can't get a date

la8ydi

Ok...I've asked my friends. I've racked my brain. I'm so confused. I've been divorced since 2003 - with an engagement in 2006 that I'd rather forget. I haven't had a real boyfriend since 2006. I've tried all the dating internet sites - I actually started writing a book about all of the horrible dates I've been on. I know I'm picky - but I don't want to settle. I used to date a lot - until I hit the age of 40 - then it STOPPED. People who meet me can't believe that I'm 46. I'm not model skinny - but I don't think I'm huge either. I work at a daycare (all women) and I do attend church - but I just cannot meet anyone. I'm so confused. I'm not fishing for compliments - I'm actually looking for advice. And PLEASE don't say "stop looking and it will happen." I've been single for TEN years. I'm pretty stinking lonely and I'm tired of waiting. :-(

Some_Watery_Tart

Let's start by defining "picky". What do you mean by "picky"?

astronomicals

I've been single for TEN years. I'm pretty stinking lonely and I'm tired of waiting. :-(

time to invest in a cat

la8ydi

Well nothing CRAZY - he needs to be between the ages of 37 and 53 (I'm 46) - at least as tall as I am (5 foot 5), have a job, not live with his parents...and I need to feel a connection - both physically and mentally. I don't think I'm asking for too much.

la8ydi

I have a dog and a cat. And thank you for implying that it's time for me to divert to being the crazy cat lady.

Some_Watery_Tart

How quickly do you expect to feel a connection once you meet someone?

_Krys10_

Do you have a local bar where the local professionals go after work for Happy Hour? We have one that is a Martini bar and its a popular place for decent professional people to have a drink or two and meet new people after work.

Madame_Goldbricker

Try joining some clubs/activities? It's a good way of meeting people.

la8ydi

Fairly soon - but I've gone on second dates with guys who I didn't think I connected with...and it never works out.

Stump_Likker

Chloroform works every time.

Kidding aside, volunteer, join clubs, etc.

Madame_Goldbricker

Where did you meet men before you hit 40? Have you stopped going out to nightclubs/bars since then? What's changed.

Carl01

Too many unknowns...are you looking or accepting only within your religious circle and what are views on intimacy outside marriage?
Perfectly fine if you are but you potentially reduce the dating pool even smaller then it is for the age group you are in.

What things did you put on your dating profile as far as the "story" they ask for?

TheSlorax

I would honestly suggest maybe a matchmaking service? online dating is pretty weird and it's kind of like finding a needle in a haystack. either that or lower your age limit and hit the bars girl. :smokin:

keithmustloseweight

Well nothing CRAZY - he needs to be between the ages of 37 and 53 (I'm 46) -

Any dude between your age range of 37-53 is in his prime value part of life, they'll be going for chicks anywhere from 25-40. Maybe aim at a higher age

Some_Watery_Tart

Well, that may be part of the issue. Instant "chemistry" is over-rated. Look for someone who treats you with respect and have a lot in common with and go from there. Those are a good foundation for a building a relationship.

As far as meeting people, well, you're going to have to get out there more! Try a dating site for people in your age group or with similar interests.

seventwenty

I have a dog and a cat. And thank you for implying that it's time for me to divert to being the crazy cat lady.

Oh, he didn't imply. But you need to get a cat.

Ed98043

Dating sucks, and it's much worse when you're a woman over 40. After 2 years of not dating I put a profile up last week and got a surprising number of emails (for a 47 yo chubby chick), but the guys are all either completely physically unattractive to me, and/or can't string together a coherent sentence, and/or are clearly just looking to get laid. Mostly the first category though. I wish I could flip a switch in my brain and find men physically attractive based on something other than, well...physical things, but I guess I'm just a shallow biotch. In the spirit of giving attraction a chance to grow, I've gone out with one guy three times now and I like him, but the thought of sleeping with him is still not appealing.

I don't really have any advice for you, I guess. Just letting you know you're not alone. My current theory is that I need to lose more weight and try again. I see profiles of guys that interest me, and some of them even look at my profile, but they're never the ones that write. Maybe if I could check the "slim" "athletic" or even "average" body type box it might be different.

vlland

OMG - we have so much in common and u r definitely not alone First I have spent my life teaching elementary school then working at a day care and now teaching special ed. I know how it is not to meet men thru ur job. I also have been divorce awhile - 10 yrs I think. Anyway, I didn't date for 4 yrs after my divorce then met a guy that worked near my job and we dated 2 1/2 yrs. After that I knew I didn't want to be alone and started online dating. I too could write a book. Lots of first dates- a few maybe relationships- and a lot of compromising. I too have been accused of being picky. I felt I wasn't asking for much - I even relaxed my desire for at least 6ft tall when I dated 2 guys at 2 different times that were 5ft 8. Im 5 ft 7. Anyway, I came across many men that were ridiculously not my type- a few maybes- and a few relationships. The guy im with currently (1 1/2 yrs) and live with is nice but not my perfect match and we r having issues recently. The bottom line I think is as u get older its harder to met decent guys that u have things in common with that don't have lots of baggage. I don't want perfect just someone good like me. Keep trying - there has to be a decent male counterpart in the same situation but its not easy to find. Don't settle but be open. Good luck and if u find a good guy let me know if he has a brother - I may be single again in the future

TamTastic

Dating is so strange. I have two boys and as a single mother and this "package deal" it's a whole other ballgame..but I have been married and divorced...and was in a relationship for 8 months last year. Now I'm OK being single. I like being in a relationship and all that comes with it....but I am content on my own.

