FRUSTRATED! - eating disorders, etc.

JoelleAnn78

Ths thread is full of some seriously brave and courageous individuals. I am in awe of the struggles that you face everyday and are willing to share with strangers. Please be sure to surround yourselves with people who are supportive and working toward health. All to often on MFP I see people with ED that have put in a ton of work and effort into getting healthy only to have one person on their FL that drags them back into the behaviors because THEY are not ready to work yet. Thanks for sharing.

ctsteidl

FWIW - I've been to see four different counselors in my life. Only one of them was at all effective - and that guy saved my life.

Counselors are a lot like clothes, in that you have to try them on until you find one that fits. If counseling has been ineffective for you in the past, don't dismiss the counseling experience, just dismiss that counselor.

Somebody upthread likened eating disorders to an addiction and gave a very, very accurate description of dealing with one throughout ones' life. I'm 51 now and this has been with me for 35+ years. It DOESN'T go away. But that's not to say that there isn't hope and that you can't learn to deal with it. You can, and finding the right counselor will be the start of your real recovery.

Another post upthread - volunteer at a shelter - is also excellent advice. Any volunteer experience is a worthwhile thing and will significantly build your sense of self-worth. Shelter animals have a lot of love to give and you'd be doing a good thing for them and for yourself.

Put down the big club you've been using to beat yourself up. Good luck and accept the love that's in your world.

Beautifully said. Thank you

RenshiG

I would LOVE to adopt a dog but unfortunately my apartment doesn't accept them but thank you for your reply

Ok then, can you volunteer at a shelter? i mean, you can go once or twice a week and pet the animals and get the benefits of it. im telling you it is WORTH IT for stress thereapy - for you and the animals.

you have to get your mind off food. beleive me.. i was OCD about stuff in my life AND THIS WORKED!!!

try it just once.. and you will be hooked.

My sister had severe anxiety issues. She was told to get herself around horses. She "shared a horse, being responsible for it 2-3 times a week. That commitment as well as just the physical contact with the animal did wonders for her. Still amazed about that.

ctsteidl

The first thing I really need right now is the motivation to change. It's just hard for me to snap back into working on being healthy when being unhealthy (mentally and physically) is all I've know for the past 10 years.

dwalt15110

I am coming from an entirely different angle and that is what you said about fast food. Several people have told me that they are able to stay away from fast food for months, but as soon as they have one thing, the cravings are horrendous. All they can think about is the taste and having it again. So they go back and go back to get their fast food fix. The only thing that stops them is not having the money to continue. My one friend swears that they put something in the food to make it addictive. Part of it is because it is so taste acute. Fast food has a taste you remember and can recall. So I understand why it is so hard to break that chain.

I think it is very important to not only log what you eat every day, but to also use the note box to log how you felt during the day. What made you feel good and what didn't. Were your feelings food related or was there something else that caused those feelings.

What makes you happy? What do you like to do? What is your passion? Finding out those answers and beginning to focus on those things can be a very healthy outlet.

I have bouts of panic and anxiety and I was housebound except for work for over a year. Then I did what I am asking you to do. I found out that I love to sing, play the piano and compose music. I absolutely can't get enough of being in a recording studio whether it is working on my project or someone else's. I focus a lot on that. I also love to write and have published works. These are things that make me happy, that make me feel whole. What makes you feel whole?

ctsteidl

I am coming from an entirely different angle and that is what you said about fast food. Several people have told me that they are able to stay away from fast food for months, but as soon as they have one thing, the cravings are horrendous. All they can think about is the taste and having it again. So they go back and go back to get their fast food fix. The only thing that stops them is not having the money to continue. My one friend swears that they put something in the food to make it addictive. Part of it is because it is so taste acute. Fast food has a taste you remember and can recall. So I understand why it is so hard to break that chain.

I think it is very important to not only log what you eat every day, but to also use the note box to log how you felt during the day. What made you feel good and what didn't. Were your feelings food related or was there something else that caused those feelings.

What makes you happy? What do you like to do? What is your passion? Finding out those answers and beginning to focus on those things can be a very healthy outlet.

I have bouts of panic and anxiety and I was housebound except for work for over a year. Then I did what I am asking you to do. I found out that I love to sing, play the piano and compose music. I absolutely can't get enough of being in a recording studio whether it is working on my project or someone else's. I focus a lot on that. I also love to write and have published works. These are things that make me happy, that make me feel whole. What makes you feel whole?

Thank you so much for this post! You're exactly right. I will try to do all of that when I log my food and I'll focus on things that make me happy

mountaingirl1961

The first thing I really need right now is the motivation to change. It's just hard for me to snap back into working on being healthy when being unhealthy (mentally and physically) is all I've know for the past 10 years.

That's the depression. It took me meds to get past that point, but they REALLY made the difference. They weren't "happy pills". They sure as hell didn't make me happy. What they did was take enough of the depressive edge off so that my willpower was enough to get me moving.

Mr_Knight

I really want to get motivated and start exercising and eating right.... I just can't start it and I don't know why....

I don't expect anyone to respond to this.... but I just don't know what to

Hey, it can be hard. I have a buddy I've been gently prodding for a year now to start working out with me and eat smarter. Total no go. Woke up a few days ago to find a picture of him in a hospital bed - mid-40s, already had his first heart attack. And guess what? He's *still* not motivated to make the necessary changes!

