Unsupportive family and food.

Rosieannaxo

Your problem is your binging, not the food. You have to learn to be able to eat JUST ONE cupcake or JUST 2 or 3 cookies. Your family members aren't responsible for your lack of control, you are. So you need to learn skills to help you with the binging and if you can't afford a therapist, you may need to google techniques and apply them to your life.

Maybe sit down your family and explain to them that although you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, perhaps a compromise should be met where they either put their treats elsewhere OR they clear out a spot in a cabinet or the fridge where you can put your foods. If they're not willing to compromise, then you should start saving money to move out.

In the real world, people are not going to cater to your needs. You have to compromise or you have to work on your own issues so you can co-exist in a world with sweet things around.

I know, I've been googling but I guess it's better said than done. I think that's why I call them "trigger" foods. But eventually, I know i'll get a hold of them. Food shouldn't control me, that's just crazy. As for moving out, I am in the process....kinda. I have a job but I'm a full time student with 18 credits this semester and an unpaid internship. Since my family is struggling with money, they told me to move back in. But Hopefully with graduation nearing, I can secure a good job. Since my family isn't willing to compromise, I think best thing is to move out. I just cleared out half a drawer of mine to put food in. I figured a drawer in my room is better than nothing?

brower47

To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!

BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???

Yes. It is too much to ask. Your life, your body, your decisions. Not, your life, your body, everybody else's problem.

The attitude that everyone else has go without, had to make large changes to their lives just because one person wants to make a change (one that can still be made without affecting everyone else) is the definition of an egocentric, entitlement mentality person.

skinnyinnotime

At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly. But now, the cupcakes, cookies, fatty greasy food has made it way back to my house. And no, it's not just a small box. It's literally all over the counters, they sit on top of my vegetables and fruits, and the smell of sweets perfumes the house. It's so hard for me to stick with my diet with all these temptations. They know these are my trigger foods. When I eat just one bite of these kinds of foods, I go on binges and I can't help it. I've tried talking to them about decreasing the amount they buy but I just get chastised for my new food lifestyle and I've been branded "annoying and irritating" because I'm so "picky". All I want to do is eat clean and loose weight. Unlike the rest of my family, I wasn't blessed with high metabolism and a skinny body. I'm literally 30 pounds overweight and all I want is some SUPPORT when it comes to my eating. But rather than support me they always say "just have one slice, it won't hurt you." or "have a cheat day". Hearing those things don't help, it makes me feel like I have no control over what I eat.

Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.

Ok, I may get chastised for this response but oh well. As you can see I've quoted your OP with certain parts in bold. If you want to lose weight and eat clean, then do it. They're not putting the food in your mouth, they're not forcing you to eat it. While it definitely helps to have support from those around you, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you'll just have to deal with it on your own. As for "just one slice", technically, they're right. One slice of cake WON'T hurt you. It's the extra slices you might have afterwards that will. Everyone is different, some can work in those foods with their daily calorie intake, some can't. It seems as though you can't, so then don't eat them. Willpower is something that only you can give yourself.

This

Just do it

NeonHeartz444

My family is exactly the same.. But they have super high metabolism.. But I was adopted and I have a super slow metabolism, I tend to tune them out, and ignore the icky food.

ladymiseryali

Your problem is your binging, not the food. You have to learn to be able to eat JUST ONE cupcake or JUST 2 or 3 cookies. Your family members aren't responsible for your lack of control, you are. So you need to learn skills to help you with the binging and if you can't afford a therapist, you may need to google techniques and apply them to your life.

Maybe sit down your family and explain to them that although you are responsible for what you put in your mouth, perhaps a compromise should be met where they either put their treats elsewhere OR they clear out a spot in a cabinet or the fridge where you can put your foods. If they're not willing to compromise, then you should start saving money to move out.

In the real world, people are not going to cater to your needs. You have to compromise or you have to work on your own issues so you can co-exist in a world with sweet things around.

