Why is jealousy always the default answer?

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  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,137 Member
    I am just going to stop talking to people. That way, I won't run the risk of offending anyone.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    I am just going to stop talking to people. That way, I won't run the risk of offending anyone.

    I'm offended by your silence...but I'm probably just jealous :tongue:
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

    Hey Monica :tongue:

    I keed I keed
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    I would guess that about 80% of the questions answered on the forums concerning how someone else is treating a person in real life - are speculation at best. Unknown person being hurt by another unknown person being analyzed by a group of unknown persons.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    I am just going to stop talking to people. That way, I won't run the risk of offending anyone.

    I'm offended by your silence...but I'm probably just jealous :tongue:

    :laugh:
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I would guess that about 80% of the questions answered on the forums concerning how someone else is treating a person in real life - are speculation at best. Unknown person being hurt by another unknown person being analyzed by a group of unknown persons.

    :huh:
  • saschka7
    saschka7 Posts: 577 Member
    My mom used to say the "they're just jealous" line when I was little and other kids were mean to me.

    Even at 7, I didn't buy it. There was nothing about me to be jealous of.

    They were mean to me because they weren't very nice and I was an easy target.

    This got me thinking...the overwhelmingly majority of the time I have heard anyone say to someone else "they're just jealous" is when the speaker has been female and is trying to be reassuring. I think that in our culture, women are just magically expected to know the right thing to say people in all situations (I personally am still waiting to receive this magical gift :laugh: ) and this very often comes out as "they're just jealous".

    I'm not saying that men shouldn't reassure, of course, but gender roles do factor into it a lot.

    And then there are always going to be a random few of both genders who feel they are so spectacular that anyone hating on them is just automatically jealous and they don't need anyone to reassure them by letting them know that.

    [I hope this makes sense: I feel like I just talked myself into a corner.]
  • hannahpistolas
    hannahpistolas Posts: 290 Member
    There really are some very "jealous" people in the world (and I would know, because I was one of them).

    It ended up just being lousy self-esteem and thinking that if I had something that they had or was as skinny as they were, MY life would be better and I would be happier. In all reality, thinking like that just made me more miserable than I already was.
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    It really bothers me when people, especially on here, automatically advise another person that someone is just jealous of them. I mean seriously, is it really that hard to look a little deeper than that? Not everyone is walking around green with envy.

    And not everyone with a comment you don't like is a "hater". FYI.

    I agree with all of this :smile:
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    who cares?
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

    Hey Monica :tongue:

    I keed I keed

    h8rz gonna h8
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

    Hey Monica :tongue:

    I keed I keed

    h8rz gonna h8


    :smokin:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    There really are some very "jealous" people in the world (and I would know, because I was one of them).

    It ended up just being lousy self-esteem and thinking that if I had something that they had or was as skinny as they were, MY life would be better and I would be happier. In all reality, thinking like that just made me more miserable than I already was.

    But because you were a jealous person does not mean that everyone else is. Would you make comments to girls/guys that you noticed lost weight and ask them if they were sick as a way of being malicious?
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    who cares?

    I care. Deeply. Can you not see the introspective look on my face?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I don't think people are jealous, just ignorant. Or maybe it's just the kind of comments made toward me which are mostly, "Are you sick?"

    Which is a legitimate question since weight loss is a symptom of some illnesses. Those people are showing you concern.

    on Thursday I had a lunch meeting at work and all my coworkers asked me if I was sick. when I said no, they asked if I was starving. when I again said no, and that I actually had just spent a week eating out for every meal because my fridge was broken, they all said I looked great. I see people on MFP getting offended all the time by these same questions, but I just take it as a compliment that they pay enough attention to notice. it is not a big deal, people need to lighten up.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    Maybe it's because they are so they assume everyone else is too?
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
    People will as a rule tell you whatever they think you want to hear.

    so if you're dieting they'll say 'oh, you're so skinny! you're fading away! Oh, you don't need to lose weight!' etc.

    Or, if they're trying to resist that urge and not be hypocritical they go too far the other way. 'it won't make you look any better' (for 'i think you look okay now') 'you won't have the willpower' (for, "it's okay if you can't manage") etc. Guys are more prone to this version.

    Then of course you've got us on here.

    If you're down because people are saying teh wrong thing about your diet, everyone here will say 'oh, they're just jealous.'

    And then if you say 'are they really just jealous?' all those same people will say 'of course not! don't be superficial!'

    Everyone's just telling you what they think you want to hear. Everywhere you go in life, people will tell you what they think you want to hear.

    (Now and again you'll get someone who thinks you want to hear the truth no matter what. Latch onto those people, they are rare.)
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    My mom used to say the "they're just jealous" line when I was little and other kids were mean to me.

    Even at 7, I didn't buy it. There was nothing about me to be jealous of.

    They were mean to me because they weren't very nice and I was an easy target.

    my parents used to say this too and I was like no, I am an insecure fatty so they have something to make me sad about. when I was a nanny I watched a kid who used to get teased at school, and I just told him that some people don't feel good about themselves so they take it out on people who don't fight back. he said it made more sense than when his parents told him they were all just jealous. I feel like a lot of the default "jealousy" answer goes back to this mindset instilled in kids when they're younger.
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
    Interesting thread. Honestly, I think when people say "they're just jealous" they are just trying to stroke someone's ego.

    People on here generally "want" to help those around them, no one wants to see someone fail at their weight loss goals.

    The answer however isn't the issue, the issue is that a person feels the "need" to come to a message board to ask the question, and is usually seeking that ego stroke in some way. The real answer is "why does it matter what a person, besides you, thinks of your weight loss'.
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