Trying to recover from eating disorder...

mhpritt4

I lost about 80 lbs in less than a year. I was always used to being bullied due to weight and some things happened that made me think starving myself to lose would make everything better. Heh. Little did I know I was slowly killing myself.

I am currently 5'8', 115lbs (and 18). I got down to 105 and then suddenly the days were hard. I could barely do anything but lie around.

Last week I had something that was a (supposed) really bad anxiety attack that lasted for about 20 minutes in the kitchen floor. Since, it's felt like a constant whatever it was. My chest is tight, my heart beats fast, I have to concentrate hard on my breathing. Sometimes my lips and entire left side go numb. When I wake up from sleeping I feel like someone has just saved me from drowning. I know losing weight like that can cause some serious damage and I don't know if it even relates, but still... it's definitely not good. I was also hospitalized due to health issues last November and they told me I needed to gain 20-30 lbs to be in a good place (and I didn't gain).

Since I've been so used to my "meal times" and the way I eat... I don't know when to eat, how much, or what. For the past few days I've been eating about 4 times a day with small snacks in between (making sure that I stay full all the time). My mom made homemade zuchinni bread and I've ate quite a bit of that, too... and making sure to drink lots of milk and eat heart healthy foods like beans, tuna, vegetables, etc. I guess I just need someone to help me do this. Do I need to keep eating a lot (like I am) until I reach a healthy weight?

I do not do any exercise but occasionally walk on a trail that we have (usually half a mile or so). I'm not worried about what I look like, because I've already pretty much screwed myself up losing so much so quick. I've got the skinny fat thing going on. I just want to be healthy.

So_Much_Fab

You're going to get a lot of replies that will say:

a) see a doctor regarding what you called your "anxiety attack"

b) get professional help in dealing with your eating disorder.

Both are very valid statements. You need to make sure nothing serious is going on, and trying to recover from an ED on your own would be tremendously difficult.

Best of luck to you.

mhpritt4

You're going to get a lot of replies that will say:

a) see a doctor regarding what you called your "anxiety attack"

b) get professional help in dealing with your eating disorder.

Both are very valid statements. You need to make sure nothing serious is going on, and trying to recover from an ED on your own would be tremendously difficult.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you. My mom was with me through it and she is the one that said that it was an anxiety attack. She said I was fine. Heh. I don't have a medical card and we don't have the money to go to a doctor right now. It's just a difficult situation.

shastacrystal

Definitely sounds like a panic attack that you had. I suffer from them sometimes although I can normally detect it starting and then take my medicine to calm me down a bit. I can sympathize, they are scary for sure and the 1st time I had one I thought I was dying or having a heart attack or something.

It seems like you are on the right track by eating small meals very often throughout the day! Don't feel like you have to gorge yourself in order to gain the weight but definitely eat when you are hungry and force yourself to eat on a schedule so you don't forget to eat for long periods of time.

You can definitely add me as a friend if you would like:)

Looks like you are on the right track so don't give up!!

polluxy

I agree with the above. Get yourself to a doctor immediately and seek out some counseling. They can help you get on the right track with nutrition, any deficiencies you have from prolonger under-eating, and can help you get in the right mental state for recovery.

Your "anxiety attack" was likely caused by a potassium deficiency...it sounds like you went into tachycardia. Electrolyte imbalances are one of the primary causes of death where eating disorders are concerned. Make sure you include some potassium-rich foods in your diet. (Leafy veggies, bananas, there are some others that I don't remember off the top of my head).

Keep focusing on eating whole, unprocessed foods -- focus on your health and the nutrition that they give you. If you want to track on here, set your MFP goal to gain weight, and take it slow. Try 0.5 lbs/week. Doing things quickly doesn't help when losing or gaining. Treat your body like the temple that it is -- fill it with whole, nutrient-dense foods and it will reward you with great health, lots of energy, and you'll look and feel great.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you can take the time you need to focus on your recovery.

TigerBite

*be careful when adding more calories, don't go up too much at once ...

Google "refeeding syndrome" ...

ETA: Electrolyte imbalances AND hypoglycemia can cause panic attack-like symptoms ... Not to be a fear monger, but once you have heart-symptoms, it's time to seek medical attention ...

And cantaloupe, coconut water, and avocados are all great sources of potassium ...

JustYandy

Short panting breathing causes extra oxygen in rise in your body(numbness)hyperventilating... you had a panic attack....there is anxiety and panic sets in and takes over...This my friend sucks.I get it from drinking heavy the next day is a nightmare...There is a chemical in your brain getting released that is fight or flight response and too much of it does that...Dont think about eating just eat and exercise then you will be healthy it's really not that difficult just gotta stop over thinking and do more to get better...sorry that you did this to yourself not sure if anything I said helps in anyway:flowerforyou:

mockchoc

You're going to get a lot of replies that will say:

a) see a doctor regarding what you called your "anxiety attack"

b) get professional help in dealing with your eating disorder.