It happens.

I would suggest considering talking to a counsellor. Not a "weight loss" counsellor, and counsellor-counsellor.

Good luck!

BoomstickChick

I haven't had eating disorder problems or anything, but after I just had my 3rd baby, I haven't been motivated to get started back at this again. Just the other day I started working out again, sticking to my calorie goals, and getting back on my gluten free diet, which I should have never stopped. Something just clicked and told me it was time to get back to it!

deksgrl

You are ahead of the game in one way, you know what works, you said you had success with eating 1300-1400 and exercise. So, there is your starting point, you know what you have to do. Doing it is another matter. Start tracking again.

BluejayNY

Ok you guys that are telling me to go to therapy, I've said in this post that I've already tried therapy and it just didn't work for me. And besides, I'm so broke that I wouldn't have to money to go even if I wanted to.

If you work full time see if your employer as Employment Assistance Programs. It is all about finding the RIGHT counselor. The wrong one can make things worse. I have been there. If it isn't helping or feels wrong then move onto a new person. The right one WILL help you.

I don't think 115 at 5'4 is unhealthy but your thought process and the extreme restriction is concerning. You know you are not being healthy by starving or by binging. The yo yo weight gaining/losing is going to have ramifications on your body healthwise and lookwise that may be PERMANENT. You may really regret not getting help sooner and stopping this cycle.

jen_zz

But most of all make the decision to be healthy not to just be skinny.

You will continue to Yo yo until you learn to do it right and get ahold of your "tendancies". I often say it's a decision. You make it and stick to it...throughout life...life choice.

Great advice.

ctsteidl

Thank you all for taking the time to try and help me. I really appreciate it

cafeaulait7

If therapy is not possible, you'll still have to figure out what to eat in a day and how to workout healthily, and I know that's the ongoing problem It bumps right into your disordered thinking, because EDs are about the disordered thinking.

One idea is to go to a nutritionist and have that person just plain tell you what to do. Do that and try your best to consider the whole weight and food thing out of your hands. Just give that entire subject to someone else for a while If you screw up, ignore it and consider it the past. It's not your problem. No disordered behavior allowed (well, that's the goal, lol).

I'm not saying 'just do it' because that's crazy talk when disordered/addictive thinking is involved! But try your best to give it to someone else. Let them decide, because you can't trust your brain to make the good decisions just yet.

bkyoun

I also think that finding the right counselor would be tremendously helpful for you.

My heart breaks when I hear stories like this. I hope that you can come to realize that you are beautiful inside and out. It doesn't matter if you weigh 150 pounds or 110 pounds, you are beautiful. How much you weigh does not determine how much you are worth. You have inherent worth as a human being and a child of God. Please do what you need to to learn to love yourself. That is the biggest part of your battle.

Your physical health is the next issue, the one that we are all in the same boat working on. You can do this. Be patient. It won't happen over night. Eat an appropriate amount of calories for your body type. Log everything and exercise. You will get to your ideal weight. Just be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. You are worth it!

polluxy

I would like to emphasize that I think getting some counseling is one of the best things you can do right now. You've got to give yourself some love and not beat yourself up over body image, first and foremost, before success can happen. Repeat after me: "My weight is not my defining characteristic. I am a valuable human being regardless of how I look."

Concurrently, I would strongly recommend taking a look at the blog "MarksDailyApple.com". I also used to binge, and then starve, and kill myself in the gym, and never quite realize what it was to have a healthy, stable diet. This blog changed my life. I no longer have to obsess over what I eat, I feel strong and confident and don't suffer from the mood swings that I used to, and the ups and downs of gaining/losing, binging/purging. From the message boards there, I gather that a lot of recovering anorexics/bulimics have had similar experiences after following this way of eating. Now, everyone has to find their own way, but I think you should definitely check this out.

Good luck, wish you the best!

marras117

So sorry you're dealing with this! God it sucks doesn't it? I have been in the *exact same* position and have gone to therapy with little success. If i can make a suggestion that may seem a little out there...believe me it was new agey for me at first too... I highly recommend Gabrielle Bernstein's books. "Spirit Junkie" in particular teaches you how to self soothe and gain motivation. Meditation has done more for me than therapy ever has.
Although i wouldn't give up on therapy, im just like you, i dont have the money/time and its really difficult to find a smart one! Id rather spend my money on bikram yoga which immediately calms my anxiety anyway.

Also I say in terms of binging, that if you really fight to eat healthy for a few days, even 3 days, with low addictive food like flour and sugar, then day 3 is a different story and much easier. Treat sugar/flour like an addiction. like quitting smoking sucks at first but after a while its not so bad. 3 days stick it out - you can do it!

Also check out your hormones, vitamin d, thyroid, food sensitivities, gut bacteria.. if therapy isnt working and your appetite is huge it could be a physical imbalance (generally doesn't show in drs tests or even occur to the dr) I think everyone is quick to assume its simply serotonin which always puzzled me since that is just one singular chord in a symphony of transmitters, hormones, vitamins and enzymes that affect mood and weight. You're highly likely vitamin d, omega 3, protein and B12 deficient after a spell of anorexia. These deficiencies make you depressed and slow your metabolism. It takes some time to pull the levels back up and a multivitamin doesn't always do the trick. Just something to check out - ask your nutritionist specifically about this!