I'm Broken (warning: long)
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You're so nice II think there are a few things you could do to help your cause and get you back on track.
1. Talk to your fiancee about your feelings. She may not want or need to change how she eats, but she needs to respect and support you if YOU do.
2. Couples cooking classes? I know you mentioned time constraints but I'm sure you could find something that would work. A lot of these types of classes are offered in the evenings to better accomodate schedules.
3. Make a list, plan your meals out and buy the food to prepare them. Cook at home on the weekends and pre-package everything for quick meals on the go. You can even cook your veggies ahead of time then freeze them in single serving packages.
4. When you get home at night, if you have all your meals for the week already prepared, then you can grab what you want, heat it up and have a healthy meal before you have to go to work. As far as snacks go, have various fruits on hand, veggies that are pre-cut and ready to be eaten and many nuts are very healthy as well.
5. First and foremost, start this NOW. You can begin to work on your weight simply by eating better and the exercise can come later.
Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
you!
and this
Too young for ones conclusion, the lifestyle won.
Such values you taught your son. Thats how!
Look at me now. I'm broken.0 -
Put the monster back in his cage. . He lives in your head. . you have to stop listening to him. .He will use all kinds of tricks to escape his prison. .You had him in there for awhile. .but then you let him out one day for a furlough. . He liked that. . He convinced you to let him out again. . Now he's on a rampage!.
This sounds trite, but it works for me. . It's sort of a mind control exercise. Visualize putting him in that cage and keeping him locked up. . He'll be there watching. . talking to you. . .but if you ignore him long enough he will sit down and stop bothering you. . Still, he's not dead. . never dead. . always watching. .0 -
I think that the fact that you have written this all down in a forum is proof that you are not broken, but that you are strong enough to do this..
I have gone up and down with my weight my whole life, I am pretty much at my goal, but it scares me because I know that I can lose control easily and regain.. its a struggle, and I think some of us struggle more then others..
good luck to you.. you can do it..
Cheers0 -
such great advice here!
The pre-planning a must and the cooking classes with your fiance is a great idea - or even your own in-house cooking classes.... find a couple recipes and give it a shot together. You guys can't live forever at take-out so you'll both need to learn eventually. You'll see how easy it actually is and will be amazed at the money you save and how much better you feel. Maybe you should so a little research on what you are actually eating when partaking at fast food...that may be enough to deter you.
If 'cooking' is too much ---- it is easy to make healthy sandwiches/wraps with lots of veggies and some roast chicken. throw some tomatoes and humous in there...or avacado ...and you don't need mayo. They can be ready in minutes and even eaten in the car.
good luck!!0 -
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away0 -
Sounds tough, my friend. As others have said, you have done this before and you can do it again.
My darling wife is in much the same boat. Shortly before we met, she lost a ton of weight. In the past 16 years, she has put most of it back on. She's constantly on and off.
Now I have been on a good track for almost a year, and lost a ton of weight. But I know, any day could be my last. Every time I loosen up a little, I wonder if it's the beginning of the end.
So I take it one day at a time for now. Each day on, or even close, to target is a win. I just take it day by day. So far the trend is good. I'm going to stay on MFP & keep counting. For me, that's the best bet for staying on track.0 -
I'm not sure either exactly what to say but you can know that you're not alone. I am in a very similar position and reading this post has given me a little kick in the butt, so thank you for that. Let's see how long it lasts
Just keep coming back to MFP message boards, you'll find something that will just trigger you and get you going again.0 -
I think you need to find some time to have some kind of a lunch break. I have been in your shoes, 60 hour work weeks are not fun and I was in the same boat as you. I am now paying big time because I neglected my health a during a period in my life when I felt I could handle all these hours and neglected my my own welfare for months. You don't want to go down this road, believe me. It is not fun. I ended up with liver damage from my weight gain, I am on a truckload of meds by now and I could have avoided it all would I have used my better judgement and chosen to eat healthier and worked less.
We live such a hurried life syle and I really believe it is terrible that we often put our health needs behind all other things. Your employer will not thank you if you ruin your health. And I love my work, but I only have one health. I work hard, but I had to come to a point where I made some room for weight loss and healthy eating, and I am glad I did.
If you can find just 15 or 20 minutes a day for lunch where you can sit down and eat a nutrient rich meal and then maybe a couple of snacks during the day, you will not feel like raiding the fridge every night you come home. Of course you are ravenous when you can't feed your body well during the day and by the time you get home you are so starved and tired that your defenses will be down.
You probably don't get too much rest either which doesn't help weight loss either.
Would you be able to cook on the weekends ahead? Freeze some meals or cook for a friend and trade meals?