I know, I've been googling but I guess it's better said than done. I think that's why I call them "trigger" foods. But eventually, I know i'll get a hold of them. Food shouldn't control me, that's just crazy. As for moving out, I am in the process....kinda. I have a job but I'm a full time student with 18 credits this semester and an unpaid internship. Since my family is struggling with money, they told me to move back in. But Hopefully with graduation nearing, I can secure a good job. Since my family isn't willing to compromise, I think best thing is to move out. I just cleared out half a drawer of mine to put food in. I figured a drawer in my room is better than nothing?

You can overcome your binging. You're already taking steps in the right direction. This is an on-going process and as long as you keep at it, you will succeed. You're stronger than you think, so keep on trucking!

elyelyse

To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!

BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???

Yes. It is too much to ask. Your life, your body, your decisions. Not, your life, your body, everybody else's problem.

The attitude that everyone else has go without, had to make large changes to their lives just because one person wants to make a change (one that can still be made without affecting everyone else) is the definition of an egocentric, entitlement mentality person.

Did you even read past the first couple of sentences? Please show me where I said anyone needs to give anything up. Putting food away in a cabinet is a "large change"? Asking the people who love us to say "hey good job!" is a lot to ask? You're right, it's nobody else's problem. I don't expect the checker at the grocery store to applaud my efforts, but my significant other? You better believe it.

baldmitch

When I first started, my wife accused be of being single-minded, control freak, whatever. I've come way off the food preaching. And she's come way off from being a total b...lessing on the matter.

But when she goes shopping, I ask her to take her potato chips into her "areas" and hide them there. I don't want to see the food that amounts to my weakness. Out of site, out of mind. I don't know what I'd do if I had a sweet tooth and the smell of pastries was permeating the house.

Maybe you could buy them bins to keep their smelly cattle-feed in. Or start cooking a lot of stinky fish to get them to the negotiating table about appropriate smells.

SLLRunner

At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly. But now, the cupcakes, cookies, fatty greasy food has made it way back to my house. And no, it's not just a small box. It's literally all over the counters, they sit on top of my vegetables and fruits, and the smell of sweets perfumes the house. It's so hard for me to stick with my diet with all these temptations.

I hate to say it but they are not responsible for your weight loss, you are. They have the right to bring in the foods they like, just as you have the right not to bring in foods that trigger you.

They know these are my trigger foods. When I eat just one bite of these kinds of foods, I go on binges and I can't help it.

Yes you can help it. You have the choice of whether to give in to eating those foods or not.

For example, I am triggered by all the sweet stuff at work: bowl of M&M's, pastries, granola bars, etc. I used to eat them. I one day complained to the lady who brings all those sweets in (she's normal weight and does not overeat), and she very nicely said to me, "Well, Susan, you don't have to eat them you know."

It took me awhile to realize that I was using those goodies to release stress at work.

The sweets are still there, but I don't eat them anymore. Why? Because I plan my food out ahead of time and take the food I will eat throughout the day.

I've tried talking to them about decreasing the amount they buy but I just get chastised for my new food lifestyle and I've been branded "annoying and irritating" because I'm so "picky".

That is because you are trying to get them to change for you.

All I want to do is eat clean and loose weight. Unlike the rest of my family, I wasn't blessed with high metabolism and a skinny body. I'm literally 30 pounds overweight and all I want is some SUPPORT when it comes to my eating. But rather than support me they always say "just have one slice, it won't hurt you." or "have a cheat day". Hearing those things don't help, it makes me feel like I have no control over what I eat.

Then eat clean and set your goals to lose weight. Don't allow your family to tell you what you can and cannot eat. Support does not come from someone changing their food habits to suit you. People are generally more supportive when they see the change in you, such as your weight loss, or better attitude, or whatever it is.

Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.

If you do grab that peanut butter brownie, just make sure you log it in! :bigsmile:

SLLRunner

... taunting me with the food, like "don't you want a slice, smell it!" or "Oh wow, this is SOOOO good, I'm glad I'm not on a diet!". I mean it hurts and wow, it really does give me reason to just gorge and binge. Perhaps this is something that needs to be dealt with a therapist or something but that requires money and that's a whole other issue.

I would agree that that kind of behavior is mean. Have you tried to tell them how much that hurts you?

SLLRunner

Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???

