Unsupportive family and food.

0somuchbetter0 · October 2013

Reading your profile and your posts, it sounds like you're pretty unhappy overall. I'm in complete control of what enters my kitchen, but I'm a lot older than you and my husband is very supportive, so I don't have to share my kitchen or my house with people who eat junk and even tease me about trying to eat healthy. You're 21 years old -- I know it's not easy, and I don't know your circumstances, but considering how unsupportive your family is, what about moving into your own place? I know that may seem extreme, but in your current household I don't see you having much success....

Best of luck!

KittiesSong · October 2013

It IS hard to resist food when you just want to eat it all because it tastes soooo good. It's like being an alcoholic and having to live in a bar when you just want to stop drinking. That said here is what I have done to help me resist binge eating and overloading on trigger foods.

A) Try not to obsess over food too much... I know it's hard and you do have to do a lot of thinking especially at first so that you don't forget to log and/or fall back into old habits. But you can think in the moment instead of thinking about food ALL the time.

Have a food journal with you when you are out and MLP up and ready to log on at a moments notice when you are at home and make yourself log things in. If you binge you binge, but you MUST log it in. Yes it will feel as though you have failed, you may cry about it, but you have to tell yourself "I have learned from this, I will move on and do better in the future."

C) PLAN. This one is the most important and often overlooked part of any "diet" or new routine. I figure out my max calories per meal and then work around those. If I eat something that is below that max great! If I eat something above I will balance it out later with a lower calorie meal. I also allow for a once a week treat after a hard workout day. That way I'm still well within my calories and I don't feel I need to eat everything in sight.

D) Deal with the underlying issue... binge eating isn't so much a primary issue as it is a symptom of something deeper. Usually emotional in nature. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I find that I have turned to food for comfort. Find something that helps that is healthier. Going for long walks when the day is nice helps me a lot. I also take care of my fish and I taught myself how to play guitar. These things don't cure the depression but they help me feel better and stop me from turning to food. Exercise is especially a wonderful mood lifter... you don't need to be a part of a gym or be super duper ripped. You just need to find something you enjoy and then do it as best you can a little everyday. I chose fast walking, it gets my heart rate up and makes me feel less stressed. I also like to put on a fun fast song with fun lyrics and dance and sing! Silly looking maybe but it helps.

E) Finally make mini goals everyday. "Today I will walk past those brownies and instead have an apple." or "I will allow myself one small piece of cake" and go ahead and log it in first thing in the morning and then divide the rest of your calories up. I literally take it a day at a time because often I have no idea what the day will bring. Plus if you are feeling self conscious or just depressed or blue having a little achievable goal helps to make it all seem a lot less overwhelming.

As for the taunting, simple "No thank you, I like the way my new lifestyle makes me feel" Or a "Thanks but I don't want to feel all bleh for the rest of the day" are good ways to respond. Often when people tease or taunt they are simply looking for a rise out of people or are jealous. I'm very blessed in that my mom also wants to be healthier but sometimes she tries to give me too much advice when all I want is a bowl of raw oatmeal or some rice! But at the end of the day I have to tell myself, this is my body, I'm finding what works for me. A day, an hour, even a moment at a time is sometimes what we need to stop an unhealthy habit. Especially when we aren't receiving support at home but you can do it! They are responsible for their body and you are responsible for yours. Best of luck!

Kittie

elyelyse · October 2013

To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!

BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???

bwogilvie · October 2013

You're in a tough situation. My sympathies. It does get easier the longer you avoid eating junk food; if you can resist it long enough, eventually you'll find that things that used to taste good don't anymore.

However, that doesn't help you now.

When I'm confronted by something that I know I shouldn't eat (at least not there and then), or by the desire to take seconds or thirds even when I'm no longer hungry, I imagine eating it and then how I would feel afterwards. That's a powerful strategy for overcoming the urge to eat thoughtlessly.

If someone offers something or taunts you with food, don't argue; just say "No thanks, I don't want any." Don't explain why. Part of you may want some, but that's the part that you need to get under control.

Good luck!

Rosieannaxo · October 2013

Thank you for this, I wasn't sure how to explain how this was the support I was talking about.

PikaKnight · October 2013

Sounds like they were trying, but again, why do they have to completely give up things because of one person's mission to cut things out? You say compromise, but all I hear is one person asking for this and that, yet offering nothing in exchange. That's not a compromise.

The world doesn't revolve around you and this is a great opportunity to challenge yourself and prove you are stronger than you thought. Or you can just be bitter and use this as an excuse to fail and put the blame on other people who didn't cater to your life changes.

Rosieannaxo · October 2013

The compromise is for them to not always put tempting food in view. They can eat it, go crazy. But help us who can't eat it by not placing it everywhere. I thought her post was all about compromise. I don't know how her post because about the world revolving around her. Yes, it is a great opportunity to challenge one self when placed in a lot of food. But for me personally whose starting out, it'd be a great help not to have all these foods within view all the time. Like she said, maybe put it away in a cabinet or something. Also, I support my family is whatever they do. It doesn't have to be food related. If they want to do something, I'm there 100% and I'll alter my ways in order to help them. They can show me the same love and support me. It's not always about food. It's just about support and love. Support me as I support you.

And that last line. That's harsh and completely untrue.

PikaKnight · October 2013

So if they don't, then what? You quit?

Support is great but in the end, it is up to you to rely on yourself.

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^It's an interesting read. You should look into it.

seltzermint555 · October 2013

If you are an adult and/or parent, and this is your house that you're paying for set some ground rules. Do not allow this to go on.

If you are an adult and living with family members and not paying, get a (better) job and move out.

