Overwhelmed and low self belief!

laura4359

Hi all

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I feel like I've been running from the problem for so long that I'm scared to face it. I need to lose 5 stone which feels like an absolute mountain. My motivation is my beautiful daughter and being fit and healthy for her. I comfort eat and I have since losing my dad when I was a teenager. That has been my coping method so the idea of not having that really scares me!

I am interested in macronutrient counting but honestly I have no idea where to start - feeling very much out of my depth!!

Anyone in the same boat or anyone to give advice?!

The main thing is I'm here and I'm determined!!

Laura x

yirara

Hi Laura,

is there something you can do against comfort eating? Keep yourself busy somehow? Are you in the UK? Why not join a local ramblers club, or do anything else that keeps you from comfort eating. Basically keep yourself busy with something that you might learn to enjoy. Bring your child along or leave her with dad. Just getting out and doing something will already be a good start as you need to do something for your health and fitness to become healthy and fit.

AnnPT77

What yirara said: Don't worry about the macros right now. If weight loss is the main or only goal, calories are the key to that. You don't even have to get to target calories in an instant, you can work your way there gradually, and logging your food here might help you do that.

Be honest with yourself in logging, even if you eat more than you'd planned. Admitting that to yourself is part of figuring out how to move forward, and no one else needs to see it if you don't want them to. Extra eating is not a failure, as long as you treat it as a learning experience that helps you change and grow.

I also agree with her that finding new ways to self-comfort - or even distract from discomfort - is a possible piece of success: Think about what might help you, and try things. Maybe even make a written list of things to try? Some example things other people use: Prayer or meditation, mild exercise like a walk around the block or a few minutes of stretching/yoga, listening to enjoyable music, adult coloring books, a hobby like needlework or sketching, . . . there are lots of options.

Also, some who have struggled here with self-comfort eating or other forms of emotion-triggered eating have reported here that - scary though it may be - it helped them to sit with their emotions and explore them, try to understand them and work through them.

In more severe cases, therapy can help, and there should be no stigma in using that, any more than there's stigma in consulting any other kind of professional with a problem we need help to solve, like calling a plumber when the pipes are leaking. Therapists/counselors are the professionals who help with thought-pattern difficulties, just like plumbers help with pipes. Yes, I have consulted a psychologist myself, and it helped me, though it was about something other than eating/body weight.

If you are persistent and patient, you can work through these things. As you begin to do that, and especially as you see results from doing it, that will feel self-empowering. You are not lesser than other people, and other people also wrangle with these kinds of things; those who persist in working on them eventually succeed. You can do that, too. I am sure. Any setbacks are just bumps in the road to a better place, as long as you keep going.

I'm cheering for you to succeed: The reward will be worth the effort!

MurlockCupcakes

The first step is extremely hard and needing to make lifestyle changes are hard to do. I know when I join this app, I was not sure what I was doing. For me I didn't make big changes off the bat since its like if you say "i'm going to the gym every day!" you will fail. Start with small steps and work with small changes then upgrade the changes over time. I know it can work since I lost over 100 pounds in one year just by changing my food habits and its not easy I can truly understand it, I still have my hardship and I still plan to lose another 80ish pounds to get to my goal. if you need a buddy to challenge you or help keep you accountable its not a bad way to go as well. you can do it if you truly want to do this.

Pam :)

springlering62

@MurlockCupcakes Pam, what a lovely post!

@laura4359 Honey, it’s like the chicken and the egg. Weight loss gave me self confidence. Starting made my head spin and sapped what confidence I did have for a while. I didn’t think I could do the one while lacking in the other.

I was wrong.

Me being judgy of me was what was holding me down. Critiquing myself, using negative language to myself, even if only inside my own head. No one else heard it, but I heard it and believed it.

All I can say is, find some way to set all that aside, find something - one thing- you do feel reasonably confident you can start changing.

Quit sodas. Take your daughter for a walk and share her world for a while. Substitute a piece of fruit for a piece of candy or a cookie.

You don’t have to change your world on a dime.

You don’t have to perfect your macros by tomorrow. Heck, I’ve been here since 2018, and I still regularly miss the mark on them.

But I’ve improved so much all around over the years- and like Pam, lost nearly 100- I’m waaaaaaay better than I used to be, even if I’m nowhere near perfect.

wishing you much perseverance, patience, and above all, self forgiveness.

cmriverside

Great words above. There is work involved, and change. Good change. It is so much better for me at 140 than at 220 pounds.

I get it about the coping "tool." I picked up a whole lot of really bad habits after my parents divorced and my dad died when I was really young, too. I'm sorry you went through that, it sucks. Problem with avoiding dealing with issues by eating/drinking/drugs/gaming/porn/smoking/whatever-ing, the problem doesn't actually go away and now there's two problems.

Coping and processing through things takes many forms. I tried a little therapy and some of it helped, but self-help books were really great for me. So were forums like this one, and writing about my stuff both in a journal and in the forums. I changed everything about my life by changing how I looked at life.

I can't change what's already happened, so it's best to let it go. I also can't predict the future so that's a waste of energy (that one is H.a.r.d.) I'd rather face the uncertainty of the future at a healthy weight!

I lost 80 pounds. I set a goal that involved going on a once in a lifetime vacation in a tropical location which meant a week in shorts, tank tops and a bathing suit. I set a date that gave me enough time to lose the weight and then I started paying it off before I even went. The weight was easy to lose at first - really it just takes a shift in thinking, like springlering said above. I didn't exactly hit my weight goal, but I had lost 60 pounds and I had a blast on a vacation that was already paid off.

I hope you stick around and read and - - -

Log Your Food!

laura4359

Oh my goodness - thankyou to each and every one of you that replied to me. I can't tell you how much it means to me! You are all wonderful and how utterly amazing to hear about your successes. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for taking time out of your day to write such thoughtful and helpful replies. Xxx