Do people treat you differently -- or is it you?

mousemom18

Well that's interesting. I thought of this question while looking at the success stories. Some looked like completely different people. And I was wondering if I would treat them differently. Talk about different things or open up differently.

Then I thought about some stuff about thin me that is different from 'heavy me'. Like being able to wear white denim shorts this summer. Or saying yes to a ladies ' golf outing instead of making excuses because I looked like a buffalo in my golf skirt. Shaking off the feeling of inferiority that went with me everywhere. (Well,.MOST of it).

A very different feeling after a fairly minor move from the 160s to the 140s.

What might things be like for those of you with the big numbers??

acpgee

It's a superficial world, unfortunately.

I looked pretty good in my teens and twenties when I was working as a fashion model in Paris, London and NYC. I used to think people were essentially kind, interested in strangers, and wanted my opinions. As I lost my looks due to aging and weight gain, I realized that that I had been getting special treatment for my looks all that time. And it wasn't only men who might have wanted to get into my pants. Women wanted to stand next to me and be considered my friend.

_liftnlove

People treat me COMPLEEEEETELY differently, particularly men, but it has no impact on me. They see me, but don't see me. I know who loves me for me, and that's what matters.

I'm more confident, but not nearly as much as some people think. People stop me randomly in stores and talk to me about working out--that never happened when I was fat--though I can't say I blame them for that!! :laugh:

I actually DON'T think I'm the same person now that I was when I was overweight...but that has to do with many other things that have happened in my life, not just the weight loss...But I am still really introverted and shy, even though people don't treat me that way anymore.

manda79rn

What a great question... from personal experience it's both. People treat me differently but it also may be because of the vibe I put off now. I'm happier with who I am, much more confident, which I always tried to be but it was very much an act when I was unhappy with my weight.

I remember about three years ago, I had a friend (who is now probably my best friend in the world) talk to me, she's married to one of my husbands best friends and she asked me one day.. "Why didn't you want to hang out before? We all loved being around you so much but you never wanted to hang out." And I thought about it and realized that it was about my weight, even though I was in denial and always acted the happy "fat girl" I hid.. a lot and didn't put myself out there. And it was never anything she did or they did it was all me.

Of course I've noticed people treat me different and I always take it as a compliment BUT it may be because I'm more approachable now and not trying to "blend in" and able to be the girl on the outside that I've always been on the inside. I was always a fit girl trapped in my fat outer shell.

skinnyinnotime

Yes, I have gotten so much free stuff since getting into shape. Disclaimer: I'm not saying I'm hot. But things just happen that haven't happened in a while. I was in an accident last year, and one of the police officers gave me my excuse. I had a $2,500 car repair, and the manager told the cashier to only charge me $1,200. I got free tires. (hmmm I see a trend lol). Yes I totally appreciate it, and no I never expect it. It really takes me by surprise. The minute I expect it, I'm sure it will disappear.

I just don't think it was my confidence level that got my that stuff. :laugh:

What do you mean by a police officer 'gave you an excuse'?

Dr1nkbleachndye

I'm not trying to come off as abrasive here, but this topic is almost irrelevant when pertaining to women. Women lose weight, and get into shape, and bam, the attention, and the way people (especially men) treat them is completely different. It is a given for women. Human nature like acpgee said is superficial. Guys are going to pay more attention to you, there's a high chance if you are out random guys will buy you drinks, hit on you and give you all sorts of free stuff.

For a man on the other hand, it's completely different because no one is going to give you free stuff lol. There is no monetary advantage to being an aesthetic man over being an aesthetic woman. In fact a woman who is less in shape than a man as far a comparsons go will still more than likely get a ton more attention than a man. There's also no guarentee you will get hit on, you could come off as intimidating, and most men aren't expecting a woman to hit on them. The advantage you have being in shape as a man is that you look good, and aren't carrying a lot of bodyfat, so you are healthier. But only to an extent, even though I lost 45 lbs since Feb of this year, I have done ZERO CARDIO. But that was done to prove a point that getting in shape is mainly about dieting and lifting weights.

