Help! Peer pressure to eat poorly
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Don't give in to peer pressure.
My family is like, the worse at that. sometimes you just have to suck it up and be direct to them.0 -
My boyfriend loves to eat and while I'm trying to convert him (proving harder than I thought!), I deal with this all the time.
It's totally reasonable for you to tell people that you eat in a way that makes you feel good. You can always make up an excuse too, if someone doesn't buy what you're saying. It sounds like your cousin is persistent, so definitely be firm with her and say something like, "I have found that I feel the best when I eat this way, and it's really important to me that I feel great - physically, mentally and emotionally". Hopefully something like that will stop her.
Props to you for sticking to your guns on this. Even a 4-day weekend can turn great habits in to bad habits really quickly!0 -
My reply is "no thanks, I'll pass this time". I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation.0
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I just say no. If the people you are with don't like, that is their issue and not yours.
I find that by just quietly doing my thing, the people I hang out with have come to accept it, and several have even picked up some of my healthy eating habits and had success with it. They can eat whatever they want when we go out, and I'll do my thing.
People try to pressure you to do all sorts of things in your life that you know aren't right, and food is just one area.0 -
I'm reminded of the time when I was in college and some friends were trying to get me to drink. They kept pressuring and I kept saying no. Finally, I said, ok I will take a beer. They all cheered like they had just got something grand to happen. Then I poured the beer on the ground.
They were PISSED. I said it was my beer, they gave it to me, and I could do what I wanted with it. I told them that if they ever offered me another, I would do the same thing.
Now, when somebody is pressuring me to do something I don't want I tell them this story. Then I say, "So, are you sure you wanna give me those fries?"
I don't typically have to keep fighting the comments after that.0 -
I really relate to this. My sisters in law are constantly commenting on my eating habits, and how they never see me eat "normal food." The thing is, I feel better when I eat healthy food. I do believe in everything in moderation, but for me, personally, I crave healthy foods because that's how I feel best. When I feel the pressure, I just say, "I prefer to eat like this. When I eat heavy meals, I always feel sick." That usually shuts them up.0
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This is sooo annoying...I have friends that kind do the same thing. Except in your case it seems like your cousin wants you to eat food that you would never eat by yourself. Whereas with my friends its usually eating (especially drinking) unhealthy things that I've consumed in the past and would still consume now but in moderation.
I recently went on a wknd trip with these friends and I had a few drinks. But one of my friends kept trying to pressure me to drink more until I directly told him (in a mean way) to stop telling me to drink. For some reason he felt that him buying the drinks meant that I had to drink them, even when I told him no beforehand.
Now i don't have the strictest of diets, I try to stay within my macros on here, but calories is the most important to me. So what i do is, if I know a few days in advance that I'm going to be around these friends or I'll be going out to a restaurant I'll do what i can to plan ahead by maybe increasing my deficit on the days leading up to it in order to minimize the effects of possibly going over my calories for the day. It's worked okay so far. I feel it would be very useful for you in dealing with waffle fries
The people who posted before me have given some pretty great advice that you should follow, and I'm gonna follow as well. Thanks everyone.0 -
Honestly, I sometimes wish more people pressured me to eat poorly or overeat. Pushy people get on my nerves, even if the pushy person is someone I love. I find it easier to resist food if someone is trying to force me to eat it. Unfortunately most of my relatives and friends are either the
"Oh, bcattoes won't want any cake. She eats healthy." (as bad as the pushy people)
or the
"You sure you don't want any? Okay, more for me!"
types.0 -
eat
drink
be merry
people say this for a reason.0 -
Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique.
^this0 -
It's weird...I see these posts a lot...in my experience, I just say, "no thanks" and that's pretty much that.0
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It's weird...I see these posts a lot...in my experience, I just say, "no thanks" and that's pretty much that.
Maybe it's the type of people I hang out with, or that I live in Colorado, but I'm expected to eat healthy. Opting for a salad, or a bocca burger would not be weird to anyone.0 -
It's the worst... Happened to me in the summer, weekend away with 4 girlfriends, I was supposed to eat and drink massive amounts at meals just MASSIVE inbetween snacks and treats...
