Mommy Guilt

cvaughn76

I have two small children ages 4 yrs old and 9 months. I have been taking a boxing fitness class in the evening for the last week but I am starting to feel guilty about leaving my kids in the evening. They are away at childcare during the day, so we come home, I fix them dinner then I am off to my class and return in time to put them to bed. How do other moms deal with this feeling of guilt when working out in the evening?

downinaggieland98

I feel for you! I had the same problem. I go workout after I get off work, so it does take some time away from her. How many evenings do you go?

My first thought is you need to take care of yourself first, so they have a healthy mom! And just make sure you make the time you do have with them count.

ldrosophila

How often are you going? Maybe Mommy's exercise time on a few days should be after the kids go to bed?

Flab2fitfi

I can understand the guilt. In the evenings I'm either at the gym or studying ( getting my degree online) and yes I do miss spending time with the kids.

But you are also entitled to do something for you and getting fitter will also benefit them in the long term. In my case I started 100lbs overweight and if I did not too something I'd probably be dead in 5 years.

homerjspartan

Sucks, but this is correct. I workout before they get up, at lunch at work, or after they go to bed.

Unless they are bad, then I beat them.....and count that as my workout.

seltzermint555

I am not a mom but I agree with others...you taking care of yourself and showing that you respect yourself and your body/health is going to set an amazing example for your kids and makes you a better parent IMO!

Leah_Brooke

Same. ^

Leah_Brooke

SAME.

Sucks, but this is correct. I workout before they get up, at lunch at work, or after they go to bed.

Unless they are bad, then I beat them.....and count that as my workout.

KimberlyTG2

I have an hour for lunch. I try to get as much exercise in during that time as I can, so I can be home for dinner and spend a few hours with my son before he goes to bed. My husband takes classes and try's to get his homework done after we put the boy to sleep. We just try to balance everything the best we can

HikerRR50

I guess I don't agree with all the good for you posts....There are lots of times during when the kiddos are asleep that you can work out. Kids that age DO NOT understand that you are trying to be healthy.....they just miss you. Family first IMO

skinnyinnotime

How often are you going? Maybe Mommy's exercise time on a few days should be after the kids go to bed?

This is what I used to do and then they don't miss out on being with you.

dawnabon45

This isn't possible for everyone, but is working out at lunch a possibility?

There's also workout DVDs like 30 Day Shred or Insanity that you could maybe do in the morning.

Not saying it's bad to go do the class, but for me personally I wouldn't want to be away from my daughter that regularly.

WeepingAngel81

I used to feel guilty and then quickly got over it the older my kids got. They see me working out, and they want to be active as well. I felt guily for leaving them, but I was only leaving them for an extra hour a couple of times a week. In the end, it is good to have that me time and as a result my kids love sports and playing outside. Not only that, but the more I work out, the easier it is for me to keep up with them. Don't feel guilty. :flowerforyou:

KarlaH9801

Healthy Mommy = Healthy Family. Take the kids on walks with you. I stay home with my kids, but I go work out several times a week in the afternoon/evening. I need my "Me time"!

jfauci

My kids are older (9 and 11) and I still feel a bit guilty when I go to the gym. I go 3 times/week and they know that going makes me feel good and gives me the energy to do more things with them. I think it's important for kids to learn that mom's need some time for themselves.

irunforcookies

I'm a Mom of 4, and I somewhat agree with what you are doing. This is going to sound cheesy - but this young age is so precious! My kids go to bed between 7:30 and 8:00, so that leaves me PLENTY of time to workout after they are asleep. I would try to put the burden more on yourself than them when they are this young - and by that - I mean that you should either wake up an hour earlier, or go to bed an hour later. They only get a few hours with you a day, why would you want to spend that time anywhere else?

workout_ninja

My sons bed time is 7pm so both myself and my husband alternate days when we work out and we go after 7. My son never notices we are gone!

Holly_Roman_Empire

I guess I don't agree with all the good for you posts....There are lots of times during when the kiddos are asleep that you can work out. Kids that age DO NOT understand that you are trying to be healthy.....they just miss you. Family first IMO

I agree with this post. Kids do not understand. If you really are feeling guilty about it, do some exercise at home that can involve them. Go running while the kids ride their bikes along side you. Do some shadow boxing and let them do it with you. Play tag in the backyard. Exercise with a video before the kids get up or after they are in bed. There are numerous at-home options you can explore.

sslopez24

Sucks, but this is correct. I workout before they get up, at lunch at work, or after they go to bed.

I too feel guilty for the kids and my husband if I workout at night. This is why I decided to workout in the morning before anyone is up then start my day. I used to take a boot camp class from 5:30 AM-6:30 AM MWF. We moved and now I have to travel longer distance to keep the kids at the same school/caregiver. I decided to switch to home DVD. Jillian Michaels 30 DS and I love it! I get up at 5:45AM, do the work out (25-27 min), shower, wake up the older kids, start getting ready, then wake and dress the 2 1/2 yr old so we can head out for the day! It works for me, maybe this can be an option for you. You like kick boxing, maybe the Beachbody Chalene Johnson Turbo fire would be good for you.

