They Just Don't Get It... What Do You Tell Them?
YesIAm17
Posts: 817 Member
So there you are. You are doing everything right (or at least as best you can and getting better) to burn that fat and improve your health...
- You're maintaining a properly researched, well thought out, healthy, deficit of your TDEE
- You're eating healthier "cleaner" foods (or at least more than you were)
- You're hitting your macros so you know you're getting the carbs/proteins/fats you need
- You might even be taking a multivitamin and or a few other supplements just to be safe
- You're doing cardio 3, 5, 7, however many times a week for 30 to 90 minutes
- You're doing strength training to prevent that muscle loss and being sure to give your self recovery days based on whichever muscle groups you're hitting.
...and so on and so on.
The point is, you have done your homework... you know that what you are doing is a healthy and responsible approach to cutting the fat and getting fit.
But maybe some of the people around you just don't get it.
They think...
- You're not eating enough
- You're not eating the right things/are eating the wrong things
- You're too thin (even if maybe your Body Fat % is clearly in the obese range)
- You're exercising too much
- You're going to make yourself sick
- You're doing it wrong
- You shouldn't be logging your food/using those apps
... you know they have no clue what they are talking about.
You try to explain all the science behind what you are doing, in detail, and the next day it's like you never explained it.
What do you tell them? What do you say to these people in your life? (without hurting their feelings)
Maybe some people just need to hear the right words in order to finally get it... maybe they have other reasons to not want to understand and or not want you to succeed, i.e. their own issues.
I would love to hear you're stories along these lines. What do friends and family say to you, and what do you say in return?
- You're maintaining a properly researched, well thought out, healthy, deficit of your TDEE
- You're eating healthier "cleaner" foods (or at least more than you were)
- You're hitting your macros so you know you're getting the carbs/proteins/fats you need
- You might even be taking a multivitamin and or a few other supplements just to be safe
- You're doing cardio 3, 5, 7, however many times a week for 30 to 90 minutes
- You're doing strength training to prevent that muscle loss and being sure to give your self recovery days based on whichever muscle groups you're hitting.
...and so on and so on.
The point is, you have done your homework... you know that what you are doing is a healthy and responsible approach to cutting the fat and getting fit.
But maybe some of the people around you just don't get it.
They think...
- You're not eating enough
- You're not eating the right things/are eating the wrong things
- You're too thin (even if maybe your Body Fat % is clearly in the obese range)
- You're exercising too much
- You're going to make yourself sick
- You're doing it wrong
- You shouldn't be logging your food/using those apps
... you know they have no clue what they are talking about.
You try to explain all the science behind what you are doing, in detail, and the next day it's like you never explained it.
What do you tell them? What do you say to these people in your life? (without hurting their feelings)
Maybe some people just need to hear the right words in order to finally get it... maybe they have other reasons to not want to understand and or not want you to succeed, i.e. their own issues.
I would love to hear you're stories along these lines. What do friends and family say to you, and what do you say in return?
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Replies
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I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.0
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I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.
^^ This0 -
I keep my journey to myself. I don't open myself up to talk about it, or work overtime to convince anybody of a damn thing. I know exactly what I'm doing for myself, and I know it's working. Hell I don't even fully disclose my journey here on MFP, as I have some "unorthodox" methods that many, many here are ignorant to and would instantly frown upon. My wife and sister are the only two people in the world so far who are privy to my journey.
People tend to feel comfortable nosing in on your journey when you don't make it clear, in your demeanor, words, and actions, that you are not interested. The minute you spent time trying to justify YOUR journey was the minute you gave them permission to make commentary.
I keep it moving and let the results speak for themselves. The extent to which you share your journey is YOUR business, nobody else's.0 -
You say, "Thank you for being concerned about me and for your support! I feel better than ever!" and you move on. That's it.0
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You can also say, "I have a pile of clothes that are too big for me now, would you like to try them on and see if you want any of them?"0
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You say, "Thank you for being concerned about me and for your support! I feel better than ever!" and you move on. That's it.
This is the perfect answer.0 -
The only people I talk about my journey to are here on mfp, on fittestfriends, and of course my husband(he's on the same page as me though/working to lose weight as well). I don't discuss it with anyone else. No one else really needs to know.
As for what I'd say if the situation ever came up:
1st time : I'd explain everything as nicely as possible.
2nd time: I'd nod, but not say anything.
3 or more times: Nothing nice would come out of my mouth, because at that point I'd be annoyed.0 -
I think I've struggled in the past because I felt that I couldn't vent or talk to anyone - I don't like having to talk about 'being fat'.
This time around, I've let a small number of friends know and update them once a week or so on Facebook, and I've joined up here to keep me on track day to day.
It has really helped, but even then, I'm still too embarrassed to talk specific numbers - as in, how much I weigh now and what I want to weigh.
There are a few people who have said to be careful of starting something that can't be maintained - and I'm well aware of that and make allowances for treats, going out, having drinks.
If (when) people outside that small group start to comment or ask questions (hopefully because I'll be looking slimmer), I think I'll just say thank you, I'm taking better care of myself, and leave it at that.0 -
If people give me advice I listen and thank them for caring, if they ask questions I answer them honestly. I do not bring up the subject and make sure I am not making a big deal out of my choices.0
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Hi YesIAm17
I usually don't attract those sorts of discussions/lectures. Maybe its my scary looks - I dunno.
I recommend that you let your increased health and fitness do the talking for you. If some people are insistent then perhaps I would be very blunt in order to get through to them.
kind regards,
Ben0 -
"I feel great and my doctor and coach are keeping a close eye on me. Oh hey, [redirect focus to them by asking about something they like to talk about]?"0
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I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.
