Do not eat sandwiches

biittersweet

I am a little ashamed, because I want to say that the funniest thing in this whole thread was the original post. But, to be honest, I cannot decide which is the funniest:

1. The original post and replies in kind,
2. The outraged, "Sandwiches are wonderful!" and helpful, "But if you make them at home with high-quality organic ingredients you will be fine!" whooosh-posts, or
3. The serious "THE PERSON WHO STARTED THIS THREAD IS A MORON" posts.

aha i'm just finding the whole thing funny considering it all started with a complaint that they keep treating their food with.... water!

BerryH

There's a Waitrose brie and grape sandwich sitting on my desk winking at me. Until half an hour ago I hadn't bought a sandwich in months. This thread was the trigger.

You've got 20 minutes to stage an intervention or I'll be suing for the cost of rehab.

ENABLERS!!!

TamTastic

Now I want a sandwich!! :grumble:

Pikey13A

Sandwich Corp has released its latest product. They claim it will improve the customer experience and enhance nutritional efficiency.

Judge for yourself:




I say robot sandwiches are a secret mecha-tronic army that will rise up to enslave us all.

A. Hippy

TamTastic

Mutant13

There's a Waitrose brie and grape sandwich sitting on my desk winking at me. Until half an hour ago I hadn't bought a sandwich in months. This thread was the trigger.

You've got 20 minutes to stage an intervention or I'll be suing for the cost of rehab.

ENABLERS!!!

Berry you need to be strong. Don't look at the sandwich, look at me. Look in to my eyes and you will see the pain of years of sandwich abuse. Do you want this berry?? Do you know what this is like? I have seen the face of the devil, Berry. And that face looks like a pastrami and Swiss on rye.

Mutant13

A clear example of the hallucinogenic effects of sandwiches

l0l0p

hmmm- i- want- the Waitrose brie and grape sandwich...sounds yummy.....

Mutant13

Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.

I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.

In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.



The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.

It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone

What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?

PJ64

They have slumped to a new low, Elton John released a remake of Candle in the Wind, which was Goodbye Norma Jean for maryln Monroe, then He made it Goodby English Rose for Diana, NOW it is GOODBYE CUCUMBER SANDWICH! They're Playing on people's Heart Strings and WTH!! Can't Elton Write Anymore?? I mean C'mon man make something new


Oh and they released a commemorative sandwich

TxHamJello

There's a Waitrose brie and grape sandwich sitting on my desk winking at me. Until half an hour ago I hadn't bought a sandwich in months. This thread was the trigger.

You've got 20 minutes to stage an intervention or I'll be suing for the cost of rehab.

ENABLERS!!!

Berry you need to be strong. Don't look at the sandwich, look at me. Look in to my eyes and you will see the pain of years of sandwich abuse. Do you want this berry?? Do you know what this is like? I have seen the face of the devil, Berry. And that face looks like a pastrami and Swiss on rye.

Could it be, perhaps, maybe, that you are . . . . SATAN? And that YOU are using YOUR evil powers to sway the people away from the only good and true source of proper nutrition that can be eaten while walking? I think so.

Sincerely,
Rep from Sandwich Corp

TxHamJello

Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.

I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.

In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.



The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.

It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone

What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?

What you have stumbled across is what we here at Sandwich Corp lovingly call - YUMMY! Enjoy

Mutant13

Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.

I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.

In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.



The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.

It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone

What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?

What you have stumbled across is what we here at Sandwich Corp lovingly call - YUMMY! Enjoy

WE MEET AGAIN, SANDWICHCORP.

To my fellow scientists, I wish to inform you that due to my sister hiding her guinea pig from me again I am lacking in test subjects for this metamorphosed sandwich. For that reason I will sample it myself and document the effects myself.

Do not be concerned. I am of good constitution and will also take a multivitamin

GolfBird1

:laugh: I actually live in Sandwich ......

PJ64

Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.

I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.

In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.



The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.

It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone

What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?

What you have stumbled across is what we here at Sandwich Corp lovingly call - YUMMY! Enjoy

WE MEET AGAIN, SANDWICHCORP.

To my fellow scientists, I wish to inform you that due to my sister hiding her guinea pig from me again I am lacking in test subjects for this metamorphosed sandwich. For that reason I will sample it myself and document the effects myself.

Do not be concerned. I am of good constitution and will also take a multivitamin

*INSERT BUDDY COP MOVIE LINES*
NO MUTANT! Let me do it Kid, You got your whole life ahead of you. I'm just an old Sarge witha bad back and a pension split between 3 ex wives. Let me DO THIS KID!!!

Mutant13

It's too late PJ.

I have sampled the subject. At this time I feel no ill affects. The product is of course delicious but that is further proof that Sandwich Corp employs wizards.

Mutant13

I have decided that in the interest of science I should imbibe a second sample.

PJ64

It's too late PJ.

I have sampled the subject. At this time I feel no ill affects. The product is of course delicious but that is further proof that Sandwich Corp employs wizards.

You're tops in my book kiddo!

Mutant13

In fact it is probably best that I consume the thing in its entirety in order to observe if they're are equal concentrations of perfection....evil sandwich magic. Through the entire subject

Mutant13

Hello?

This is prof Mutants assistant.

I came into the lab and found her acting crazy! She was making entire platefuls of sandwiches and destroying them!

I have enclosed her in a sterile room and taken some photographs. Will these affects wear off? I'm only a junior I don't know how to help her!