What would you choose if this was your family?

ldrosophila

So since you all are so brilliant due to the fat loss. What would you do if you were in my friend's situation?

My friend lives in a small town with very little opportunity, but both he and his spouse make very good money. The problem is his spouse hates her boss with a passion. The boss, according to them, is an underhanded, lazy weasel. It's a small community so that's the only place of employment for her but wont ever advance. Right now their jobs allow them to have a nice house, with a lot of property, multiple cars and toys. They also work 4 days a week and commute together. They have a child, but limited opportunities there for the kid only one school, ect.

The choices are:
1. Stay there, and hope that she can suck it up some more. Although, it doesnt look like she's going to last much longer.

2. Move to Hawthorne, CA where she has a job which is a step up into management. However, he does not have a job and hasnt had much luck finding anything. If they move there it means a 3/4 pay cut. Although, he may eventually find work. It's a larger area so more opportunities for the whole family. It'll just be in the interim until work is found they'll have to downgrade to a one bedroom apartment and hope they can meet expenses. One car and the toys would be sold.

3. Stay in the dinky little no opportunity town, and he continues to work and she stays home with the kids. However, she loses out on the opportunity to advance her job and will have a gap in her skill set. They'll have to downgrade the home and get rid of the toys, but maybe able to keep the cars. They'll be stuck in the same small home for who knows how long.

What would you do if you were in their shoes?

FrauHaas2013

For me, it would be a no brainer; I wouldn't work for a jerk like that! I have to like the people that I work for/with. But it depends on what their priorities are - is it money/salary, or is it her mental health and access to greater opportunities?

As my husband always tells me, "It's not the number or types of toys you own that counts - it's who you have beside you."

likitisplit

I'd move to Ca. But what's most important for them?

LuckyLeprechaun

I've been with my husband through thick and thin, wealth and poverty.

I would choose happiness. Money is nice and it removes some of the obstacles in life, which allows you to worry about other stuff, but it doesn't solve anything if you are miserable.

stacyhaddenham

You didn't say how old the child is but any option with "1 bedroom apartment with a child" is an automatic "no" for me.

I currently work in a job I dislike with some people I can't stand. My wife and I came up with a plan for how to get me out of it in 18 months, I can do anything for a set period. That plan included 1) downsizing our housing to just what we needed not a lot of unused rooms. 2) getting her through her BA program so that she can make enough to support us if I can't find a different job. 3) Paying off any non-recurring debts. ie credit cards, car payments things that we could pay off once and make "go away".

As far as small town having fewer opportunities, I grew up in a small town, my wife in a big city. On the surface it would look like she had more opportunities. However, the conversation in our house often goes more like this "I wish I had grown up in a small town like you, your childhood was so much simpler and innocent than mine was." A child raised in a small town can still go to college, play sports, enjoy a full and fun childhood.

Alex_is_Hawks

i did move.

it was scary....it was touch and go....but i'm fulfilled and things have never been better (for me)

but it doesn't always work for everyone

ldrosophila

You didn't say how old the child is but any option with "1 bedroom apartment with a child" is an automatic "no" for me.

Sorry the child is still a baby 8 months

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

i did move.

it was scary....it was touch and go....but i'm fulfilled and things have never been better (for me)

but it doesn't always work for everyone

This.

My husband and I took a similarly huge risk a little over a year ago and moved back to our home state without jobs. It has been the hardest year of our lives financially.

Am I glad we gave it all up? Absolutely!

BusyRaeNOTBusty

They both should keep looking for jobs. Maybe she can find a remote working opportunity. Or they can both find jobs in another city.

Contrarian

2

michael1976_ca

i'd go with 2 she will have a job until he finds work. it scary yes but why stay when your miserable

danasings

So since you all are so brilliant due to the fat loss. What would you do if you were in my friend's situation?

My friend lives in a small town with very little opportunity, but both he and his spouse make very good money. The problem is his spouse hates her boss with a passion. The boss, according to them, is an underhanded, lazy weasel. It's a small community so that's the only place of employment for her but wont ever advance. Right now their jobs allow them to have a nice house, with a lot of property, multiple cars and toys. They also work 4 days a week and commute together. They have a child, but limited opportunities there for the kid only one school, ect.

The choices are:
1. Stay there, and hope that she can suck it up some more. Although, it doesnt look like she's going to last much longer.

2. Move to Hawthorne, CA where she has a job which is a step up into management. However, he does not have a job and hasnt had much luck finding anything. If they move there it means a 3/4 pay cut. Although, he may eventually find work. It's a larger area so more opportunities for the whole family. It'll just be in the interim until work is found they'll have to downgrade to a one bedroom apartment and hope they can meet expenses. One car and the toys would be sold.