Based on the level of frustration that the OP exhibits in her initial posting, I would say she's probably already tried this. So, of course you can ask, but that does not mean people will comply.

spoiledpuppies

I'm sorry you're dealing with this--and being told on here essentially that you just need to quit whining about it when you came for advice and support. I know this would be hard for me. There's a junk food shelf in my house, and I call it my "off-limits shelf." I just don't consider eating anything from it. When my husband leaves something on the counter, I remind him that I need it to go on the off-limits shelf so it's out of sight, out of mind. And he's very agreeable/supportive of this. I know it would be harder if he insisted on spreading it all over the kitchen. (He's also great about only getting ice cream in flavors I don't like.)

So, since you can't control what they do, and they don't seem to want to be helpful, I guess I would try to do the reverse: Create a "me shelf." Put your foods there, and that's the only place you eat from. Hopefully you can also do this in the refrigerator and freezer. Maybe that will help you to not even see what else is strewn about.

Yes, it ultimately comes down to you making good choices, but having a strategy and plan can help. (And you can also put a positive spin on this and remind yourself that temptations will be all over your world for the rest of your life--so you'll just be better prepared than those of us with more control of our surroundings.)

Rosieannaxo

... taunting me with the food, like "don't you want a slice, smell it!" or "Oh wow, this is SOOOO good, I'm glad I'm not on a diet!". I mean it hurts and wow, it really does give me reason to just gorge and binge. Perhaps this is something that needs to be dealt with a therapist or something but that requires money and that's a whole other issue.

I would agree that that kind of behavior is mean. Have you tried to tell them how much that hurts you?

Yeah, I always tell them right away "That hurts me and please stop" But they usually blame it on my sensitivity or the fact that I'm always "starving". It's always my 'hunger" talking, not me. And any correction made by me is thrown out the window. But a lot of people have been telling me to tune them out, I think I'll try to work on that.

brower47

To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!

BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???

Yes. It is too much to ask. Your life, your body, your decisions. Not, your life, your body, everybody else's problem.

The attitude that everyone else has go without, had to make large changes to their lives just because one person wants to make a change (one that can still be made without affecting everyone else) is the definition of an egocentric, entitlement mentality person.

Did you even read past the first couple of sentences? Please show me where I said anyone needs to give anything up. Putting food away in a cabinet is a "large change"? Asking the people who love us to say "hey good job!" is a lot to ask? You're right, it's nobody else's problem. I don't expect the checker at the grocery store to applaud my efforts, but my significant other? You better believe it.

and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???

Yes, I read everything you typed. I'll answer the question again.

Yes, it is too much to ask. You're not solving the problem. You're just making a terrible quick fix, something unsustainable, something non permanent. You don't hide food that others like to eat. You don't ask them to stop eating it. You don't ask them to put it up high in an inconvenient spot. You develop a healthy sense of self control. The people that have been successful in taking the weight off and keeping it off developed that primary necessity, they didn't hide from it.

The bolded in your last reply was not in your original. I didn't say that was too much to ask. It's nice to get kudos for hard work.

Rosieannaxo

I'm sorry you're dealing with this--and being told on here essentially that you just need to quit whining about it when you came for advice and support. I know this would be hard for me. There's a junk food shelf in my house, and I call it my "off-limits shelf." I just don't consider eating anything from it. When my husband leaves something on the counter, I remind him that I need it to go on the off-limits shelf so it's out of sight, out of mind. And he's very agreeable/supportive of this. I know it would be harder if he insisted on spreading it all over the kitchen. (He's also great about only getting ice cream in flavors I don't like.)

So, since you can't control what they do, and they don't seem to want to be helpful, I guess I would try to do the reverse: Create a "me shelf." Put your foods there, and that's the only place you eat from. Hopefully you can also do this in the refrigerator and freezer. Maybe that will help you to not even see what else is strewn about.

Yes, it ultimately comes down to you making good choices, but having a strategy and plan can help. (And you can also put a positive spin on this and remind yourself that temptations will be all over your world for the rest of your life--so you'll just be better prepared than those of us with more control of our surroundings.)

thank you for your advice, I just cleared out half my drawer in the bedroom. My mom was not willing to compromise for the kitchen so the drawer needs to be my "me drawer" now haha. And true, I do need to work on my self control though that's easier said than done! But I'm going to work hard on it:)

SLLRunner

... taunting me with the food, like "don't you want a slice, smell it!" or "Oh wow, this is SOOOO good, I'm glad I'm not on a diet!". I mean it hurts and wow, it really does give me reason to just gorge and binge. Perhaps this is something that needs to be dealt with a therapist or something but that requires money and that's a whole other issue.