Both are very valid statements. You need to make sure nothing serious is going on, and trying to recover from an ED on your own would be tremendously difficult.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you. My mom was with me through it and she is the one that said that it was an anxiety attack. She said I was fine. Heh. I don't have a medical card and we don't have the money to go to a doctor right now. It's just a difficult situation.

Hi. Seems you have some good replies. Go see a doctor though, your life is more important than money. How much does one cost over there? Seems like they are very expensive. Here they are expensive but not that bad.

2ass

Unfortunately, I have no medical or even diet advice I can give you with any authority. What I do know is this. I am a 44 year old man. Ever since I was a child I was the fat kid, the husky kid, the big guy, etc... I have lost 25-100 lbs and put it all back on plus extra more times than I can count. Guess what, my life is fantastic. At 18 you are just starting to slip your way into adulthood. Right now you likely have teachers, family, friends and even yourself dropping pressure on you about every subject from every angle. Please forgive my arrogance as I try to offer you a little perspective: Tomorrow morning the sun will rise. I promise. If you are fat, skinny, shaking, steady, nervous, confident, happy or sad the sun will rise. PLEASE, bask in it. Bask in the beauty and uniqueness that is you. Great things and horrible things will happen to you but you will live a life. Your clothing size has nothing to do with who you are. You are not defined solely by your successes and failuers (or ability to spell) but rather you are defined BY YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE on the realities of your life. As the great philosopher Dorrie From Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

thesophierose

This sounds similar to my situation. I am self recovering from my own disorder. You are so strong for wanting to be healthy!! I just wanted to say that. Anxiety is common, but you can get through this. You mom seems to be supportive and that's so amazing, lean on her for help. Food is good. Food is fuel. You deserve health

thesophierose

Unfortunately, I have no medical or even diet advice I can give you with any authority. What I do know is this. I am a 44 year old man. Ever since I was a child I was the fat kid, the husky kid, the big guy, etc... I have lost 25-100 lbs and put it all back on plus extra more times than I can count. Guess what, my life is fantastic. At 18 you are just starting to slip your way into adulthood. Right now you likely have teachers, family, friends and even yourself dropping pressure on you about every subject from every angle. Please forgive my arrogance as I try to offer you a little perspective: Tomorrow morning the sun will rise. I promise. If you are fat, skinny, shaking, steady, nervous, confident, happy or sad the sun will rise. PLEASE, bask in it. Bask in the beauty and uniqueness that is you. Great things and horrible things will happen to you but you will live a life. Your clothing size has nothing to do with who you are. You are not defined solely by your successes and failuers (or ability to spell) but rather you are defined BY YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE on the realities of your life. As the great philosopher Dorrie From Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

I love this. Omg.

mockchoc

Unfortunately, I have no medical or even diet advice I can give you with any authority. What I do know is this. I am a 44 year old man. Ever since I was a child I was the fat kid, the husky kid, the big guy, etc... I have lost 25-100 lbs and put it all back on plus extra more times than I can count. Guess what, my life is fantastic. At 18 you are just starting to slip your way into adulthood. Right now you likely have teachers, family, friends and even yourself dropping pressure on you about every subject from every angle. Please forgive my arrogance as I try to offer you a little perspective: Tomorrow morning the sun will rise. I promise. If you are fat, skinny, shaking, steady, nervous, confident, happy or sad the sun will rise. PLEASE, bask in it. Bask in the beauty and uniqueness that is you. Great things and horrible things will happen to you but you will live a life. Your clothing size has nothing to do with who you are. You are not defined solely by your successes and failuers (or ability to spell) but rather you are defined BY YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE on the realities of your life. As the great philosopher Dorrie From Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

You are great. Thank you for trying to help her. x

shadowweaver06

As someone who is still in recovery from a prolonged battle with Anorexia (in my teens) that led to hospitalization, I'm going to mirror the other comments made here.

You need to seek medical attention. That "anxiety attack" may not actually have been an anxiety attack, and since you are recovering from an eating disorder, you may have an electrolyte imbalance, or worse, there could be damage to the heart muscle - both of these things can cause tachycardia (racing, erratic pulse, irregular heartbeat) and general malaise.

Also, seconding the suggestion of getting professional help in dealing with your ED. Ideally, you should be seeking assistance from a licensed therapist with experience in treating ED's, and seeing a nutritionist as well as a GP. ED's are nasty - and I speak from experience when I say that it's a struggle not to fall back into old habits, especially as your weight creeps up. It's very, very difficult to get past the ED without professional assistance and lots of therapy because ED's are as much a mental illness as a physical one.

mhpritt4

I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read and reply.

