No compliment from spouse

chicpower1

Perhaps you both speak different love languages? My husband is the same way. He does not give verbal encouragement or edifying words often. We read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and discovered we had drastically different ways of expressing love. His is not through words, it's through actions such as picking up my favorite drink at the store for a surprise, or throwing a load of laundry in the machine for me. My language is "words". So while he was silently thinking, "I just bought her this drink and she didn't even get excited or notice!" I was thinking, "What's up with the stupid drink? When's he gonna say he loves me?!" HAHA! Our marriage almost crumbled as a result because we were both convinced the other didn't love us. That book was an AMAZING resource and has also proved helpful in every relationship--friends, family, children, etc. Consider if perhaps that's what's going on rather than a genuine lack of interest. My husband hasn't complimented my weight loss either, even though half my stomach is gone! I don't get offended though. I know he loves me because he helped vacuum the livingroom last night.

jetinder

I was in the same boat until a month ago, my confidence has grown so much since she has noticed. I think she felt pressured when other people in our company would repeatedly compliment me.

I don't understand why it happened either.

Keep up the terrific work I'd say. She'll eventually notice.

emjaycazz

Perhaps you both speak different love languages? My husband is the same way. He does not give verbal encouragement or edifying words often. We read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and discovered we had drastically different ways of expressing love. His is not through words, it's through actions such as picking up my favorite drink at the store for a surprise, or throwing a load of laundry in the machine for me. My language is "words". So while he was silently thinking, "I just bought her this drink and she didn't even get excited or notice!" I was thinking, "What's up with the stupid drink? When's he gonna say he loves me?!" HAHA! Our marriage almost crumbled as a result because we were both convinced the other didn't love us. That book was an AMAZING resource and has also proved helpful in every relationship--friends, family, children, etc. Consider if perhaps that's what's going on rather than a genuine lack of interest. My husband hasn't complimented my weight loss either, even though half my stomach is gone! I don't get offended though. I know he loves me because he helped vacuum the livingroom last night.

This might be the case, so look for other ways she validates your fitness improvements. Case in point: my husband initially didn't say anything, but for my birthday he pretty much outfitted our downstairs gym with new fitness equipment. Also, he joined me in cleaning up our eating.

slim4health56

I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.

Who said anything about constant validation? The guy's lost a considerable amount of weight and his partner has said nothing - ever. Snarky.

bkachm

I found this website by googling “why my husband doesn’t complement my weight loss”… I went from a size 3x to a size 12, now I’m able to wear jeans. I’m 63 and started to wear a little makeup again. Zero complements from my husband. I hadn’t seen his side of the family since my weight loss and no one said anything. I do text my sister in law and shared my journey which took a year. She’s the only one that said anything. After thanksgiving (where no one said anything) I told her that she was the only one who noticed. She told me that everyone noticed. I was speechless. I always complement ppl who lost weight, it’s hard to do. The reason I lost weight is I was hospitalized for 6 days and had to wear a bile bag for 3 months cause of gallbladder issues. I cried and never wanted to go back to the hospital. I just started changing my choices on food…I’ve been maintaining but gained 7 back.. Maintaining your weight is hard too.

Sand_TIger

Well now I know why a post from 2013 came back It's an important topic. Bkachm, it seems that so many people are afraid of making personal comments that many may never say a thing even when they notice huge changes. I've seen some people on these very forums who really dislike getting any comments while others thrive on them!

That said, maintaining is one of the hardest things and so important for longterm success, so I wish you the very best on it. Congratulations on your success, that's a huge change.

elisa123gal

I understand why you feel confused and slighted. Truth is; you don't know for sure why she hasn't said anything. So, don't jump to a conclusion. My husband never says anything when i gain weight.. and he never says much when i lose it. He just sees the woman he loves. Trust me.. at times when i've worked so hard to lose it. .i think he purposely isn't encouraging me or complimenting me. Yet. over the. years . .I realize he doesn't notice one way or the other.
And an overall note. I find most people don't notice until all the weight is gone.. then they do.

nolongergordo

IndiaGuerita1983 wrote: »

I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.

He's not asking for 'constant validation'...he's asking for a single validation from the woman he loves. What's not to get about that?

-IndiaGuerita

Yeah I don't know where she got that idea from either.
She must be privy to the intricacies of their relationship beyond what OP has disclosed lol

OP my advice would be to do you and get into the best physical and FINANCIAL shape a human get into incase the green-eyed monster wants to lash out at some point.

snowflake954

This is an old thread and the OP has not been on MFP since Oct 2016. He won't be seeing the advice. However the thread is interesting. Carry on.

xbowhunter

Suck it up butter cup. Life isn't all sunshine and Lolly pops... lol

ninerbuff

Well sometimes it depends on things like age. At 63, a lot of people tend to lose weight if they get SICK. Whether it be cancer, stomach issues, etc., many people won't comment out of respect to the person.
As for spouses, if you're losing weight and changing and they aren't, it could just be an insecurity thing for them.
You want a compliment, just ask someone you haven't seen in awhile "how do I look?" and they'll of course say "you look great! What are you doing?" This will break the stigma that there isn't anything wrong with you health wise and/or they'll feel comfortable talking to you about the weight change.

Lol, if you're Asian, we usually have no filter and will mention if you're too fat, or too skinny or look like you're gaining weight.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

giadimedici

i didn't lose weight for my husband. i did it for me. i don't expect accolades from anyone.
but that's just me.

AIP4ever

I suppose your spouse never criticized you either. Perhaps it means he/she loves you unconditionally, no matter what, and she/he is in love with you no matter how you look or how old you will be. Perhaps that's a good thing?