I kept saying 'No thanks, I don't want it!'. To an endless chorus of 'Is that all you're having?' 'But you're thin you don't need to worry!' 'Why come away for the weekend if you're not going to enjoy yourself?'.
I had no answers. It was awkward. Feel for ya OP!0 -
I have the same thing with coworkers (mandatory going out for lunch every Friday - usually to pubs or other unhealthy restaurants). Everyone makes fun of me for picking a normal sandwich over a big greasy burger, or not ordering dessert or fries, etc. I've learned to just be firm and not respond to their negative comments. People have a lot of reasons why they are like that - jealousy, validation for their own eating habits, or they don't realize how destructive they are being and actually think eating like that is a good, happy thing (when you don't want it - if you want a burger, by all means have a frickin burger in moderation).
So I just smile or whatever and say, "No thanks, this is what I want for lunch" and proceed with enjoying my food. Although of course at most restuarants it isn't much to be enjoyed... lol can't people just make a simple sandwich anymore without tons of mayo and crap? Geez. Anyway that's another topic altogether...
Just do what you want, eat what you want and stay strong. Don't let others push you around.0 -
I use "no thank you, I don't eat that" quite often. My "diet" isn't restrictive by any means, I eat anything and everything I want, I just don't crave much processed/ "unhealthy" food because I know how I feel after eating it (like crap). I know I, personally, get a ton of crap from friends and family, but if you stick to your guns long enough they eventually get bored of pestering and pressuring you. I know for many of my friends its the "my diet plan is to feed my friends more cupcakes than me" idea that causes them to pressure those of us who do live relatively healthy lifestyles.0
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Your cousin sounds pretty self centered and overbearing, maybe you should talk to her about that as opposed to the food.
Exactly.
But beyond that, I think you can say, "I love you, but I'm not hungry and if I eat more right now my stomach is going to hurt for the next few hours." Even she might feel bad pressuring you after that!0 -
"Finish your burger"? Your profile says you are a vegetarian? I'm confused
It was a veggie burger with lettuce, onions, and guacamole on it.0 -
Maybe explain to her it's not about being skinny it is about being healthy for you. That you don't like to eat that kind of stuff every day.
If she does it again say please worry about your own food. I said no.
Sometimes you have to be firm.
Good luck.0 -
Don't make your comments about restriction. Try things like "that looks really good but I couldn't possibly fit it in", "I'm really in the mood for nice big salad today", "I feel so much better when I eat x", "I'm here to spend time with you and I can do that no matter what I eat" "You should definitely have the fries if that's what you feel like, but I feel more like x today", "I'd really love to have x but I'm saving room for cake later" etc. If you can make her beleive you actually want the salad/veggies then she'll be even more envious.
Don't focus on the negatives like "I can't have x food", "my diet doesn't allow that", "that won't fit in my calories", "OMG that's disgusting, do you know how much fat is in that"
P.s. somtimes I think I use these situations as an excuse to go crazy. Makes you feel better about it when it's someone else's idea. It's really me who's doing the sabotage not my friend or family member. You are the only one in complete control of what goes in your mouth0 -
"You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"
Slightly off topic, but I now want waffle fries with sour cream dip and maybe a burrito :-)0 -
They are using you as an excuse to eat things they know they shouldn't be eating themselves. Don't let them make you their enabler. If they are truely your friend, they would allow you to order what you wanted. If they had a lick of sense, they would know that eating what they want you to eat will throw your body into shock, and you will feel horrible (physically) afterwards. Not counting what you will have to do to make up for something that you ate that was off your diet. It would be a different story is say you loved cheesecake, and had not had it in a while, and ate it with them. At least it would have been something you enjoyed, and you would have happily satisfied a craving and moved on.0
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It sounds so easy to 'just say no' but it really really isn't!
