I'm Broken (warning: long)
Options
heymayer
Posts: 34 Member
From May of 2011 to June 2012 I successfully stuck to a diet and exercise and managed to lose 74lbs from my fat body. I went from an all-time high of 288lbs to an adult-life all-time low of 214lbs. I ended up with an entirely new wardrobe because every single item I owned was too large to put on. I had people, from people I barely knew to close friends and family, call me skinny. And actually mean it! In March of 2012 I successfully ran my first 5k, and followed that up in September with a 2nd, where I improved my time by almost 5 minutes. I felt like I was at the top of the mountain, finally.
And then.....I don't know what happened.
It's like I just stopped. All of my goals accomplished, I felt cocky and whole for once and I went back to my old ways.
It was only supposed to be temporary. A cheat day here or there because, I thought, what would it matter?
But then it just turned into every day.
I think part of the problem, while I'm not fully blaming her, is because I eat how my fiance eats. She's 5'4'' and weighs 108 and has always been able to just eat whatever she wants without gaining anything. A typical days meal for her is no breakfast, fast food for lunch and fast food or pizza for dinner (she absolutely cannot cook, it's like her only flaw). Yes, she eats very small meals, but it's nothing but fast food. I, on the other hand, am 6'4'' and weigh much more than her, so I require more food! Say, for example, we go to Taco Bell. She'll get her never-changing meal of 1 cheese roll up and 1 Dorito taco with a large Pepsi....and I'll get 3 doritos tacos and something else along with a large drink for myself. I've tried to eat less, like her, but I'm just still starving after because I didn't get enough food, and I want that full feeling so I pig out to achieve it and then take in tons of calories.
Another factor is time. Due to an ever increasing work schedule, I've gone from working 38 hours a week a few years ago to over 60 a week now. I eat a quick breakfast, something low in calories because I can control it at that time of day, followed by a decent sized lunch (while still working, I don't really get a lunch break) and then I'll go home and eat a very unhealthy snack because I'm hungry followed up by usually getting obscene amounts of fast food before heading back to work (I'm a school librarian that is heavily involved in multiple sports at our school and therefore I am here 4 out of 5 nights a week doing something sports related). I don't have time to cook a good, healthy meal at home because I'm only home for an undetermined amount of time before having to go back to work, so I just get fast food cause it's quick and mobile.
Anyway, I've had "wake up calls" so to speak and gotten back on track....but it'll only last for like a week at most and I'm right back at it. When I first joined MFP and got my life in order, it seemed really simple. It took a few days to get under control and on track, but once I did I stuck with it and was up and running. Now it's like hitting "restart" every time only to have to do it again later because I can't seem to stick with it.
All told, I'm asking for help and input now because I need it. Since September of 2012, when I still weighed 214lbs, I've ballooned up to 254lbs. I've put on 40lbs in a year. In no way shape or form is that healthy for anyone! It's not all fat, thankfully, as some stuff, for whatever reason, has gotten very muscular on me. My biceps and legs are way bigger than ever before, but I do have a gut again and my clothes no longer fit. I had to go back up a size, even in pants. It's just embarrassing. Nobody tells me I look good anymore, sans my fiance. She says I look the same but I know that even she knows I've gotten big again and I'm embarrassed to be naked in front of her anymore because I don't want her seeing my gut. Sex with the lights off is extremely upsetting!
So.....am I broken? Can someone help? How do I do this, again? How do I get back on track and stay on track? I'm out of ideas and options!
And then.....I don't know what happened.
It's like I just stopped. All of my goals accomplished, I felt cocky and whole for once and I went back to my old ways.
It was only supposed to be temporary. A cheat day here or there because, I thought, what would it matter?
But then it just turned into every day.
I think part of the problem, while I'm not fully blaming her, is because I eat how my fiance eats. She's 5'4'' and weighs 108 and has always been able to just eat whatever she wants without gaining anything. A typical days meal for her is no breakfast, fast food for lunch and fast food or pizza for dinner (she absolutely cannot cook, it's like her only flaw). Yes, she eats very small meals, but it's nothing but fast food. I, on the other hand, am 6'4'' and weigh much more than her, so I require more food! Say, for example, we go to Taco Bell. She'll get her never-changing meal of 1 cheese roll up and 1 Dorito taco with a large Pepsi....and I'll get 3 doritos tacos and something else along with a large drink for myself. I've tried to eat less, like her, but I'm just still starving after because I didn't get enough food, and I want that full feeling so I pig out to achieve it and then take in tons of calories.
