No compliment from spouse

Khawel06

I being working out for about 10 months. I went from weighing 252 to 188 pounds. I get a lot of compliments from the people I know, and even strangers at the gym. I am in the best shape I been in since I had to take medical steroids that made me gain weight. I enjoy the compliments, but my wife never say anything about my weight loss. She even hear when people tell me that I loss weight, but she never gave me any type of compliment. I get me down because it seems like she don't want to say anything to encourage me.

LuLuChick78

Have you asked her about it?

ArchyJill

Join the club. Hang in there, but if she hasn't said anything up to now I wouldn't expect her to ever say anything. Mine still thinks I weigh 200# (I'm 160 now), he even brings me the old sizes when we go shopping.

FluffyKangaroo

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't getting the credit that you so clearly deserve from your partner! But hang in there, she has obviously noticed the weight loss and maybe she just doesn't know how to bring it up. Talk to her about it and she might be more open, just ask her how she thinks you're doing or if she thinks you look good - chances are she just didn't know her opinion matters so much to you! Regardless, be proud of your effort and keep working hard

Vivian06703188

Did she say anything to you about your weight gain? It may be that she just accepts and loves you for who you are and the weight doesn't make a difference to her. It is also possible that she may be worried that you are doing this for someone else or to impress someone else. The best thing you could do is talk to her about it. Men, are so frustrating. Women are not mind readers even if they have been in a relationship forever. It is wonderful that you are taking care of yourself, but if she is overweight it is possible it is making her insecure. You should motivate her to join you in your healthy lifestyle. Try and get her to do things with you and put the spark back in your relationship. It takes a lot of little things before you will get the response you want to just start trying and keep trying.:flowerforyou:

renatewolfe

If she is overweight and has not been successful with weight loss she may feel threatened by your weight loss. She may be afraid that now that you are in great shape, you might not find her attractive, and might be attracted to women who are in great shape. I would bet is has something to do with her own insecurities about herself. I think you should let her know how much her love and encouragement means to you, and continue, as I am sure you are doing, to find ways to say "I love you" to her with words and gestures.

hungryhobbit1

Is she overweight herself? She might be feeling insecure about that, and wondering why you are working so hard on your appearance. Have you tried to talk with her about it? Women can be a little bit dense about this sometimes because we're very negatively self centered about our bodies.

meghan6867

I would recommend talking about it with her. Sometimes when we're so close to someone... it's difficult to gauge their weight loss. But really there can be a million different reasons why she hasn't commented on it. Sit down and calmly talk about it: Let her know that your fitness and health is important to you and that you are proud of yourself for the progress that you've made so far.

A discussion is bound to follow. Just remember to be calm and collected and approach the situation with as much understanding as you can muster... sometimes there are jealousy and resentment issues that you might have to work through : I know when I lost weight my significant other claimed I was dieting and exercising to be "controlling." In truth I was obese and I needed to focus on my health and wellbeing.

Good luck and great job on all of your accomplishments thus far!

ticiaelizabeth

Perhaps she is one of those people that get intimidated by a partners weight loss. Afraid of you leaving her.. or something like that.. who know?! as mentioned above your best bet would be to talk to her.

Nuxe

I think you should talk to your wife about it. Sometimes big changes like this can make our partner scared.

qtgonewild

this is just crazy to me. dump her.

ktaylormusic

That's hard.

I find it hard to believe she hasn't noticed, as ArchyJill suggests... but she's speaking from her own experience, so I guess it's possible in your case too.

If your wife has noticed, why do you think she's ignoring it? Is she overweight herself and perhaps feeling like if she acknowledges your increased fitness she'll have to acknowledge her own situation, and is not ready to do so? Or maybe she feels threatened, worrying you're getting all hot to get attention from other women and will think she's not good enough for you? Or.... does she feel uncared for, without time to look after herself, and therefore resentful of you for dedicating time to your own health? Maybe she feels excluded? Change is super hard for most people... we know that from our own health journeys... but when the person changing isn't yourself, but a spouse, it can feel really out of control.