You have lost the weight before. So you know you have the means to do it, but I believe you will have to start changing some things in your environment in order to have the odds stacked in your favor.
Good luck.0 -
Awesome, uplifting and inspiring replies from everyone. I thank you all for your input!
Not to brag, but to reveal some about me: I can cook. Cooking is actually pretty much my only talent in life. I used to cook all the time, making healthy meal after healthy meal....until work got crazy.
I mentioned that my fiance can't cook, and while it is true, that's not as big of a factor as the fact that I can't cook like I used to. If she could cook, and take my place in the kitchen, that would be a major help. I'm gonna work on imparting some culinary knowledge to her and hope that she latches on to it and we can trade off or something. I cooked for 3 years at a small restaurant (I was the lone cook) and learned a ton in there on my own so I know I can certainly train her on some things. I've just never thought about it before until now.
I really appreciate the "plan ahead" suggestions. Sundays are pretty much my only off day and I spend them "lounging" with the Mrs., just watching football (during football season at least). This is a necessary thing for me as I can wind down from the week I just had and also prepare for the week ahead. Seeing that I am preparing for the week ahead, I really should use the down time on Sunday and spend some of it in the kitchen, cooking up meals that can get me through the week. I have a TV in the kitchen, I can watch football in there just as easily! Again, it's just something that never crossed my mind until now.
So, thanks again to everyone that replied and offered your help. Your input and support is the exact reason why I posted the topic: I knew people would step up and help cause we're all in this together!0 -
There's an awesome service I subscribe to here in NZ, that if it doesn't exist over there, it should! It's call My Food Bag, and it's a weekly or fortnightly delivery of fresh, organic/free-farmed, ingredients, with recipes, for dinners. It's NOT specific for any sort of dietary requirement, including weight loss, but it's completely re-generated my (and my husband's!) interest in cooking, and eating. We sometimes even ARGUE over who's going to cook, because we're really enjoying it. Your meals are pre-planned in advance, the recipes are really easy to follow, and there's no room for waffling or trying to decide what to cook - it's all done! I will sometimes edit the recipes (usually by not having a sauce, or aioli, or some other non-critical ingredient) to lighten it up, but it works. In the past 11 days, I've lost 2.2kgs (almost 5lb), which I'm STOKED about, as this is my third 'start again', but this time, it's sticking! I'm going to be healthy, and smaller, and comfortable (i.e not in this fat suit anymore!), and I'm keeping it that way. For life. Come with me
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Keep in mind that changes occur over time and usually, set backs are part of change. Any change, from quitting smoking/drinking/drugs to leaving a domestic violence situation, takes repeated efforts and the average number of times a person tries, before being successful, is around 7. That being said, its not an excuse to not make the effort, its just some information to help you understand that making real changes is difficult, and often requires more than one try. You are not broken, you are human. Just dont quit trying, you'll get there, and probably a little wiser this time. Good luck to ya!0
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You are not broken at all. You're human.
You just need to stop focusing on what your girlfriend can eat and start taking accountability for your own health.0 -
You're not broken, you just fell victim to becoming complacent with all of your hard work. You lost it all, people noticed, you were happy, you achieved your goal, so you lost your drive and rested on your laurels and before you knew it, your bad habits crept back into your life and you got back to where you started again. It's happened to me a couple times in the last few years, I know the feeling. I've fluctuated from 228 lbs down to 188 lbs, back up to 215 lbs to 192 lbs, then back up to 211 lbs and now at 204 lbs.
Here is the reality, you HAVE to make time for yourself and your fitness/health. Everyone has to work, many people have kids, many people have other obligations outside of their work and home life (aging parents, sick friend, business on the side, etc). The bottom line is, you have to prioritize things in your life. The older you get, the more stuff piles into your day, and before you know it you're skipping the gym, grabbing some fast food crap from Taco Bell, and before you know it you're fat and ashamed of how you look. But no one did that to you except you. No one caused me to balloon up to 228 lbs except me.
Once you realize that only you are accountable for your own health, and that you need to make it a priority in your life, then you can take action and get results. Sure you have to work a lot, so what. Plan your meals at night when you get home. Make some homemade protein bars on the weekend to last you all week for a healthy snack at your desk when you're busy instead of eating some chips from the vending machine. If the gym is too far of a drive after work and you're too tired, make some space in your home and setup a home gym with some weights off of Craigslist for cheap and workout in the morning or after work in your own home. Do whatever it takes to fit these things into your life again and make it a habit. Once you do that, it's just a matter of time before you reach your goal.