Absolutely this! But mainly because I do not want to be food policed. The second a heavy person tells people around them they're working on their weight loss they'll come at you like white on rice. I don't tell anyone at work anything about it. Most people in your life will not trust you to handle your own business.
Also, picking on fat people is fun because you get to be judgmental while telling yourself you're helpful. I've sat in carpools with the people behind me talking about how unhappy they assumed I was because I'm fat. And the tone of their whispered conversation was 'friendly concern' and 'cordial sympathy' but really, they just wanted to talk about the fat girl in the carpool. Awesome!
When someone at work notices weight loss and asks, I just say more protein, less carbs (which isn't exactly true, but not exactly a lie either). It's something they think they understand, like finger math, and then they leave me alone about it.0 -
I'm a grown up so I do what I think is best for me. If it's someone who wants to dialog I will have a conversation but I won't argue. I have been know to say, "We are not having this conversation. If you want to remain on speaking terms with me then we need to move on to a new subject." That usually does it.
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Well before I joined here with my goal to lose 100 more pounds and tone up, I'd already lost 100 from re-learning how to eat. and following a pretty simple easy to follow diet. I mean it wasn't a crash or an overnight things, it took a while, and that's fine 'cause slow and steady wins the race when the goal is "healthy"
People who hadn't seen me in a while, reacted like it was an over night thing and wanted to know what miracle I'd worked, what spiffy fantastic diet I'd done. (etc). No one wanted to hear what it really was.
"I learned how to eat only 'til I was full and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry."
People didn't want to hear it. I'd say "Well I lost 100 pounds doing that" they'd say "Yah, but it took a year." and I did not not get how that was a problem... it should take time to safely lose weight, I didn't pack it all on in a day and a half, and it's twice as hard to lose as it is to gain.
I think people just expect a magic bullet, more exciting than "Moderation and exercise"
Moderation and Exercise is boring work. It takes time... it means you have to think and make significant changes in your views on food and motion. It means you have to put in some effort.0 -
I just say, "You're just going to have to trust me on this. If you choose not to, you can. But I'll take it personally."
That ends 99% of this kind of thing for me.0 -
I smile and nod and do what I want.0
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A lot of people are just greatly misinformed, and fearful of change because if they acknowledge that you are doing something right, they have to admit that they are doing something wrong.0
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I try to ignore them and then I complain to my close friends. That's my honest answer.0
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You say, "Thank you for being concerned about me and for your support! I feel better than ever!" and you move on. That's it.
That's a really good response. Also just keep on doing what you're doing and they'll soon get used it and see you become healthier, stronger and happier. You can't argue with results like that.0 -
You can also say, "I have a pile of clothes that are too big for me now, would you like to try them on and see if you want any of them?"
^^^This^^^..love it...totally.0 -
I've always had a problem with this at church, our last Pastor especially. And at our new church there's a couple of ladies who think they're the diet police.
The Pastor - I told him that unless he wants me passing out on the stage (I am diabetic and was on the worship team) that he had better just let me do my thing in the morning - that I had to eat SOMETHING and all that was ever on the Sunday School breakfast table was sweets and fruit so yeah.
The one lady I went OFF on. She almost smacked a donut out of my hand and I was eating it because I had crashed. I was about to have my insulin cut in HALF, because I was taking too much for how much I was eating/exercising, but oh! She didn't know that! She just knew I was fat and needed a lecture! She didn't even know my NAME and felt like it was her job to jump my case because she knew I was diabetic. I was pissed. Then this other lady yelled at me because I got ONE 1" x 1" brownie at a potluck. I just walked away from her. It was ignorant of her. I have the right to have a damn brownie, if I want, and I don't usually talk like that. It just pisses me off, when people assume that you want their advice, just because you're fat, or that you're not trying.
Well, it turns out that my big belly ended up being all fluid, and that I had cancer.
Now I'm on chemo, and I'm not supposed to lose much weight until it's over.
So now if people jump my case, I'll just say screw you, I have cancer.
I am gluten free and low sugar though, even though my oncologist doesn't want me to do that. I am also an organic food junkie.0 -
P.S. - People. Eat good food. All four food groups. Don't starve yourselves. Lose your weight gradually. This from my oncologist, and from the American Cancer Association. Just sayin'... 0
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"You're too skinny."
"I meant to do that."
"..."
"Oh."0 -
I mess with them. Seriously,
People ask what I did, I lean in like I'm trying to tell them a secret..."Don't tell anyone...I got off my *kitten* and ate better food."
Mind blown.0 -
So now if people jump my case, I'll just say screw you, I have cancer.
I hate that you get to say this while it's true, and wish you the very best for your treatment.... but also, BAM! Talk about ultimate smackdown to the butt-in people! Would love to see their faces!0 -
The first time someone tried to give me a hard time for eating a poptart after I told them I was losing weight, my scorching death look shut them down pretty effectively.0
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^^ this is great!I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.0 -
I mess with them. Seriously,
People ask what I did, I lean in like I'm trying to tell them a secret..."Don't tell anyone...I got off my *kitten* and ate better food."
Mind blown.
Sklarbodds, you're my hero!0 -
I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.
^^ This0 -
I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.
It's true - nobody wants to be bored to tears by it.
For me it's not fat loss that I want to talk about, it's exercise. But, I learned about 15 years ago when confronted with those glassy-eyed stares that nobody wants to hear how I shaved 10 seconds off my mile time, or how my drunken monkey is really coming on.
People either: a) don't care; or b) they think you're obsessed. So you're either boring people to death, or convincing people you have some kind of obsessive disorder.
Stick with peer groups like this one, where people have a common interest and you should be golden.0
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