I'm a student and I live with 8 other people and I'm the only one who is overweight and as much as I try my hardest to exercise and eat healthy I'm constantly getting nagged to - get a takeaway, get a pizza delivery, go to the chinese buffet, go on a night out etc.
I want to say no because I obviously want to go for the healthier option but I also don't want to be completely left out of all flat activities because then I'll just be a social outcast for the whole year.
So, it's hard to say no and sometimes ... now and then .. you just have to say yes. Even as bad as it is for you.
(Today's example, local pub deal - 50 chicken wings for £5)0 -
I find this to be more of an issue visiting in-laws that I only kinda-sorta know, don't want to be rude to, and just won't take no for an answer.
For people that are close to me, I just tell them that I'm ordering X because that's what I'm in the mood to eat, leave me alone about it. I try not to mention any weight loss goals because then I open myself up to "I thought you're on a diet" the second you eat something that they think is unhealthy.
You could make friends with people who like to do more than stuff their faces with pizza in front of the TV or go out for Chinese food everyday, no?I want to say no because I obviously want to go for the healthier option but I also don't want to be completely left out of all flat activities because then I'll just be a social outcast for the whole year.0 -
No is all you need to say, no explanation necessary. Never give your power over to anyone.0
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Other posters already hit the nail on the head.
If you don't want the food, say no to it. You're the one who has to deal with the after effects of the sodium and feeling bloated or nauseated later.
I know people want to be able to celebrate and eat what they want, I get it, but if it's going to make you feel gross, don't.
I mean I love me some food, obviously, but if it was alcohol, and friends were like, 'c'mon on, c'mon on! have another it's my birthday!' and I'm sitting there counting calories in my head for a raspberry margarita plus a shot and knowing if I do it I'm going to get a carb load, then a sugar crash once the alcohol hits, plus blow my calories for the day . . . ack no!
I'll order a light beer or just say I don't feel like drinking tonight.
It's the same thing for food. Your cousin wanted a partner in crime. Without judging her for eating whatever she wanted, you should get to eat whatever you want, even if that's a salad or some grilled chicken.
IF you have to, lie and say you feel kinda queasy and want to take it easy on your stomach.
As for the social stuff, emerald, you can eat wings, you can drink beer, you can have pizza, and takeaway, and everything else, you just have to eat less of it to balance out the calories. You'll have to 'fill up' on less calorie dense food or just deal with feeling hungry. But, you can still be social with friends and food.0 -
"I'm allergic to..."
"I have a condition..."
"My religion forbids me from eating..."
"I have explosive diarrhea..."
All perfectly good excuses to refuse food.0 -
You make them feel guilty about their current physical condition. Therefore, if they can get you to eat the same thing they're eating then they don't have to feel so guilty. It you do not give in, then they blame you for having the "holier then thou" attitude so that they can again blame their feeling of guilt on you.
You could show her how much fun MFP is and try to get her to do this with you.
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Also, one thing I should add is that I generally treat special occassions like weddings, family bbq on a holiday, etc. as cheat days. I eat lightly around those events to try to off-set as much as possible, but it allows me to not be the wallflower who won't have a beer, burger, and piece of steak like everyone else. If you don't stand out, people won't pressure you to eat more (even if you're kinda just faking it).0
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I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:
"You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"
A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"
"You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."
"You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"
"Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"
As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.
Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?
My ex husband was incredibly fat - he was spherical. And when we would visit his mother, she would use him as the family rubbish tin. Ten minutes after telling him to go on a diet, she would be trying to feed him the last of the macaroni cheese, or the remains of the roast. "Eat it, or it will just go to waste!" she would say, firing it onto his plate.
One time, when i knew he was actually on a diet, I looked her in the eye and said 'if you don't want it, throw it in the bin.' "Oh I couldn't, what a waste!" "It's gone either way" I said. "It was a waste from the moment you made extra."
I didn't let her fire it onto his plate.
Basically, next time you have someone forcing food on you, look them straight in the eye and say 'do you not care about what I want?'
"Are you trying to manipulate me into ruining my diet?" Call it like you see it. Then proffer a rubbish bin and tell them to throw it in there.0
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