Another factor is time. Due to an ever increasing work schedule, I've gone from working 38 hours a week a few years ago to over 60 a week now. I eat a quick breakfast, something low in calories because I can control it at that time of day, followed by a decent sized lunch (while still working, I don't really get a lunch break) and then I'll go home and eat a very unhealthy snack because I'm hungry followed up by usually getting obscene amounts of fast food before heading back to work (I'm a school librarian that is heavily involved in multiple sports at our school and therefore I am here 4 out of 5 nights a week doing something sports related). I don't have time to cook a good, healthy meal at home because I'm only home for an undetermined amount of time before having to go back to work, so I just get fast food cause it's quick and mobile.
Anyway, I've had "wake up calls" so to speak and gotten back on track....but it'll only last for like a week at most and I'm right back at it. When I first joined MFP and got my life in order, it seemed really simple. It took a few days to get under control and on track, but once I did I stuck with it and was up and running. Now it's like hitting "restart" every time only to have to do it again later because I can't seem to stick with it.
All told, I'm asking for help and input now because I need it. Since September of 2012, when I still weighed 214lbs, I've ballooned up to 254lbs. I've put on 40lbs in a year. In no way shape or form is that healthy for anyone! It's not all fat, thankfully, as some stuff, for whatever reason, has gotten very muscular on me. My biceps and legs are way bigger than ever before, but I do have a gut again and my clothes no longer fit. I had to go back up a size, even in pants. It's just embarrassing. Nobody tells me I look good anymore, sans my fiance. She says I look the same but I know that even she knows I've gotten big again and I'm embarrassed to be naked in front of her anymore because I don't want her seeing my gut. Sex with the lights off is extremely upsetting!
So.....am I broken? Can someone help? How do I do this, again? How do I get back on track and stay on track? I'm out of ideas and options!
0
Replies
-
I don't think you're broken.
You did this before. You know what it takes. It can not be a "short term" thing. This is a change for the rest of your life.
Do or do not. There is no try. When you want this badly enough, it will be your priority. No one or thing will make you veer off plan. Until then - any excuse will work.
What do you want? And how badly do you want it?0 -
I guess this is proof that we are all different.
It's a lot like stopping smoking I believe. As long as you follow your path and avoid the obvious obstacles you will succeed. But if you relax and give in just once the next time becomes easier, until eventually you are too far along and overwhelmed again.
Try to view this as a life lesson. Now that you know what happens when you go back to your old ways you won't allow it to happen again.
Good luck.0 -
I wish I could add some wonderful, inspiring words of wisdom, but right now all I have is.... same here bro. Honestly, I never did reach my ultimate goal, but I gave up after 70 lb loss, cuz I looked good...and put at least 30-40 back on... I am now a week back into it and all I can say to you is, lets do this. I am ashamed of my self, I let it go, I honestly hate being disgusted by my naked self, so lets do this. We can get back on the wagon, I am slowly but surely doing it, starting to log my every morsel again, wear my pedometer around. You can do it, let yourself be your motivation. I am letting the sexy chick out again... You can do the same. The difference is, this time - I'm gonna be more humble about it, I'm not gonna tell everyone, I am just going to do it. So let's do this damn thing...0
-
Agree!! I t is so nice to hear you are looking great, and everything is going well, then you eat a cheat meal here, and one there...and the ugly is there again..., I am with you on this one - round 2 for me too. The difference also - now we know where we messed up, lets get to fix it, and not have to do it again from scratch!0
-
How about having a conversation with your fiance about other eating options. You sound busy but if she's no good at cooking, could you take over that duty somehow? Bake up some meats (chicken pieces, pork chops, even steak) so they can just be reheated in the microwave and served quickly. Or make up some casseroles and/or batches of soup during your free time and eat the leftovers for dinner? Get a crock pot so you can just throw stuff in it in the morning and dinner's ready when you get home.