I would agree that that kind of behavior is mean. Have you tried to tell them how much that hurts you?

Yeah, I always tell them right away "That hurts me and please stop" But they usually blame it on my sensitivity or the fact that I'm always "starving". It's always my 'hunger" talking, not me. And any correction made by me is thrown out the window. But a lot of people have been telling me to tune them out, I think I'll try to work on that.

That's good. You're taking care of yourself.

I'm lucky I have a supportive boyfriend. When I go to family functions, they always eat a lot of junk. I have one piece of a sweet and that's it. I log it in. However, they are supportive as well and don't push me to eat something I don't want to eat.

Yeah, sometimes tuning out is the best option.

cdwwench

Hang in there. I have the same trouble with sweets. As for your family, recognize their efforts as a control issue. They are trying to control you and sabotage your efforts to live a cleaner, healthier lifestyle because they may feel threatened by a new you. I want to encourage you to do what you can to continue with your journey, but do not beat yourself up if you do have a bad day. A therapist may help with devising ways in which to deal with the family members and their comments. Celebrate every goal, no matter how small, in a way you feel would be encouraging. Best wishes and hugs!!

PrettyPearl88

At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly. But now, the cupcakes, cookies, fatty greasy food has made it way back to my house. And no, it's not just a small box. It's literally all over the counters, they sit on top of my vegetables and fruits, and the smell of sweets perfumes the house. It's so hard for me to stick with my diet with all these temptations. They know these are my trigger foods. When I eat just one bite of these kinds of foods, I go on binges and I can't help it. I've tried talking to them about decreasing the amount they buy but I just get chastised for my new food lifestyle and I've been branded "annoying and irritating" because I'm so "picky". All I want to do is eat clean and loose weight. Unlike the rest of my family, I wasn't blessed with high metabolism and a skinny body. I'm literally 30 pounds overweight and all I want is some SUPPORT when it comes to my eating. But rather than support me they always say "just have one slice, it won't hurt you." or "have a cheat day". Hearing those things don't help, it makes me feel like I have no control over what I eat.

Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.

OP, I'm truly sorry that you're not getting any support from your family. :flowerforyou: I know from personal experience how difficult that can be.

Willpower isn't simply a decision. It's not as easy as just "telling yourself no." I'm convinced that willpower and control are habits, built over time. Many of us grew up with very poor habits of willpower and control; it takes TIME to change those habits. It will NOT happen overnight. Constantly being surrounded by hundreds of your favorite sweets makes it real difficult to break those old bad habits. (I mean seriously, it's like bringing a person who wants to quit drinking into a bar and telling them to "just say no" to the alcohol that everyone is shoving into their face! :laugh:)

I used to have problems with willpower, control, and binging on my favorite foods; I used to really struggle with those things. But over time, I have kicked those habits. And my family, like yours, used to bring a lot of sweets into the house all the time. At first it was really difficult to resist all of the temptation, but eventually I made it work by using a few tricks. Here's what I did (hopefully it'll work for you):

-I offered to do all of their grocery shopping (since I was doing this favor for them all the time, they had less room to complain :laugh: )
-While doing their grocery shopping, in addition to their food, I also bought some healthy, tasty, low calorie food and snacks for myself. These snacks were MY snacks, just for me. Whenever I would get tempted by all of their sweets around the house, I would remember that I had my own yummy, healthy snacks and I would eat my food instead. You can buy your food with your own money or ask your family if they would be willing to help you out by giving you money to buy your own healthy food. Either way works.
-I offered to make everyone in my family healthy meals, snacks, or desserts. Some of those things my family members loved so much that they've now replaced them with the old unhealthy foods!
-I made sure not to hang around the kitchen that much (the less I saw of those sweets, the less tempting they were haha!)
-I made sure to work out 5 days/week and eat as healthy as I could so that if I ever did give in and binge on their sweets during a moment of weakness, it wouldn't ruin all of my hard work in the long run.