Yes I get a lot more attention now, from women, and dudes. Women notice me in the superficial sense. I am the kind of person who likes to help people. There are people at my gym who I would like to help get in shape. Who have been going to the gym consistently while I have lost all this weight. They have seen the transformation I have made, and I catch a lot of them staring at me while I working out. There will be people who will specifically wait for me to complete my set, before they start theirs, all because they are watching me while I do my set. Now I am not saying they are watching me because they are admirers lol, I have no idea what they are thinking, but they are blatantly watching me, and it's a pretty large amount of people that I catch doing this. My point here was, I know how hard it is to get into shape. It isnt easy when you dont know what you are doing, I wish it wouldnt be considered awkward for me to offer free training/nutrition advice to these people, just out of the fact that I see how much effort these people put into their workouts. I can tell by how hard they workout that their diet is what is keeping them from reaching their goals, because most of the people who see me regularly know I do absolutely no cardio. But such is life I guess.

The good thing is though, people I work with started asking me for advice now that I have done a serious transformation, and it feels good because even though the only reason they take me seriously in the first place, is the superficial reason, its reassuring to know I have accomplished enough to where people feel like they should be asking me for advice.

JanaCanada

Good Lord, yes, I am a different person! I LIKE ME NOW! I didn't like my fat self at all before. And because of that, I wasn't always the most pleasant person to be around. :embarassed:

I hated...haaaaated...how invisible my obesity made me, and how insensitive and rude people were to me. And because of all that ill-treatment, I became bitter and resentful. I hated people, and going out into the world among them. But when I was forced to, I was a sarcastic, ill-tempered, self-righteous beyotch, always poised for the fight and ready to claw eyes out. :explode: Who wants to be around that?!?! :huh:

My mom used to say that miserable people are their own worst enemy. So true! But what I learned is that miserable people are also hurting people, and that's a huge part of why they are the way they are. Heal the hurt, and watch a butterfly emerge from a dark cocoon.

My hurt started as a sexually abused child, and food became my best friend. Long story short, I found healing for my damaged inner child through my relationship with Jesus Christ, and with His help, I then found the will to do something about my weight.

Now, I like me, and because I like me, other people like me. I no longer carry that dreadful burden of hate - for myself and for society in general - and I am a kinder, gentler person. My inner rage has been replaced by compassion, and the tiger has been replaced by a puddycat. I found my sense of humour and willingness to forgive myself and others.

So, in conclusion, to answer the OP's qyestion, yes - people no longer recognize me, but not so much because of my weight loss. It's mostly because I am no longer the scary, sad, miserable person I was....thank God! :flowerforyou:

ereck44

Awesome topic!

Most of the comments from other people are "how did you do it?" or "you look great" or "I didn't recognize you at first". When I tell people that I lost it from portion control, calorie count, and exercise, they look disappointed. I think that they are looking for the latest fad diet or supplement (like I once did).

The biggest change is internal. I feel so happy now. I can face and meet the challenges of life. I can deal with stress better than I ever have.

I haven't met my weight loss goal but I have no doubt that I will meet it. It's just a matter of when. In fact, I've started making fitness goals.

mrspinky85

When I joined the Army over 7 years ago I lost over 80 pounds from the time I signed throughout basic combat training or boot camp. People back home talked behind my back and spread rumors I was on drugs, had cancer, or aids among the people who didn't know I went to the military. Through the next 5 years people said I looked freaky and weird to them even family. Fast forward to 2011 and I gained all or more of my military weight back after having my son. Now I am back to where I started. I get comments like, "the old Niki is back" and you look normal again. I guess these are suppose to be comments but I don't know how me being overweight and unhealthy can be a good thing.

The only difference at this weight now instead of the first timee is that I know I can loose it. Some people will have something to say no matter what you do. I say, don't worry about others just do you. Congrats on all those who lost weight and I hope to join you all soon!

manda79rn

I'm not trying to come off as abrasive here, but this topic is almost irrelevant when pertaining to women. Women lose weight, and get into shape, and bam, the attention, and the way people (especially men) treat them is completely different. It is a given for women. Human nature like acpgee said is superficial. Guys are going to pay more attention to you, there's a high chance if you are out random guys will buy you drinks, hit on you and give you all sorts of free stuff.

For a man on the other hand, it's completely different because no one is going to give you free stuff lol. There is no monetary advantage to being an aesthetic man over being an aesthetic woman. In fact a woman who is less in shape than a man as far a comparsons go will still more than likely get a ton more attention than a man. There's also no guarentee you will get hit on, you could come off as intimidating, and most men aren't expecting a woman to hit on them. The advantage you have being in shape as a man is that you look good, and aren't carrying a lot of bodyfat, so you are healthier. But only to an extent, even though I lost 45 lbs since Feb of this year, I have done ZERO CARDIO. But that was done to prove a point that getting in shape is mainly about dieting and lifting weights.

