Funniest Fat joke you said about yourself

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  • shutyourpieholeandsquat
    shutyourpieholeandsquat Posts: 1,394 Member
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    I'm in shape! Round is a shape!
  • carashirley
    carashirley Posts: 169 Member
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    Whle doing the plank for the first time at my bootcamp class I joked "I should be able to do this for days because of all the years of sucking in my abs have been doing"
  • Via_14
    Via_14 Posts: 992 Member
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    Looking back on this its really funny and insane, but at the time it was funny *kitten* shiz to my bro.

    We were getting picked up by one of his friends and as im anti-social it was a big thing for me to come out - i was 17.

    So my bro tells me his friend is bringing along her sis and i was complaining how he could bring an extra person on me just when the friend's car pulls up in this distance.... i saw the car and was like OMG i will never fit in the car and i started balling my eyes out in the space of 10 seconds!!!

    it was a small car where you had to enter the backseat through the front door. So there i was standing with my bro laughing and trying to reassure me ill fit!! and the car pulled up and they asked me why i was crying and we just managed it. LOL not so much a fat joke i said but a fat incident lol.

    FYI i fit perfectly LOL
  • boatyboat
    boatyboat Posts: 60 Member
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    I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."

    Yep, this was the first one I was told when I was in 5th grade... Except they said it TO me. ha.

    So trip and fall on them...crush them...and they'll die! HAHAHAHAHA... Oh wait...that's me...hee hee...
  • themanda04
    themanda04 Posts: 60 Member
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    i used to say that my *kitten* was so big, it beeped when i backed up. :)
  • bads1
    bads1 Posts: 39 Member
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    I tend to say "gravity challenged" alot
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    I'm sure I've said a bunch of crap in the past but most recently I told someone I've been on a 34 year bulk cycle.
  • gobraves47
    gobraves47 Posts: 213 Member
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    Not too funny, but I always told my husband that instead of being a Trophy Wife, I was a Monument Wife.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    My good friend and co-worker hike two days after work, and every now and then we run into some grazing cows on our trek. I absolutely adore animals, so of course I try to head over to one of the chunky critters for a pet -- and off they run! I didn't say this out loud, because my co-worker would've given me a dirty look, but in my head I shouted, "Don't run! I'm one of you!!"

    I think one of the best qualities for a person to have is the ability to laugh at one's self.

    :love: :flowerforyou:
  • shutyourpieholeandsquat
    shutyourpieholeandsquat Posts: 1,394 Member
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    I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."

    Yep, this was the first one I was told when I was in 5th grade... Except they said it TO me. ha.

    So trip and fall on them...crush them...and they'll die! HAHAHAHAHA... Oh wait...that's me...hee hee...


    LOL yeah, these were my "friends" that said this.

    I've always threatened to sit on people LOL. "You might hit me first but I'll sit on you and you'll die"
  • jewel22887
    jewel22887 Posts: 72
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    I am very clumsy and fall at work at least once a month and when people ask me if I'm ok I just used to tell them I'm padded for impact.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."

    LOL!!
  • gabbygirl78
    gabbygirl78 Posts: 936 Member
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    I have fallen several times over the past couple of years and hurt myself pretty bad, breaking my hand one time and cracking my pelvis the last time. I told my daughter the other day" if I fall down these steps , just call 911 and a crane company to get me up!"
  • atmdaddy
    atmdaddy Posts: 51 Member
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    My claim to fame........"Fittest fat man in Virginia Beach!"
  • 366to266
    366to266 Posts: 473 Member
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    When people ask me what the weighing machine said, I always reply either:


    It said "No coach parties, please!"

    or

    It said "One at a time, please!"
  • 366to266
    366to266 Posts: 473 Member
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    instead of being a Trophy Wife, I was a Monument Wife.

    LOVE IT!
  • ForTheZombies
    ForTheZombies Posts: 5
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    Kids are great about asking the obvious. I carry my weight on my sides and back more than I do on the front. I had a little girl I was babysitting ask why my bathing suit looked weird, referring to my love upon love handles. I told her my Personal Flotation Device wasn't properly installed. The PFD has now become a regular term around the house. :p
  • CasiGal
    CasiGal Posts: 20 Member
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    I can't believe I'm about to share this...

    I got this from my Dad....I've been known to pat my stomach and say, "All bought and paid for..." :embarassed:
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    I am 4'11" and I often said that it was faster to go over me than to go around me.
  • Via_14
    Via_14 Posts: 992 Member
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    lol you so fat, you turned around once and it was your birthday again! LOL

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