3. Stay in the dinky little no opportunity town, and he continues to work and she stays home with the kids. However, she loses out on the opportunity to advance her job and will have a gap in her skill set. They'll have to downgrade the home and get rid of the toys, but maybe able to keep the cars. They'll be stuck in the same small home for who knows how long.

What would you do if you were in their shoes?

Honestly, I would move. I moved clear across the country with no job and no prospects for one 14 years ago and have never regretted it.

BUT...I live in Southern California and know a) how expensive it is to live here, and b) Hawthorne isn't the nicest area in SoCal. Given the choice, I wouldn't relocate to Southern California (especially not Los Angeles County). If they can't make one income work where they are now, they certainly won't be able to make it work here. And the Los Angeles area is one of the hardest to get a decent job in right now, unfortunately, so the chances of her husband getting high-paying employment there is slim.

ETA: so in this scenario, I would choose 3)

Adding also: why is being a stay-at-home mom such a horrifying idea?

gsmithnp

If those are the only three options, I'd pick #2 as that whole situation would be temporary (until he finds a job or hers advances to allow for more pay). You can always buy more toys later. The first and third options seem pretty long-term with no end in sight, and pretty disheartening to boot.

I'd have an easier time coming to terms with selling my house and toys if I knew there was a good chance I'd be able to upgrade again at some forseeable time in the future. Also, if her boss is doing anything illegal she needs to protect herself and get out.

Are there any other options available at all? Can she take a different job (even outside of her field) while going to school to advance? Can he? Is CA the only relocation option?

dlionsmane

If she is making decent money she should stay and make as much money off the weasel as she can. They need to save money and start thinking about downsizing. Make a plan to get there. I am in a similar boat, hate my job and most of the people I work with, no chance for advancement. My SO is semi-retired and we want me to be also. He has his savings in place, I don't. My plan... work here as long as I can (I make a decent pay) and save as much as I can (meaning AS MUCH as I can) We don't suffer, still take vacations and such, but we don't have toys or expensive hobbies and I think before I spend. We have a plan and I am sticking it out until we can realize that...

BeachIron

2.

Absolutely. No question.

She has a job there, so they will be okay if they cut expenses. He will eventually find something. They won't be miserable living in a place they hate. And finally, and more importantly, their children will have more opportunity and exposure to the world outside of insular and stifling small-town life.

That said, the grass is always greener, and moving away from home can be much harder than one expects.

usernameMAMA

Honestly, this sounds like a first world problem. I mean they work 4 days a week and can afford luxuries? I can work with someone I hate because I've never brought my work home with me. My jobs have always been just that. Jobs. It has never made a difference in my life at home (other than money of course). If it's causing stress outside of work, she needs to find her "don't give a ****" button and use it.

jetscreaminagain

Pick 1. Scale back on the toys (they are grown ups, right?) Save that toy money to move when the time is right and one or both have a job that is doable for the family to make it whereever they end up or start a business. Those tots and that unnecessarily lush lifestyle is probably what has them feeling stuck. Not actually stuck. There's always options.

chad_phillips1123

I'd stay, work at building/improving a resume, start saving in case a move is needed, and start collecting dirt on the weasel. Either try to get him caught, turn him in, or get promoted so you don't have to worry about him.

Nicolee_2014

Maybe 2, but I don't know what Hawthorne, CA is like to live........Or just 1 - suck it up for a while longer - both of them look for other jobs elsewhere (not necessarily Hawthorne). I've not liked my work/bosses for the last 12 years but I have a house to pay for, I like my lifestyle so I stay there. Life isn't always rainbows & lollipops. What happens if they move, get new jobs, then the next place they work the bosses are even bigger douche bags? Are they just going to keep packing up & moving on?

Tough decisions. I hope they make the right choice for them & live happily ever after :flowerforyou:

michellechawner

If it were me, i'd go to California if I were them. Money doesn't buy happiness. I was at a job a few years ago and it really took a toll on me emotionally. I hated my job, but knew I needed the paycheck more at the time. I stayed until something better came along, and I jumped on it. I love my co-workers to pieces now, we're a small company and I LOVE coming to work every day. I can also work from home, and actually have the option most days to stay home and work, or drive in.

Personal happiness is more what your friends should be looking for, not a "salary that affords them luxuries". Hawthorne CA is only one county north of where I am in Orange County, CA, and the job market is very much improving right now in CA. They may have to drive a bit more than they are now, but a job is a job. They can look in surrounding communities for schools/work as well.

Why do they need multiple cars and toys? I have a pick up truck, and that is it. I barely make it paycheck to paycheck. But you know what? I love my job, my friends, my family. What your friends need to do is decide what's more important - the money or the opportunities?

TorontoDiane

such a personal choice.. the couple need to sit down and really set out what is important between the two of them.. settle where they feel they will be happiest.. that's the most important thing ... being in love and being happy.. everything else will fall into place as long as the family is happy