It sounds like it's creating a rift though... maybe bring it up with her, directly to see what's up and clear the air.
And if that doesn't work, well, we're all here to provide support... and sometimes it's only others on similar journeys that really get it anyway.

tristaj90

Honestly I have dealt with that myself. Went from 234 to 144 in a year and NOTHING from my husband. Everyone else, even other men, tell me i look amazing, or that i'm beautiful, or what have you and my husband doesn't say a thing. I've told him good job about losing 20 pounds even though he didn't do anything special to lose it..but i have been working my *kitten* off to lose weight and he doesn't show any appreciation of it. I have been on his case and have explained other men find me attractive and express it, but I want to hear those things from my husband sometimes.. he just doesn't change.

FitWarrior7

OP is jealous

Tiff050709

That sucks. I know receiving compliments is a big boost of self-esteem. Makes you feel good that other people notice all the hard work you have been doing. I have lost 62lbs and only a few people in my life have said anything. My husband does constantly. Me losing weight has given him the motivation to work out too. My MIL has complimented me many times. And my dad. At first I was hoping that my mom and sister would say something but now I am at the point where I know this is for me. It's not something I talk about either. I don't know if it's awkward for some people to bring up as weight can be a sensitive subject. But if it's bothering you then you should talk to your wife.

sunflwrgrl412

This is exactly like my husband. Keep up the good work. You are doing it for yourself anyway!

zeebruhgirl

I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.

markiend

Could be she wasn't bothered about you putting it on, and therefore may not be concerned about losing it either. Were you losing weight for your health or for her ? Could be as another poster suggested she may not want to bring up her own weight issues but we don't know her.

Phildog47

Mine has given me little support... and even sabotages me regularly by wanting to eat out all the time. I know they are MY decisions, but a little encouragement would be nice. She probably thinks I'll run off with some chick from the gym. Yours may be thinking similar thoughts.

Khawel06

I think you are right. She never complain about weight, and she told me that I was the one who had a problem with it. Thanks.

heatherc369

I have gotten the same thing, it wasn't until I took a before and after shot to post that I decided to show him, and I said to him "Look I am starting to see a difference" and he said " I have been seeing the difference" I guess he just didnt feel the need to tell me? He keeps telling me that he loves me the way that I am and he doesnt know who i am trying to impress. He is becoming very self conscious I think, he thinks I am going to lose weight and leave him. He has gained just as much weight as I have over the years, and he doesnt want to do anything about it. It's so sad

froeschli

Hmm, i like to hear my husband compliment me on my new figure, i also comment on his muscle definition. having said that, i am not with him for his looks, and when he gets into his "gotta exercise"-frame of mind, i downright hate him sometimes.

with spouses, they see you every day, and with gradual change, it's not as obvious, do you comment on abs you just noticed, or do you worry they were there and you should have said something weeks ago?
we are more likely to notice the downsides to a newly exercise and diet conscious spouse than the slow positive changes that result from it....

socajam

I being working out for about 10 months. I went from weighing 252 to 188 pounds. I get a lot of compliments from the people I know, and even strangers at the gym. I am in the best shape I been in since I had to take medical steroids that made me gain weight. I enjoy the compliments, but my wife never say anything about my weight loss. She even hear when people tell me that I loss weight, but she never gave me any type of compliment. I get me down because it seems like she don't want to say anything to encourage me.

Talk to you her of course, but regardless of how she feels do not stop your weight loss journey. Do this for yourself, because at the end of the day if you are not happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with anyone. Let her know that she is welcome to join your train, you can work out and push each other, but you are on a serious train to lose weight and be healthy for yourself, her and (if you have children).

mandygivens

My husband is very insecure, jealous and quiet. Not a good combo. He doesn't hand out compliments... or I love you's.. or kisses and hugs.. ect. I am rather secure in my relationship- because I honestly think my husband would rather die than be with someone else. So the question is, is she just not acknowledging your weight loss or is she being snide about it? If she is just not acknowledging it, that might just be the way she processes and deals with things. She might believe (in her mind or way of thinking) that she HAS acknowledged it in some way even though she hasn't said "the words". People are hard to understand sometimes. What you describe is a behavior usually associated with men, but women can be the same way. My husband seems to think I should automatically know that he appreciates the way I look. Oi.

mandygivens

I also agree with Markie166. My husband always said he didn't care that I had put on the weight to begin with. He said it didn't really matter to him.