Just keep going! Need to stay healthy in order to keep up or be around long enough to enjoy your kids.

randomtai

My mommy guilt stopped 3 kids ago. A healthy happy mommy is a better mommy for all. No gym mommy equals cranky pissed mommy. :laugh:

Ivey05131980

Every time...but just know you are doing it for them, to be a better, healthier mom who will be around for a long time to come. :flowerforyou:

DistantJ

I guess I don't agree with all the good for you posts....There are lots of times during when the kiddos are asleep that you can work out. Kids that age DO NOT understand that you are trying to be healthy.....they just miss you. Family first IMO

I have 6 kids ranging from 2 months to 18 years, and I have to say that I agree with this. I took two years off from regular parenting while I was working full-time and getting my masters. NOT WORTH IT! Perhaps go work out before they get up or after they go to bed whenever you can. Or, perhaps the workout can be swimming with them or taking them on a jog in the jogger stroller or running around the park like crazy people.

Now that i have my younger two kids (2 and 2 mo), I have cut back to working part-time from home (I realize this isn't an option for everyone) and if I go work out without them, I don't feel guilty about the time away.

Best wishes to you, and good for you trying to balance out your time with your family!

elainecroft

It seems like people are trying to give you MORE guilt...

Do what you need to do, for YOUR life & family. If that means working out some evenings, then do it, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

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gobonas99

If I were you, I would only go to class at the gym 2-3 days per week. The other days, do something at home either WITH the kids (ie walking/running with the baby in the stroller with your 4yo riding their bike next to you), after they go to bed at night, or in the morning before they get up. But definitely take those 2-3 days at the gym (or even working out by yourself at home), and make those days "daddy" time. :happy:

rachelrb85

I feel your pain. My baby is much younger (4 months) and I would feel guilty leaving. I come home from work, feed her and put her to bed like an hour later. Personally, I work out during my lunch break so it doesn't affect my family time. I try and use the jogging stroller as much as I can, and she loves it! Also, we bought a 70 lb boxing bag and I cannot wait to start using it! If you like your boxing workouts, why not buy one and workout at home when they go to bed?

aliawiesand

I would say that it depends on how often/how long you go. If it is a few times a week, it is actually beneficial to the children to see you have you time. I helped raise three kids when I was a teenager, and they never learned to be on their own because they never saw a time where there mom or me were not there.
I understand the guilt (I do that with my puppy) but at the same time it also builds the little ones. Plus, you are there for dinner and for bed time, which counts for a lot. Little ones still get to see you, and you still get to be healthy.
And I am really a strong believer in teaching (gently) the younger ones to have space away from parents. It creates a less co-dependent life style in the end.

stacksue

I try to work out in the mornings before work. Even if this means leaving when my son is awake. We never play in the am(we're both too sleepy) so we aren't missing playtime. Twice a week I take classes and I DO get home later. At first I felt guilty but it is very important to sometimes do what makes you feel best. I am much happier now that I put aside time to take care of myself as well as my little boy. However, I can't 'manage to get him into bed before 10 so working our after he goes to bed just isn't an option. Maybe the nights you go to your class will become your children's special night with Daddy...

Brige2269

It's called Mommy time! I use to fret about it too, but I realized, I was not getting anytime for myself. The kids had their time to do what they wanted, hubby had his time to do what he wanted, why couldn't I? So, I joined a gym, gave myself an hour a day, RIGHT after work, cos if I went home, we all know, we would never make it back out to the gym. My daughter always had to go to after school daycare anyway, so I figured, what was one more hour for her to be there, so I can work on me? She was having fun, I was paying for the time anyway. You just gotta do it for you.

Oh, I never workout at lunch, do NOT want to come back to my office sweaty.

summer8it

I feel NO guilt about leaving my husband and son at home 1 or 2 nights a week so I can go to classes. I wouldn't want to leave them more than that -- I do like my time with them -- but I also think it's good for them to have that time when Daddy is the one on duty. It's special time for them to spend together, and I think they have a closer relationship because of it. It's important to me that my son knows that Mama and Daddy are equally able to care for him.

Since you mention leaving your kids at home, I'm guessing that they are staying with their dad or with someone else who loves them, like a grandmother. As long as that other parent/caregiver enjoys being with the kids, it can really be a special gift to give them that time to really bond without you there.

(That said, I also get up early 3 days a week to lift at home, so I'm not carving all my workout hours out of family time.)

emjaycazz

I have worked my son's entire life (he's 12), so he was in either childcare or in school when I was working. So my evenings with him were very valuable to me when he was very young. I didn't want to miss that stage.

However, I would say that whatever decision you make should be based on what's best for you and your family and not on just guilt....because you can be the most amazing mother in the world and STILL feel guilty about something! It's just part of being a mom.

I second the recommendation of DVD programs if you have the ability to either work out at home either after they're in bed or before they wake up (like Turbofire, which was already recommended, also Les Mills Combat and Tapout XT).