I tried the online sites too simply because I don't have time to go out all the time....but they turned me off dating. Just too many game players it seemed. Too many taking dating and relationships for granted a bit. I do go out sometimes when my ex has my boys and I do get attention. But I don't date just to date. Has to be a good match!

I think the internet has changed things a lot and I kind of wish it would be old school a bit.

mister_universe

You look like you are in nice shape. Let's face facts, it matters. Time to mix things up. Change your hair style and/or color, spend some time making yourself as attractive as you can in the eyes of others. Try new places and activities, make yourself do things out of the ordinary with the goal of getting noticed.

Note that I'm not suggesting you not be yourself once you get close to someone. I'm suggesting that your usual pattern (whatever it is) isn't working strongly enough in attracting them.

MzTanya77

Does your church have single men or a Singles ministry? Also, does your town have Meet Up groups? Meet up groups are people who have similar interests/hobbies that get together hang out regularly, like dinner and movies. You can go to Meetup.com online and enter your town's name to see if they have one locally.

helpfit101

Who cares about dates. You said you wanted to get married.

I think you should be looking at older men though. Like 10+ years older.

whierd

Are you actively looking? Meaning you are asking guys out.

Or are you actively looking? Meaning you are waiting for guys to approach you?

ryall70

Dating is so strange. I have two boys and as a single mother and this "package deal" it's a whole other ballgame..but I have been married and divorced...and was in a relationship for 8 months last year. Now I'm OK being single. I like being in a relationship and all that comes with it....but I am content on my own.

I tried the online sites too simply because I don't have time to go out all the time....but they turned me off dating. Just too many game players it seemed. Too many taking dating and relationships for granted a bit. I do go out sometimes when my ex has my boys and I do get attention. But I don't date just to date. Has to be a good match!

I think the internet has changed things a lot and I kind of wish it would be old school a bit.

[/quote
Way to mamy game players!!!

Mobilemuscle

Do you have a local bar where the local professionals go after work for Happy Hour? We have one that is a Martini bar and its a popular place for decent professional people to have a drink or two and meet new people after work.

ahhh... thats where i know u from

djeffreys10

Eh, I have been single since my divorce in 2010. On the exceedingly rare occasion that I meet someone I'm interested in, she is not interested. No reason to sweat it. Just gotta be happy doing your own thing. If your life is not complete alone, it still won't be complete with someone.

Some_Watery_Tart

And I'm going to add one more thing here: there is no such thing as your "perfect match". Stop looking for perfect. There are different levels of compatibility, but a good, solid long-term relationship is built not found.

TamTastic

Eh, I have been single since my divorce in 2010. On the exceedingly rare occasion that I meet someone I'm interested in, she is not interested. No reason to sweat it. Just gotta be happy doing your own thing. If your life is not complete alone, it still won't be complete with someone.

Exactly. Sometimes you have to just stop looking for it too and it might just happen then.

TheSlorax

And I'm going to add one more thing here: there is no such thing as your "perfect match". Stop looking for perfect. There are different levels of compatibility, but a good, solid long-term relationship is built not found.

yes. it kind of goes back to "the grass is not always greener" except... for dating, lol. very rarely does mr. perfect exist but mr. pretty close is out there and you have to be open to that.

salladeve

You look like you are in nice shape. Let's face facts, it matters. Time to mix things up. Change your hair style and/or color, spend some time making yourself as attractive as you can in the eyes of others. Try new places and activities, make yourself do things out of the ordinary with the goal of getting noticed.

Note that I'm not suggesting you not be yourself once you get close to someone. I'm suggesting that your usual pattern (whatever it is) isn't working strongly enough in attracting them.

This is the best advice I think that you could get. Shake things up a little, join a club, or go places with friends where you can meet people. I also think that men like confident friendly women, smile and be the first to talk, may help.

BTW the douch that suggested that guys your age are looking for younger women is full of crap, the women his age are probably too smart to go for his tired line, lol.

shutyourpieholeandsquat

I've been single for 8 years so I feel ya sister.... and I absolutely HATE the "stop looking and you might find it" line. I stopped for 3 years... that didn't do any good, so I started trying to date again and THAT hasn't done any good.