How to deal with a hubby that likes the chubby?

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jennlos
jennlos Posts: 200
in Motivation and Support
I am getting frustrated with my situation. When I was heavier he loved it and I hated myself for it. I am getting close to where I am happy and he tells me he doesn't like it. FYI my goal weight is no where from being a stick, I like my curves, but Two nights ago I put on my smaller jeans that have not fit in a really long time and I was sooo excited and happy that they buttoned, (gonna needs like 3 more pounds before they fit right but any who). I was happy and thrilled with my progress, only to sit on hubby's lap to ask what he thought of it. He says you look good "BUT". (why did he have to put the but) I like you better before. He commented on my face and how he prefers when my cheeks are fuller. I walk away feeling like crap. It is very upsetting to feel so good and to be dragged down in the dumps. Now sure what exactly I am asking, guess I am just venting.
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Replies

  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    I think it is good not to get too skinny, especially when we get older but if my hubby wants me fat too bad. I am doing what makes me happy and I sure don't want to gain weight and cant wear my clothes. If he wants fat he should get a fat woman but not meee! I have worked too hard for this and it feels good.
  • Jen800
    Jen800 Posts: 548 Member
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    it's a difficult thing. The most important thing is that you feel confident. Explain to him that you can't feel confident and love him properly if you can't respect and love yourself first.

    It's also probably an adjustment thing. He WILL get over it.

    He loves you for what's inside, he'll adapt to what's on the outside.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,266 Member
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    I am getting frustrated with my situation. When I was heavier he loved it and I hated myself for it. I am getting close to where I am happy and he tells me he doesn't like it. FYI my goal weight is no where from being a stick, I like my curves, but Two nights ago I put on my smaller jeans that have not fit in a really long time and I was sooo excited and happy that they buttoned, (gonna needs like 3 more pounds before they fit right but any who). I was happy and thrilled with my progress, only to sit on hubby's lap to ask what he thought of it. He says you look good "BUT". (why did he have to put the but) I like you better before. He commented on my face and how he prefers when my cheeks are fuller. I walk away feeling like crap. It is very upsetting to feel so good and to be dragged down in the dumps. Now sure what exactly I am asking, guess I am just venting.

    Girl, I feel ya on this. I was told tonight by my husband that he can tell I have lost weight but my butt is getting "jiggly" and not so round as it was before. He then went on to tell me that he missed my butt. Wtf, I only lost a fraction of what I want and need to lose but he was being honest. I told him flat out, that doesn't help my confidence and he acted like it was no big deal. I was thinking that I am starting to look good in my jeans and he tells me my butt is looking jiggly. THat sucks. I say whatever, it will get unjiggly soon enough and we need to do what makes us feel good about ourselves and makes us healthy. I went through this before when I lost weight, the more I got skinny he acted like I was wasting away. At least our hubbies loves us no matter what.
  • KMiYong
    KMiYong Posts: 130 Member
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    talk to him. tell him it's important to you, and that he will have to learn to love the thin and healthy you. he will understand, and I think over time he will learn to love you the way you love yourself. my GF also likes chubby girls (well, she doesn't like too skinny girls ><) but she knows that I want to be thin and lean rather than chubby (yet keep my wonderful curves) and she learned to love and appreciate it. good luck girl and keep on going! also, very happy for you with the jeans, I'm sure you look fantastic in them :)
  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
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    Probably worried you'll ditch him if you get too hot and he's still a sack of potatos
  • jadedhippo
    jadedhippo Posts: 95 Member
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    Ask him what is more important: fuller cheeks or health??
  • frommetobetterme
    frommetobetterme Posts: 124 Member
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    My first thought was to wonder how his weight is. Maybe he does truly like you better chubby, or maybe he's just not use to seeing you skinny and he'll need some adjustment time, or maybe he's insecure and is afraid you'll leave him for 'better'.

    It can be a lot of thing, and although it is discouraging. My hubby rolls his eyes every time I come home being proud of something I did at the gym, so I totally understand you.

    I unfortunately don't have any advise. Just be proud of what you've accomplished... awesome for fitting in those jeans again!
  • Johanne1957
    Johanne1957 Posts: 167 Member
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    Probably worried you'll ditch him if you get too hot and he's still a sack of potatos

    ^^^ This....and could be a form of control...while you feel like crap about yourself, you will stick with him that 'loves' you the way you are...been there...done that...
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Bottom line is you need to stop talking to him about it and get your validation elsewhere because he isn't gonig to give it to you.

