Looking for support group: TTC, PCOS, 35+ and trying to lose weight?

lolakinks

Hi all, I’m 35 (36 in 3 months), BMI 40, PCOS, TTC (trying to conceive) for the first time. I got all the things makes it harder… I feel alone in this process. I have been trying to lose weight all my adulthood and not been successful really (only short-term and gained it back).

I am vegetarian, eating well (I am Mediterranean so I have always had a good Mediterranean diet), but I am not active (always worked from home). I see people eating horrible things and staying thin or people eat horrible processed foods and they stop eating them and lose weight. I really don’t know what to change at this point. There have been many times I weighed every meal to control calorie intake, I took 1300-1500 calories etc, it looked like I was losing for 1-2 weeks but always stopped after that and after a few weeks I always lost motivation. It’s too much effort without any success.

I don’t know what to do anymore but my hormones are definitely not well and it is very hard to move my body even for everyday routine. It doesn’t look like my body is ready for pregnancy, even I got pregnant with these hormones my body cannot carry the weight.

I don’t know what I need to do, but having similar people around would definitely help. Please share your experiences and progress.

AnnPT77

Here's the thing: Most everyone has something that makes weight loss hard. Exactly what that thing or things is varies, but most people will name something.

If we can't change the things that make it hard, then our choice is to figure out a way around, over, through, or otherwise past those obstacles. Yes, it takes patience and persistence, but I think most people can succeed. Focusing on the obstacles - rather than tactics to navigate past them - is a waste of good time and energy.

As context, I was overweight to obese for around 30 years, old (59 when I joined MFP), severely hypothyroid (medicated), in menopause. Those are also things that are supposed to be weight loss doom. They aren't. I started at a someone lower BMI than yours is currently, but I was obese. Now I'm not, and haven't been obese - not even overweight - for 9+ years since loss. BTW, I'm also vegetarian, ovo-lacto for 51 years so far.

You are not alone. Here, you are in a place where there are other people who have obstacles. They may not be the exact same obstacles, but we're all in this together. That includes people like me, who have gotten through the loss phase and are maintaining.

I think you can do this, which is not the same as telling you it will be easy. But I predict that what it will be is empowering, maybe even exhilarating, and it can help you learn skills that will pay off in other parts of life beyond weight loss.

Before I say more, I want to say this before I forget: I was born when my mother was 43 and my dad was 38. I was their first and only child, and they had only married in the previous year, known each other only somewhat longer. For me, having those older parents was The Best Thing. My friends' young parents - lovely people, too - seemed only partly baked by comparison. My parents were mature, stable, knew who they were. When you make it through your challenges and are able to conceive - which I hope will occur soon - you have the opportunity and the raw material to be that kind of parent. That can be a huge boon for your child/children. The things you learn and will be able to model for them through your weight loss, healthy eating, healthy activity, etc., will add benefits to their lives, not just yours.

I'm going to respond to some specific things in your post:

I see people eating horrible things and staying thin or people eat horrible processed foods and they stop eating them and lose weight. 

Y'know, it's hard to tell in reality. It's rare that we see what people eat and do 24x7. Friends I travel and socialize with think I eat completely differently than I do the overwhelming majority of the time, because they only see me indulge. There are also people who've lost weight eating in what I'd consider appalling ways: Entirely and only foods from McDonald's, mostly convenience store foods like Twinkies and other snack/snack cake type things, and more. Usually, they did it as a gimmick or demonstration. But they did it, lost weight, and even improved their health markers on blood tests.

Besides, comparing ourselves to others isn't helpful. Figuring out your own best formula is a better investment of energy and attention.

You don't want to eat in those ways anyway, do you? I don't. Don't worry about other people. Focus on YOU. The best use of energy is to find your best process, your best eating and activity habits that gradually lead you to your goals.

Which leads me to:

There have been many times I weighed every meal to control calorie intake, I took 1300-1500 calories etc, it looked like I was losing for 1-2 weeks but always stopped after that and after a few weeks I always lost motivation. It’s too much effort without any success.

