No compliment from spouse
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Khawel06
Posts: 4 Member
I being working out for about 10 months. I went from weighing 252 to 188 pounds. I get a lot of compliments from the people I know, and even strangers at the gym. I am in the best shape I been in since I had to take medical steroids that made me gain weight. I enjoy the compliments, but my wife never say anything about my weight loss. She even hear when people tell me that I loss weight, but she never gave me any type of compliment. I get me down because it seems like she don't want to say anything to encourage me.
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Replies
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Have you asked her about it?1
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Join the club. Hang in there, but if she hasn't said anything up to now I wouldn't expect her to ever say anything. Mine still thinks I weigh 200# (I'm 160 now), he even brings me the old sizes when we go shopping.2
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I'm sorry to hear that you aren't getting the credit that you so clearly deserve from your partner! But hang in there, she has obviously noticed the weight loss and maybe she just doesn't know how to bring it up. Talk to her about it and she might be more open, just ask her how she thinks you're doing or if she thinks you look good - chances are she just didn't know her opinion matters so much to you! Regardless, be proud of your effort and keep working hard2
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Did she say anything to you about your weight gain? It may be that she just accepts and loves you for who you are and the weight doesn't make a difference to her. It is also possible that she may be worried that you are doing this for someone else or to impress someone else. The best thing you could do is talk to her about it. Men, are so frustrating. Women are not mind readers even if they have been in a relationship forever. It is wonderful that you are taking care of yourself, but if she is overweight it is possible it is making her insecure. You should motivate her to join you in your healthy lifestyle. Try and get her to do things with you and put the spark back in your relationship. It takes a lot of little things before you will get the response you want to just start trying and keep trying.:flowerforyou:7
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If she is overweight and has not been successful with weight loss she may feel threatened by your weight loss. She may be afraid that now that you are in great shape, you might not find her attractive, and might be attracted to women who are in great shape. I would bet is has something to do with her own insecurities about herself. I think you should let her know how much her love and encouragement means to you, and continue, as I am sure you are doing, to find ways to say "I love you" to her with words and gestures.7
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Is she overweight herself? She might be feeling insecure about that, and wondering why you are working so hard on your appearance. Have you tried to talk with her about it? Women can be a little bit dense about this sometimes because we're very negatively self centered about our bodies.4
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I would recommend talking about it with her. Sometimes when we're so close to someone... it's difficult to gauge their weight loss. But really there can be a million different reasons why she hasn't commented on it. Sit down and calmly talk about it: Let her know that your fitness and health is important to you and that you are proud of yourself for the progress that you've made so far.
A discussion is bound to follow. Just remember to be calm and collected and approach the situation with as much understanding as you can muster... sometimes there are jealousy and resentment issues that you might have to work through : I know when I lost weight my significant other claimed I was dieting and exercising to be "controlling." In truth I was obese and I needed to focus on my health and wellbeing.
Good luck and great job on all of your accomplishments thus far!2 -
Perhaps she is one of those people that get intimidated by a partners weight loss. Afraid of you leaving her.. or something like that.. who know?! as mentioned above your best bet would be to talk to her.3
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I think you should talk to your wife about it. Sometimes big changes like this can make our partner scared.2
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this is just crazy to me. dump her.0
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That's hard.
I find it hard to believe she hasn't noticed, as ArchyJill suggests... but she's speaking from her own experience, so I guess it's possible in your case too.
If your wife has noticed, why do you think she's ignoring it? Is she overweight herself and perhaps feeling like if she acknowledges your increased fitness she'll have to acknowledge her own situation, and is not ready to do so? Or maybe she feels threatened, worrying you're getting all hot to get attention from other women and will think she's not good enough for you? Or.... does she feel uncared for, without time to look after herself, and therefore resentful of you for dedicating time to your own health? Maybe she feels excluded? Change is super hard for most people... we know that from our own health journeys... but when the person changing isn't yourself, but a spouse, it can feel really out of control.
It sounds like it's creating a rift though... maybe bring it up with her, directly to see what's up and clear the air.
And if that doesn't work, well, we're all here to provide support... and sometimes it's only others on similar journeys that really get it anyway.3 -
Honestly I have dealt with that myself. Went from 234 to 144 in a year and NOTHING from my husband. Everyone else, even other men, tell me i look amazing, or that i'm beautiful, or what have you and my husband doesn't say a thing. I've told him good job about losing 20 pounds even though he didn't do anything special to lose it..but i have been working my *kitten* off to lose weight and he doesn't show any appreciation of it. I have been on his case and have explained other men find me attractive and express it, but I want to hear those things from my husband sometimes.. he just doesn't change.0
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OP is jealous0
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That sucks. I know receiving compliments is a big boost of self-esteem. Makes you feel good that other people notice all the hard work you have been doing. I have lost 62lbs and only a few people in my life have said anything. My husband does constantly. Me losing weight has given him the motivation to work out too. My MIL has complimented me many times. And my dad. At first I was hoping that my mom and sister would say something but now I am at the point where I know this is for me. It's not something I talk about either. I don't know if it's awkward for some people to bring up as weight can be a sensitive subject. But if it's bothering you then you should talk to your wife.2
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This is exactly like my husband. Keep up the good work. You are doing it for yourself anyway!2
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I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.1
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Could be she wasn't bothered about you putting it on, and therefore may not be concerned about losing it either. Were you losing weight for your health or for her ? Could be as another poster suggested she may not want to bring up her own weight issues but we don't know her.2
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Mine has given me little support... and even sabotages me regularly by wanting to eat out all the time. I know they are MY decisions, but a little encouragement would be nice. She probably thinks I'll run off with some chick from the gym. Yours may be thinking similar thoughts.2
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I think you are right. She never complain about weight, and she told me that I was the one who had a problem with it. Thanks.3
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I have gotten the same thing, it wasn't until I took a before and after shot to post that I decided to show him, and I said to him "Look I am starting to see a difference" and he said " I have been seeing the difference" I guess he just didnt feel the need to tell me? He keeps telling me that he loves me the way that I am and he doesnt know who i am trying to impress. He is becoming very self conscious I think, he thinks I am going to lose weight and leave him. He has gained just as much weight as I have over the years, and he doesnt want to do anything about it. It's so sad1
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