How to fight depression
3X173
Posts: 40 Member
Really, I've never been depressed all my life and I used to make fun of people who were depressed. Serious. I used to troll them, calling them *kitten* and sometime would "help" by telling them that they were weak and just need to man up. The start of the depression was a girl that rejected me and went off with some other guy. It's not even about her anyone but made me realize how lonely I was before her. I've never gotten a girl in my life and still a virgin.
I mean, where did I go so wrong? I am overweight, but not by a lot (5'10, 185lb). I know that I have a good heart and a good personality. I've been told that by many people. One girl told me that I would be a good catch while her boyfriend was there, lol. I've also been told that I am a funny cool guy. Why is it that I am all alone then? I am educated (BS.c Comp Sci) and make average money for my age. (45k), I have many "acquaintances" that I can talk to but only a handful of people that I can call up to chill with; and they are usually all pretty busy or far away. Like, what do I do?
I know that feeling sorry for myself or victimizing myself is loser-ish behaviour and I don't want to do that, but what's the next step? I already go to the gym and one of my co-worker REALLY helped me with this depression. He got me into the gym at the right time and already lost 5 lbs. But that only brings me temporary relief. How do I get rid of this feeling and possibly get a girl? My other co-workers realize that I am not doing my work also because I feel like taking a bunch of sleeping pills and sleep all day.
I mean, where did I go so wrong? I am overweight, but not by a lot (5'10, 185lb). I know that I have a good heart and a good personality. I've been told that by many people. One girl told me that I would be a good catch while her boyfriend was there, lol. I've also been told that I am a funny cool guy. Why is it that I am all alone then? I am educated (BS.c Comp Sci) and make average money for my age. (45k), I have many "acquaintances" that I can talk to but only a handful of people that I can call up to chill with; and they are usually all pretty busy or far away. Like, what do I do?
I know that feeling sorry for myself or victimizing myself is loser-ish behaviour and I don't want to do that, but what's the next step? I already go to the gym and one of my co-worker REALLY helped me with this depression. He got me into the gym at the right time and already lost 5 lbs. But that only brings me temporary relief. How do I get rid of this feeling and possibly get a girl? My other co-workers realize that I am not doing my work also because I feel like taking a bunch of sleeping pills and sleep all day.
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Replies
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Don't worry about getting a girl. Seriously. You need to concentrate on YOU right now. Forget the whole 'virgin' stuff.
First, if you're feeling self-destructive/suicidal get help! Call a hotline, see your spiritual leader, see a doctor about anti-depressives if you think you might need them. They're okay to use; think of them as a cast you'd put over a broken bone to help it heal.
Next, work on your health and your self-worth aside from whether or not you're dating. Exercise is good for the endorphins. It's also good to volunteer to help others. It's amazing what a wonderful feeling you can get by knowing that you helped someone else.
This other advice might get a few slams from people, but...can you rescue a dog from the shelter? They love you unconditionally, they go on walks with you, they cuddle on the couch when you need a good hug....dogs are just awesome companions! They've gotten me through many tough seasons in my life.
Best wishes, and don't despair. Life gets better, just give yourself time.0 -
If you broke your leg, would you ask a gym buddy to set it for you? Mental health issues can be treated by professionals. Go to one.0
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Depression is not something to make fun of. Being told to "man up" by insensitive people does not help. Maybe your ex did not like this side of you? Overdosing is not something to joke about either - speaking from experience of losing a best friend to one due to a bad judgement call on her behalf - these bad calls cannot be reversed. Go to your doctor or a psychologist - sometimes depression and/or a chemical imbalance needs to be treated with medication.0
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Going to get help is awesome. Therapies can help you find stuff out about yourself you never imagined, really cool stuff.
Everyone deserves to love themselves. This depression can end, you can make it happen. Please look into getting help.
Also, like the other posters have mentioned, work on loving yourself and building the kind of person you want to be before offering yourself to another person. <-- Really important.0 -
Don't worry about getting a partner until you have yourself in a better spot. If you use a woman as a "quick fix" (even not on purpose), then you'll just be in a bad spot when that ends, maybe a worse spot. Maybe look into joining a group in your area that gets together to *do* something that you're interested in. The gym is a good start, but it's good to branch out too. Make sure you're getting enough sunshine or take a vit D & calcium supplement to help you feel better too! And as other people have mentioned, maybe talk to your doctor to see if you might need meds to get over the worst of it.
hope you feel better soon 0 -
Females don't go for people who put the word pussi on their profile.0
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Females don't go for people who put the word pussi on their profile.