Yes I get a lot more attention now, from women, and dudes. Women notice me in the superficial sense. I am the kind of person who likes to help people. There are people at my gym who I would like to help get in shape. Who have been going to the gym consistently while I have lost all this weight. They have seen the transformation I have made, and I catch a lot of them staring at me while I working out. There will be people who will specifically wait for me to complete my set, before they start theirs, all because they are watching me while I do my set. Now I am not saying they are watching me because they are admirers lol, I have no idea what they are thinking, but they are blatantly watching me, and it's a pretty large amount of people that I catch doing this. My point here was, I know how hard it is to get into shape. It isnt easy when you dont know what you are doing, I wish it wouldnt be considered awkward for me to offer free training/nutrition advice to these people, just out of the fact that I see how much effort these people put into their workouts. I can tell by how hard they workout that their diet is what is keeping them from reaching their goals, because most of the people who see me regularly know I do absolutely no cardio. But such is life I guess.

The good thing is though, people I work with started asking me for advice now that I have done a serious transformation, and it feels good because even though the only reason they take me seriously in the first place, is the superficial reason, its reassuring to know I have accomplished enough to where people feel like they should be asking me for advice.

I'm not sure if you want anything free from where I work (RN in L&D) but hey.. I'll give you something free if you come by. Just sayin.

Seriously though, I think you make a good point.. there are some definite advantages to being female.

BeckyMBisMe

This topic is one of great interest to me personally. I have lost my weight several times before, only to allow it to slowly pile back on. Part of this is due to never really figuring out maintenance. However, because I've always had weight problems, I was at a loss on how to cope with physical attraction by other men, besides my husband, once I reach a normal weight. Every time it was very awkward to me. So I guess that in my case it would be a difference in the behavior of others which came first and somewhat frightened me. I was never there long enough to get comfortable in my new body. I hope at this point in my life, I'll have the confidence to coolly rebuff them and make a joke of it, instead of insulating myself by adding some poundage. Curious to see if anyone else has felt this way.

Yep, I could have written this verbatim. Great thread!

Ditto & Ditto
and in this same line of thinking, the less obese and healthier I would get, the more insecure my husband would get. I can't let either scenario stop me this time around.

And regarding the OP's question, I think it's a little of both. I'm more confident in myself (which others pick up on) and I'm more "acceptable" to society which is a damn shame on society that so many feel this way about people. Another weird thing I've noticed after having lost weight is people staring at my face. I'm in my 50's, normal looking, no facial tats or piercings, no scars or disfigurements, and I don't wear crazy inappropriate makeup for my age so I can't figure it out! Actually I'm totally bewildered by it! Maybe I remind them of someone else????? Just something to get used to I guess.

NinjaMaid

After I lost over 100 lbs, guys started to notice me. I was invisible with the weight, but now guys take notice. I would have never ended up with my current boyfriend without losing the weight. People can say looks don't matter, but they do.

vanessalillian82

I think a lot of it has to do with the vibe you put out there. I'm nearly 6'2" so I carry the weight well and can gain 10-20kg without anyone **really** noticing... but I feel crap about myself when I'm heavier. I've only lost 3.5kg so far (and am quite a bit fitter) but have noticed that I **feel** a LOT better about myself, and am putting a lot more effort into my personal appearance when I go out because I feel like I'm becoming worth looking at, which in turn makes you more approachable. That's how I see it, anyhow. I've noticed girls who do put more effort into their appearance (nails, hair done, nicely pressed clothes etc) tend to get more attention than those who do not (tracksuit pants, a wrinkled t-shirt and hair in a bun), regardless of their size, so I think a lot of it is the sense of self-worth you project.

tulsaBill

I noticed after I had lost about 50lbs I got more looks and smiles. Strangers, esp women, smiled and were friendlier to me. At first I thought I was imagining it but after watching closely for a while it's real.

I also noticed how easy has been for me to judge those that have not yet made the connection and continue to live unhealthy. Really that shocked me more than anything else.

Guinivere

"I also noticed how easy has been for me to judge those that have not yet made the connection and continue to live unhealthy. Really that shocked me more than anything else."

This

And I am ashamed to say that I feel less respect for those who don't respect their own health. I didn't respect myself when I was fat and unfit and sick from so many ailments. I've had to earn my own respect. I'm learning to be more tolerant but can also relate to other posters on this thread who have shared their experiences; with people being curious and congratulatory at first but then dismissive and actually mean when you don't fail like they expected you to.

Despite several people asking me how I have achieved my transformation so far, they don't like my response. Discipline, no dieting, exercise, eating clean, no situ far, no gluten. I explain its different for each person and they should conduct their own experiments with food and record the results in a journal but that seems like too much effort! They seem disappointed I don't have a magic pill!