Cook together so she can learn some of these things. Hubs was a way better cook than me when we first got together because he had more experience and a bit of training. So he started giving me tips and I've learned a lot over the years.
Plus, there are a lot of other options out there besides fast food for dinner. How about going to the grocery store and getting a rotisserie chicken and a bag salad? Or even some fish filets - they typically only take like 10-20 minutes to bake in the oven (depending on size/type of fish).
You can do this!0 -
Your story is very familiar - I went from 301 to 206 in 2 years, then the wheels came off and I put 48 lbs back on over 18 months. My eating wasn't terrible, but it was bad enough when I stopped my daily exercises too. I couldn't seem to do anything about it. Then at the end of January this year, I was introduced to the 5:2 fasting way of life and it all seemed to click back into place in my head. I've found it very easy this time, and have lost nearly 70 lbs in the last 35 weeks.
So, my suggestion to you would be to try something new. I'd recommend 5:2 myself, but it's not for everyone. But something new might just be enough to give you some new motivation.0 -
You did it before and you can do it again!
As for meals, maybe you can prepare healthy freezable food in advance? On your days off, perhaps? Divide it into appropriate portion, freeze them, then heat one up for your lunch/dinner.0 -
What is the 5:2 diet? I've never heard of that and it sounds interesting....0
-
I second/third/whatever the suggestions to premake food so that you are never 2 minutes in the microwave away from a healthy meal. Also, sandwiches take next to no time to make and are healthier than the majority of fast food.0
-
I'm also going back to that successful weight everyone commented on.
I lost about 25lbs went down to 140lbs, though I wasn't happy, though I did look good, so the pounds just crept back up and now I'm at 155lbs, but this time I'm doing it the right way. Every day is a new opportunity for me, trying not to be overwhelmed. I'm now trying to be fitter, not just skinnier, a whole new approach. feel free to add me-
and NO, we are NOT BROKEN!0 -
It's a commitment. Period. Lifestyle change. Less in more out. You know it. Do it again, don't blame the girlfriend. Same here...I get lazy. But you have to be ready.0
-
I think of this every time I go to the gym whatever I do I have to do for the rest of my life or I will lose it...IF I gain muscle I have to maintain it...So I do a some of everything and I don't max weights because I think if I get bigger in muscle mass I have to maintain that and who knows anything could happen and all of a sudden have no gym pass maybe..then what?So I do things I can maintain....I lost weight fast and inches in 6 weeks (lost 4 pants sizes because I was really dedicated to getting what I wanted)Then gained it back by drinking eating junk thinking my body would stay the same too...Unfortunately its a life change that keeps it.so my theroy is by 20 min....20 min cardio,20 min swim,20 min weights a day and always cook at home give my body variety in case I don't have the resources in any situation...0
-
Cook together anyone can cook if you can read and fallow directions right?Justapinch.com pick out what looks and sounds good go to the store if you don't have the right stuff to make it~From May of 2011 to June 2012 I successfully stuck to a diet and exercise and managed to lose 74lbs from my fat body. I went from an all-time high of 288lbs to an adult-life all-time low of 214lbs. I ended up with an entirely new wardrobe because every single item I owned was too large to put on. I had people, from people I barely knew to close friends and family, call me skinny. And actually mean it! In March of 2012 I successfully ran my first 5k, and followed that up in September with a 2nd, where I improved my time by almost 5 minutes. I felt like I was at the top of the mountain, finally.
And then.....I don't know what happened.
It's like I just stopped. All of my goals accomplished, I felt cocky and whole for once and I went back to my old ways.
It was only supposed to be temporary. A cheat day here or there because, I thought, what would it matter?
But then it just turned into every day.