Exactly. And you sound like you were a bit of a **** before in how you treated people who said they were depressed.
Work on yourself and your own emotional development.0 -
hmm..0
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Don't worry about getting a girl. Seriously. You need to concentrate on YOU right now. Forget the whole 'virgin' stuff.
First, if you're feeling self-destructive/suicidal get help! Call a hotline, see your spiritual leader, see a doctor about anti-depressives if you think you might need them. They're okay to use; think of them as a cast you'd put over a broken bone to help it heal.
Next, work on your health and your self-worth aside from whether or not you're dating. Exercise is good for the endorphins. It's also good to volunteer to help others. It's amazing what a wonderful feeling you can get by knowing that you helped someone else.
This other advice might get a few slams from people, but...can you rescue a dog from the shelter? They love you unconditionally, they go on walks with you, they cuddle on the couch when you need a good hug....dogs are just awesome companions! They've gotten me through many tough seasons in my life.
Best wishes, and don't despair. Life gets better, just give yourself time.
I don't think that I will hurt myself or anything. I'm also not a religious guy by any means. But I will go to the mosque tomorrow after work and talk to someone there. They are usually so busy with other things that I doubt that they will have anything for me but it never hurts to try.
Also, I've passed the point where I can't continue 'don't-worry-about-girls' stage. It's not a 'want' anymore, I NEED a girl, and it's not just for sex. Don't get me wrong, I want sex but I really value having a deep connection with a girl, even some cuddling. A girl who understands me and is really fun to be with. I am really a fun guy. Like, I know no other person in real life that never had a girlfriend and is the same age as me or older. It's the 21th century.
Another thing is pets. Like I like pets and all, I just think that it's weak to satisfy your social needs with an animal. I don't know. I would feel pathetic if I got a dog. Also, my landlord doesn't allow any pets.0 -
lol, this is how us guys talk. I can tell that you ladies are kinda old (but young at heart). "Man up, you... is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,0
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If you broke your leg, would you ask a gym buddy to set it for you? Mental health issues can be treated by professionals. Go to one.
Yea, but it costs like a $100 an hour? Who has money for that?0 -
If you broke your leg, would you ask a gym buddy to set it for you? Mental health issues can be treated by professionals. Go to one.
Yea, but it costs like a $100 an hour? Who has money for that?
you do, you told us how much you make. it is far more than i have ever raked in, and i've found money and time for therapy. it is very worth it.0 -
Try talking to a professional. Not necessarily a psychologist, but maybe a depression counselor. If you are religious, try to see if your church offers free counseling services.0
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If you broke your leg, would you ask a gym buddy to set it for you? Mental health issues can be treated by professionals. Go to one.
Yea, but it costs like a $100 an hour? Who has money for that?
You do. You have already told us your income. Based on what you have said about your attitudes toward people and your misperceptions of social relationships, it will be the best money you ever spent.0 -
If you broke your leg, would you ask a gym buddy to set it for you? Mental health issues can be treated by professionals. Go to one.
Yea, but it costs like a $100 an hour? Who has money for that?
you do, you told us how much you make. it is far more than i have ever raked in, and i've found money and time for therapy. it is very worth it.
This0 -
Don't worry about getting a girl. Seriously. You need to concentrate on YOU right now. Forget the whole 'virgin' stuff.
First, if you're feeling self-destructive/suicidal get help! Call a hotline, see your spiritual leader, see a doctor about anti-depressives if you think you might need them. They're okay to use; think of them as a cast you'd put over a broken bone to help it heal.
Next, work on your health and your self-worth aside from whether or not you're dating. Exercise is good for the endorphins. It's also good to volunteer to help others. It's amazing what a wonderful feeling you can get by knowing that you helped someone else.
This other advice might get a few slams from people, but...can you rescue a dog from the shelter? They love you unconditionally, they go on walks with you, they cuddle on the couch when you need a good hug....dogs are just awesome companions! They've gotten me through many tough seasons in my life.
Best wishes, and don't despair. Life gets better, just give yourself time.
^^^ This, all of it. Go to the gym more often. I was on anti-depressants for 16 years. I was able to get off of them (and I'm better than ever) since I started at the gym AT LEAST every other day. Cardio gives me more endorphins than weight lifting. You might need more cardio.
And stop looking for a girl. Focus completely on you and your health, and someone will notice. Also, take a dance class. Dancing men are totally sexy.0 -
lol, this is how us guys talk. I can tell that you ladies are kinda old (but young at heart). "Man up, you *****" is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,
You do not understand people. I know you don't realize it, but practically everything you say is offensive. Really, all men do not have your lack of social awareness.0 -
Men who dance well that is.0
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lol, this is how us guys talk. I can tell that you ladies are kinda old (but young at heart). "Man up, you *****" is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,
You do not understand people. I know you don't realize it, but practically everything you say is offensive. Really, all men do not have your lack of social awareness.
I agree with this post.
Also, in your OP you said that you co-workers are aware that your productivity is being affected. Spending a few hundred dollars to avoid being fired is money well spent.0 -
Females don't go for people who put the word pussi on their profile.
^^^ this^^^0 -
Also, I've passed the point where I can't continue 'don't-worry-about-girls' stage. It's not a 'want' anymore, I NEED a girl
This is an unhealthy point of view, in my opinion. If you NEED a girl that bad, when you LOSE said girl, you are going to be in far worse shape than you are now. If you aren't right with yourself, it is going to be hard for any relationship you may happen into to end up a successful one.0 -
First of all get some help for your depression. It is a medical condition - basically a fault in brain chemistry.. "Man up, you *****" is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,
Sorry... but it a bullying tactic and you are being a jerk... plain and simple. With "friends" like you, who needs an enemy?0 -
lol, this is how us guys talk. I can tell that you ladies are kinda old (but young at heart). "Man up, you *****" is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,
You do not understand people. I know you don't realize it, but practically everything you say is offensive. Really, all men do not have your lack of social awareness.
THIS!!!! Tha is how rude guys talk. You are not as nice and funny as you think you are if you think that is ok.0 -
lol, this is how us guys talk. I can tell that you ladies are kinda old (but young at heart). "Man up, you *****" is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,
You do not understand people. I know you don't realize it, but practically everything you say is offensive. Really, all men do not have your lack of social awareness.
^^^This^^^
Keep talking like you do, and attempting to convince yourself that it is okay, and either you'll bite off more than you bargain for, or you will end up a very lonely man. Try on "gentleman" for size.0 -
But didn't you know Teresa that nice guys finish last?0
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But didn't you know Teresa that nice guys finish last?
No, nice guys that lack a spine finish last. Nice guys with testicular fortitude are great.0 -
You can't just lose depression. Also if you have insurance it won't cost as much. I know from a personal stand point. You will never just "lose" depression. You need help to work on whats wrong inside of you and then sometimes it will help you lessen the affects of depression and if not they will put you on pills after asking you personal questions and or having you answer personal questions. I don't see people with depression as weak...I see them as individuals who tried to be strong for too long.
So get yourself some help.0 -
But didn't you know Teresa that nice guys finish last?
That is not necessarily a bad thing. OP was looking for a girlfriend, not a race... :smokin:0 -
lol, this is how us guys talk. I can tell that you ladies are kinda old (but young at heart). "Man up, you *****" is suppose to motivate them. If someone said that to me, it would show me that he cares. I am not trying to belittle anyone,
Ladies come in all ages, and from all walks of life. My daughter is very young, and is a true lady. My neighbor is in her 70's and a true lady. The same goes for men. Gentlemen come in all ages, and from many different cultures as well. Educate yourself on this. My son's are in their early to mid 20's and are very much the gentleman where women are concerned. Educate yourself on this.
SOME guys...maybe sometimes...but a TRUE gentleman would NEVER consider talking like that to a girl who respects herself. There is a difference between being female and being a lady, the same as there is a difference in being male and a gentleman. Learn it, also it may do you well to pay more attention to others and their feelings, and perhaps less attention to your ego.
My husband , is obviously a guy, and he would never, ever dream of being rude /disrespectable to a woman, and then blame it on the male species in general. There are MILLIONS of men that practice humility and respect. You are simply using your attitude as an excuse for being egotistical and using poor behavior.
On the other hand, I am truly sorry that you are feeling depressed. Nobody needs that, life is hard enough as it is. Please seek out someone that qualifies to give you the correct help. You cannot go wrong here. Best Wishes.0 -
But didn't you know Teresa that nice guys finish last?
No, nice guys that lack a spine finish last. Nice guys with testicular fortitude are great.
Still a vast difference in being rude and being a gentleman. Gentleman get much farther where women are concerned than someone whom lacks manners.0
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