All you need to do is figure out your calorie maintenance level, reduce that by 20%, start doing some cardio and weight training whenever you can fit it into your day, and let time pass by. Once you start seeing some results in a month or two, that will keep you motivated to keep going. Once you get to your goal, that is the time when you have to change from what you did in the past. Some people always need a goal to drive to or they lose interest. Maybe you can set some new goals once you get to your ideal weight to keep it off, such as entering into a marathon, aiming for lower blood pressure at the doctor, getting your abs back, or whatever else will keep you driven and not becoming complacent.
It sounds like you have mastered losing weight, the trouble is keeping it off which is my problem as well. I'm sure you're just as tired of having to lose weight after pigging out for months just like I am. I've had enough of it personally and plan to change things this time once I get to my goal weight so that I dont lose interest and blimp out again. I think this time around I'll be setting some goals for myself to work towards instead of saying, well I did it, guess that's it now, I'll go back to eating chips every night in front of the TV. I think once you determine why you tend to give up at the end, you can address it, fix it, and then keep the weight off permanently.0 -
I always thought the whole 'sex with the lights off' was some kind of running joke among married people. Like the cliche marriage jokes that comedians and elderly folks tell, "My wife nag nag nags me and I just say "Woman, quit yappin and go get me a gosh-dern beer!". I'm really surprised it's something people actively do these days.
If your Fiance loves you (and I'm sure she does if she's engaged to you) then she wants to see you when she's being intimate and doesn't care what your weight is. Was she with you when you were at your higher weight before? If she was than she isn't likely to be upset by where you are now at a still-lower weight. And if she wasn't, I still doubt she cares very much if she's with you. Confidence is much sexier than going out of your way to avoid her seeing some jiggles here and there.
.You're taking steps to get back on the wagon, to improve yourself and repair the setback. You're not broken. You're In-Progress.0 -
Hey again,
It might be an idea, when you're not busy with a roux in the kitchen, to mix up your eating out (when you guys want to eat out) with your fiance - half healthy places with calorie counted meals, half junk - file this under 'give and take'. Actually even the junk food places have calories against the food now. I had a Maccys mocha which was something like 440 calories. :sad:
All the best, you can do this! :flowerforyou:0 -
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I really appreciate the "plan ahead" suggestions. Sundays are pretty much my only off day and I spend them "lounging" with the Mrs., just watching football (during football season at least). This is a necessary thing for me as I can wind down from the week I just had and also prepare for the week ahead. Seeing that I am preparing for the week ahead, I really should use the down time on Sunday and spend some of it in the kitchen, cooking up meals that can get me through the week. I have a TV in the kitchen, I can watch football in there just as easily! Again, it's just something that never crossed my mind until now.
yay you!
you could probably submit some recipes on the recipes forums as well!!0 -
A couple of thoughts. There is no such thing as a person who cannot learn to cook. There are people who choose not to learn. It's not rocket science. Your girlfriend may be able to live off fast food for now, but it isn't sustainable for life. And her decision certainly isn't supportive of you. So you need to take the lead and devise a food plan that works. It doesn't have to be time-consuming. I'm a middle school teacher involved in hours of extra-curricular activities. I eat no fast food. You can do it if it's important to you.0
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What is the 5:2 diet? I've never heard of that and it sounds interesting....
There is a 5:2 group here you can join. It's fasting for 2 nonconsecutive days (600 cals for men) and eating maintenance on the other 5 until you lose the desired weight. You do need to get back to tracking calories IMO, no matter what method you choose to use. I have MFP on my phone, so I can track no matter where I am. It really helps me decide whether or not to eat another sugar cookie or not. :bigsmile:
It works really well for me too. 17kg since the beginning of May and I don't feel restricted. Not a diet, it's a way of life!
An additional suggestion - Try to cook meals ahead of time. I take lunch to work. On the weekends I usually cook 4 servings of whatever I cook in the evening. One portion for that day and then the other three are for lunch or dinner during that week. I put the portions separately into a tupperware. If it's freezable, I may freeze a portion. That is then my fast food. Been doing this for years. It has nothing to do with dieting. It works, is yummy and during the week, I don't have to stand in the kitchen as long.
Good luck on getting back on track!0 -
Look up recipes on line.If you eat oatmeal,you can bake it & have a wks worth.Hard boil a pan of eggs. You can add them to breakfast,eat for a snack or sandwiches.Have brfast for dinner.Scrambled eggs,toast etc,yummy & filling.Keep cut up melons in the fridge,ready to eat.
Make wraps or sandwiches for lunch.Use hummus for a dip or spread.If need be,stop by a grocery & buy a meal.Ours has fried or baked chicken.Grab a side dish & salad.So many ideas out there & let it be a lesson to you.The only thing going off your food plan gets you is a gut .... & having to start over again & again. Been there,done that......I'm a slow learner. Good luck,you can do it. Keep your eyes on your goal.0
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