A couple of things about that:

1. Though it's not the only normal case, it's very common to see a quick scale drop at the start of a new plan, then the scale stalls for a while. Usually, that means there's been a major drop in water retention at the start, then the body takes some time to recalibrate, add back some water retention. This is extra true if there's new exercise in the picture, changes in carb or sodium intake, changes in fiber-rich foods, and - oh, yeah - unusual hormonal water fluctuations. Even when fat loss is clicking along in the background, the water recalibration hides it on the body weight scale. Quite fast realistic fat loss is surprisingly gradual. Losing a kilo of fat per week is losing around 143 grams of fat per day on average. Losing two pounds of fat per week is around 4.6 ounces per day on average. In contrast, water/waste weight fluctuates by multiple pounds/kilos within a day or from one day to the next, even one week or more to the next. Those play peek-a-boo on the scale. If that's happening, patience is the answer, hard though that is.
2. "It’s too much effort without any success." My favorite tip here is always to find a plan that requires the least possible effort, while still leading gradually to goals. We're all impatient, I get it. Too often, I see people here adopt some extreme restrictive eating plan, swear off all treats/fast foods/junk foods, cut calories to the bone, maybe add a punitively intense daily exercise program on top of that. The closer a person gets to that extreme, the more likely they're going to give up. It's just too hard. The realistic gradual, up-and-down progress of real fat loss is never rewarding enough to offset that misery. People seem to act as if being fat were a sin we need to punish ourselves for by eating tiny amounts of so-called "diet food" and over-exercising to exhaustion. Find a less miserable method, generally enjoyable and practical eating, fun ways of moving more . . . or at least tolerable and practical ones. It's a search for new, day-in day-out routine habits that are a bit more positive than our current ones, habits we can continue long term to stay at a healthy weight. That's a different mindset from "lose weight fast", and yes, it may be slower. But it's more achievable. And that time is going to pass anyway. The only difference is whether we're heading slowly and steadily toward better quality of life, or yo-yo-ing up and down in weight via a repeat sequence of "lose fast" then "give up" episodes.

So many people come here looking for motivation. What I think they might better look for is a plan that requires less motivation, but still succeeds long term.

Full honesty, I don't have PCOS. Maybe that makes me lack empathy, but I hope not. I know it adds some extra challenges. There are some strategies that help some women with PCOS, so may be worth an experiment - not just for a few days, but for several weeks. Some women with PCOS are insulin resistant. For them, a lower carb diet may help. Strength training may help. Stress reduction may help. If sleep quality/quantity is sub-par, improving that may help. Mild exercise after eating may help. Some supplements may help some people, but research results vary, and most effects are relatively small.

A balanced diet of primarily whole foods, perhaps especially adequate protein and healthy fats, helps most everyone, and there's some evidence that it can be more important for those with health conditions, including PCOS. (That doesn't imply zero treats, BTW. Moderation of those, sure.)

As with anyone trying to lose weight, increasing activity can help burn a few more calories, and keeping the activity moderate may help avoid spiking appetite. A gradual increase in activity, striving for a mild, manageable challenge - well short of exhaustion - is usually the sweet spot. I started being active in my late 40s after full-bore cancer treatment, and believe me, I was extremely physically depleted at that point from surgery/chemo/radiation as well as obese. I started with gentle yoga a couple of times a week, and gradually built up from there. It was manageable, but the long-term results were surprisingly positive.

If you're hearing a theme in here of gradual positive changes in daily habits, that's what I'm intending. They can really add up in a few months, let alone a year or two. That time will pass, no matter what. If you can find a relatively easy, tolerable, gradually successful approach, you can surprise yourself. I'd bet on it.

Only giving up that progressive improvement leads to failure. Keeping chipping away in a positive direction, even if two steps forward then one step back: That leads to success.

I wishing you success, because the quality of life improvement is more than worth the effort it takes to accomplish it!