Good luck and stay strong! You can do it!

Rosieannaxo

At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly. But now, the cupcakes, cookies, fatty greasy food has made it way back to my house. And no, it's not just a small box. It's literally all over the counters, they sit on top of my vegetables and fruits, and the smell of sweets perfumes the house. It's so hard for me to stick with my diet with all these temptations. They know these are my trigger foods. When I eat just one bite of these kinds of foods, I go on binges and I can't help it. I've tried talking to them about decreasing the amount they buy but I just get chastised for my new food lifestyle and I've been branded "annoying and irritating" because I'm so "picky". All I want to do is eat clean and loose weight. Unlike the rest of my family, I wasn't blessed with high metabolism and a skinny body. I'm literally 30 pounds overweight and all I want is some SUPPORT when it comes to my eating. But rather than support me they always say "just have one slice, it won't hurt you." or "have a cheat day". Hearing those things don't help, it makes me feel like I have no control over what I eat.

Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.

OP, I'm truly sorry that you're not getting any support from your family. :flowerforyou: I know from personal experience how difficult that can be.

Willpower isn't simply a decision. It's not as easy as just "telling yourself no." I'm convinced that willpower and control are habits, built over time. Many of us grew up with very poor habits of willpower and control; it takes TIME to change those habits. It will NOT happen overnight. Constantly being surrounded by hundreds of your favorite sweets makes it real difficult to break those old bad habits. (I mean seriously, it's like bringing a person who wants to quit drinking into a bar and telling them to "just say no" to the alcohol that everyone is shoving into their face! :laugh:)

I used to have problems with willpower, control, and binging on my favorite foods; I used to really struggle with those things. But over time, I have kicked those habits. And my family, like yours, used to bring a lot of sweets into the house all the time. At first it was really difficult to resist all of the temptation, but eventually I made it work by using a few tricks. Here's what I did (hopefully it'll work for you):

-I offered to do all of their grocery shopping (since I was doing this favor for them all the time, they had less room to complain :laugh: )
-While doing their grocery shopping, in addition to their food, I also bought some healthy, tasty, low calorie food and snacks for myself. These snacks were MY snacks, just for me. Whenever I would get tempted by all of their sweets around the house, I would remember that I had my own yummy, healthy snacks and I would eat my food instead. You can buy your food with your own money or ask your family if they would be willing to help you out by giving you money to buy your own healthy food. Either way works.
-I offered to make everyone in my family healthy meals, snacks, or desserts. Some of those things my family members loved so much that they've now replaced them with the old unhealthy foods!
-I made sure not to hang around the kitchen that much (the less I saw of those sweets, the less tempting they were haha!)
-I made sure to work out 5 days/week and eat as healthy as I could so that if I ever did give in and binge on their sweets during a moment of weakness, it wouldn't ruin all of my hard work in the long run.

Good luck and stay strong! You can do it!

Thanks for your advice, it really helps! I like the idea of doing the groceries, I think that'll work very well! I've also been looking up healthy cookies that I could make (Oatmeal & a ripe banana) so hopefully those will help satisfy my craving and convince my family that clean eating isn't all about suffering Also I think staying away from the kitchen is a good idea, maybe I should just go for a run every time I feel tempted to eat....like now lol thanks:)

Rosieannaxo

Hang in there. I have the same trouble with sweets. As for your family, recognize their efforts as a control issue. They are trying to control you and sabotage your efforts to live a cleaner, healthier lifestyle because they may feel threatened by a new you. I want to encourage you to do what you can to continue with your journey, but do not beat yourself up if you do have a bad day. A therapist may help with devising ways in which to deal with the family members and their comments. Celebrate every goal, no matter how small, in a way you feel would be encouraging. Best wishes and hugs!!

I definitely will keep in mind to take it one day at a time and celebrate the small victories Rome wasn't built in a day! lol thanks for your encouragement!

Mr_Knight

At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly.

What goes into your body is nobody's responsibility but yours. Your friends, your family, the world - nobody has an obligation to create a "sin free" zone for you.

It sucks, but there it is...the people around you living their lives as best they can is not in any sense of the word "sabotage" of you....