If you are an adult and living with roommates and paying, try to set ground rules and if it does not work, move out on your own and/or find new roommates to move in with.

If you are a child/teenager and have no choice but to continue living there and cannot control what others do - it is going to be difficult but just buck up and be strong. Allow yourself a few small 'cheats' weekly.

SuperSexyDork · October 2013

I wrote this awhile ago but it seems completely relevant here.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1058291-is-someone-sabotaging-you?page=1#posts-16256072

Rosieannaxo · October 2013

Have I ever implied that I would quit? Have I ever stated it? No. Don't know why you went there. But those are the kind of words that do encourage me to quit. Of course I rely on myself. All I'm asking for is some love and support. I'm asking how to get it. I'm asking for tips and encouragement from the myfitnesspal community. I think a lot of people's posts are so helpful and are encouraging. A lot of people here are giving me tough love and I love it. .For some reason, I'm just getting an extremely negative vibe from you so I think I'm going to step away from your posts and just ignore.

PikaKnight · October 2013

Or instead of imagining how I'm saying something, actually focus on what is being said. Tone is hard to read in text and if you are sensitive about what I'm saying..that's all on you.

CatBird128 · October 2013

This is what I've been wondering: does witnessing someone else lose weight through diet and exercise:
a) make people be critical because they're competitive by nature and want to "win" even though they're not actually playing.
b) make people feel jealous because they secretly want to as well, but can't/won't do the hard work it takes, so they have to bring down everyone else in order to make themselves feel better.
c) totally irritate non-exercising/dieting people the way that loudly cracking your chewing gum on the bus, or driving with your windows down and very loud music blasting, irritates other people?
d) drives family members nuts because for the hour or less that you spend exercising, you're not completely available to them to fetch beers/make dinner/do laundry/find lost things, etc. - It's "ME" time which means they're automatically feeling rejected.

Somehow being successful and losing a few pounds or else talking about trying to do that, totally brings out the worst in some people. I don't get it at all - you're doing what the medical community and common sense says is right. And they get all negative and critical about it. You'd almost think there was a giant scale somewhere that has to remain balanced, so if you lose weight it means one of them will have to gain it.

Ldbg289 · October 2013

My dad is the type that encourages me to cheat on my diet as he calls it. I can't tell you how many times I've told him this is a lifestyle change not a "diet". Not in the way he defines that word anyway. Example: yesterday we went to visit my uncle, which involved 2 meals fast food. My dad seemed surprised when I actually recorded those meals, he was trying to encourage me not to bother recording it. He doesn't understand that whether or not I put it in my food log, my body remembers and my body doesn't hide the truth.

PikaKnight · October 2013

So encouraging someone to be more self-reliant, accountable and to push themselves to succeed regardless of support (or lack thereof) is negative? And somehow doing this means I want the other person to fail.

And this is why I'd rather just help people on my FL because at least they don't look for reasons to get butthurt and keep an open mind as to what is actually being said.

And out.

Cindyinpg · October 2013

Actually, you DID imply that you want to quit. The last sentence of your first post said you were tempted to grab a brownie. No one here is being negative. We are saying that you have to put your foot down firmly and stick to your plan, despite distractions and temptations. We are all surrounded by temptations everyday. I have a rack of chocolate bars sitting next to me as I write. If you have a healthy and flexible plan where you can incorporate those treats moderately into your diet you might feel less frustration.

Rosieannaxo · October 2013

I disagree. I meant that I felt the urge to cheat. Not quit. Those two are completely different things. And I understand what people are saying but the language in which they are written affect the way I perceive their comments. Also, there are people here who are disregarding the differing circumstances of other people's lives and the psychological effects that dieting have. Dieting is not black and white. There are grey areas of it. So yes, you can resist while looking at a rack of chocolate bars. That's awesome. I can't. I just started and I know I have to build that will power. But comparing your own experience and willpower to my own won't help me produce the same outcome as you. That's where I'm going at and I see that a lot of people understand my view so I know I'm not alone with that.

ladymiseryali · October 2013

Your problem is your binging, not the food. You have to learn to be able to eat JUST ONE cupcake or JUST 2 or 3 cookies. Your family members aren't responsible for your lack of control, you are. So you need to learn skills to help you with the binging and if you can't afford a therapist, you may need to google techniques and apply them to your life.

Maybe sit down your family and explain to them that although you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, perhaps a compromise should be met where they either put their treats elsewhere OR they clear out a spot in a cabinet or the fridge where you can put your foods. If they're not willing to compromise, then you should start saving money to move out.

In the real world, people are not going to cater to your needs. You have to compromise or you have to work on your own issues so you can co-exist in a world with sweet things around.

Cindyinpg · October 2013

Okay, than I misunderstood your brownie comment then. I was concerned that you believe that if you did have that brownie that you would feel like you failed your diet. I USED to feel that way. And I and EVERYONE else on this post understand about temptation. Yes, it does take practice and willpower and you will still give in sometimes, and that's okay, especially if you plan for it. Everyday does get better and soon it WILL get easier.

elyelyse · October 2013

You completely missed my point. I wasn't suggesting anyone give anything up for anyone else, or that the world revolves around us bc we are trying to lose weight. I'm suggesting that a small amount of kindness and consideration from the people we love isn't too much to ask for. If you think putting the junk food away in a cabinet is some huge inconvenience, even if it helps someone else resist temptation, then we will just have to agree to disagree. If you think it's too much for our loved ones to say "good for you, I'm proud of you for resisting that cake" instead of "just have the cake you are gonna fail anyway" well, glad you're not my family.

Unsupportive family and food.

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