I moved states, pursuaded my mom into online schooling, and was able to go my own pace so I graduated school a year early. I stay at home taking care of my younger brother mostly. There has been a lot of pressure with everything - I'm thinking this could also be a big part of it but I've never really experienced an attack until last week (again, if that's what it was). It seems like if I am around someone I do less over thinking and feel somewhat normal. The trouble is... I don't have many to be around because I am an introvert. Maybe not a good thing in this case. I have a hard time being social.

IronCakes

On your weakest days remember this, you are strong, you are worth it, you will beat this.

mhpritt4

Unfortunately, I have no medical or even diet advice I can give you with any authority. What I do know is this. I am a 44 year old man. Ever since I was a child I was the fat kid, the husky kid, the big guy, etc... I have lost 25-100 lbs and put it all back on plus extra more times than I can count. Guess what, my life is fantastic. At 18 you are just starting to slip your way into adulthood. Right now you likely have teachers, family, friends and even yourself dropping pressure on you about every subject from every angle. Please forgive my arrogance as I try to offer you a little perspective: Tomorrow morning the sun will rise. I promise. If you are fat, skinny, shaking, steady, nervous, confident, happy or sad the sun will rise. PLEASE, bask in it. Bask in the beauty and uniqueness that is you. Great things and horrible things will happen to you but you will live a life. Your clothing size has nothing to do with who you are. You are not defined solely by your successes and failuers (or ability to spell) but rather you are defined BY YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE on the realities of your life. As the great philosopher Dorrie From Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

Thank you so, so, so very much...

hannahpistolas

Been there, done that.

Sending mega love.

Artaxia

My reality slap hit me when I got pregnant. I realized I can't just exercise what I eat off and I can't just starve myself. You should go visit a doctor for your anxiety attack. I suffer from those too, and they're not fun. Honestly, they're so bad lately I can't manage to work, or even hardly leave my house. I'm forcing myself to leave the house this Saturday and go out of town.

Anyway, once you've found a doctor, you should also find a nutritionist. If you do not have insurance...research diets online to learn how to eat properly. Buy the book body for life and see if those recipes help you any.

Good luck. I know you can overcome it.

TheCaren

First: It probably was an anxiety attack (from which I also suffer). However, Karen Carpenter (a vocalist who died way before you were born) died due to cardiac arrest as a result of a lengthy battle with anorexia nervosa. So it might not hurt to have a little health check up and make sure you're not developing an arrythmia due to your battle with your eating disorder.

Secondly: You are in good company when you talk about having a weight issue and then losing weight got out of control and you were no longer doing it in a healthy way. I'm thankful it that my distorted thinking was pointed out to me before I ended up in any kind of health crisis. I would like to join the other posters in saying it's unlikely you will be able to tackle disordered eating issues on your own. As I have learned, the disordered eating isn't really about food or weight or appearance at all. It's about control. Getting to the root of your control issue is, as I understand it, the key to getting your disordered eating back in check.

Lastly, be proud of yourself for being willing to admit publicly that you have an issue. That indicates a willingness to change, which is the first step to dealing with your disordered eating.

IMHO, your plan of attack should include the following:

First phone call, an MD to make an appointment to give you a once over and make sure no damage has been done.
Second phone call, a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.
Third phone call, a dietician who can help you re-develop a healthy relationship with food (you might be best waiting to do this until you see the therapist who may know a dietician who specializes in disordered eating patterns).

Sorry if I sound all bossy and maternal. I raised a family and if my daughter posted your post on here, this is what I'd want someone to tell her.

skadoosh33

Yes go get checked out if you are still feeling like that. An EKG, hematology and chemistry panel with troponin will reveal possible reasons. You are young and generally your age group doesn't have cardiac issues but you have an eating disorder and that changes things. Don't go eating a bunch of potassium though. If your renal function is impaired from this you won't be able to excrete it and get hyperkalemia.

mortuseon

Hi. I'm currently in recovery for bulimia, having had anorexia previously also. I won't post anything on this forum, but if you'd like to message me for support and recovery advice, please feel free to do so. I would also advise seeing a doctor, although I managed the majority of recovery unsupervised - it took medical intervention to get me in the right direction (mostly because I was shocked how much I had damaged my body...)

maggie16sweetxoxo

I have a bingeing disorder and purged before.

