Skinny/fit people who say, "I'm so fat."
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She's fishing for compliments. Call her out on it.
this!!! My sister does this just to hear us fuss about how skinny she is... so I agree with her when she says it. She gets mad then all the sudden she don't think she is fat anymore lol :grumble: :laugh:0 -
It's called attention seeking. If she were complex at all, she wouldn't post it.0
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She feel fat. I sometime feel fat and it is all about how I feel about myself and has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not a critique of those that weight more than I do, or those with ED.
Exactly! I have had similar feelings, but because its not proper or polite, I kept them to myself or told someone I could trust, who would understand what I was feeling. No, I am clearly not fat, but I have had fat feeling days. Its not always about attention and doesn't have to do with a comparison of oneself and others. Sometimes its just about how one feels about his or her self.0 -
She feel fat. I sometime feel fat and it is all about how I feel about myself and has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not a critique of those that weight more than I do, or those with ED.
Every time I see this kind of comment, and many worse ones, it breaks my heart and it also makes me angry. It's a choice we make to put ourselves down. Yes it's influenced by the media and our society and often by our mothers, but we choose to continue a negative dialogue about ourselves. As an older woman who never saw a good thing about myself when I was young, and treated myself like crap as a result, I can tell you that life is too damn short for this. What do we get from putting ourselves down all the time? Nothing positive in my experience. Additionally, many of us have children and even if we aren't telling them they are fat, they learn to look down on themselves through us. Especially the girls. I learned to hate myself from my mom at a very young age and she never said anything negative to me. Stop this madness!
It makes sense to be realistically aware of ourselves and fix unhealthy/unfit, however this negativity and putting ourselves down needs to stop. I'm older now, very far from perfect and never will have a young body again, but I love what I see in the mirror. I choose to see how far I have come, the obstacles I have climbed over, and I see a beautiful, healthy and happy woman looking back at me. What do I get if I only see the physical flaws, most of which I cannot change? Why should I make myself feel bad about things that I cannot change? Why should I make myself feel bad about anything?
Wouldn't it be amazing if young women could do the same; look in the mirror and love the person they see instead of always seeing "not good enough"? But "not good enough" sells a lot of products....0 -
Yeah, I think so. As I said, I was guilty of constantly criticizing myself as a teenager, I don't think I would do that now. We all have our bad days and it's important to get encouragement from a support system (friends, family, online) But I think doing it constantly and especially in a public way, as a habit, well, I just can't think of much positive that comes from it. First you're beating yourself up, and second when you keep doing it, that annoys people over time and can make others say "well what does this say about me?" It's important to think about self-analysis in a more constructive way.I think often when thin girls calls themselves fat, I don't think they're aiming to make heavier people feel self-conscious -- often they are too concerned about their own image to worry too much about others. They tend to look down on themselves more than they do other people.
Yes, I don't think it has anything to do with making heavier people feel anything one way or another. I don't think when people post things like that, that they have any idea what they are projecting, because they -are- so concerned with themselves and their perceptions of their body image.
My thought is, should we all not be more aware of the messages we are reinforcing for people everywhere when these kinds of things are put out into the world?
Society starts with the individual I think.0 -
If this woman does have (or has had) an eating disorder, it is extremely likely she actually has times she thinks she is fat. It is possible that in her mind nothing can compare to her lowest weight (often times) even though she may look like a model now. So, in such cases it is less likely she is looking for compliments, rather maybe expressing frustration or needing reassurance that how she feels and what she sees in the mirror--are not accurate.
I say this to my mom all the time..."do I look fat?" She will tell me "no," and the subject drops. Objectively, I know I am not fat, but subjectively, it can vary.0 -
The person with a disorder sees herself as fat. She can look into a mirror and see everything wrong with herself. She probably views other people as they are. Often times, when they show an anorexic person a picture of him or herself without the face, they express shock at how thin that person is. When it has their own face, they go back to thinking how fat that picture of them looks. It's in their head, and about them. They aren't judging anyone else.
And while it's possible that she's fishing for compliments (and yes, tons of people do), eating disorders or body dysmorphia do exist, and they can consume a person. People who haven't experienced these and call someone with an ED or BDD simply "fishing for compliments" have no idea what they're talking about. It's possible that a perfectly thin person is viewing themselves as huge and disgusting.0 -
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I think we should all try to see ourselves in a positive light, to be kind to ourselves, to promote positive messages of health and beauty. Criticizing ourselves in public not only shows an unhealthy mentality in the person, but also sends an unhealthy message to everyone receiving it.
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I agree we should all strive for this. But also realize that some people are not able to get past tthe fact that in their eyes, they just don't measure up. It's sad, but yes we all need to go a little easier on ourselves, (and others for that matter). Both when alone, AND in front of others.0 -
My ex girlfriend was a petite little size 4. At the time that I dated her, I was a size 16 and liked my body well enough. Sometimes she would start crying in the night, which would wake me up, and she would talk about how fat she was. There's deeper issues at work (she was eventually much easier to be around once she got on the right meds), but eventually my patience wore out and I asked her - "If you're fat, what does that make me?"
And she was absolutely shocked, like she didn't consider me fat, and that it was all wrapped up in her depression. Depending on the context, I do try to not take it personally - most people are so wrapped up in their own issues they don't think about how what they're saying reflects on the bigger people around them.0 -
My boss does this and it's annoying. He continually talks about how fat he is when he is not. Then he mentions his "fat face" - he has a round face and it is what it is. He sends out department memos saying we can "lose weight" or "get in shape" and it is definitely offensive. Now that I have lost 35 lbs he always brings in food for me to eat or offers me candy. At staff meetings he tells everyone to give me their leftovers because I "obviously need it." It's eff'ing annoying!!
We also have a lady here is was once anorexic and struggles with her weight. I always feel for her when he sends those memos out. However, when I mentioned it to him he stated that he would "not apologize for people being hyper-sensitive." Just an *kitten*!!
Ok, maybe its just him that I cant stand..........LOL!!
Happy Hump Day :happy:0 -
I have a skinny little friend who used to pull that all of the time. At the time, I was about a size 22 and she was probably a 4. She'd put on jeans and complain about how fat she looked while I was practically bursting out of my sweats. After a while I just looked at her and said, "yeah, you're a real pig."
She never complained to me again.0 -
There are people who do it for the attention, or they're just obnoxious about it. Then there are people who feel fat, who percieve themselves to be so. It doesn't mean they have ED, or want to offend people with ED.
For me, I still struggle after having lost 100 pounds, with the "skinny girl" look - I'll go "naw, naw" when people tell me I look skinny. Then there's days where I feel absolutely skinny, and I'll say it. Does that mean I'm fishing? Does that mean I'm rubbing it in people's faces? No. It means I'm telling people my perspective.
Just nod and ignore them, unless it's an obvious cry for help.0 -
I hate that. I'm literally 1kg away from having my bmi go from "obese" to "over weight" and it feels like they're minimizing my achievements...0
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I hate that. I'm literally 1kg away from having my bmi go from "obese" to "over weight" and it feels like they're minimizing my achievements...
see, that's your problem. It almost always has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with how THEY feel about THEMSELVES.0 -
I obviously have quite a bit of weight to lose and sometimes it irritates me when people say "oh you're fine the way you are". or "you could lose 10 pounds if it would make you feel better but you don't need to lose any more than that".
I am not happy with my body. I have plenty of fat to spare. I'm not even trying to get super skinny, just a trim, fit, normal weight.
I try to take it as a compliment, they probably mean well. But what I want my friends and family to say is good for you, push hard and achieve your goals. Granted I'm not posting pictures and whining about being fat, but if someone asks me I tell them I am unhappy with my body and trying to change it.
I agree entirely. When I was 170lb and people realised I was losing weight these conversations first arose (never initiated by me I hasten to add!) and when people asked me how much I wanted to lose I said about 40 pounds... Oh my word, the hullaballoo from some people... 130lb at 5'6" is spot on normal, nowhere near underweight and quite frankly also my own business. But those protest views of "oooh you don't want to lose THAT much" usually come from folk who are quite large themselves and I think it's more about about somehow feeling offended themselves (however unintended) than a true reflection of your goals.0 -
Jeez, that's pretty bad. Have you brought it up with HR? That's too close to harassment for my taste.My boss does this and it's annoying. He continually talks about how fat he is when he is not. Then he mentions his "fat face" - he has a round face and it is what it is. He sends out department memos saying we can "lose weight" or "get in shape" and it is definitely offensive. Now that I have lost 35 lbs he always brings in food for me to eat or offers me candy. At staff meetings he tells everyone to give me their leftovers because I "obviously need it." It's eff'ing annoying!!
We also have a lady here is was once anorexic and struggles with her weight. I always feel for her when he sends those memos out. However, when I mentioned it to him he stated that he would "not apologize for people being hyper-sensitive." Just an *kitten*!!
Ok, maybe its just him that I cant stand..........LOL!!
Happy Hump Day :happy:0 -
Though I thought I had explained this, I feel like I should make it clear that my post is not about this particular girl and what she's feeling, it's not about ED sensitivity, and it's not about compliment-fishing.
This is about a bigger picture. This is about society. This is about our human world of physical perception, the way we look at ourselves, and how that can manifest in others.
Through each one of us starts a wave of perception that flows through the rest of society. When one of us looks down on ourselves, trash talks ourselves, puts ourselves down, it influences not only us but all the people around us, and spreads, influencing over generations.
How can we hope to make a change in positive outlooks of growing people everywhere if we don't start with ourselves?0 -
I have days where I am down on my body, I choose not to share those thoughts because I don't want other people to be ****s and judge me for thinking a way that I have a right to think. Well, that and I like to stay positive because I know the next upswing is just around the corner as long as I choose it to be.
I've been lots of shapes and sizes, I know the capabilities of my body, I'm carry an extra few pounds, I know where those pounds reside and if I'm feeling more defeated by them on some days than others that's my perogative.
Some people fish for compliments, some people have a realistic view of their capabilities and how far they are from there, some people have body dysmorphia, some people have a disordered relationship with weight and food and exercise, some people are just ****s.
If you don't like to hear about it, then block her feeds from your fb, otherwise focus on yourself.0 -
I have days where I am down on my body, I choose not to share those thoughts because I don't want other people to be ****s and judge me for thinking a way that I have a right to think. Well, that and I like to stay positive because I know the next upswing is just around the corner as long as I choose it to be.
I've been lots of shapes and sizes, I know the capabilities of my body, I'm carry an extra few pounds, I know where those pounds reside and if I'm feeling more defeated by them on some days than others that's my perogative.
Some people fish for compliments, some people have a realistic view of their capabilities and how far they are from there, some people have body dysmorphia, some people have a disordered relationship with weight and food and exercise, some people are just ****s.
If you don't like to hear about it, then block her feeds from your fb, otherwise focus on yourself.
another reason why I
you! 0 -
I just agree with them because I will tell them exactly what they want to hear and proceed with my day. :huh:0
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Wow, I am amazed at the amount of vitriol aimed towards these women. It's screaming "hate" to me.
I am a size 4 and intellectually know that I am not fat, but I hate who I see in the mirror. I hate my arms, my thighs, my torso, my face, everything. I never fish for complements, but sometimes I get so frustrated with how I look that the internalized thoughts pop out and I'll be in public or in front of friends/family when I mention how fat I look. Honestly, I know I have a pretty severe case of body dysmorphia. I am working on it.
I'm truly amazed at how many people take this as complement fishing, selfishness, and disparaging comments aimed at those heavier than the speaker. A little empathy goes a long way.0 -
I've been lots of shapes and sizes, I know the capabilities of my body, I'm carry an extra few pounds, I know where those pounds reside and if I'm feeling more defeated by them on some days than others that's my perogative.
If you don't like to hear about it, then block her feeds from your fb, otherwise focus on yourself.
My post was never meant to imply that you don't have the right to feel what you feel or say what you want to say. My post was intended to shed some light on what we may be doing when we do this, how it can affect ourselves and others.
My post is also not particularly about -her-, as I stated above. I just used her as an example for my point.0 -
Wow, I am amazed at the amount of vitriol aimed towards these women. It's screaming "hate" to me.
I am a size 4 and intellectually know that I am not fat, but I hate who I see in the mirror. I hate my arms, my thighs, my torso, my face, everything. I never fish for complements, but sometimes I get so frustrated with how I look that the internalized thoughts pop out and I'll be in public or in front of friends/family when I mention how fat I look. Honestly, I know I have a pretty severe case of body dysmorphia. I am working on it.
I'm truly amazed at how many people take this as complement fishing, selfishness, and disparaging comments aimed at those heavier than the speaker. A little empathy goes a long way.
it seems it is because they feel it is a direct attack on them, when many times it is just how one feels. Too bad they can't empathize, but goodness forbid a fit woman ever feel bad about herself. Anyone else is allowed all day every day, but a fit woman and everyone goes bonkers.0 -
Wow, I am amazed at the amount of vitriol aimed towards these women. It's screaming "hate" to me.
I am a size 4 and intellectually know that I am not fat, but I hate who I see in the mirror. I hate my arms, my thighs, my torso, my face, everything. I never fish for complements, but sometimes I get so frustrated with how I look that the internalized thoughts pop out and I'll be in public or in front of friends/family when I mention how fat I look. Honestly, I know I have a pretty severe case of body dysmorphia. I am working on it.
I'm truly amazed at how many people take this as complement fishing, selfishness, and disparaging comments aimed at those heavier than the speaker. A little empathy goes a long way.
it seems it is because they feel it is a direct attack on them, when many times it is just how one feels. Too bad they can't empathize, but goodness forbid a fit woman ever feel bad about herself. Anyone else is allowed all day every day, but a fit woman and everyone goes bonkers.
I am curious how many ladies (my guess is 80 +%) can identify every mole,patch of cellulite,crows foot etc on their own bodies and question if a guy notices/cares about the "flaws".0 -
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it seems it is because they feel it is a direct attack on them, when many times it is just how one feels. Too bad they can't empathize, but goodness forbid a fit woman ever feel bad about herself. Anyone else is allowed all day every day, but a fit woman and everyone goes bonkers.
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I'm amazed at how much you're missing my point. Anyone can feel bad about themselves, fit or otherwise, the girl I used was an example (as I've stated now three times). I'm not telling anyone they can't do or feel anything. I HAVE an eating disorder, I KNOW what it is to feel bad about oneself in so many ways. I'm not saying you can't talk about how you feel, or express concerns. My point is that when a person outwardly bashes themselves, it can be unhealthy for them and the people receiving those messages as well.
There is a bigger picture here that I feel you're missing.0 -
I'm amazed at how much you're missing my point. Anyone can feel bad about themselves, fit or otherwise, the girl I used was an example (as I've stated now three times). I'm not telling anyone they can't do or feel anything. I HAVE an eating disorder, I KNOW what it is to feel bad about oneself in so many ways. I'm not saying you can't talk about how you feel, or express concerns. My point is that when a person outwardly bashes themselves, it can be unhealthy for them and the people receiving those messages as well.
So what is your solution??
So someone is in the mood to bash themselves, and according to your theory this causes emotional harm to other people...
What is your solution? Prevent that person from being honest to themselves about how they feel in that moment? have some kind of censorship so no one else gets upset by default?0 -
it seems it is because they feel it is a direct attack on them, when many times it is just how one feels. Too bad they can't empathize, but goodness forbid a fit woman ever feel bad about herself. Anyone else is allowed all day every day, but a fit woman and everyone goes bonkers.
I'm amazed at how much you're missing my point. Anyone can feel bad about themselves, fit or otherwise, the girl I used was an example (as I've stated now three times). I'm not telling anyone they can't do or feel anything. I HAVE an eating disorder, I KNOW what it is to feel bad about oneself in so many ways. I'm not saying you can't talk about how you feel, or express concerns. My point is that when a person outwardly bashes themselves, it can be unhealthy for them and the people receiving those messages as well.
There is a bigger picture here that I feel you're missing.
My response was to everyone saying she MUST be doing it for attention. It had NOTHING to do with what YOU said in your OP. I feel you missed where that ALL I was referring to was the responses to your OP. Nothing more.0 -
I see this just like I do the people who post pictures of themselves on FB dressed to the nines, looking perfect and then saying, "ugh, I feel so ugly today."
For every 1 who might have some disordered way of thinking, there are 99 who want people to say, "oh, you look so beautiful!" It's pretty sad and I won't feed egos.0 -
Sorry, couldn't be bothered to read the whole thread but I would have to echo a lot of what I have read. I would say in 90% of these cases, it's just attention-seeking. When someone says something like that to me, I say "yeah, you should really lose some weight" but completely dry, not sarcastically and they can't tell if I'm being serious. I can tell from their reaction if they really believe me, and if it's a genuine case of bad body image, then I don't mind saying "don't be ridiculous" afterwards.
I understand feeling crappy about how you look. I'm a large woman (big build, tall, broad) and have fluctuated in weight massively. I went down to 54kg (119lb - WAY too low for my body) and up to 84kg (185lb - again, obviously not the right weight). Right now I'm 71kg (156lb) and would like to reach 64kg (141lb - any less and I start to look skinny). I have people telling me that 60kg (132lb) is perfectly healthy for my weight and it makes me feel fat every time I hear it. The fact is I'm not currently overweight and to be told that I should lose over 10kg to be at an acceptable weight really irks me. I live in Switzerland where the general population is skiiiiiiiiinny. My trousers are a European size 40 (size 12 UK, I believe size 10 US) which I think is perfectly acceptable. Even so, every time I hear a comment like that, it hurts and makes me feel enormous. I exercise regularly and am not fortunate enough to be a naturally slim person. I work hard, eat well and this is my body. I NEVER make comments about how crappy I feel about myself on Facebook, to my friends etc because I don't want the focus on things I don't like. People who say things like that do it deliberately to fish for compliments and don't deserve them.0 -
I wish I was as thin now as when I thought I was fat!
SO TRUE!0
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