thanks for nothing hubby!

KMiYong

maybe you're being emotional, maybe he's being too harsh, however, his comment was not in place, as I suppose he knows how much you put into it. don't get upset though, maybe he wanted to kinda motivate you, perhaps? but chose the wrong words?
don't go and give him one of those emotional get back responses. sit down and talk. figure it out, tell him if he was wrong, listen and accept if you were wrong.
as for that walk with whoever it is, go ahead and ask! I don't think they'd refuse to slow down, if needed, and I think maybe you'd like to go a bit faster, for the challenge
good luck darling and keep going! don't let anyone and anything to put you down!

NordicAlien

I would suggest sitting down with him - when you're slightly less annoyed - and saying something along the lines of, "Honey, that thing you said earlier really upset me. I realise you were probably just being practical / joking / delete as applicable, but I've been working really hard on my health and fitness and it hurts to hear something like that. When I hear something like that I feel like you're marginalising all my hard work." (Feel free to substitute whatever your actual feelings are here, this is just an example.)

Hopefully he'll say, "Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Of course, if his reply is more along the lines of, "Jeez, woman, I was just joking. Why'd you have to make such a big deal of everything?" then feel free to make a voodoo effigy of him and stick it full of pins.

astartig

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Contrarian

I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, OP. It was just a comment that you were sensitive to. If the woman is actually more fit than you are, he might actually have a point, but you should ask her anyway. Maybe she would prefer having company.

Really? Have you ever as a fit person said to someone less fit "no - I don't want to go walking with you?" I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness. He is jerk - bottom line. This is not a "does this dress make me look fat question" where you open yourself up for truth- this was a slap in the face. I stand by my original comment - NOT VERY SUPPORTIVE!

No, I haven't. That doesn't mean that someone who is really into fitness and has limited time with which to work out would want to have to adjust their pace to accommodate someone else's ability. In fact, I have seen threads about that very situation on this site. I'm sure that is what, for a split second, crossed his mind. He is her partner. He isn't trying to be difficult. He saw the situation from one perspective and she saw it from another one.

We are talking about a playdate.. that means walking with little kids.. come on how fast do you think they'd be going with little kids? how is that EVER going to be part of the equation

The OP is the one who mentioned jogging.

BeachIron

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?

Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.

What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.

osothefinn

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

I like you.

astartig

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?

Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.

What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.

we are talking about a PLAYDATE with little kids. How fast will they be going? the rest of it is strawman.

Contrarian

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?

Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.

What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.

we are talking about a PLAYDATE with little kids. How fast will they be going? the rest of it is strawman.

Whatever. If you want to feel indignation on the OP's behalf, please do. Personally, I don't think her husband was trying to be unkind, and, as I mentioned, the OP mentioned jogging, and they don't yet have their child. By all means, be offended for her, though.

Have fun.

whierd

Wow - sure you want to bring a child into that? Just saying -- not very supportive. Are you ready to go this alone (at least virtually)...

lolwut?

BeachIron

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?

Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.

What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.

we are talking about a PLAYDATE with little kids. How fast will they be going? the rest of it is strawman.

First off, I think you need to read what you wrote, what I wrote, and then get your understanding of basic logical fallacies straightened out, as you are most terribly mistaken.

Second, on the reading front, this is what the OP wrote: "Telling hubby about a conversation with someone at school who's got a little about same age as the one we are hoping to adopt in a few weeks and we'd said we might try a few playdates. Thinking aloud I then said, maybe we could walking or jogging together."

Perhaps the OP meant to include "also" and "try" in that sentence, perhaps she did not, but if she's jogging on a play date and the kiddos are young, then I'm going to venture a guess that the kiddos are in a stroller. Not very many people go jogging with little ones without a stroller.

Myhaloslipped

I know men love to stand by the claim that they are being logical, but if the comment is going to result in a pissed off and upset wife or girlfriend, is it really worth saying it just to be logical? However, I don't know your husband and if that's just how he is. My boyfriend and I say weird stuff to each other all the time that is hilarious in my opinion, but some women might be offended by it. So it just depends.

whierd

I see the crazy is alive and well here today. Carry on.

OP, you were being oversensitive, please stop.

NinjadURbacon

I love some of the responses to this one. Yeah... yeah... you can argue that all he said to the OP was the truth... but...

That makes me wonder how well you get on with the women in your lives. Every man should know what a callous remark that would be.

Now, go sit in the corner and think about what you said!

Proper response would be: "that would be fun....do you think you could keep up with her?"

Myhaloslipped

I was wondering if it's weird that this comment wouldn't bother me much. I'd probably just make fun of one of my man's flaws, but I'd be funnier and way more sarcastic than he was. Then we'd just laugh it off. But I do understand why this would be upsetting to a woman who is under the weather and having a rough time.

NinjadURbacon

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?

Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.

What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.

we are talking about a PLAYDATE with little kids. How fast will they be going? the rest of it is strawman.

That is how you read it, I read it as going on a job with the lady in addition to play dates.

Alex_is_Hawks

I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.

you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.


we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..

Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?

Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.

What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.

we are talking about a PLAYDATE with little kids. How fast will they be going? the rest of it is strawman.

That is how you read it, I read it as going on a job with the lady in addition to play dates.

i don't think the OP wants to work with her.

mmipanda

people are going to crazy extremes on this thread. It was a jerky comment, which I would have handled with an 'ouch, you could use a bit of tact you turd' or similar response. And that would be the extent of it.

redladywitch

Really?

crackur

is this a site where women come and ***** about their significant others so they can get the attention they need?

Effective communication is not as common as I thought.

Brummig

Wow - normally I'm a thread killer, but this....

He was leaving the house as he said it so I didn't get chance to respond to him. He never comes on here so would never have seem it and I thought this was quite anonymous place for a rant. I was wrong to do it, it was mean. I'm not sure it was worse than what some people have since said about me, but hey I started so I will end it. I am sorry for any offence I may have caused. I will in future keep my thoughts to myself and just use this site for the tools.