Stupid question, probably best answered by the guys
wanabthinagain
Posts: 28
OK so here goes. This is kind of a childish question and PLEASE only helpful answers. I recently was asked to hang out by a friend that I have not seen in 4 years or more. The last time he saw me i was skinny...not the case now. We have just a little bit of a history, nothing serious. I know we are just going to get together as friends but I am still nervous because since then, i am now super fat. I feel like if I could w/out sounding presumptuous i should make him aware of that without coming right out and saying it, to prepare him for seeing me. Yes he's seen pictures of me on FB, but lets be honest...all us girls no how to take a FB photo that is more flattering than real life. Any suggestions? Serious and helpful answers only please and thank you.
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Replies
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do you go to the gym?
easy way to drop it in there- oh im just going to the gym, trying really hard to lose wieght as I've gained so much weight- you probably wont recognise me - some thing like that. - make yourself sound much fatter than you are, then when he see's you he'll think awww she aint so fat
hope this is helpfull xx0 -
after 4 yrs why now? I would not worry about telling him. I would be more worried about his motives. Did he just move back from somewhere? Guess to be honest I would need more Info.0
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If he is a good friend he won't care, plus you are on here working at being healthy but if you really feel a need to either just be honest and say things have changed or drop in a comment casually about needing go for a workout etc keep it light. it doesnt need to be an issue x 0
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he will be ok if he likes you he likes you but this whole thing is positive encouragement for you! to be honest skinny girls aren't what many men want he may even prefer you now! personally I think girls look best a few pounds over weight0
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Guys like to feel helpful and needed which is how we are most comfortable expressing how we feel. Like "hey, look mom, I helped." Let him know you're looking forward to hanging out with him. Be positive. Let him know you are happy and healthy again like you were a few years ago, losing lots of weight, and that friends like him are a good reminder of those days and a big help now, Laugh a lot, don't be embarrassed and have fun. Best wishes.0
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If you are just meeting as friends, what's the difference? If he is shallow enough to not want to be your friend because you're fat, I would suggest don't meet up with him, he's not a friend. Just my opinion.0
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Be You0
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Wear a decently wOw (or is that wOOw?) titty top and he Won't Even Notice.
I kid you not.0 -
I understand why you're nervous... Even though you're now just friends, there *was* a thing, and you're worried you might no longer be in the hot stuff category, and it's an ego thing, totally get it.
He'll probably have changed a bit too, though. And even though you're a good poser, unless you are a magician or costume designer or photoshop expert, he will already have noticed your changes. And he still wants to hang!
Just dress your best and enjoy a nice evening with an old friend
(But also tell me what these poses are about, i look like a jerk in most pictures!)0 -
It's not like you have leprosy now and need to hang a bell on your neck to alert people of your girth.
I understand how you feel, but your weight doesn't need a coming out ceremony.
The best bet would be to just post a full length photo on your facebook, that way he won't be surprised.0 -
are you going to just hang out or to 'hang out'???
i dont see why he would care if you are just friends?0 -
OK so here goes. This is kind of a childish question and PLEASE only helpful answers. I recently was asked to hang out by a friend that I have not seen in 4 years or more. The last time he saw me i was skinny...not the case now. We have just a little bit of a history, nothing serious. I know we are just going to get together as friends but I am still nervous because since then, i am now super fat. I feel like if I could w/out sounding presumptuous i should make him aware of that without coming right out and saying it, to prepare him for seeing me. Yes he's seen pictures of me on FB, but lets be honest...all us girls no how to take a FB photo that is more flattering than real life. Any suggestions? Serious and helpful answers only please and thank you.
Relax, you're beautiful!0 -
Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.
I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.
Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.0 -
Wow. I appreciate all of you and your support! I know it shouldn't make a difference, but you know how it is...in my head, it is a huge issue.0
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Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.
I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.
Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.
You, sir, are the winner of this thread. Best thing I've read all day 0 -
Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.
I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.
Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.
You, sir, are the winner of this thread. Best thing I've read all day
AGREED!0 -
Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.
I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.
Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.
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I would just straight out tell him that you are bigger than you would like to be, but you're working on it.0
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Men age and get fat too...
Just saying...
:flowerforyou:0 -
Lead with..."more cushion, less pushin...you in or not"0
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Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.
I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.
Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.
You, sir, are the winner of this thread. Best thing I've read all day
AGREED!
^^^^^^^^^^best thread response award most def! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0 -
If he really wants to meet up as friends then what does it matter. You don't ever care about how your friends look and their weight no? If he has at least a slight hope for some relationship though, he brought it upon himself and I'd let it be. A guy should expect that if he invites a girl out she might not look and be the person he thought.0
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Where a fat suit, then we he looks shocked rip it off with "Just Kidding"...
Or don't worry, don't tell him anything and if he has a problem with your weight gain then he was never worthy of you in the first place.0 -
I just say be you, I have learned to accept myself for who I am and not focus on size anymore. I understand for some as yourself it can cause nervousness , but I would think friends are friends and its the furthest from the mind. No need to inform him.Just go and be yourself . I am sure he will still know you as " you" .0
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Depending on his history in this topic or scenario as well as his motives you should be able to perceive his reaction. This situation and the moment building up to is meant for you and only you.. so identify the truth, examine the path unfolding right before you. Always be honest to yourself and be happy within; the exterior and judgemental people perhaps may not be the best for you atm so be free of those situations and just go at your pace, be happy and take it 1 step at a time ????0
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Dont tell him How you feel about yourself. he may like your weight. If not his loss. Be yourself and be honest about how you feel about him. be confident and strong. After all this time why contact you now what are his motives for meeting you and does he want what you guys had before. if he had feeling for you before and didnt make you aware and if your personality is the same he may still like you. Like I said think about how you feel about him and if he dont want you fine there's more fish in the sea even for big girls BIG GIRLS GET LOVE TOO0
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I wish I had the confidence and self-worth of everyone in this thread. 14 months ago I was a size 4, now I'm a tight 16!:blushing: I still get double takes whenever I catch up with someone, male or female, I havent seen in a while. Guys just quietly look at the belly and don't say anything, but a few girls have asked "what the heck happened?" basically, and I cant blame them. Some days I want to move away....0
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do you go to the gym?
easy way to drop it in there- oh im just going to the gym, trying really hard to lose wieght as I've gained so much weight- you probably wont recognise me - some thing like that. - make yourself sound much fatter than you are, then when he see's you he'll think awww she aint so fat
hope this is helpfull xx
LOL I think this advice is both funny and helpful. Agree completely.
I've always been overweight, but this is sort of along the lines of my M.O. when I was using online dating sites. I always explained that I was big, plus-sized, etc, and purposely did not use my best or most flattering photos. That way when guys met me they would be expecting a semi attractive VERY large girl and I would be a more attractive, big girl. Worked like a charm hehe
Good luck, OP!0 -
TY everyone for all the responses and advice 0
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Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.
I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.
Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.
Well, then....I say you're both smart. So pleased to have you around here. 0
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