubborn enough in my opinions that I just told people I don't drink. Why? I don't like the taste or the way it makes me feel. That way I knock down the two most common rebuttals (Oh, well you haven't tried THIS one! and Oh, well only drink a little so you don't get a buzz!).

Since you're not drinking because you're making a change in dietary lifestyle, your "sobriety" may or may not be long term. I would suggest you get ready to stand your ground with a smile and say, "No, thanks."

All else fails, tell them you only drink Louis XIII Cognac. I'd be willing to bet they don't have a $45,000 bottle around. :laugh:

HelllYeaHH

I usually just tell them that I'm trying to lose some weight and that I'd prefer them supporting me rather then giving me **** for it. Friends usually stop then. Another thing that helped me is saying that this doesn't mean that i'll never drink again, just not for the next 4-6 weeks or so. Follow this up with some short term results "I've lost 3kg already!" and they will back of or even complement you on doing a good job.

Being in an environment with students and used to drink till 4-5 am this can be though but people also need to get used to your new attitude. A similar thing happened to me when I tried to quit smoking. People still come up to me and ask me to out for a smoke. Not because they're giving me a bad time for it, but just because they're used to me going with them for a smoke.

AllyCatXandi

"Sorry, but I'm on this special skin medication and I've been forbidden from drinking because of the way it reacts with alcohol."

I'm not, but medical conditions tend to be seen as valid reasons and simply accepted

Or like other people said, you can very easily pretend a glass of soda is a mixed drink. That's what my mum used to do back in the day - she was never a heavy drinker and got away with it every time :laugh:

Dunkirk

Be aware, some 'friends' may offer you a spiked drink.

HealthyVitamins

I don't drink either, I just tell people who question 'I don't drink' simple. If they push me to drink I just walk away or tell them to F off. Imagine pushing someone NOT to drink, they would go nuts!

TamaraKat

I am exactly the same - I do not drink :bigsmile: But I am also proud of it; sure, sometimes its hard but life isn't meant to be easy...

jetlag

If they're friends, then tell them to leave you alone, if they value that friendship.

metaphoria

You can always discreetly pass off the unwanted drink to someone else. Theres bound to be somebody who would like a freebie!

If all else fails, put your hand on their arm, look deep into their eyes, and ask them if they would like help exorcising the demon liquor from their lives.

JaneAero

I dont drink except the odd glass at xmas , so when I was younger and out at parties I would just tell people I dont drink thanks and if I was pressed for an explanation, or repeatedly badgered, I would say Im not discussing it, im out to have a good time not argue, then walk away. Basically hold your ground, laugh it off if you can, dont bother justifying or explaining yourself, the best line if people persist is to imply their weird & have the problem, ok this doesnt work on friends lol

blueboxgeek

I wouldn't mask it, personally I would just be firm and say no thanks I don't drink. Eventually people will get used to it. As you said, it probably makes them feel uneasy about their drinking habits and they are probably worried you won't be much fun. Once they realise you are not going to start lecturing them and that you can still have a great time when sober they will lay off (hopefully!)

gramarye

If it's applicable, offer to drive. While I try to never take advantage of my non-drinking friends as the automatic driver, I find it's a) a great way to the deflect the "Why aren't you drinking?" conversation, and b) it's a major bonus to the road if you have friends who make bad choices.

That said, as a much younger adult, I was totally the, "Why aren't you dri~nking?!" girl. We can't help it. We're really terrified you won't have a good time if you're sober. (Or that you'll remember antics that we'd rather forget.) That's not an excuse for being a bother, but it just sort of happens. >_>;

daftthoughts

As someone who has been in the same situation many times, I can relate and let me tell you, it's ANNOYING!

I'm a social drinker who likes to, *occasionally*, enjoy some alcohol. But this is mostly at home with just one or two close friends or my boyfriend, and maybe only once every 2-3 months. I may have one or two shots of something for its flavor like I enjoy the occasional can of coke, but honestly, in general I don't really like drinking in crowds/bars/clubs/etc.

It's always met with a lot of confusion. I grew tired of being pressured all the time and didn't bother going out anymore at some point because while saying "I don't want to, stop pressuring me" worked on most people, it usually only lasted for that day. The next time it would start all over again. In the end the people who pressured me have been extremely unimportant in my life and I don't miss them at all.

Like everyone else is saying, just hold your ground and be firm about it. If they're friends you see outside of these social events, sit them down and tell them how this bull makes you feel and that you've made up your mind and that's it - no amount of pressuring will convince you. If they still continue to do this, I'd seriously reconsider my relationship with them if I were you, because real friends will not continue to pester you to drink.

Real friends accept your decision.

MyJourney1960

Does any of you have any idea how to make them get it or at least make them stop pressing me about it? Some of you would say that they are not good friends and so on but I think that they just don't give a fffff about clean eating, working out and so on.

So yeah sorry if I ranted a bit but I am interested in your opinions

yes - stop making it their business. stop discussing it. stop getting pulled into conversations and explanations and justifications. you're in college, think of this as your 'training' for the real world when you get a job and have annoying colleagues with annoying questions:laugh:

so for example - "friend" says "hey why aren't you drinking", you say "dude? seriously? not that old thing again. so anyway, i saw RoommateOne kissing BestFriends'Boyfriend - what's up with that?"

or "let it go." and change the subject

Or "later" and change the subject

Or "why do you keep asking me that? do you have a substance problem?" and change the subject.