Men haven't changed in attitude towards me but women have. A few have started to tell me not to lose any more weight because I'm already skinny. Er no I'm not. I'm thinner that them, but still firmly in the overweight range for my height. I'm aiming for a UK size 12-14 which is a perfectly healthy goal as I'm 5ft 8". I'm only just into size 16 clothes now. I let them sabotage me before and i stopped doing my healthy regime for fear of being too extreme and getting too skinny (I had anorexia athletica when I was 16-18). Now I'm firmly in control and need to stay true to how I feel in clothes and the tape measure regardless of whether I feel fat or thin!

I need to ignore the sabateurs!

seltzermint555

In the past 5 years, I have gone from 307 to 272, then 262, and now 218.

I notice more men checking me out now, in a way that is surreptitious and when I look at them they look a bit "caught", yet it's very different from when I was heavier. I can see a shift in the type of guys who look at me. They're all types and ages. When I was heavier, it was mostly guys who looked like they would share my taste...vaguely hipster, nerdy and/or gamer guys who were more likely to be checking out the chubby girl with funky glasses and clothes/shoes. Now I think more men in general are looking at me, and although it makes me feel a bit odd...probably looking more at my body. I am sure the weight change is a big factor, and I do dress slightly more figure-conscious. SLIGHTLY...I don't wear anything revealing. However I do wear knee length skirts and I never used to. And I have shirts that hit more at the waist, instead of at the bottom of my hip. So my body is more visible than before.

The bigger change though is a response I've seen from women. I am beginning to feel more appealing to women of all sizes. It kind of disturbs me, but whatever. For example in the past when I would meet friends of friends (women) they would often be nice to me...but now I'm finding I get more of an enthusiastic response, more invitations out, more friend requests, etc. I honestly think it's more the physical change than my own mental changes or the way I behave. I've always come across friendly and confident and I am not the type of person who felt super ashamed of my larger body.

samammay

Might just be my imagination, but I think my wife's friends smile at me and hug me more.

kr1stadee

I am noticing more waves, more people approach me for conversation (one being a parent of my son's friend... and I've been in other situations with her before, now she speaks to me).

I thought that everyone out there were rude jerks. But then when I started losing, I started learning that it's my outlook on the world that sucked. I'm much happier, and I'm going to assume that is why I'm seeing these changes.

In the last 4-5 months, I've been told that I was very approachable. That means more to me than someone noticing my weight loss!

KoRnKraZy

Yup, more attention from guys which is nice but annoying because I am really not interested at the moment lol

But I'm such a happier person now, about to turn 21, happy, healthy and know what I want from life.

It always puts a smile on my face when I think about it

Chevy_Quest

I also noticed how easy has been for me to judge those that have not yet made the connection and continue to live unhealthy. Really that shocked me more than anything else.

That is very well put.... I am very shocked with myself that I feel that way. Then, I realize that maybe that is how so many people were looking at me. It was like someone but a 100lb anchor on me even before I got out of the starting gate!

--> You can rant about how "unfair" that is, but that is just how it is unfortunately.

I really try to be "compassionate" and think to myself... maybe they are really trying and they haven't found the answer yet. (Like I did for 20 years). But then, I will be in the airport and see a guy wolf down two pizza hut personal pan pizzas and carry 3 bags of Mrs. Fields cookies on the plane while drinking 3 regular cokes... and I go... Ok then! LOL

---

One thing that I learned after being so fat and out of shape all these years was to really appreciate people who were kind and forgiving. I had to learn to be easy going, more thoughtful, and not so self-centered. --- That was just to "survive". Then, I realized that it was a good "pay it forward" way to "be".

One secret fear I have as I get fitter and healthier is that I will become more arrogant and self-centered. A little ego and self-confidence is good.. but it can be taken to far.... just sayin'.

lacroyx

I have in the past few months been noticing more attention from females. I've been told by friends that some flirt with me but I frankly don't see it. I always assume they are just being really friendly, smiling a lot and that's it. I was pretty much invisible to the opposite sex in the past and don't have much experience with getting attention from girls, reading the signals, etc etc. Also it doesn't help that I am shy around girls I do like and/or find attractive. I tend to be quiet, avoid eye contact, barely smile, etc etc which with my physical size, my friends tell me I give off a "don't talk to me/I'm having a bad day" sort of a vibe which makes me less approachable. :laugh: I'm working on it.

