My boyfriend's weight gain - advice on how to talk to him!

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  • paulonuno
    paulonuno Posts: 1
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    Haven't read all the posts , but my wife is and has always been in great shape , whilst I fluctuate , I overeat when I'm Under too much stress.

    My wife has never ever told me that I'm overweight, but does encourage me to lose weight to feel better about myself.

    To be honest I have never lost or tried to lose it for her or anybody else , its only when I'm good and ready that I do something about , but I do appreciate that its never never thrown in my face.

    Encourage him to do it for himself , for whatever reason works for him , health , fitness , looks whatever works for him - when it becomes about you , then this will have the reverse effect

    Take care
  • CaitlinW19
    CaitlinW19 Posts: 431 Member
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    try that subtle, look at some pictures together route. Maybe start making a photobook online or something to use as an excuse if it would be out of character for you to pull out the photos. He just may get that wake-up call without you saying anything. Most of us know when we've gained weight, but just sometimes don't really really see it till the photo shows us. Just had this happen and come to think of it it's probably why I really got back on the horse. My gut was awful! Unfortunatly I now have a fat passport pic for the next decade. Oh well. Further motivation not to get fat again.

    If that doesn't work, then maybe you can try another more direct approach.
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    it will be complicated for sure. good luck
  • JewelsinBigD
    JewelsinBigD Posts: 661 Member
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    Just do your thing and invite him to do it with you so that you can spend more time together - every workout, every meal, everything. He will either want to be with you and start getting more fit by accident or you will figure out what you can live with - a fat BF or no BF.
  • kjo9692
    kjo9692 Posts: 430 Member
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    If he doesn't want to do anything about it he won't. To be honest, when you come up to him all he's going to hear is you asking him to lose weight FOR YOU. Nope, that's not going to end well.

    I know what you mean, my boyfriend has put on a lot of weight (we put on weight together) but he doesn't care to lose it. I don't mind how he looks, I love him period. Nothing is going to change that. I really do care about his health and his performance at work and the time he spends with me (he sleeps ALL THE TIME). But I stopped pushing him because he is simply not going to do it unless he really wants to.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    Make future plans of a trip with some sort of fitness goal? Someplace you know he would want to go? For me, nothing is more motivating than travel. You could even take an approach saying that you need to train and asking him to help you. Stroke his ego a bit... tell him he's a great motivator... encourage him in the fitness things that he does right.

    If that's not it then I agree with just talking to him... but I don't think it has to be as blunt as "hey you're getting fat." Point out how great he looked in those photos and how much you loved doing those active things together. Encourage him in his healthy eating habits.. if he has a really healthy food that he likes to cook ask him to cook it and gush over it. Ask his opinions on how you should cook things and on what your doing for weight loss.

    I always take the encouraging route rather than the "naggy wife" route. You know him better than anyone... so you know how assertive you can be.
  • yogioats
    yogioats Posts: 33 Member
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    There's nothing for you to articulate. He knows he's gained weight. He either doesn't care or isn't ready to change anything. All you can do is to continue with your healthy life style. If you primarily do the cooking, use healthy recipes. Keep exercising. Perhaps when the weather is nice you both can take a bike ride, roller blade, or take a nature walk together. If it truly bothers you, break up with him.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    How would you want someone to tell YOU that they think you are getting fat?
  • bradXdale
    bradXdale Posts: 399
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    ~ because he would have more energy and feel better about himself
    ~it would help his mood swings (he's been pretty grumpy!)
    ~ it would help our sex life (and this is the toughy!) because I would be MORE physically attracted to him and he'd have more stamina
    ~it would help me to achieve my weight loss goals
    ~ and possibly get us to spend more time together doing some sort of fun physical activity

    Say exactly this to him. Be honest and forward.

    If he cares about you the least he could do is try to drop the weight for you. He doesn't have to change but he should understand by him not being compliant it's pushing you away from him.
  • lavaughan69
    lavaughan69 Posts: 459 Member
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    My husband started out dieting together on MFP last year and he did really well but then he kind of gave it up, mainly because he travels a lot and it's really difficult for him to stick to it. I would love for him to get back at it but not because I think he's unattractive, but because I worry about his health. He carries most of his weight through the belly and I've read so much about the dangers of belly fat. In addition I know his back gets all out of whack when his weight it up, so he would benefit from some weight loss. All that being said, I would never ever dream of telling him I would like him to lose weight. Through out our marriage I was always the overweight one and he always always always supported and loved me no matter how I looked.

    If you want to try something subtle, try looking in the Success Story section of the forum and find a male success story, copy the link and say something like..."These people in the success section are so amazing! Maybe I should post my results there". That way he thinks you're pointing out something for you, but really you're hoping he gets inspired from the post.

    That's it...that's all I got!!
  • KristinaB83
    KristinaB83 Posts: 440 Member
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    Heh... There's always the option of bribing him to be more active.

    Tell him you'll give him a BJ for every 10 miles he runs... He'll be in shape in no time!
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    Zombie thread, ya'll
  • kris727ta
    kris727ta Posts: 44 Member
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    I have been married for 18yrs and my husband has been trying to lose weight since I met him. In the beginning it was only 10lbs. Now 18yrs later he should lose 45! The older you get the harder it is. I have tried every approach to get him motivated. From subtle hints, asking him to join me running or at the gym, to down right telling him his boobs are bigger than mine! His friends playfully call him fat. I just keep living my healthy lifestyle and trying to get him on board. I honestly think he would be alot heavier if I wasn't a constant reminder to him. But the rest is up to him and I can't get him to want it. I wish he would work out with me and get serious but it's up to him.
    Good luck. Just keep being a good example and keep asking him to join you. Maybe it will click. =)

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