Stupid question, probably best answered by the guys

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2

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  • SinomenJen
    SinomenJen Posts: 262 Member
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    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    You, sir, are the winner of this thread. Best thing I've read all day :)

    AGREED!

    ^^^^^^^^^^best thread response award most def! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
  • kuroi19
    kuroi19 Posts: 45
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    If he really wants to meet up as friends then what does it matter. You don't ever care about how your friends look and their weight no? If he has at least a slight hope for some relationship though, he brought it upon himself and I'd let it be. A guy should expect that if he invites a girl out she might not look and be the person he thought.
  • LJSmith1989
    LJSmith1989 Posts: 650
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    Where a fat suit, then we he looks shocked rip it off with "Just Kidding"...

    Or don't worry, don't tell him anything and if he has a problem with your weight gain then he was never worthy of you in the first place.
  • ELEANOR43da
    ELEANOR43da Posts: 166 Member
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    I just say be you, I have learned to accept myself for who I am and not focus on size anymore. I understand for some as yourself it can cause nervousness , but I would think friends are friends and its the furthest from the mind. No need to inform him.Just go and be yourself . I am sure he will still know you as " you" .
  • JovanValor
    JovanValor Posts: 2,114 Member
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    Depending on his history in this topic or scenario as well as his motives you should be able to perceive his reaction. This situation and the moment building up to is meant for you and only you.. so identify the truth, examine the path unfolding right before you. Always be honest to yourself and be happy within; the exterior and judgemental people perhaps may not be the best for you atm so be free of those situations and just go at your pace, be happy and take it 1 step at a time ????
  • ANDRE_DOE
    ANDRE_DOE Posts: 113 Member
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    Dont tell him How you feel about yourself. he may like your weight. If not his loss. Be yourself and be honest about how you feel about him. be confident and strong. After all this time why contact you now what are his motives for meeting you and does he want what you guys had before. if he had feeling for you before and didnt make you aware and if your personality is the same he may still like you. Like I said think about how you feel about him and if he dont want you fine there's more fish in the sea even for big girls BIG GIRLS GET LOVE TOO
  • ViktoryaC
    ViktoryaC Posts: 124 Member
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    I wish I had the confidence and self-worth of everyone in this thread. 14 months ago I was a size 4, now I'm a tight 16!:blushing: I still get double takes whenever I catch up with someone, male or female, I havent seen in a while. Guys just quietly look at the belly and don't say anything, but a few girls have asked "what the heck happened?" basically, and I cant blame them. Some days I want to move away....
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    do you go to the gym?

    easy way to drop it in there- oh im just going to the gym, trying really hard to lose wieght as I've gained so much weight- you probably wont recognise me - some thing like that. - make yourself sound much fatter than you are, then when he see's you he'll think awww she aint so fat :)

    hope this is helpfull xx

    LOL I think this advice is both funny and helpful. Agree completely.

    I've always been overweight, but this is sort of along the lines of my M.O. when I was using online dating sites. I always explained that I was big, plus-sized, etc, and purposely did not use my best or most flattering photos. That way when guys met me they would be expecting a semi attractive VERY large girl and I would be a more attractive, big girl. Worked like a charm hehe

    Good luck, OP!
  • wanabthinagain
    wanabthinagain Posts: 28
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    TY everyone for all the responses and advice :)
  • MrsFowler1069
    MrsFowler1069 Posts: 657 Member
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    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Well, then....I say you're both smart. So pleased to have you around here. :)
  • uvonne610
    uvonne610 Posts: 29 Member
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    Couldn't say it better! If he is really your friend your weight shouldn't matter.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Excellent. I love this post.

    OP, not all guys are fixated on the physical, especially since the physical can be changed with dedication and effort.
  • uvonne610
    uvonne610 Posts: 29 Member
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    I know how you feel. It's a lot harder when you have a past with someone. I've always thought if I had a positive attitude or was happy and laughing they wouldn't notice my weight.
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    I would just straight out tell him that you are bigger than you would like to be, but you're working on it.

    Never tell a guy that! Fake it till you make it.