    My So likes me a little heavier, too. I don't like me heavier and my opinion counts more than his because I have to live in and dress my body and he doesn't.
  • rieann84
    rieann84 Posts: 511 Member
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    I gotta believe that nothing is sexier than confidence. He will grow accustomed to your new body type and learn to love it for sure. Besides, he should be loving you for more than just the way you look ;)
  • bornofthorns
    bornofthorns Posts: 143 Member
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    I would definitely stress the health aspect. If he cares for you at all, you can talk about family history (if there is any) and how you want to be with him for a long, long time vs. your time being cut short due to weight-related illnesses. That should help put it in perspective more than just shallow things.
  • ChristinaOfDecember
    ChristinaOfDecember Posts: 115
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    MY hubby liked me chubby
    But he liked chubby thta much that he divorced me when I became fit..so.....I did not dealed with him hahahha
  • taylan14
    taylan14 Posts: 34 Member
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    My hubby is sorta the same way - in that he PREFERS a "fuller figure". I have lost over 60 pounds and I am good with it. He would never say anything ugly - but he truly does prefer me heavier. Since he loves me - he loves me....either way. So for me, I am happy to be healthier! But he misses the other girl - the heavier me. I feel fatter now then I did when I was fatter....so make sense of that craziness (??????) But as I get used to it - so will he. And I bet the same will happen for you! Try not to make it about the way you "look" to him - but about your health. You can quietly celebrate how you look until he comes around and sees how awesome you look too!
  • lizz2013
    lizz2013 Posts: 331 Member
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    You've got to do what feels right for you. You obviously feel happier as you are, not to mention it is wonderful for your health and to be honest he is being pretty selfish. How our loved ones react to us has a serious effect on our health and specifically matters of weight. Don't let him bring you down and cause you to gain the weight back. I'd say you need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and what his comments do to you. You've done absolutely amazingly to get this far. and I'm sure you look great. He should fancy you more because you have achieved so much and are proud of yourself!
  • kapatts
    kapatts Posts: 19
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    Everybody has the right to like what they like. Being an larger woman might just be the "price of admission" you pay to be with your husband. If that price is too high for you...and it sounds like it is...let him know that you're unwilling to be bigger (and ultimately less confident) to stay with him. After that, the ball's in his court and it's "Love Me or Leave Me Alone" time.
  • mmazelev
    mmazelev Posts: 12
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    My first thought was to wonder how his weight is. Maybe he does truly like you better chubby, or maybe he's just not use to seeing you skinny and he'll need some adjustment time, or maybe he's insecure and is afraid you'll leave him for 'better'.

    It can be a lot of thing, and although it is discouraging. My hubby rolls his eyes every time I come home being proud of something I did at the gym, so I totally understand you.

    I unfortunately don't have any advise. Just be proud of what you've accomplished... awesome for fitting in those jeans again!

    Most DEF -> insecurity.

    Reassure him that you love him and care about him regardless of how he looks, and you know he feels the same way about you.

    You're losing weight and changing to a healthier lifestyle for YOU and you alone. There will always be someone who talks **** - as long as you're happy with yourself that's really all that matters.

    Word only upset you as much as you LET them
    <3<3<3<3
    You got this :-D
  • bluefish49
    bluefish49 Posts: 102 Member
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    Probably worried you'll ditch him if you get too hot and he's still a sack of potatos

    I was in a bit of a different situation - both my (now ex) wife and I were both big. After the divorce, I realized I was "Going along to get along", meaning when she would cook it, I would eat it so I wouldn't hurt her feelings. Yes, NOBODY forced me to put that food in my mouth but me. But the implied guilt of "I cooked all day and that's ALL you are going to eat?" kept me very large. And as a secondary benefit to her, in her mind a large man was not tempting to other women.

    Her mistake. Two years and almost 200 pounds later I'm still not tempting to women, but I do feel a lot better about myself.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    the implied guilt of "I cooked all day and that's ALL you are going to eat?"

    I'd be perfectly happy about that! Leftovers means no cooking the next night.
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
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    Hmmm.... sounds like a confidence issue for him. I am sure he feels neglected emotionally in some way, because your fitness routine may be taking attention away from him. Bottom line, ensure you are doing this for YOUR health and not to be threatened in any way. Either way, congrats on a very nice loss so far! Best of luck the rest of the way!
  • kkerri
    kkerri Posts: 276 Member
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    My husband has the good sense to never comment on my body. I am surprised that so many men comment.

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