Also, I used to to go a 24/7/365 type of a gym and I didn't want to be seen by others so I'd go either really, really early, or super late at night. Now I'll attend fitness classes at my gym and not care one bit who sees me. I've had both men and women approach me letting me know that they have noticed a difference with me the past few months.

Socially I am a bit more outgoing as well and I don't spend all of my free time infront of a computer at home anymore.

Morninglory81

It is me that has changed. I used to walk shoulders hunched avoiding eye contact and automatically giving way to anyone walking passed me. I now hold myself with confidence, I look people in the eye and smile, I own my space! It is this change in how I present myself that has changed the way people respond to me.

mousemom18

There are some great answers here.

Surprised there aren't more threads on this topic.

But for sure there are inner changes. I'm still me - just WITHOUT the added weight of feeling inferior to everyone who is thinner than I am.

The outside world doesn't know about my inner feelings of shame and inferiority so they just notice me being more friendly and sociable. That is probably a more remarkable change than my pants size.

Chevy_Quest

@mousemom18

The outside world doesn't know about my inner feelings of shame and inferiority so they just notice me being more friendly and sociable. That is probably a more remarkable change than my pants size.

Very well said! :drinker:

cwolfman13

I'm far more confident and outgoing than I was when I was bigger...essentially, I got my old self from about 15 years ago back. People respond to confidence. I was never comfortable being larger and my self esteem was in the toilette...that affected my interactions with others and thus they way they treated/viewed me. It really wasn't the weight...it was me. I have large friends with a lot of confidence and charisma and people respond very well to them...it's not their size, it's their personality and charisma and confidence.

tasharock

Both. But I am a heck of a lot more pleasant to be around, so maybe it's the hotness, maybe it's the attitude. Don't care because I'm awesome and it finally shows.

2b_perfect00

Yes people treat you differently. Seems like the more you lose the nicer everyone gets. I hate it when people who knew me when i was fat talk to me. Why? Because they suddenly act like my friends, like they have known me for a long time or something. I'm still the same person just smaller. Yet now you want to be "friends" **** off.

I have come out of my fat shell a little, more talkative.

diannethegeek

I've been seeing a therapist for a few years to work on depression/anxiety and self-confidence issues. From my perspective, I believe that working with her and the increase in my self-confidence is what allowed me to then lose the weight. From everyone else's perspective I've lost weight and then become more confident. I find that really interesting.

According to my friends, my weight loss has done everything from make me pretty (or prettier, or I mean you've always been pretty but, depending on how they catch themselves and rephrase it) to increasing my singing abilities when we play Rock Band. It seems that everything that has changed about me in the last couple of years is thought to be a direct result of my weight loss.

Salespeople tend to greet me in stores now before my overweight sisters. Very close friends have drunkenly confessed that they want me to stop losing before I get skinnier than they are. People treat me differently. Some of it is about me and some of it is about them.

shellbatronic

When I was like 60 pounds down I started noticing a difference. Like, people would hold open doors for me now, and when I was very heavy men and women both would just let a door slam on me. I definitely get a lot more attention now, but honestly I would always get a relative amount of attention, but there would always be angel/devil voices in me going "They are looking at you because you are pretty and nice" and then "They are gawking at you because you are so fat." It's really a trick of the mind that I still fight.

Since I've gotten pretty fit now I don't really notice too many changes with people who knew me "before", but when I'm around people who didn't know the old fat me it can be very strange for me. I went to a dinner meeting with a bunch of people I didn't know and there was an obese couple sitting across from me. I explained I wasn't eating because it was my boyfriend's birthday and we had plans after the meeting. The couple both ordered very large meals and then an order of cheese fries on top of it. I would never have eaten any of it, that stuff just isn't my style anymore, but of course I didn't say anything (how rude would that have been!) They kept mentioning it to me, though- "You would never eat this stuff, would you? That's how you stay like that and I'm like this." Just comments like that, obviously (to me) projecting their insecurities on to me. I had never been in that position before, the fit person making someone feel bad by just being there, but I'd definitely been on the other end of it. Too weird.

SugarBaby71

People treat me way differently. Men are far more courteous. Women I don't know are friendlier, the women I do know are less friendly. I am in the middle of a fundraising campaign for one of my kids' activities. I wasn't getting a response from an automotive shop by phone or email. So on Friday I dressed nicely and went to the store and asked for the manager. He signed my little letter and then asked what he'd just signed! :laugh: This was a first. It used to bother me because I'm still basically the same... but I've been trying to let it go and not let it go to my head.