Mommy Guilt

trijoe

I'm a stay at home dad with 3 daughters and a wife who works endless hours. I have no guilt. I enjoy my time away from them all. I've earned it, I deserve it, I'm taking it. End that paragraph and move on.

Love has nothing to do with how much you're around somebody. Love is quality, not quantity. As long as your kids are being raised well, with good parenting, good examples, and quality time when you are around them, then you deserve your time away from them. By the same token (and this will become more clear as your kids get older), they need their time away from you, too. Separation is normal, natural, and relationally healthy.

Now, go workout and enjoy the heck out of it. If nothing else, it'll give you stories to tell the kids about when you get home.

trijoe

Being home with the girls is still the best job I've ever had.

judyde

So who is watching them while you work out? If it's your husband, why feel guilty? He's part of the family, too! It doesn't have to be Mom all the time.

If you're taking them to "babysitting while you work out" at the gym, then that's different. I have twin boys who are 4 and they are also in daycare all day. I would feel guilty picking them up from daycare and bringing them to babysitting at the gym. But my husband often takes care of the boys while I work out or have a Mom's Night Out. And I do the same for him.

I'm on my way to the gym myself right now to work out. My husband and mother in law are putting the boys to bed. Its good for them to have Daddy time, too!

blondieellie

Ah it's hard isn't it. Don't feel guilty though - you are looking after yourself so you will be happy and healthy for your kids.

cvaughn76

Thanks for all the tips. I only go a couple times a week. Maybe I will try to go workout on my lunch break. There is a gym near by my job so I will look into that.

Lizzy622

Think of all the energy you will have to take them to the park or bike riding or whatever on the weekend. Being fit gives you the energy to be a great mom.

myprana

If I were you, I'd skip the gym for now and do exercise at home. Let your kids be a part of it; at that age they'll love spending time with mom. When my kids were younger, we'd put on some music and have a dancing contest (like the Soul Train line) and after that I'd do strength training with them as my weights. It was so much fun. I miss them being that little. Time flies, so enjoy them in the moment as much as possible.

MuscleAndMascara

I go at 5am for 60 min to the gym, then to my full time job 8-4 (I can eat during work so no lunch out) Then home to my baby. Lately I've been going in the am and the pm but I take my one year old daughter with me so she can play in the kid care. I figured this will get her socialized for an hour a day. Her Oma watches her in the day time. I feel guilty too. But mommy needs to be healthy to live a long, happy life with her little ones! You will inspire you kids to be healthy too!!

I_Will_End_You

I would not feel one bit guilty about going to the gym a couple of times a week.

Southern_Belle_LA

When I was younger my mom went back to school to get a nursing degree and my dad worked on a newspaper route for extra money. Kids don't notice the absence of time when you still spend QUALITY time with them. There are some families that spend all day with each other but it's clouded by cell phones, tv and other electronics that take away that time anyway.

Plus you are also sending a great message that health is important and mommy woudn't be doing it if it didn't matter. My parents not being around every evening or morning didn't make me sad or resentful. My mom taught me I should pursue a career that I felt passionate about (I also went back to school for another degree and love it) and my dad taught me that sometimes you have to do things to help make ends meet (occasionally I work overnight shifts at my old job for extra cash).

Mia_RagazzaTosta

I brought the gym to me.

I set up a weight room in my garage so I can see what they're doing when they're playing outside and they can see what I'm doing. Truthfully, they are at ages where they are no longer interested in hanging all over me, so it works for all of us.

lcyama

my kids are now 12 and 10. when they were younger, the mommy guilt was my excuse for not working out. i found a class i could do once every two weeks during the school day. one day i realized i was 20 pounds overweight, got tired going up and down the stairs, and couldn't keep up with them.

now that they're older, i attend a lot of evening classes, and i still have some mommy guilt about it, but i make sure to spend some time in the mornings or evenings (since they don't have early bedtimes) to just chat and catch up. i also get up early to do morning runs.

in retrospect, i wish i'd done more when they were younger. they won't miss you one or two evenings a week if you have found a class you enjoy, as long as you make up the quality time. they will have a mommy that is more relaxed, less stressed, and is better able to keep up with them.

enjoy them, and enjoy yourself, too.

healthy4life4mykids

I guess I don't agree with all the good for you posts....There are lots of times during when the kiddos are asleep that you can work out. Kids that age DO NOT understand that you are trying to be healthy.....they just miss you. Family first IMO

I have to say I agree. Of course you should take care of yourself, and in the long run when they are older they will appreciate that you worked on your health. If I was you (and I've been in your position when my kids were little) I would try to fit it in somewhere else. If they could tell you, they would say they would rather see their mom more than see her less but fitter. We'll probably get flack for having this opinion though, it seems like the "putting yourself first" mom mentality has become the norm, and while we do need to be aware of our needs, IMO if you have kids and a family, in all seriousness they really should come first. It seems like people's kids are just an afterthought sometimes, though OP the fact that you feel guilty and wrote this post shows you are not like that. Many Mom's are though.

emjaycazz

When I was younger my mom went back to school to get a nursing degree and my dad worked on a newspaper route for extra money. Kids don't notice the absence of time when you still spend QUALITY time with them. There are some families that spend all day with each other but it's clouded by cell phones, tv and other electronics that take away that time anyway.

Plus you are also sending a great message that health is important and mommy woudn't be doing it if it didn't matter. My parents not being around every evening or morning didn't make me sad or resentful. My mom taught me I should pursue a career that I felt passionate about (I also went back to school for another degree and love it) and my dad taught me that sometimes you have to do things to help make ends meet (occasionally I work overnight shifts at my old job for extra cash).

As a working mom, I just want to say thank you for this. Clearly, your parents have done many, many things right in raising you. :flowerforyou:

happymommy2014

lol.... sorry I'm laughing at the daddy that counts spanking as exercise.

atsteele

Being home with the girls is still the best job I've ever had.

Yep. I have a great gig going here too. hehe

And I agree with his other post too. No one can tell you what is best for you. I have 5 kids (14, almost 13, 11, 8 and 4yo) and I work out nearly every day around their schedules. Many times that means either my husband or my oldest daughter or son has to watch the younger kids. I compensate them to some degree for their helpfulness in running the household, including babysitting their younger siblings, so that eases some of the guilt. And I honestly do my best not to over-use this luxury. Years ago, I didn't have two very competant babysitters, so I would have to either run/work out before my husband left for work or wait till he got home. Or it just didn't happen. Just keep in mind what it would be like if you didn't work out. Honestly, no one wants to be around me after a week of tapering much less if I'm injured and can't run/work out at all. It's not a pretty picture.

Good luck with finding the right balance for you and your family!!

callie828

I guess I don't agree with all the good for you posts....There are lots of times during when the kiddos are asleep that you can work out. Kids that age DO NOT understand that you are trying to be healthy.....they just miss you. Family first IMO

I agree the kids need you. Maybe class once a week, and then exercise in the morning or after they go to bed. Its hard being a mom, but if you are feeling guilty, then maybe you need to cut back on exercise.