Help! Peer pressure to eat poorly

Girlrose

I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:

"You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"

A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"

"You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."

"You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"

"Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"

As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.

Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?

Flabulousss

Just tell her it's not reasonable to eat all that. Okay, I'm not the most socially sensitive. But you don't have to treat yourself like crap just because it's her birthday. How did you not come away feeling sick? You could just come away with a bunch of leftovers and say you can't finish it.

My mom guilt trips me too, but I wont budge. It's my body, not hers. Order that salad if it's what you want.

nomeejerome

Just say no.

4legsRbetterthan2

Your cousin sounds pretty self centered and overbearing, maybe you should talk to her about that as apposed to the food.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Just say no.

I

Exactly. "I don't want waffle fries." "I'm not hungry anymore.", "I'm not hungry, I don't want chips and dip." ....

Escape_Artist

Just say no. Nothing more nothing less. You are an adult and you make your own decisions.

I don't think anyone around me would dare tell me what I can or can't do..

climbing_trees

I'm vegetarian and (moderately) lactose intolerant, and a lot of really unhealthy food is loaded up with meat and/or cheese. This gives me a pretty good excuse to skip over most foods I don't want to eat. (I can actually handle a small serving of dairy with no problem, but my friends don't really know that. So I will tell people that I forgot my lactase pills and if I eat that ice cream cake then they'll have to deal with my gas for the rest of the night, they usually back right off. haha)

If people continue to pressure me and make me uncomfortable, I will just stop going out with them. My friends always push alcohol on me if we go out to bars or to house parties. Even if I say that I have to drive! I hate feeling guilty and being nagged, I can't have fun in such a negative environment. I haven't gone with them in over a month. Yeah, it kind of sucks to sit at home when my friends are all out on the town, but I've saved a lot of money and a lot of calories!

If I want to visit with people who I know abuse food, and I don't want to make room for that in my daily allowance, I'll invite them somewhere that is not food related. Live music is something I've found that is agreeable to most people, and venues rarely ever sell snacks. Going to the park or the beach on a nice day, going to the movies, a museum, doing crafts...

0somuchbetter0

"I'm not used to eating all this stuff and if I take one more bite I will puke all over the table. Trust me, you don't want to see that."

That should shut them right up.

FrankiesSaysRelax

Just say no.

Exactly. "I don't want waffle fries." "I'm not hungry anymore.", "I'm not hungry, I don't want chips and dip." ....

Yep. You're the one giving in.. People are going to pressure you. Who cares what they are eating or want you to eat! Get what you want, stick with it and don't be afraid to say no.

k8blujay2

Just say no.


It really isn't that hard if you don't want it to be. They will love you anyway, regardless of whether or not you eat as much as they do... and if they don't, well that's on them not you.

MinnieInMaine

I'd say before you go visit your cousin again you need to have a little talk. Let her know your desire to eat healthier isn't about being skinny, it's about health. You order what you want, she can order what she wants, you'll finish eating when you're done and you'd prefer that she doesn't make comments and embarrass you in front of everyone.

You could even point out that if the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't appreciate the comments.. "OMG, you're eating fries AND dip - do you know how many calories is in that and how horrible it is for you?" Not cool, right?

Girlrose

Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in. I was made to believe that my cousin would no longer have as much fun at this occasions if she were the only person over-eating. Grrr!

I feel like I live in a culture in which people hate on the skinny girl who orders a salad at a restaurant. Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique. Obviously, all that crap aside, I just want to be HEALTHY! I just have trouble doing that when I eat in public because friends and family definitely take it as a "holier than thou" kind of thing. I think they feel like I think I'm somehow above them because I eat healthy food. I relented to the crap food this weekend because I wanted to make it clear that I was not on a high horse.

Sometimes the answer should just be "no," right? Sigh.

jillianbeeee

I had the same problem this past weekend only my in laws kept pushing me to drink! "come on one limarita won't hurt you!" "are you telling me that beer is off your diet? What kind of diet doesn't let you drink?" It was ridiculous! I had already declined 5 times when I finally gave in and had one! I know I blew my calorie intake! Its really hard to say no, over and over again at someone elses house! But all it did is made me feel like crap and guilty. So NEVER again, they can choose to be fat and out of shape but I chose not to be.

Girlrose

I'd say before you go visit your cousin again you need to have a little talk. Let her know your desire to eat healthier isn't about being skinny, it's about health. You order what you want, she can order what she wants, you'll finish eating when you're done and you'd prefer that she doesn't make comments and embarrass you in front of everyone.

You could even point out that if the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't appreciate the comments.. "OMG, you're eating fries AND dip - do you know how many calories is in that and how horrible it is for you?" Not cool, right?

This is awesome advice. Thanks! You make such a good point. It would be very rude of me to make comments like that to her, as well.

jillianbeeee

Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in. I was made to believe that my cousin would no longer have as much fun at this occasions if she were the only person over-eating. Grrr!

I feel like I live in a culture in which people hate on the skinny girl who orders a salad at a restaurant. Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique. Obviously, all that crap aside, I just want to be HEALTHY! I just have trouble doing that when I eat in public because friends and family definitely take it as a "holier than thou" kind of thing. I think they feel like I think I'm somehow above them because I eat healthy food. I relented to the crap food this weekend because I wanted to make it clear that I was not on a high horse.

Sometimes the answer should just be "no," right? Sigh.

agreed! they compliment us on losing all the weight then turn around and make us feel like were stuck up or something when we don't eat or drink what they are. Its a losing battle,(no pun intended) we just have to say NO and not care what they think.

Trechechus

Tell her that her birthday does not give her the right to dictate what you do with your own body. You aren't telling her what to eat, and she doesn't have the right to tell you.

SoDamnHungry

"No thanks." "I'm full." "Why do you keep telling me exactly what to order?" "I don't really have room for chips at this point."

ETA:

And if she feels guilty eating chocolate when you don't also get some, maybe she should not be eating the chocolate.

I have a friend that feels guilty ordering a coke when I always drink water. People come up with the weirdest things in their own head.

Jacwhite22

I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:

"You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"

A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"

"You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."

"You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"

"Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"

As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.

Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?

"Finish your burger"? Your profile says you are a vegetarian? I'm confused

samammay

My wife says to me fairly regularly "You can have this... you dont have to be at your calories everyday" as she is trying to get me to eat something unhealthy that I didnt want in the first place. My response is always "I dont have to, but I am going to anyway"

k8blujay2

Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in. I was made to believe that my cousin would no longer have as much fun at this occasions if she were the only person over-eating. Grrr!

I feel like I live in a culture in which people hate on the skinny girl who orders a salad at a restaurant. Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique. Obviously, all that crap aside, I just want to be HEALTHY! I just have trouble doing that when I eat in public because friends and family definitely take it as a "holier than thou" kind of thing. I think they feel like I think I'm somehow above them because I eat healthy food. I relented to the crap food this weekend because I wanted to make it clear that I was not on a high horse.

Sometimes the answer should just be "no," right? Sigh.

You can still eat and join in on the food centered festivities... but you don't have to be a glutton like many are apt to be about it... and it's ok if you don't. They may want you to eat because they feel insecure... and again, that is on them.

Trechechus

I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:

"You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"

A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"

"You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."

"You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"

"Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"

As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.

Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?

"Finish your burger"? Your profile says you are a vegetarian? I'm confused

They make veggie, black bean and boca burger patties