Phoenix_Warrior

I'm sorry, I have the same issue. My husband has always been there though and loved me at every size and shape, so I try to think of it that way. I do wish he'd say something but I wonder if he's afraid of turning into "you look better now, than you did then" sort of thing. And I am thankful that he sees something much deeper than my weight. Maybe that's the same for your wife?

Lauren8239

OP is jealous

Of what?

gracielynn1011

Have you talked to her about it? It may be that she has noticed and admired your success but didn't know how to bring the subject up without sounding critical of you before. My own husband had this problem. I had to actually ask him "How do you think I'm doing?" And he said he had noticed how hard I am working and that I look great, but to bring it up would be like saying he thought I was fat before. Maybe she thinks the same thing.

hollyk57

I'd ask her about it, and really tell her how it makes you feel. I believe that open communication is critical in a marriage. Sometimes people don't realize that they are hurting your feelings by keeping silent... maybe she's quietly jealous of your success... it's hard to say. A spouse should support you in things like this, so a nice, non-confrontational heart-to-heart might clear the air and break the silence. Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your amazing success!!!

IndiaGuerita1983

I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.

He's not asking for 'constant validation'...he's asking for a single validation from the woman he loves. What's not to get about that?

-IndiaGuerita

FitCurves444

It's painfully disappointing when our partner doesn't seem to notice how hard we're working and how well our work has paid off, but when I was reading your post..... I know this is silly.....BUT..... it reminded me of an episode of the sitcom "King of Queens". I told you it was silly, but in this episode, Doug (Kevin James) was looking slim and trim in his jeans from high school. The compliments were rolling in and every time his wife, Carrie (Leah Remini), heard a compliment.... she'd roll her eyes. She became so disgusted with all of the attention he was getting that she attempted to go as far as sabotage Doug by tempting him to break his diet with a tall stack of pancakes. Carrie's issue was that she was jealous of her husband's success.

Obviously, I can't accuse your wife of being jealous; but as a woman I know that our physical appearance is a big deal to us. If you have lost weight and look great, as I am sure you do, she may be feeling one of many emotions. She may be feeling left behind. I don't know what her physical condition is, but since you don't mention her weight at all, it doesn't matter to you. When was the last time you told her she looks great? Maybe she hasn't done much to look great to get the compliment, so tell her what it is that you love about her. "You know that top you have? I love you when you wear it."

She may be feeling insecure and ignored. If you're getting all of this attention and compliments, maybe you're going to find a replacement for her because she's where she was 10 months ago. It may be a good time to remind her that while you have taken control of your health, that your commitment to her has not changed.

I know that you would like to hear your woman say that you are doing, looking and being great; but I don't think she's withholding her compliments because she has not noticed...... but because she has..... and it seems like a very passive aggressive way to communicate to you that she is also needing, wanting and waiting for "something" from you. You have been craving her compliment and encouragement for the last few weeks and maybe months, but how long has she been craving yours?

Give that which you want to receive. Without being fake or insincere about it (because she will pick up on your vibe) and without sounding like you are fishing for a compliment (because that is just unbecoming), find something to make her feel beautiful or attractive and let her know that she is special to you.

Oh... and don't do this only for two weeks and throw your hands up in the air and proclaim that it doesn't work. Imagine if you had stopped your healthy habits after two weeks...... exactly! Breaking through the ice is not going to be a one attempt thing. I can't tell you what the magic number is, but I am letting you know that while you need to hear that you are her champion.... she needs to hear that she is beautiful...... and it is going to take more than one try to convince her that she is that captivating woman to you.

I wish you all the best with your health and in your relationship. Keep on! You're doing great!

In the meantime, I am going to go and follow my own advice and tell my man he's wonderful......