    Ever made a dessert for a dinner party that didn't set, and there you were, big delicious mess in the kitchen and 7 posh guests in teh dining room?

    Well darlings, you put serves of the thing into little bowls, crumble up some oreos and sprinkle on top, and pretend that's what you meant to do all along.

    "Oh Daaahling, what is this divine dessert?"

    "oh, just something I whipped up. A mere trifle."

    Never ever ever put yourself down.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Excellent. I love this post.

    OP, not all guys are fixated on the physical, especially since the physical can be changed with dedication and effort.

    hoookay there Henry Higgins, lol :) first, yes they are, just like everyone else. physical attraction totally matters (whatever the preferred form is). second, nonono, men, ladies, people, do not get into a thing already thinking of an upgrade. if you don't like what's in the box as is, do not purchase.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Excellent. I love this post.

    OP, not all guys are fixated on the physical, especially since the physical can be changed with dedication and effort.

    hoookay there Henry Higgins, lol :) first, yes they are, just like everyone else. physical attraction totally matters (whatever the preferred form is). second, nonono, men, ladies, people, do not get into a thing already thinking of an upgrade. if you don't like what's in the box as is, do not purchase.

    Of course physical attraction has a bearing, but not all guys base their dating decisions solely on that factor.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    Options
    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Excellent. I love this post.

    OP, not all guys are fixated on the physical, especially since the physical can be changed with dedication and effort.

    hoookay there Henry Higgins, lol :) first, yes they are, just like everyone else. physical attraction totally matters (whatever the preferred form is). second, nonono, men, ladies, people, do not get into a thing already thinking of an upgrade. if you don't like what's in the box as is, do not purchase.

    Of course physical attraction has a bearing, but not all guys base their dating decisions solely on that factor.

    This is true. One guy I (very briefly) dated was concerned about my choice of footwear.
  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
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    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Excellent. I love this post.

    OP, not all guys are fixated on the physical, especially since the physical can be changed with dedication and effort.

    hoookay there Henry Higgins, lol :) first, yes they are, just like everyone else. physical attraction totally matters (whatever the preferred form is). second, nonono, men, ladies, people, do not get into a thing already thinking of an upgrade. if you don't like what's in the box as is, do not purchase.

    Of course physical attraction has a bearing, but not all guys base their dating decisions solely on that factor.

    This is true. One guy I (very briefly) dated was concerned about my choice of footwear.

    Pretty sure that wasnt the only 'issue' he was concerned with. :)
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    Options
    Dont discount the possibility that he knows you have gained weight and just doesnt care. You're still the same person. Skinny does not equal friend-worthy... or more.

    I dated a girl once, super petite and sexy. We went a few years without seeing each other, without the benefit of FB to show us. One night when she moved back to town we decided to get back together to catch up. When she came to the door she had gained 30 pounds or so.

    Know how I reacted? Ask her... she and our three kids are asleep upstairs.

    Excellent. I love this post.

    OP, not all guys are fixated on the physical, especially since the physical can be changed with dedication and effort.

    hoookay there Henry Higgins, lol :) first, yes they are, just like everyone else. physical attraction totally matters (whatever the preferred form is). second, nonono, men, ladies, people, do not get into a thing already thinking of an upgrade. if you don't like what's in the box as is, do not purchase.

    Of course physical attraction has a bearing, but not all guys base their dating decisions solely on that factor.

    This is true. One guy I (very briefly) dated was concerned about my choice of footwear.

    Pretty sure that wasnt the only 'issue' he was concerned with. :)

    You're right. He was also very concerned with his reflection and hair. My concern was ending the evening as expeditiously as I could.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    Just show up. Don't worry too much about it. They may be surprised at first, but nobody should be surprised that people look different after four years.

    Last year, we had a miniature 10-year High School reunion and someone who I knew all through High School and college as "Mike" was now "Amanda". That was a bit of a surprise because, while the change had been announced over Facebook, I had not seen this individual after it happened. At first, I thought Amanda was the girlfriend of one of my other friends.

    Once Amanda accepted my initial blanket apology in case I reverted to using "Mike" (which was a definite threat, because people want to recount past experiences when they go to reunions), things went along just fine.

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