That you're not one of us feeling

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

Have you become apart of an organization and got the feeling that you weren't welcome? It's not said aloud but some people give it off? Maybe it's because I'm an introvert a bright and bubbly one when I sleep well. I joined a large Rescue organization and I'd try to interact with people but all I got was glares and it wasn't like I was bothering and asking questions at the same time. I'd try to be apart of the conversation and ask questions about them. Try to get know people. Here some key things I noticed, I got this feeling mainly from members that came from the area and who had family in the organization for a long time.

Anyone's thoughts?

Naomi0504

I know how you feel, I've felt this way at homeschooling conventions and events. I just stopped caring after about 20 minutes I think :-) Yes, many of them seemed very tight knit already.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

Interesting. I wonder why some people are like that? It's nice to know I'm not alone.

1princesswarrior

I'm also like that, I just don't fit in anywhere and never have. What bugs me is I seem to fit in for a little while then suddenly nobody talks to me anymore and I don't even know what I did wrong.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

That's what happens to me sometimes. It's worse when you're very analytic about things. I'm quiet though, so sometimes I think that people just don't want to bother me. Plus my interests tend to differ from theirs...

Stump_Likker

I never fit in anywhere, never really cared. I've always been somewhat of a loner.

vtmoon

A lot of times it happens when a new comer violates a written or unwritten rule of the group. And if no one points it out our corrects them, then they end up being shunned quietly for something they didn't even realize they did. That is why it is always best to find the most open/ friendly person and stick to them so they can teach you the ropes and the group's decorum.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

Neither have I but it's hard when your job requires you to work with others. Community service for college

Myhaloslipped

Idk why people are like that! At the last restaurant I worked in, there was this hostess whom everyone despised and never talked to because she was quiet and never smiled. I was new, but she had been there for a few months and didn't know anyone. So I saw her at a bar one night and invited her to join my group of friends. I figured why not get to know her since we worked together? She actually ended up being cool and very sweet. The next day she smiled and said hey to me, and everyone was so shocked and was asking how I got her to do that. Fast forward 2 months, and everyone loved her. All it takes is one person to like you sometimes, which is kind of silly in the sense that were adults still operating under middle school politics. Go figure.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

Idk why people are like that! At the last restaurant I worked in, there was this hostess whom everyone despised and never talked to because she was quiet and never smiled. I was new, but she had been there for a few months and didn't know anyone. So I saw her at a bar one night and invited her to join my group of friends. I figured why not get to know her since we worked together? She actually ended up being cool and very sweet. The next day she smiled and said hey to me, and everyone was so shocked and was asking how I got her to do that. Fast forward 2 months, and everyone loved her. All it takes is one person to like you sometimes, which is kind of silly in the sense that were adults still operating under middle school politics. Go figure.

That might just be it, some people never really grow up

Laces_0ut

if people are avoiding you its usually something you are doing to put them off. next time try doing the opposite of your first instinct.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

^Not avoiding me. I keep clean and say hello. Time to time I try to strike up conversation but a lot the people here tend to talk to people they know and keep it that way.

imakeyoukneel

I get that a lot women in paticular hate my guts i just ignore it and be myself i just plain old don't care what they think honestly lol

Laces_0ut

^Not avoiding me. I keep clean and say hello. Time to time I try to strike up conversation but a lot the people here tend to talk to people they know and keep it that way.

maybe your conversation starters arent very good? maybe its the way you say them? most adults dont ignore other people when they are trying to communicate. maybe you are being too serious when they want humor or too humorous when they want to be serious...

Laces_0ut

then again women are way more cliquey and have more workplace problems than men...maybe this is an extension of that?

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

It might be but it's male and females and they'll communicate with those outside of their little group sometimes but they mostly strike up conversation with each. Plus they all descend from people who were originally on the squad from the beginning and have family on the squad till this day.

The squad is really old but very big. There are like two fire and rescue squad where I live. The other squad that I'm transferring to is more famous but smaller and more friendly than the one I'm coming from.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

^Not avoiding me. I keep clean and say hello. Time to time I try to strike up conversation but a lot the people here tend to talk to people they know and keep it that way.

maybe your conversation starters arent very good? maybe its the way you say them? most adults dont ignore other people when they are trying to communicate. maybe you are being too serious when they want humor or too humorous when they want to be serious...

It's mainly teens and adults in their mid to late 20s. I could be too serious but I always try to ask questions in a neutral tones

seltzermint555

I never fit in anywhere, never really cared. I've always been somewhat of a loner.