Or... you get the point. give a Non-Reply and then change the subject. sometimes you may have to walk away from a conversation. they'll eventually get bored and find someone else to badger. the important thing is not to get pulled into a discussion about your drinking habits. they don't care about your eating clean or your diet. but they do want you to be like "the old you".

Remember - it's rude to comment on someone's eating/drinking habits, so you aren't being rude -THEY are.

iceflow

Probably jealous of the dedication you've put in for your weight loss program. Don't let them bring you down.

Nicolee_2014

I have the same problem & I'm 33 & my friends are mostly older!
Last time I went to my friends place she was pouring me wine - every time she went inside I tipped it into the garden.
Some people just don't/can't understand how you can actually go out without being totally wasted. I think some of my friends should try it some time.
The only advice I have is what was already suggested, pretend you are drinking alcohol but just have soda (or for me if I drink wine I get half wine, half lemonade & take for ever to drink it). Don't go out with them as much - which can be hard.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

Denziee

Does any of you have any idea how to make them get it or at least make them stop pressing me about it? Some of you would say that they are not good friends and so on but I think that they just don't give a fffff about clean eating, working out and so on.

So yeah sorry if I ranted a bit but I am interested in your opinions

yes - stop making it their business. stop discussing it. stop getting pulled into conversations and explanations and justifications. you're in college, think of this as your 'training' for the real world when you get a job and have annoying colleagues with annoying questions:laugh:

so for example - "friend" says "hey why aren't you drinking", you say "dude? seriously? not that old thing again. so anyway, i saw RoommateOne kissing BestFriends'Boyfriend - what's up with that?"

or "let it go." and change the subject

Or "later" and change the subject

Or "why do you keep asking me that? do you have a substance problem?" and change the subject.

Or... you get the point. give a Non-Reply and then change the subject. sometimes you may have to walk away from a conversation. they'll eventually get bored and find someone else to badger. the important thing is not to get pulled into a discussion about your drinking habits. they don't care about your eating clean or your diet. but they do want you to be like "the old you".

Remember - it's rude to comment on someone's eating/drinking habits, so you aren't being rude -THEY are.

this!!! I also find its rude for people to constantly ask if you are pregnant because you choose not to drink. You're lucky you are not at the "prime age" and marital status for this constant questionning. My new response to "are you pregnant" is to say yes i'm due in about 3 weeks and then just turn on my heel and walk away.

Stick with it. Your closest friends will get bored of asking you about it soon. And try not to be too hurt when someone close to you accuses you of being boring. It happens. xx

poma91

I have to say huge thank you guys I love all of your advice. Some of your posts really made ma laugh I'll definitely try some of the suggested ideas!

JoRocka

Don't engage them- just completely ignore the question like it was never asked.

(This will usually spark ANOTHER discussion- in which case I would say- it's my business/dont' you have ANYTHING better to talk about? MIley Cyrus? War in Syria? Alegbra homework?- clearly you have an issue because YOU keep bringing it up so I'm just going to refuse to acknowledge it because we have other things to do)

personally I would just get new friends. (not even of the none drinking variety- but of the "more adult and mind my own business kind)

My darling BF doesn't drink. He just doesn't like alcohol nor feeling drunk- or out of control. It is what it is. I rib on him occasionally for not drinking- all in good fun. But ultimately it's none of my business what he chooses to put in his body.

Period. We are both adults- it's his business not mine.

You have immature friends- get new ones.

poma91

Don't engage them- just completely ignore the question like it was never asked.

(This will usually spark ANOTHER discussion- in which case I would say- it's my business/dont' you have ANYTHING better to talk about? MIley Cyrus? War in Syria? Alegbra homework?- clearly you have an issue because YOU keep bringing it up so I'm just going to refuse to acknowledge it because we have other things to do)

personally I would just get new friends. (not even of the none drinking variety- but of the "more adult and mind my own business kind)

My darling BF doesn't drink. He just doesn't like alcohol nor feeling drunk- or out of control. It is what it is. I rib on him occasionally for not drinking- all in good fun. But ultimately it's none of my business what he chooses to put in his body.

Period. We are both adults- it's his business not mine.

You have immature friends- get new ones.

Yeah well I agree on the immaturity thing but I don't want to be too rash or rude to them. Of course they are rude about asking me and pressing me about alcohol in first place but I don't think they realize that. I take it as if I have to explain it to a child. And finding new friends is not that easy. I mean I haven't changed and started new activities I just became more aware of my health and my body image :bigsmile:

perrinjoshua

I don't drink at all. I used to drink occasionally when younger, drank probably more than I should have after a divorce and came to the realization about 13 years or so ago that it's just not something I need, want, enjoy, etc. I am constantly being asked if I want a drink and when I say I don't drink, they say but it's only wine that should be OK. I do know I went to a high school reunion this spring and there was a lot of drinking going on. At the end of the night I was one of the few people on the dance floor still dancing up a storm, feeling wonderful and having a blast. Drinking is not what makes a party. On the flip side of drinking I guess is eating and people will do the same thing to you when you are trying to watch your weight or make healthy food choices. They will insist it is necessary for you to have some of whatever they are or you are a party pooper. Again, my healthy food choices have allowed me to have no cholesterol, high blood pressure and, now, weight problems, so I think my judgement on these two counts may be better than theirs. Stick to your guns. There is so much more to do with your time than drink. Just my two cents.