Melissa22G

Unfortunately, I have no medical or even diet advice I can give you with any authority. What I do know is this. I am a 44 year old man. Ever since I was a child I was the fat kid, the husky kid, the big guy, etc... I have lost 25-100 lbs and put it all back on plus extra more times than I can count. Guess what, my life is fantastic. At 18 you are just starting to slip your way into adulthood. Right now you likely have teachers, family, friends and even yourself dropping pressure on you about every subject from every angle. Please forgive my arrogance as I try to offer you a little perspective: Tomorrow morning the sun will rise. I promise. If you are fat, skinny, shaking, steady, nervous, confident, happy or sad the sun will rise. PLEASE, bask in it. Bask in the beauty and uniqueness that is you. Great things and horrible things will happen to you but you will live a life. Your clothing size has nothing to do with who you are. You are not defined solely by your successes and failuers (or ability to spell) but rather you are defined BY YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE on the realities of your life. As the great philosopher Dorrie From Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

This, this was really great! Great input and outlook

keem88

i have been in recovery several months now, for the 4th time i believe over the past 11 years. i am diagnosed now with ednos restrictive, as i still have my period but am underweight so i cannot be diagnosed with anorexia, i was in hs though when i did lose my period.

i would say please go see your doctor for a physical, a mental health provider regarding the anxiety attack and the eating disorder, possibly a different provider for the ed who specializes in those, and a nutrionist to help you plan your meals.

for myself, i upped my cals slowly at a time. i couldn't handle the full feeling and bloating from eating more, when i started eating more right away it triggered relapses for me. i stopped weighing a long time ago because that was a trigger seeing the numbers initially go up.

i have gone from intially fasting/max intake of the 600/700s to the 800s, 900s, now into the low 1000/1100s. some days i still restrict, some days i feel like i have horrid binges even though the cals are 1500ish for the day, because for me that is a lot of food. i am trying to eat 1000 today, i will have to force myself dinner though.

i wish you the best of luck and feel free to add me if you'd like. but like i said, i added a little at a time, and was adding 50-100 cals at a time. if you can handle eating more at once without being triggered go for it.

eda (eating disorders annonymous) is also awesome. they have in person meetings, online chat meetings and phone meetings. unfortunately there is not one near me for in person meetings so i do a weekly phone meeting. the support is amazing and i think they have helped save my life. in college i did go to counseling and receive services for my recovery but this time as my funds are limited and i cannot afford $50 sessions for a nutritionist and therapist, i am doing it on my own.

best of luck and i hope you can get your health back before it is too late.

keem88

forgot to add i also used to have panic attacks and frequent black outs when i was restricting severely. determined that my heart rate was low, skipping beats, and i had a severe electrolyte deficiency. not sure if this is the same for you but i thought i would mention it. adding salt to my food and having powerade zero (still afraid of liquid calories and working on that as my recovery) has helped me since then.

regarding the not having a medical card, any low income sliding scale clinics you can go to? do you live in the us, since they just passed the health care act everyone has to enroll in healthcare and if you do live in the states then when your card is in effect get your behind to a specialist. in the meantime take multi vitamins, continue with your small meals and snacks, and make sure you get those electrolytes in.

jess1992uga

I am in recovery as well and you definitely need a nutritionist and a therapist.. Honestly, with this 'attack' have you thought about inpatient/residential treatment. I have been to both and it great and can really help. You are so young and trust me.you want to get over this now. I also write my own recovery blog if you want to read
http://freedomhunger.blogspot.com
Message me if any questions

KaraAlste

Sounds like you have your mom's support, it's important to cooperate w/people who love you. Since you want to get healthy, you are in a great mindset! Being healthy is beauty, they go hand in hand. People enjoy being around energetic young ladies. Good luck on reaching your goals and feel free to join the gaining weight group. :happy:

VBnotbitter

Lots of good advice but as lots have said you do need medical advice. I see you are in Queensland - there must be a GP nearby who bulk bills, Medicare will definitely cover you for ED recovery

mhpritt4

I am in in Millersburg, Ohio. I'm going to see if there is any way to get into a doctor as soon as I can.

Thank you again to everyone who has taken time to try to help as much as possible. And to those recovering just like me, I wish you all the best and then some. We'll all be fine.

VBnotbitter

Oops sorry opened wrong profile! Good luck and hope it works out for you

__freckles__

Unfortunately, I have no medical or even diet advice I can give you with any authority. What I do know is this. I am a 44 year old man. Ever since I was a child I was the fat kid, the husky kid, the big guy, etc... I have lost 25-100 lbs and put it all back on plus extra more times than I can count. Guess what, my life is fantastic. At 18 you are just starting to slip your way into adulthood. Right now you likely have teachers, family, friends and even yourself dropping pressure on you about every subject from every angle. Please forgive my arrogance as I try to offer you a little perspective: Tomorrow morning the sun will rise. I promise. If you are fat, skinny, shaking, steady, nervous, confident, happy or sad the sun will rise. PLEASE, bask in it. Bask in the beauty and uniqueness that is you. Great things and horrible things will happen to you but you will live a life. Your clothing size has nothing to do with who you are. You are not defined solely by your successes and failuers (or ability to spell) but rather you are defined BY YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE on the realities of your life. As the great philosopher Dorrie From Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"

You are one wise fellow. Thank you for this.