Same here, pretty much. I grew up being the poorest, weirdest kid around my in-crowd friends and the wealthiest, most straight-laced of my punk friends. Now I'm the token childfree by choice friend. Whatevs. I just do my thing!

Going4Lean

I have always felt like i don't fit anywhere, even with my family.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

I have always felt like i don't fit anywhere, even with my family.

Wow me and you both!

anemoneprose

wow, the amount of $ i'd have to be paid to have anything to do with a group like that doesn't fit on my calculator. if not related, those people will have known each other from grade school on, probably? there is no way you can penetrate that kind of history on the timescale you would like, if you've just got the one lifetime.

agree you will need a mentor or friend. since every effort that is natural to you is rebuffed, the way to (maybe) be tolerated (best you can hope for imo) is to absolutely limit your role in interactions to listening. let them lead, follow their cues, even if it means feeling awkward for months or even years. doing that will probably make you feel all crappy & mess with your idea of yourself. if it were me, i'd find something else to do.

shoot, is this a job or a volunteer thing?? ah i see 'community service for college'. keep your head down & try to survive. do your best at your work and hang out with friends outside of all this to remind yourself you're a decent person.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

wow, the amount of $ i'd have to be paid to have anything to do with a group like that doesn't fit on my calculator. if not related, those people will have known each other from grade school on, probably? there is no way you can penetrate that kind of history on the timescale you would like, if you've just got the one lifetime.

agree you will need a mentor or friend. since every effort that is natural to you is rebuffed, the way to (maybe) be tolerated (best you can hope for imo) is to absolutely limit your role in interactions to listening. let them lead, follow their cues, even if it means feeling awkward for months or even years. doing that will probably make you feel all crappy & mess with your idea of yourself. if it were me, i'd find something else to do.

shoot, is this a job or a volunteer thing?? ah i see 'community service for college'. keep your head down & try to survive. do your best at your work and hang out with friends outside of all this to remind yourself you're a decent person.

They have known each other for quiet awhile.

I've decided to switch and I keep a diary around with me to discuss in my head and what happens around me. Thankfully, I do have friends or close knit to me but are always willing to make room for more. also to considerlike me tend to be apart of the military/ government beat community.. When I think about it, I've always had issues with the natives of the area even when I've tried being friendly.

phred_52

Family don't qualify as an organization obviously, but I'm quite often told to censor what I say, not that I use curse words at all. I'm quite the oddball, or out there as I like to say. Silence is golden.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

Family don't qualify as an organization obviously, but I'm quite often told to censor what I say, not that I use curse words at all. I'm quite the oddball, or out there as I like to say. Silence is golden.

You say what you want?

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

Is anyone here posting from military families or perhaps moved a lot because I mainly get this feeling from natives of the area?

Natives-born and raised in the area with family that's lived there a long time

anemoneprose

I have moved around a lot.

I missed this though:

I got this feeling mainly from members that came from the area and who had family in the organization for a long time.

So does that mean there are people who are not from the area, and who do not have family in the organization? If so, talk to them a bit more.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

There are some but they tend to live further out and they have family and full time jobs so they are like part time.

weightedfootsteps

I'm a Navy Brat! I was shipped all around the USA and landed in Indiana where my parents grew up when I was 17. I am 32 and still here. I was not accepted by many, mostly the undergrads because I was a senior. The other seniors still avoid me mostly...don't know why. But everyone else is cool with me now. People older or younger...wanna feel really crappy...you don't get invited to reunions!!! WTF! I was so angry when I realized I wasn't invited and I tried contacting someone to set it straight...never got a straight answer! Screw em! I got my own friends, family to be with...I don't need to see the people I graduated with that don't accept "strangers" in their small crappy town.

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

I just have to remember that I'm prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse and they aren't!

FretheMJsmokingcannibal

I'm done with Fire and Rescue.

One is too cliquey and the other won't tell why the fudge I can't join except my relationship with the other squad does not make me recommendable for candidacy of membership and the other reason is because my references which I have no idea what's wrong with those. I didn't use family and all of the people were in charge of me on a team at one point. Not mad that I got rejected, mad that they won't let know what I did wrong or give me any tips and I have no leads.

anemoneprose

Sorry

I really hope someone who understands this world can offer advice.

(by 'this world' i mean whatever happens with the uniformed services, i gather the work culture might be different than what most office monkeys face)