I think part of the problem, while I'm not fully blaming her, is because I eat how my fiance eats. She's 5'4'' and weighs 108 and has always been able to just eat whatever she wants without gaining anything. A typical days meal for her is no breakfast, fast food for lunch and fast food or pizza for dinner (she absolutely cannot cook, it's like her only flaw). Yes, she eats very small meals, but it's nothing but fast food. I, on the other hand, am 6'4'' and weigh much more than her, so I require more food! Say, for example, we go to Taco Bell. She'll get her never-changing meal of 1 cheese roll up and 1 Dorito taco with a large Pepsi....and I'll get 3 doritos tacos and something else along with a large drink for myself. I've tried to eat less, like her, but I'm just still starving after because I didn't get enough food, and I want that full feeling so I pig out to achieve it and then take in tons of calories.
Another factor is time. Due to an ever increasing work schedule, I've gone from working 38 hours a week a few years ago to over 60 a week now. I eat a quick breakfast, something low in calories because I can control it at that time of day, followed by a decent sized lunch (while still working, I don't really get a lunch break) and then I'll go home and eat a very unhealthy snack because I'm hungry followed up by usually getting obscene amounts of fast food before heading back to work (I'm a school librarian that is heavily involved in multiple sports at our school and therefore I am here 4 out of 5 nights a week doing something sports related). I don't have time to cook a good, healthy meal at home because I'm only home for an undetermined amount of time before having to go back to work, so I just get fast food cause it's quick and mobile.
Anyway, I've had "wake up calls" so to speak and gotten back on track....but it'll only last for like a week at most and I'm right back at it. When I first joined MFP and got my life in order, it seemed really simple. It took a few days to get under control and on track, but once I did I stuck with it and was up and running. Now it's like hitting "restart" every time only to have to do it again later because I can't seem to stick with it.
All told, I'm asking for help and input now because I need it. Since September of 2012, when I still weighed 214lbs, I've ballooned up to 254lbs. I've put on 40lbs in a year. In no way shape or form is that healthy for anyone! It's not all fat, thankfully, as some stuff, for whatever reason, has gotten very muscular on me. My biceps and legs are way bigger than ever before, but I do have a gut again and my clothes no longer fit. I had to go back up a size, even in pants. It's just embarrassing. Nobody tells me I look good anymore, sans my fiance. She says I look the same but I know that even she knows I've gotten big again and I'm embarrassed to be naked in front of her anymore because I don't want her seeing my gut. Sex with the lights off is extremely upsetting!
So.....am I broken? Can someone help? How do I do this, again? How do I get back on track and stay on track? I'm out of ideas and options!0 -
Oh, I am reminding myself constantly that this has to be a permanent life style change. I have these thoughts that once I reach my goal I can have what I want. You will get your mojo back. MFP is helping me stay on track. As one person said on here, sometimes you just have to make it through an hour, then another and soon you've made it through a hard time.0
-
[snip]
I think part of the problem, while I'm not fully blaming her, is because I eat how my fiance eats.
[snip]
If there's anything "broken" about you, it's the fact that you don't feel you're the only one accountable for your weight.0 -
To (loosely) quote P!nk:
"You're not broken, just bent.
And you can get on track agaaaain!" :bigsmile:
You haven't failed until you've stopped trying. :flowerforyou:0 -
What is the 5:2 diet? I've never heard of that and it sounds interesting....
There is a 5:2 group here you can join. It's fasting for 2 nonconsecutive days (600 cals for men) and eating maintenance on the other 5 until you lose the desired weight. You do need to get back to tracking calories IMO, no matter what method you choose to use. I have MFP on my phone, so I can track no matter where I am. It really helps me decide whether or not to eat another sugar cookie or not. :bigsmile:
You KNOW how to do this. JUST DO IT.
<---tough coach face (haha) 0 -
Well first at least you are not back at 288 lbs. Press the stop button now!!! Go back to what motivated you in the first place to lose the weight. Stop feeling sorry for yourself as long as you are living there is another day to get back on track. Change your mindset This is going to be a life long lifestyle change forever. It's not lose the weight and go back to the old ways. Lose the 40s lbs. Keep the exercise in your life forever and you can have the fast food in moderation and still maintain.
Good luck!0 -
We are our own worst enemies for sure and it's often through failures that we learn to do better. That being said, you have obviously not given up as you are still here, failure is not a bad thing, it is merely a lesson for what not to do the next time. Keep on going, you have done it before and can do it again!0
-
well go get fixed, everyone throws out the broken toys!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 914 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions